Mental screaming rather than physical eatting

Today is not a good day. I have been under a lot of stress with work and a ill friend, on top of that  a rather ugly fight is brewing with the man. Why is it when i am angry at him that i feel the need to consume foods that are most certainly not on my meal plan??   In my office on a daily basis there is all sorts of candy, chocolate bars, homemade banana breads, popcorn...you name it we have it. I am here in the epicenter of all of it and rarely, and i do truly mean rarely do i ever have the urge to even pick up a mint. Today, however I want it all!!! I know that i am not hungry and i know that it will only undermine me. It will not hurt him, who i am angry at, it will hurt just me. I will feel guilty and that i have let myself down. Knowing this does not erase my urge to eat it all **mental image of Godzilla takin out New York is how i feel (no offense to New York) aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggggg!!!!!! sorry, hoping the verbal vomit will counter act my urge to seek out and eat all things bad for me!

My past binges have been a result of relationship issues. Family issues, not an issue. Stress? Nah... Kids driving me crazy? Nope.... Husband takes a week off work and doesn't do a damn thing with me even though I only asked (twice) to go on a 2 mile hike? BINGO! I get you completely.

I snacked on healthier things, went over my calories - but i didn't go into my "eat 1800 calories worth of snack cakes in <10 minutes" mostly by some sort of will power (and a little cause when I finally gave in the store debit/credit system was down). Time made it better, but it took a bit over 24 solid hours of thinking about it. Woke up thinking about it, and went to bed thinking about it, and still woke up the follow day slightly thinking about it. I even bought myself a new digital food scale... didn't help at all (but I friggin love it now!)

It did always make me feel better, to eat like that, which is so stupid.

Telling someone "time" is the best answer seems like such a cop out, but it is true none the less. I am just thinking next time, cause i know there will be, it won't be so strong for 24 hours. You could also have a hear to heart talk, and explain the destructive behavior you have done before and you will not do it anymore... but... I am not ready to do that myself either - again, time....

Sorry sweety, it will get better. Maybe someone else has better ideas?

My biggest worse binges, the kind where I could eat the a--  end of a cow.....almost 100% come from anger, and the most intense anger  always seems to be toward someone I love who either does not do what I want them to do, or they have been an insensitive a-hole! 

  I know this well, after being married 31 years you have your fights.  My hubby and I love each other to death, but we can make each other feel the best or the worst because of that very reason.  I don't know why I turn on myself and stuff my face when I get angry, maybe its like it's the only thing I can control at the time....I really just don't know. 

 I have this older sister who has always been thin (we don't even look like we are related)....when she is angry she can't eat...honest to goodness, she can't eat when she is upset.  I don't understand that in the least, but I sure wish I could figure out how her mind works.  I am sure she must have some rational thought like, "why overeat, it will not change this problem, it will just give me two problems, )

All I do know is that the only thing that has ever helped me is to try and catch that "snowball" early.  Get out of the house, go for a ride, go for a coffee, just be alone with something to distract myself for awhile.  But if I let myself keep rolling downhill with that anger until I feel nut-so.....well I find myself up at 2am in the kitchen eating anything and everything and sitting in front of the tv vegging out until I have eaten myself into a food coma.  Not a pretty sight.  So for me, the best way to deal with the eating is to try and deal with the anger early on if i can.

  I used to attend overeaters annonymous meetings and they used to have this acronym, HALT...meaning was:   don't let yourself get too hungry,  too angry,  too lonely,   or too tired.   All are major triggers to binge eating. 

If anyone has any other insight I would love to hear them....emotional eating is such a trigger for me too.

ibeckforme,

I really dont understand why it feels better to binge when i am angry at him. I logically know that it is only me it hurts, chancces are that he doesnt even know i did it much less care. He is really most of the time  a wonderful caring supportive man but sometimes i swear he hasnt the brain of ant. I really liked the HALT. What a great saying and affirmation!

KDH,

that is exactly it!!! I am supportive of all the guy things he does, patient and understanding and yet he has the inability to flippin follow through then looks at me and says "what?? why are you mad at me??" Makes me want to do some very illegal things to him!!!

 

I managed to avoid all of the junk food in the office. I went and hid in the file room with my ipod and filed. My boss knew something was up when i was in the file room but was so thankful that i was filing, i had to laugh. I really really really hate to file.

I wish that i knew how to cope with anger without food. I wish that i was one of those people that when upset or angry do not eat. however I am not there yet.

I have to say that immersing myself here for awhile and the filing as well as reading my own affirmation really did help. So while i am still livd...Thank you to you both for your words and encouragement. It was a lifesaver today!!