Military parents - when did you start your families??

Hello! I'm an Air Force wife, and my husband and I have lately been discussing the possibility of TTC our first child. We have been married for 1.5 years. I'm 26, he is 30.

Our discussion revolves mostly around timing. We both want children, we just aren't sure how to time it. If he deploys, should it be while I'm pregnant, or while the baby is an infant? I'm working on a graduate degree and will be done most likely December of 2010... should we plan it so that I give birth after I've graduated and before we PCS to a new station? We also still own a home in Colorado from our LAST duty station which hasn't sold yet. Should we wait until we aren't stretched so far, financially speaking?

How did you other military parents decide when to expand your family??

My husband isn't in the military anymore, so I can't answer one way or another about deployment, but I think I'd wait until after I finished my degree.  I'm sure you remember how time consuming and difficult your undergraduate work was.  Personally, I threw myself into my studies, and there's no way I could've finished college and raised a baby at the same time.  Babies are very demanding of your time, so it might be hard to find a balance between studying and taking care of Baby.  Also, I felt incredibly guilty when I went back to work after my son was born (but I really had no choice, we needed the money).  If you're like me, you might find yourself stressing out about not seeing the baby while you're at school/studying and then you'll be equally stressed when you're with the baby and know you need to be writting a term paper. 

Also, I'd try to sell the home in Colorado first.  Babies are expensive! 

Of course, nothing's certain.  You can plan when you'd like to get pregnant, but that doesn't mean it'll happen then.  I started trying for a baby about two years before I finally conceived.  And then there are always the little surprises you weren't planning on.  I knew I wanted a second child, I just wasn't expecting her to happen so soon.  :) 

Both my husband and I are AD Air Force, so I can understand where you are coming from.

Deployments are scheduled but we can go at ANYTIME. So trying to "plan" a pregnancy around them is really fruitless. There is no absolute way to determine when your husband is going to go, if at all. There is a  set rotation but he may be selected to fill a slot on another cycle's rotation, or he could get extended while on a deployment.  

From your post it sounds like you would like to wait until all your "ducks are in a row" so to speak. Take a deep breath and listen to your heart. If it tells you that it cannot bear another minuet without a child, then you are ready to start trying. If it says "I can wait" then wait. Money situations fluctuate, orders can drop at any time, and work schedules never stay the same, so trying to plan your life around those fickle aspects just doesn't make sense to me.

My husband and I were both active duty Army and decided to wait until we got out of the Army to have a kid.  Looking back on it, I kinda wish we hadn't because we ended up needing fertility treatment.  It is quite pricey in the civilian world.  Then again, we both deployed to Iraq at the same time and I am very glad we didn't have to leave kids behind. 

We waited until out of the Navy so we could both be there. Otherwise: We felt that deployments would've caused a strain. We wanted to both be there on the parenting/pregnancy/birthing front instead of potentially ' gone. ' It's hard to start a family when you know you'll have to leave it. Or: Miss out on ' parts' ect.

Deployment is real. 

Like Post#2 said " Deployments are scheduled but we can go at ANYTIME. So trying to "plan" a pregnancy around them is really fruitless. There is no absolute way to determine when your husband is going to go, if at all. There is a  set rotation but he may be selected to fill a slot on another cycle's rotation, or he could get extended while on a deployment. "

Exactly. It's not a matter of choice or planning on your part. It's not your choice. The unexpected, expected, and everything in between has potential to happen.

We waited till a point when we had the ability to decide. That way it was our choice to stay without the fact or possibility of leaving. It's not a matter of being unable to handle it. We wanted to share the whole experience together w/o interference of our role/duties/obligations. We felt it would've made our it more difficult in all regards. It's hard to leave each other much less children.

Focus on what is in your best interest as a couple. I'm sure that you'll come to the right choice together. Take your time. There are multiple right times/ways, ect. :) Do whatever works best for you guys as a couple! It's something best decided on as couple based on your own circumstances/wants/needs, ect. Good luck!

I am actually 7 months pregnant in Texas while he is in Fort Bragg for a course for Special Forces for the next year, she was a total suprise!  If you are military and he plans to make it a career like mine, just go ahead and do it because there will never be a good time.  I have a year left of college and could not get a job there in NC and he is not going to be around right when she is due so I came back home to get a good job, finish college and let my family be around her for her first year.  When he is done with the course, I have a semester left to graduate,and he will most likely deploy.  It sucks and it is not easy for anyone but if you are active military, my life is very NORMAL!  That's why they say being a military wife is so hard, but hey it can work.  You can not plan your family or your life when you are active, just live it one day at a time, make the best of it when you are together, and always keep positive.  Good luck!!