Mirror Avoidance Anyone?

First time poster and new to CC. I am enjoying everyone's support and comments so far--they help everyone who reads them. Over the past 3 years I have lost 65 lbs and then put 35 back on. I am now setting a 48lb goal over the next 8 months (by my 30th birthday in fact).  Even when I was at my thinnest (185-5'6) and was working out 7 days a week w/ great muscle tone etc, I still had a massive problem with mirrors.

It's to the point now where my trainer yells at me daily because I refuse to look in the mirror. At the gym, at the mall, window reflections in my office door etc.

I dont' think I am repulsive in any way--even overweight. I would describe myself as plesantly plump work-out chick actually. BUT I cannot seem to kick the mirror avoidance thing.

Anyone else have similar issues or am I completely losing it? I really think that at 155lbs, I would still think I looked fat and not look...

This doesn't sound like a simple 'mirror avoidance' thing that has to do with weight issues. To me, this sounds like a serious psychological problem. If you avoid looking at yourself all the time, there could be something there hidden in your mind. This sounds like a fear of your reflection.

Think deep. Why are you scared of looking at yourself? Did something really horrific happen with mirrors in the past?

Your sound like you respect your body, and even like it, so, trusting that, it's not a body issue.

Think about how you feel when you see yourself? Emotionally and physically?

I have never heard of a trainer forcing someone to look in the mirror at themselves at least the gyms around here they dont do to much other than set you up on a machine and tell you how to work out your body nothing psychological really comes to play with them. Only time I seen these types of things was the stuff on biggest loser show when the trainers get all psychological on the team members.

I would be looking for a new trainer maybe him/her is the reason you are afraid to look into a mirror if he/she is constantly screaming at you to do this...................

thats pretty deep like nasuoni said. Clearly a psychosis of some sort. I would recommend seeing a psycologist.  As for this being your trainers fault, BOGUS. And I hate to call you out on that, but phobias are self induced. Are you just ashamed of what you will see in the mirror or are you genuinely scared to look? There is a big differance.

Original Post by jasontarin:

 Are you just ashamed of what you will see in the mirror or are you genuinely scared to look? There is a big differance.

Thank you. That's exactly what I'm thinking.

Wowzers.

I am slightly speechless.

 Obviously tone and sarcasm is not conveyed well thru these forums BUT let me say, my personaltiy is to be a bit dramatic so when I say " my trainer is yelling at me" I mean, he wants me to focus on the exercises I am doing to avoid injury, and keep correct form. NOT to pummell me into submission or anything else. I am more critical of myself than him on that front.

 Secondly, umm folks, do you really think it's responsible to diagnosis me w/ psychosis? Are you a therapist or have a pHD?

I was reading some posts (a TON actually) about people who look in the mirror and don't see any weight loss. One guy even said he lost 168lbs and still sees himself as morbidly obese. That got me thinking about the fact that I HATE looking in the mirror.

Yikes. Not everyone w/ weight issues is CRAZY. Maybe I should recind my previous "helpful and supportive" comments.

The screaming thing I thought you meant your trainer was taking a tantrum about you not looking into mirrors. in any case I never said you should go see a psychologist for this. No one on here is in any place to diagnose someone and not wanting to look into mirrors doesnt always mean you need to hurry up and run to the nearest psychologist and get 'fixed' up.

Original Post by amiright:

Obviously tone and sarcasm is not conveyed well thru these forums BUT let me say, my personaltiy is to be a bit dramatic so when I say " my trainer is yelling at me" I mean, he wants me to focus on the exercises I am doing to avoid injury, and keep correct form. NOT to pummell me into submission or anything else. I am more critical of myself than him on that front.

 Secondly, umm folks, do you really think it's responsible to diagnosis me w/ psychosis? Are you a therapist or have a pHD?

Yikes. Not everyone w/ weight issues is CRAZY. Maybe I should recind my previous "helpful and supportive" comments.

Having a phobia doesn't make you crazy. And for your information, I'm not diagnosing you. You posted in an open forum, and you got responses. Your response is incredibly defensive.

I still think you have a fear of looking in the mirror, if you're avoiding it that much, that is quite severe. I still think you should look into a counselor.

Seeing a counselor or therapist isn't something to be ashamed of. That's what I'm getting from your response. And that makes ME feel defensive, as someone who's been to many therapists, and received tons of help from them all.

Neither Jason nor I are suggesting you're insane. I'd look at why you're so defensive all of a sudden.

i do not have a PHD no sorry, but i do have a degree in health .... and i feel safe saying that it is a psychosis. That would be unless you are lying about being "afraid" of the mirror. Afraid of a mirror = phobia , phobia = anxiety disorder, anxiety disorder = psychosis. Your losing contact with reality by being so afraid of a mirror that you completely avoid looking into them. call this what you will, but regardless it requires help.

also, it seems you are the one making the assumptions ... if you dont know what a word means, please look it up or ask before you respond to a message. I would never say anything to hurt you or intentionally upset you.

