Men, women and sex drive........

So I'm bored so what else to amuse than to talk sex and sex drives....

Now I believe that it is estimated that men think about sex every 7 seconds and women every 9 seconds......

I'm curious as to whether you believe that and what standard of sex are we talking here:

raunchy, run of the mill, risky what?

also this article says that women don't think of sex the same way, we are all it has to be deep and meaningful......meh! I don't find that to necessarily be the case....

http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-h ow-do-men-women-compare

your thoughts?

My thoughts?

Uhh, ask me again in like, 9 seconds.

I have what I guess would  be considered a high drive for a woman...but I don't think about it as much as my husband for sure...

I bet I think about it more than every nine seconds. . .and it gets worse the more I exercise.  I think about it WAY more than my hubby, who is 8 years younger.

And that deep and meaningful stuff is basically crap.  I'm more of a let's get it on kinda girl.

And now everyone knows way too much about me.

If you think about it for like an hour...and then dont think about it for ....60 hours.... thats once every 6 seconds right? I dont think thats very much....

I think there is still a LOT of hangups for women about sex. They talk about wanting it equal and bla bla bla, but when it comes down to it, they perpetuate sex as if they are doing men a FAVOR.

They seem to think if you have sex with a guy just for sex, its dirty or wrong...but if a guy does it, well, then they are "just being guys".

I dont understand it. If both sides want to have sex, arent they both "giving it up"? I really doubt men want it more haha....its just women are expected to want it less or pretend that they arent interested and are doing a "chore".

It actually seems like women obsess about it more than man. I never talk to guys about sex or sit around gossiping / reading magazines about "how to please your man" or romance novels. But so many things aimed at women are all about it.....

They think about it, they research it, they surround themselves in it....yet....pretend they dont want it. *shrug*

Wow lorik! I like your thinking, right on the ball........

edit to add: I think women believe that men want it much more than they actually do, and that they expect the woman to be some porn queen between the sheets, I believe that women have the problem of separating mans fantasy from the reality of what they are happy with.

I think a lot of womens thinking that we are "giving it up" and it isn't for them is that too many women don't climax as easily as men...and they don't take time...or don't have lovers that take the time to learn how to make them climax...

there are still women out there that don't think they have had the big O...and if they don't think they have...they haven't    you tend to know when you do!

so sad...so very very sad

kae: that is very true and so sad, but I believe from just listening to women that they actually believe that men just should/will know what needs to be done for them....communication is the key word!

Even beyond that, sex is still enjoyable without an orgasm (though, if your having a fling, its probably on the "to do" list).

There was another thread the other day about that (but it poofed before i could post , grrr). It seemed like so many women were saying how having sex with someone was all about the guy and the woman even participating was like giving up a piece of herself or something like that.... its really suprising to see that type of sexist view coming from women.... its not the men holding these views out there, its the women doing it to themselves o.O

Original Post by loriklorik:

If you think about it for like an hour...and then dont think about it for ....60 hours.... thats once every 6 seconds right? I dont think thats very much....

I think there is still a LOT of hangups for women about sex. They talk about wanting it equal and bla bla bla, but when it comes down to it, they perpetuate sex as if they are doing men a FAVOR.

They seem to think if you have sex with a guy just for sex, its dirty or wrong...but if a guy does it, well, then they are "just being guys".

I dont understand it. If both sides want to have sex, arent they both "giving it up"? I really doubt men want it more haha....its just women are expected to want it less or pretend that they arent interested and are doing a "chore".

It actually seems like women obsess about it more than man. I never talk to guys about sex or sit around gossiping / reading magazines about "how to please your man" or romance novels. But so many things aimed at women are all about it.....

They think about it, they research it, they surround themselves in it....yet....pretend they dont want it. *shrug*

Huh. I don't know what women you hang around, but I don't have sex with anyone as a "favor". I do it because I want to do it with them, whether "deep and meaningful" or just for some fun. If I'm acting like I don't want to have sex with someone, well...I don't want to have sex with them. No sense in pretending.

I do know a girl who said she was thinking of having sex with a guy she emphatically stated she was not attracted too out of what she claimed was "sympathy"...but I think she was just more into the idea of having the guy's attentions on her, is that what you mean as a "favor"? He's a sort of guy who playfully flirts with all us girls in the vicinity, but she seemed to be into the idea that he was pining exclusively for her, though she said she was not attracted. Seemed a bit non-plussed when I mentioned I'd seen him go home with a few other girls at different times, and wasn't the sad-sack she acted as if he was.

Original Post by coffincritter:
...but I think she was just more into the idea of having the guy's attentions on her, is that what you mean as a "favor"?

 I mean even the idea of sex in general. For a woman to have sex with a guy, she is doing him a "favor" by "giving in". The guy is seen as the lucky one for "getting" her.....thats why people ask, "did you get lucky last night?"

It just seems as if the entire attitude towards sex is driven by men...when thats far far from the truth. Women have sex drive also, women want sex also, its not a BAD thing. But the woman isnt "supposed" to go after it....she just waits.

Look at the other thread about the girl who wanted uglier friends because she was always the girl being approached by the "wingman". Well.... why is it taboo for her to seek sex / relationship? Why are her options limited by the men who approach her?

Oh well, probably rambling. Its just a strange sign of the inequality and attitudes towards sex / relationships (even given the same desires and feelings found in both genders).

There is still stigma attached to womens sexuality (freedom of) stemming from way back when it was seen a "favour" and women were not supposed to enjoy it, if they did then they were thought poorly of and to some extent that still happens to this day, thankfully it is changing, but I still hear women getting called names...yeah!

Also parents (some) still are OK if the son brings a girlfriend home to stay over but they have a different view if the daughter does the same, so it is still being instilled into women that *Fun* sex is only for men.

