Miscarriage

I lost a baby recently.

I was pregnant (due New Year's Day 2010!) and when I went in for my 8 week ultrasound I found there was no fetal pole. Is this really happening to me, were my thoughts? When I found out I was pregnant it was so surreal, then this was even more surreal. How life changes in just a few weeks ... up .. then down.

Because the miscarriage wasn't really occurring naturally and I feared the pain, I had the evacuation procedure at 9 weeks. Great doctor, great hospital. It really wasn't bad, no pain at all. Very little bleeding.

And emotionally it wasn't utterly devastating as I expected - I think because I never saw the heartbeat to begin with and it was so early.

But now it's 2 weeks later and I am still physically recovering. I have been for my post-op and I am technicall fine physically - healing just fine, the doc said. Still though there is still bleeding on and off and cramps. A persistent reminder of what once was.

It's emotionally easier than I thought as far as being totally devastated. I am quite fine. The issue is it hits me out of the blue once in a while and many of my thoughts come back to the misfortune of the situation. A few tears from nowhere. Just a minute or so.

Sometimes it's just panic that it might happen again (33.33% chance for those of us who are 35) and time is ticking and every missed month or miscarriage just makes the possibility of having a big family all the more impossible. Combine that with a job search and successful career ... and then well now you know why I am so mixed up. I sometimes don't even really know how to express how I feel - as I am not really sure. It's weird.

What doesn't help is I actually packed on the pounds in those 9 weeks, 6 lbs later here I am. So I need to stimulate my motivation to get in shape before I try again.

Thoughts, feelings, emotions, anyone in the same boat?

That is tough.  I'm sorry about your loss.  I had a similar experience in January -- no surgery needed, my body decided to clean itself out -- and I went through some grieving as well.  Afterward I realized I was 157 pounds, and that if I ever wanted to try again to conceive, that it would be better for me and a baby if I started out healthier.  That wasn't my only motivation, but I have gotten back to a healthy weight since then.

Good luck to you.  Emotional healing can take time.  Take care of yourself in the meantime.

My heart goes out to you, sweetheart! I know exactly how you feel.

I started my weight loss journey in January, after a miscarriage. Basically found out I was 5 weeks pregnant; first u/s showed baby's heartbeat and hubby and I were SO excited! The heartbeat was a bit low, so the docs asked us to come back in for a 2nd u/s a week later. No heartbeat this time, and no miscarriage symptoms. At that point I was dead set on letting the miscarriage happen naturally, and even harbored hope that perhaps it was not true. A week of agony followed- tears, heartbreak, wild hope, bargaining with God- which drove us both crazy. Finally I went in for a second opinion a week later which confirmed that the baby died just short of 6 weeks. I needed closure so I opted for a d & C. I had a very caring doctor and it was relatively painless physically.

I thought I would be fine, but I still hurt at times, and I cant explain it to anyone else. When I first found out that a friend got pregnant at around the same time, the jealousy and anger shocked me- I could not believe I was feeling so angry and bitter. I also avoided a close fried's baby shower for the same reason. Somehow, I am afraid to get too close to another woman's pregnancy for fear it will bring back the pain.

Because I had a molar pregnancy, the docs advised us not to try for 6 months. I am waiting for that period to be over soon.

Starting on weight loss was a way for me to cope. I have always wanted to lose a few extra pounds, but I needed to do something for myself after the miscarriage. Since its not advisable for pregnant women to lose weight, I thought it was the perfect way to help myself and be rewarded.

I hope you will heal too! When was your baby due? Mine was in August 2009.

Thanks for sharing your story. It is so good to hear other people's experiences. Did you have much bleeding after the procedure?  I also had a second ultrasound to confirm the result, sadly there was nothing to be done but move on.

My baby was due January 1, 2010. I was so excited to try and have the first baby in my county in 2010, LOL!

{{{hugs}}}

I was so relieved after the procedure that everything that followed seemed bearable. A little bleeding the first day or two; then nothing for four days; then intense pain and copious bleeding. The first period after the miscarriage was pure torture- I remember sitting on the toilet doubled up in pain while blood poured out like I was peeing hard- it was awful.It settled down after that.

I also know what you mean about wanting to have a career, be successful and have a large family- I am almost 34 and it scares me to think that I might not achieve everything I want to achieve.

Sorry for your loss. 

I miscarried at 21 weeks and it's the hardest thing I've gone through BUT I remind myself that if that did not happen, I would not have my son now as we only wanted 2 children!  I was sad, depressed, gained weight AND had to explain to a 2 year old why she wasn't going to have a sibling since she saw mommy's belly get big!!  I decided to have a D & C instead of delivery (I would have had to after 22 weeks so I was thankful that I didn't have to) and I bled for about 3 weeks and low and behold got pregnant with my son!!  We were going to wait about a year(for my mind's sake) but about 3 months after the D & C when I hadn't gotten my period yet, I called to make sure that it was normal, from the D & C and they suggested a pregnacy test and I was SOOO positive!!!   2 1/2 months pregnant!!  (So besides the 2 weeks without child, I was pregnant for alomst 12 months!!! Talk about weight gain!!(He was almost 2 months early and for that I thank him!!!!)

 The only thing I regret about the D & C procedure is that I never found out the sex of my baby.  I was too upset and emotional at the time and when the Dr. asked I said No Way!!!  Now I would have like to known.

Everyone that's had a miscarriage does get through it.  It's rough.  It sucks. There's usually no explanations (especially early on and even in my case being so far along) and usually we can go on to have successful pregnancy's after. 

Take it easy, relax and when you least expect it, it will happen.  Good luck to you!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

27 years ago I miscarried my first baby, I didn't know what sex it was, only that I was about 10 weeks pregnant. Things were differnt then but it's still a loss and my experience was not as bad as my daughter who mis carried at 20 weeks, five yeasr ago. We both wen ton to have full term pregnancies and healthy children, so try notot worry about that, you wil too. The tears from out of no where, that's natural it's called grief. Time will pass and you will find ways to deal with your grief. As for six pounds, give your self a hug, it will come off, chances are that if it went on so quickly it's possibly water retention anyway, and will come off just as quickly x

Oh NYC, I'm so sorry for your loss!  I haven't been around the forums as much lately, so I had no idea.  I know you've had some rough spots recently, so you are very much in my thoughts and prayers. 

I am deeply sorry for your loss...it is such a difficult time to go through!

I had an ectopic pregnancy last year in July that was discovered days after my right tube had ruptured and my entire abdominal cavity was filled with blood...when I woke up from emergency surgery the Doc told me that I was very lucky that I had come in because else my husband would have not had a wife anymore when he came home from work.

We had only known that I was pregnant for 3 days. Eventhough we only had such a short time it was very exciting news for us....and the loss was devastating!

I can tell you that it DOES get better!  Allow yourself the time to heal physically and emotionally! It is a big thing, and it is normal that out of nowhere you get sad...allow yourself to grieve!

Gentle Hugs