Original Post by amiright:

I was reading some posts (a TON actually) about people who look in the mirror and don't see any weight loss. One guy even said he lost 168lbs and still sees himself as morbidly obese. That got me thinking about the fact that I HATE looking in the mirror.

If what you discribed above is all you're talking about when you don't want to look in mirrors, then that's NORMAL. That happens to a lot of people who lose weight. It takes time for that to register, and it's all about body image. Your original post made it sound like you were incredibly fearful of the mirror.

That is where we got the phobia idea.

Again, sarcasm and tone--not well defined in print.

"Clearly a psychosis" sounds a bit like a diagnosis to me.

I have seen counselors/therapists in the past--and I think they are helpful. My post was meant to ask the question if anyone out there has an issue looking at themselves without being disappointed regardless of their size. Based on the multitudes of folks who claimed they NEVER see themselves as thin, regardless of size, I had assumed others would AGREE with me. Vs of course, what actually occured.

Now as for my issue, I really think its that I have fluctuated up and down so much over the years that I am just disapointed in myself and don't want to "fess up" to my current state. No defensiveness in that explaination. Just the truth.

Sorry to cause drama.

Original Post by amiright:

Now as for my issue, I really think its that I have fluctuated up and down so much over the years that I am just disapointed in myself and don't want to "fess up" to my current state. No defensiveness in that explaination. Just the truth.

Sorry to cause drama.

It's okay. Sorry to get defensive right back. Bid misunderstandings happen on boards. Sarcasm and humor ARE hard to get across.

Not wanting to fess up to what you look like is understandable, and I was there once too. At 250 and only 5'6" I finally looked in the mirror, and really LOOKED, and hated it.

Hated it so much that now, 2 years later, I'm 183, and still trying my damndest to lose.

I think taking the plunge and really looking could do you some good. Be brave, you'll be okay :)

I can look in the mirror and hold two completely opposing thoughts:

1. Wow, you look great, you've really lost a lot of weight.
2. Gee, look at that fat roll there

When I started at the gym I paid for 5 sessions with one of the trainers, and she also tried to get me to look in the mirror to check my form.  I had a hard time doing it - I felt kind of silly and I also tended to focus on the negative, as in item 2. 

Original Post by amiright:

First time poster and new to CC. I am enjoying everyone's support and comments so far--they help everyone who reads them. Over the past 3 years I have lost 65 lbs and then put 35 back on. I am now setting a 48lb goal over the next 8 months (by my 30th birthday in fact). Even when I was at my thinnest (185-5'6) and was working out 7 days a week w/ great muscle tone etc, I still had a massive problem with mirrors.

It's to the point now where my trainer yells at me daily because I refuse to look in the mirror. At the gym, at the mall, window reflections in my office door etc.

I dont' think I am repulsive in any way--even overweight. I would describe myself as plesantly plump work-out chick actually. BUT I cannot seem to kick the mirror avoidance thing.

Anyone else have similar issues or am I completely losing it? I really think that at 155lbs, I would still think I looked fat and not look...

 Tone is very hard to understand online, so I'll tell you how I took the following words of your post, which is where, I think the confusion lies between your view and the perception of those reading:

I still had a massive problem with mirrors. - Massive, huge, large, abnormally sized.  This, to me means you have a very big problem with something that you see every day.

my trainer yells at me daily - Yells, talks loudly with noticeable irritability.  (S)He is taking a defensive approach to your massive problem with mirrors and has a hard time understanding where you're coming from.  

This part is confusing.  You say "I dont' think I am repulsive in any way--even overweight.  " and then go on to say: " I really think that at 155lbs, I would still think I looked fat and not look..." - I think you were typing quickly and maybe didn't get across what you hoped.  I'm reading this as initially you don't think you look repulsive (odd choice of word though) and you don't look fat.  Then I see you feel like you would look fat even if you lost weight, so this is where the confusion is.

Avoiding mirrors, like nasuoni said is not uncommon.  Thinking you have a massive problem with them is.  If you really think you have an underlying issue with mirrors/reflections, maybe it's time to take a look at where that might come from.  (ex, low self esteem, sh**ty relationship, body image issues, etc etc).  Just a thought...and just a perspective of what you wrote.  

I wish you only the best on your journey and hope you're able to get past this obvious issue you have. 

 

 

 

Tatj-Thanks for the post --I have a vibrant and majorly assertive type a personality. I am misunderstood in life and in print. I know it is my own fault. You are correct in most of your assesment of my intentions.

I will not use such dramatic words in future posts--but I do think the issue comes from body image.

