What is going on with my metabolism?!?

I've put off posting for a long time, but enough is enough (this is confusing as all get-out and I've had it- I just want to not worry, you know?):

Current Stats: 5'3-4", 22yo, f, 108-110 (I think), very small frame, athletic build, usually lightly to moderately active

Background:  Over the past 4 years my weight has fluctuated between 95 and 112.  I've had a problem with undereating (overall) during most of that time- and last summer I worked an extremely physical job (a lot of cleaning and walking close to 10miles a day sometimes- not to mention all the recreational walking I did -_-') and dropped to about 98lbs eating 1500 calories a day... until food was all I could think about (becuase 1500 seems like a lot when you're eating mostly lower calorie foods).  "Happy" with my weight (it's a small person thing), but deeply concerned that I was screwing over my metabolism (binging became a problem and I felt awful 80% of the time) I decided to upmy intake closer to what it should have been (1800-2200 calories).  Taking into account that my body was trying to adapt to the freezing weather and it was near the holidays, I gained.  And I kept gaining (maybe due to the huge ammount of carbs?).  I tried to give it time, but 2 months went by and nothing changed, I forced myself to go back down to 1500 and the weight stayed.

Soon I was back at home (which has been hard for me ever since I started college and discovered my emotional eating problems coupled with a foodie-mom and an ever inviting kitchen (did I mention my gluten, nut, and hfc sensitivities- bah, trigger foods!).  I attempted to lighten up on counting calories for a bit (which helped my mind), but I knew I was in trouble now that I wasn't as active (which I attempted to fix by going to the gym and walking as much as possible).

Fast forward a few months and my weight has stabalized to around 110 (which is 90% muscle because my ego says it has to be)... and sometimes I think I'm ok with it, but I feel so much more self conscious than I did last year and it's driving me insane (my clothes just don't fit like they used to).

The bigger problem is that I'm  maintaining on 1500-1600 calories again despite my relatively high activity level.  My eating patterns are very irregular (I zig-zag and usually only eat 1-2 larger meals a day), but for now I'm ok with it.  I would like to lose about 5lbs to get back into my comfort weight zone (yeah, I know, "underweight", but it's where I feel most comfortable and where things seem to fit on my frame the nicest- wirey build).

Honestly, at this point I just want to do what's best for my body. 

Thoughts?

What's best for your body is to start treating it more kindly and be more realistic about what it should look like.  Your BMI is sub 20 already.... that's as thin as anyone needs to be before problems start.  A healthy young women who is naturally that thin should be able to maintain her weight on 1850-2000 cals if they're reasonably active.  If you can only maintain on 1500-1600 with lots of exercise then your target weight is simply unrealistically low. 

How clothes fit and where you're 'comfortable' is unfortunately immaterial.  And wanting to lose yet more weight is obviously a non-starter.  The long-term consequences of chronic malnutrition and being chronically underweight are serious and lasting.  But .... 'yeah, I know'.... it's not what you want to hear. 

A healthy weight for someone 5'3" would be anything up to 138lbs... When you ate more your body got your weight up to 110lbs... still extremely thin... I expect if you'd carried on at 1800-2200  it would have stabilised quite quickly.  By slashing calories again be careful you don't end up 'dieting yourself fat'... it happens.

yeah, I feel  that 'dieting myself fat' is what I'm worried about at this point.  I just wish it didn't bother me so much.

I have/had the exact same problem.

For a couple months, I was eating far too little for someone my age/stature, especially since I am still growing, and I was actually gaining weight, which was scaring me alot because I thought I had permanently screwed up my metabolism.

But I went to see my dietician, and she said my body was starting to hoard food and store it as 'excess' because it was preparing itself for another one of my starvation periods. She told me I needed to eat more (almost 1000 calories more!) and that would eventually bring my metabolism back up to speed. 

Reluctantly, I upped my calories up by 400-600 (depending on the day) and surprisingly, I actually LOST weight. But now I have balanced it out and I think I'm finally on track again.

Maybe this helps?

Did you up to maintinence calories and lose?

Congrats for getting on track!

Haha yes I did, oddly enough. But only like 3 lbs. I don't look any different.

And thanks!

Just try upping them, and don't weigh yourself the day after upping them haha, wait a couple of days first.

So I'm sort of in the same place as you are, superworms. Despite being 18 years old and active, I maintain my weight of 110 pounds at 1500 calories. Last summer I gained almost 10 pounds (intentionally) by eating my maintenance level calories (1800-2000) and then when I didn't stop gaining at around 1700, I cut down to 1500 and that's where I'm stuck at. I know I could use to weigh a little bit more, and I should probably increase my calories and give my metabolism time to catch up...if I gain a few extra pounds in the proccess then it's probably a good thing. But I'm already not 100% comfortable at the weight I'm at, and I can't seem to get past the fear of gaining any more.

Please let me know if you do decide to increase your calories and what happens. Also, have you had your thyroid levels checked? Mine where normal so that's not the problem for me, but you never know.

Yeah, it would seem that we're in about the same boat.

I haven't "intentionally" been trying to up my calories, more like taking a more relaxed attitude towards the whole thing.

It just seems strange because if I go lower than 1500 I start to lose.  But if I stop counting and eat when I'm hungry (like I always should) it seems that I can't keep the weight up.  But it's like my brain gets in the way and wants to make sure I get in at least 1500 cals... which sometimes leads to overeating (not as much as I used to though- currently I still don't know where all the food goes half of the time (seeing as how I mostly eat fruits, veggies,  and meaty things)).  I won't count certain things like cups of coffee, sugar free drink mix, or veggies (which I tend to eat a lot of).

Should I just try to give up on counting calories?  I've tried on and off for the past couple of years and just can't seem to get over it (getting better though).

Thyroid is a good idea... but I still feel like somewhere along the line I'm just not in sync w/ getting enough sleep and stressing my body out too much in general (I just can't stop doing things o.<).

lena- how exact are you when you count?  I can definitely relate to the lack of comfort in this situation (especially if you're used to being small... and even if most people don't notice, 3, 5, 10lbs can be a lot for the mind to deal with).

PS- thanks for everyone's advice and input!