Should men never marry?

The truth of just cynical fiction?

This video is frightening, that is all I have to say. The most terrifying thing about it is that from my conversations with divorced men, this video isn't that far from the truth.

How have things become like this? This doesn't seem to provide a very strong incentive for people to marry. 

Even better analogy (analogy superbowl)...

Marriage is like your job...doesn't matter what job.  At first, you're pretty excited because it's a new job and you're making better money than your last job.  And there's certain cool things about it, maybe they buy you a new office chair, got a sweet computer monitor, new pens...whatever.

Then, after a year or so...you're sort of sick of it.  But you remember alot of the cruddy stuff about the job you had a couple years ago or being unemployed...so you still have some motivation.

Then you're there for 5 years.  The job has gotten boring...but you find ways o spice it up.  You still have dillusions about promotions and raises and are starting to see some 401k money grow.

Then you're there 10-15 years.  You know everyone....they all know you.  You could walk around the office blindfolded without running into anything.  Your job is boring, you are starting to think you'll never be promoted and you thnk back to your previous jobs and all you can remember are the really cool things you used to be able to do.

Pretty soon...you're there 20-30 years.  You've been promoted...you don't really "like" your job...but you're comfortable.  You have some money put away...makin a decent salary.  It's high stress and half the time you want to jump out a window, but you got a kid in college...so you just grnd it out.

Pretty soon, it's almost retirement time.  You want to just walk out and flip everyone the bird...but what's the point?  You might as well stick it out until the party and where you can start collecting that sweet retirement dough.

...also...

the reason I don't like the "skyscraper analogy" doesn't make sense because you're not "building" anything.  You're not taking a pile of raw materials and building emerald city.  It's almost the reverse.

You have a skyscraper, slowly pieces fall off of it.  Pretty soon you gotta do some repairs.  If the building was sound when it was built, less problems, less repairs needed.  If it was built on sand and out of cruddy raw materials, you gotta do a lot of work all the time to keep it standing.

But the trick is...you never really know if it's built on sand or out of cruddy raw materials or not.  People always "think" they do.  I've almost vomited hearing people talk about how they've been married for 1 year and their relationship is perfect because they never had sex before marriage or they've been going out since high school or whatever.  It doesn't matter....it's just an illusion.  Time will tell. 

The guy that never had sex until marriage, 3 years later starts to wish he'd had more experiences...prettys soon is being seduced by the high school girl working at the Coffee Beanery at the mall...and she's not good lookin...but she's "different" than his wife.  And the couple that never dated anyone else since high school...suddenly one of them meets someone that IS better...and then they start to wonder...pretty soon they're spending their lunch hours having sex with the guy/gal that works in the same office building.

There's no "secret"...there's no "magic pill" or specified # of hours of therepy.  It's a crapshoot.  If ya work at it, ya survive.  If ya have no other options, ya survive.  But no matter how hard you are willing to work or how few options you have...there's always the chance that the other person gives up or has options you didn't know about.

Original Post by caloricat:

Why isn't Fortius talking about Kate Hudson and her Mom (Oooo...there's a fantasy!)? 

All this child support/divorce talk is making me depressed.  Some of us married folks would rather not think about it.  Fortunately, neither me nor my wife can afford a divorce right now...so we're set.  Marital bliss by default I guess.

And marriage is not like a friggin skyscraper Moto!  Geez.  It's like a swamp.  At first, it's sort of fun because you discover all kinds of cool stuff (like weird frogs and tires and broken coolers).  And it's awesome fun to ride your motorcycle through it on a hot day until it stalls out. 

But then, after you have your fun for awhile.  You realize the swamp mud sort of smells bad and you got leeches on ya and now your motorcycle is broken because you got water in the engine.

 Well, like marriage...you shouldn't ride your motorcycle through the swamp. You should take care of it and keep it oiled and running right. If you are as careless to treat your motorcycle like that...of course it's going to be a piece of junk. Stay out of swamps. And if you can't...don't even BUY a motorcycle. Shrek.

caloriecat, im sorry your marriage isn't working. there's nothing worse in feeling like you can't escape misery. i know you say you can't afford to get a divorce but what about seperation? i dont advise or avocate not sticking through tough times or divorce but it just sounds like even tho in the short term staying together is easier/less expensive but it might be better in the long term to find a bit of happiness. or well for you i guess i should say less misery. im not sure if you have kids or not, but divorce isn't the worse thing to happen to kids.