 

Nasuoni--thanks for the kind words and putting up w/ my posts! :)

Megan--Your post was a simpler way of saying what I was trying to convey--thx.

Jason--I hope no hard feelings.

I avoid public mirrors.

Nothing psychotic or phobic about it.  It's just so deeply ingrained at this point, after at LEAST 20 years of having trained myself to not look, that I do it without thinking.

And it's not because I don't like my appearance -- it's because I was always told I was beautiful... but to go with the big head I was grounded with the knowledge that the world does not revolve around looks.  So to look at myself and preen in a public mirror would be pure vanity.  With that, I took it that vainity was a bad thing because all you cared about was how you looked, so I strove to not be vain.  After all this time I think I would be in the same position as you with someone trying to make me watch me in a public mirror -- it would be exceptionally difficult.  I may eventually be able to do it, but only with time.

At home, yeah... I could watch my workout form.  In public, nope.  Because I wouldn't be able to get over the feeling quickly that I was being vain and narcissistic in front of other people.

There are hundreds of public bathrooms I've been in that I couldn't tell you how I looked on that day, it's just that ingrained.  Needless to say that even in private I'm only *mildly* narcissistic

Original Post by jasontarin:

i do not have a PHD no sorry, but i do have a degree in health .... and i feel safe saying that it is a psychosis. That would be unless you are lying about being "afraid" of the mirror. Afraid of a mirror = phobia , phobia = anxiety disorder, anxiety disorder = psychosis. Your losing contact with reality by being so afraid of a mirror that you completely avoid looking into them. call this what you will, but regardless it requires help.

also, it seems you are the one making the assumptions ... if you dont know what a word means, please look it up or ask before you respond to a message. I would never say anything to hurt you or intentionally upset you.

 Jason, you seem to know an awful lot about EVERYTHING... As a person who has an anxiety disorder I have to correct you. Anxiety/phobias are NOT a psychotic illness thank you very much.  As far as emotional problems go, they're common as mud. Psychosis is much more severe and much rarer. A quick visit to Dr Google shows us that:

Psychosis = A term formerly applied to any mental disorder but now generally restricted to those disturbances of such magnitude that there is a personality disintegration and loss of contact with reality.

Anxiety = Anxiety is an unpleasant, emotional state that involves a complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, and worry. It is often accompanied by physical sensations such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, or tension headache. 

It doesn't matter how the OP feels about mirrors and why she doesn't want to look at herself - she is NOT psychotic!  From her other posts it sounds like she's not AFRAID of mirrors anyway - her perceived body image hasn't caught up to reality yet (and one way to make that happen is to MAKE yourself look in the mirror and honestly really see yourself... put on an item of clothing that fits you really well and look at yourself from all angles and tell yourself that you look great. It's not a sin to give yourself a compliment!) I've never been mirror-avoidant, although I did my darndest to avoid photographs for a long time - until I realised that one day I wouldn't be here any more and if I didn't let anyone photograph me I'd just disappear invisibly into the mists of time... so I don't mind photographs no matter how awful they come out - better to look a bit ugly in a few pictures than not to be photographed at all... 

'Psychosis" means a gross impairment in reality testing, usually referring to hallucinations or delusions. This does not at all appear to apply to this situation. I feel safe in saying this, as I do have a PhD in Clinical Psychology. Unless there is a persistent and irrational 'fear' of  the mirror that interferes with daily functioning, it's not a phobia either.

My reading of the your original post was more like you are avoiding the mirror because you're concerned that what you'll see re: your body will upset you? 

I am not a trainer, but, from what I know there are perfectly valid reasons to encourage a client to look in a mirror during a workout:

1) It aids in keeping proper form, when using free weights. Very hard to keep proper form if you're not looking in a mirror.

2) There's some research that shows that looking at your muscles while you work them - and imagining them getting stronger, shapelier etc - actually *encourages* the muscles to get stronger, shaplier, etc!!! I know, it sounds like voodoo magic... but, it's true!

So if you are weight training, then it is a very good strategy to do so in front of a mirror. You will get a more effective workout.

Kajikit and Jsdamdam,

Thanks a lot for your posts. Appreciated. JS--thanks for being a clinical psychologist and reminding me and others the actual meaning of psychosis as I understood it earlier today!:)

I am not avoiding the mirror to the point of interfering with my normal functioning (just my weight lifting!) and I am pretty darn rational.

I simply don't like what I see and suffer more from body image problems than anything else. Which if I can self diagnose for a second--comes from losing and gaining back and feeling like a failure for doing so.

Thanks for getting me thinking...

I don't think that is an uncommon problem. That being said- disliking your physical appearance to such an extent isn't healthy or a fun way to live. I think a therapist skilled in working with body image issues could work wonders for you. I wish you luck!