The big O isn't important all the time but it is a shame if someone has never experienced one.

Original Post by loriklorik:

Even beyond that, sex is still enjoyable without an orgasm (though, if your having a fling, its probably on the "to do" list).

There was another thread the other day about that (but it poofed before i could post , grrr). It seemed like so many women were saying how having sex with someone was all about the guy and the woman even participating was like giving up a piece of herself or something like that.... its really suprising to see that type of sexist view coming from women.... its not the men holding these views out there, its the women doing it to themselves o.O

 Once a few of my female friends and I were discussing sex. I asked, "Why do girls always says guys can be bad in bed, but a girl can't?" One friend replied, "Because girls don't DO anything in bed," and the rest agreed ... Except me.

Ladies, you can choose to do nothing, but that doesn't mean that your partner will hold you back. Most men look for excitement in sex. I'll bet anything that if you asked to try something new, your guy would jump on that. I know my boyfriend was speechless when I asked if I could try something, threw him over, and um.. took contol. :)

Oh boy. As a feminist and woman dating a low-sex-drive man, there is just too much I could say on this topic. Homework presses, so I'll just leave one thought:

Sexual disconnect comes down to the disparate messages we all absorb about what the other gender wants or expects of us, and what we should want or expect from them.

A sound theory?

I think the original question was how often does one think about sex.  I would have to say, for myself, quite often.  Helps me that I have an gorgeous wife .  If I was to give a percentage of time awoke, it would be 95-98%.  Impulses controlled, of course.

I think a lot of it has to do with the way you were raised.  My boyfriend came from a very conservative background were sex is only for reproduction so he thinks about sex less often than I do.   Basically, he was taught that its wrong to think about it ever... He's gotten past it for the most part but its hard to change something that was drilled into you your whole life. 

rainbow that's quite interesting, so you believe it has to do with how your parents related to sex or didn't as the case may be. Hmm *ponders*

Does anyone esle have this similar experience/view?

Original Post by loriklorik:

Original Post by coffincritter:
...but I think she was just more into the idea of having the guy's attentions on her, is that what you mean as a "favor"?

 I mean even the idea of sex in general. For a woman to have sex with a guy, she is doing him a "favor" by "giving in". The guy is seen as the lucky one for "getting" her.....thats why people ask, "did you get lucky last night?"

It just seems as if the entire attitude towards sex is driven by men...when thats far far from the truth. Women have sex drive also, women want sex also, its not a BAD thing. But the woman isnt "supposed" to go after it....she just waits.

Look at the other thread about the girl who wanted uglier friends because she was always the girl being approached by the "wingman". Well.... why is it taboo for her to seek sex / relationship? Why are her options limited by the men who approach her?

Oh well, probably rambling. Its just a strange sign of the inequality and attitudes towards sex / relationships (even given the same desires and feelings found in both genders).

yeah, I guess so then. According to her, she was not attracted to him, but talked about throwing him a "sympathy" shag--if this is true would that not be "giving in"? Becuase I can't imagine being intimate with someone who didn't hold my interest out of sympathy. Possibly she actually IS attracted to him but doesn't want to fess up to it for some reason or other, I don't know.

I read the "uglier friends" thread and wasn't sure what I thought about the whole thing. I don't feel it's taboo for her to seek sex or relationships at all, but I'm guessing there's more at work there. The poster already indicated she doesn't think she is as attractive as her friends (she may or may not be-I didn't see any of them. Just going by what she wrote.) It's possible that if she doubts herself that way she doesn't feel confident enough to approach men she likes. Or she could be more conventional and feel the man should be the initiator. There are still people who think that, even excerpts I've read from the "Not Into You" book, which is relatively modern, talk about how men like to be the pursuers and aggressors and women shouldn't seek to take that role. And truthfully, a lot of women are still raised with the idea that if they are "good" and "pretty" enough the men will come to them--how many stories or movies have you seen where females who exhibit sexual desire are portrayed as villainous(the noir vamp) or for a more comedic effect as unnattractive and desperate?

I'm not saying I agree with these things or that it's how it should be, just pointing them out as factors as to why some women may feel they have to wait to be approached.

Original Post by muttlover

 Once a few of my female friends and I were discussing sex. I asked, "Why do girls always says guys can be bad in bed, but a girl can't?" One friend replied, "Because girls don't DO anything in bed," and the rest agreed ... Except me.

Ladies, you can choose to do nothing, but that doesn't mean that your partner will hold you back. Most men look for excitement in sex. I'll bet anything that if you asked to try something new, your guy would jump on that. I know my boyfriend was speechless when I asked if I could try something, threw him over, and um.. took contol. :)

Girls don't DO anything in bed, really? Heh heh..."starfish" :p

Original Post by coffincritter:
Girls don't DO anything in bed, really? Heh heh..."starfish" :p

Kinda off topic but it just reminds me of when sex was so damn painful that I just lay there and payed he'd get off as fast as he could.  I definitely felt like a starfish. XD

 

Back on topic- I could rant about the double standards of men and women- for whatever reason they exist, they exist- but I'll just get pissed off.

Oh I think about sex way more than guys I believe.  No matter what activity I'm doing, I'd much rather be having sex.  lol.  I know that sounds horrible but it's so true.  I also found that I control my weight a lot better when I'm in a relationship b/c of all the sex.  In the past, that's the only time I remember not gaining any weight lol. Go figure. But I'm taking a break from dating now, so I must control it all on my own.  I'm doing well though! 32.5 lbs gone!!! yay! But I still think about sex ALL the time, which means sometimes I have to make it an "inside job".  One way or another, I'm gonna get it done!!! Lmoa....I've officially told too much ;-)