Original Post by octo-luv:

ok so men should not marry and this www.teethmovie.com is why men should not have sex either.

edit: oops, stupid html,

edit edit:ok fine why isnt this working like it usually does for me, sigh

Very VERY scary movie. Vagina Dentata eh? That reminds me of a story, her name was Rebecca, she was 5'7.... nah, let's save that story for a later darker time.

Pillowpants! (nsfw)

Original Post by octo-luv:

caloriecat, im sorry your marriage isn't working. 

I never said that.

And outside a physically or sexually abusive situation, I would argue that divorce certainly is the worst thing that could happen to children.

Enh, little Timmy constantly having to endure the never-ending bouts of hate spit across the dinner table between Mom and Dad can end up in a pretty miserable place too.

I think a viable sociology degree thesis could be built on the relative damage to offspring between staying in a bad relationship or divorcing. Measuring relative incidence of drug abuse, criminal activity, etc of children and seeing which course of action is more disruptive overall.

Original Post by caloricat:

Original Post by octo-luv:

caloriecat, im sorry your marriage isn't working. 

I never said that.

And outside a physically or sexually abusive situation, I would argue that divorce certainly is the worst thing that could happen to children.

 You seem pretty down on marriage though....your analogies make it seem like you are very, very unhappy. If my husband voiced that kind of discontentment..I would ask him to please do himself a favor and leave me !

Original Post by caloricat:

Original Post by octo-luv:

caloriecat, im sorry your marriage isn't working. 

I never said that.

And outside a physically or sexually abusive situation, I would argue that divorce certainly is the worst thing that could happen to children.

"Fortunately, neither me nor my wife can afford a divorce right now...so we're set.  Marital bliss by default I guess."

um, well ok whatever, guess thats your way of being sarcastic (ill just leave it at that). sorry, i wont mention or pay attention to it again.

and divorce is not the worse thing that can happen to children. physical & sexual abuse while are severe, there are other things that can affect a child's happiness if the parents are miserable. misery likes company as im sure you can figure out.

there are some parents who can keep it together & lessen their misery on their children but not all. i can think of two friends who had that & their parents later divorced sparing them in their childhood. i had some friends who wished their parents would split up & others whose parents were happy together. sure you can probably get some stories that argue your point & i can get stories that argue mine.

my parents split up, my half sisters & brothers & step sister & brother parent's split up. many of my friend's growing, their parents split up, etc. i was there for mine & i was there for theirs. im not saying divorce is a good thing but growing up in a miserable household where parents are constantly fighting can be very very tiring (borderline emotionally unhealthy) for children. again there are stories out there where its not good for children & there are stories out there where it actually was for the best.

Original Post by fortius:

The actuality is built into the question, just with the premise  that she erroneously attributed to my belief system, that is "All feminists believe in denying fathers child custody."

You guys play a dirty game.

 

E D I T: Here is another thing to think about. If one member of a group violates the group's doctrine, does that mean that the whole group does not believe, support or follow the doctrine that was violated? Some Nazis helped Jews, Christians fornicate, Americans burn flags, Muslims commit terrorist acts.

This is the fallacy: because one member of a group violates group doctrine, the violation automatically becomes group doctrine and practiced by all group members.

But this is all for the sake of sport...

At what point did nomo say that about your belief system?

In your other "doctrine" examples, there are numerous possibilities--those people were raised in a culture of a doctrine where specific tenets of a doctrine were not closely followed (think lukewarm Christians who fornicate outside marriage and only go to church on Christmas day). It may be better for the individual's own safety and standing to act as if they follow the doctrine, while they don't in their hearts believe it. (Nazis helping Jews). They may believe in the doctrine but transgress.  They may interpret the doctrine differently than you do. there may be different factions with variations on the doctrine. They may accept most of the doctrine, but not all of it.

But in all these cases, I believe we're discussing actual doctrines, for example I can point to passages in the Bible that forbid sex outside of marriage. It's not a hypotheses "for sport".

I was sad about my parents divorce at first, but once I adjusted it was much m ore peaceful then the fights and wondering whether or not Dad would even come home, etc. Also both my parents found partners better suited for them the second time around. I don't think divorce is the worst.