Mirrors

I've never posted anything before, but I've been looking on this site for a few months now.  I've been having problems with various eating disorders for over a year now and another probem with mirrors.  I keep two mirrors in my purse at all times and take them with me everywhere, one's a hand mirror, the others a compact mirror.  I hate going anywhere where I know there isn't a bathroom so I can look in a mirror and still take out my other mirrors and move around the room and look in different lighting. I look in windows everywhere I go so I can see my reflection, I've gone to school and stayed in the bathroom for more than 20 minutes just looking at myself, trying to understand what's wrong with me, and to make sure people don't think I'm crazy I'll go stand in a stall with one of my mirrors and stare. Even at home, I get up constantly and go look, it's the first thing I do every morning, I have four mirrors in my bedroom.  I'll put on makeup before bed, even if I'm alone or if I'm not going aywhere during the day. Even at school there was a mirror in one the art closets and I would go and get supplies even if I didn't want to do anything, just so I could look at myself and I know other people noticed and probably laughed at me, but I can't stop it.  I would walk to the other side of school to use those bathrooms because I had already used the ones in other halls too much and I knew people would notice.  I skipped school because I was too ugly or I didn't hang out with my friends because I'm too fat. I went to the bathroom before every class to check and see if I looked ok.  I keep mirrors in my car and I want to stop but I can't imagine not looking in one, but it's not because I'm vain, and I think that's what everyone thinks, that I'm vain but that's not it. I'm 116 lbs and I hardly ever eat anymore, and this summer is actually the first time in three years that I wore shorts, because I hate my legs, and I still hate wearing them and I look in mirrors at them all the time and I feel like everyone is looking at me and hating me for wearing them. I still haven't worn shortsleeve shirts in public either, not even in front of my family. People tell me I'm pretty all the time, I get hit on by guys but I just don't believe them and I want to, I really want to be comfortable and stop looking in mirrors and to eat right but I just don't know. I cry all the time about it, I've cried just looking at myself and wishing I could be someone pretty. I'm sorry, I know this is such a long post but I never have told anyone this and I just need to tell somebody.

I'm so sorry to hear that! The road to recovery may seem long, but there is help availeable if you want to put this behind you. My uneducated guess would be that this is a case of dysmorphic body image, maybe?

i agree with eveliina. this sounds like you could have bdd (body dysmorphic disorder). man, i just saw a documentary on bbc about it.. made me cry. what they did to treat people like that in the documentary was to just gradually wean themselves off of the things they were constantly turning to, for ex, wearing less and less makeup or trading sunglasses for see-through glasses and eventually nothing at all. i'm not sure if this applies to you, but maybe... just gradually carry fewer mirrors? make it a goal to look at yourself in the mirror less frequently?

also in the documentary, they sorta tried less to convince the (very normal-looking and in fact quite attractive!) sufferers that they weren't ugly, but just that appearances didn't matter as much as they thought.

iono what to say though. i'm sorry to hear about this and i wish you all the best :)

i think you need to get professional help. we cant help if you are telling us ur eating nothing. the ethos on this thing is pro recovery and it is triggering for us all to hear about something like that.

mirror gazing is a big prob among eating disorder sufferers.

it is a good idea to seek help coz wat you need to do is stop carryin the mirrors around with you and you need to stop looking but my guess is you wont take my word for it

i do the same thing with the mirrors. seriously. i spend probably more than an hour a day staring into the mirror for the sole purpose of looking at myself. this isn't counting the time in front of the mirror spent doing my hair/make-up etc.

i was recently told the other day that it was really obvious that i "check myself out" in the window on the subway and in store windows and in any reflection i can find. and i let people think that i really am that vain and in love with my reflection because the truth is so much more embarrassing.

i don't know how to help you, i just wanted to let you know that it isn't just you.

funny, i have the opposite... i despise looking into mirrors, photographs, reflections. it's become so bad that people ask me what's wrong when i walk around since i tend to look down to avoid seeing the reflections of myself on glass doors/surfaces. i hate it because i don't want to see myself. it's sort of my way of avoiding how i look. if i don't see it, i don't have to worry about it. people tend to make fun of me by secretly showing me a photo/mirror but they have no idea how traumatic it is. if i do see myself i get so upset that i may actually cry. ah well, i guess it takes time to get over it.

Original Post by subwaybusker:

funny, i have the opposite... i despise looking into mirrors, photographs, reflections.

I did this for several years to avoid confronting my weight problems and issues with self esteem. I still can't stand to look at pictures of myself, especially ones that show my entire body, but I've gotten over my fear of mirrors and other reflecting surfaces. I wish I could advise someone on how to kick the habit, but for me it happened gradually and went unnoticed until one day I realized I was able to examine my own reflection again, the change occurred mainly between the ears.

Maybe one way to go about it is to fix your health and lifestyle first, become the kind of person you can be proud to be and the problem with mirrors, which is basically just a symptom, will disappear.

I also look in the mirror (esp at my stomach) several times a day.