miserable boss

hi guys,

I just started a new job not too long ago and I think it was a bad idea. I wanted to ask if you guys have ever experienced working for a difficult person. My boss makes a big deal out of the smallest things, gossips constantly and is just a miserable person.
I think of myself as a happy person, but it's been hard for me to not let this attitude rub off on me. I feel tired and run down unlike I've ever felt before.

Any ideas on how to deal with this?
THANKS!

My boss blamed me because his morning preps never did squat, and left me an empty cooler to fill up while doing dishes, cutting pizzas, preparing orders, and clearing tables, then having to be out of there as soon as the store closed, meaning I had to start my clean-up an hour before closing, while juggling my other chores.

He called my fiance to complain about my work (who still works with him), and I called him back and told him he can't.  We're two separate people at work, not one employee, and if he had a problem he'd talk to ME, not Alex.  I called him a cheap bastard, got fired, and went to eat at that restaurant today.  :D

my gosh cellulitedelight! :)

I have two bosses. I work for one half the day and the other for the other half of the day. Problem is, they don't want to share me (even though it was thier idea to do so). The one boss takes it out on me when the other takes up too much of my time. The one boss is the owner of the company. the second one ( the miserable one) is the office manager. I feel if the owner wants my time, I should give it. But then she gives me attitude and says I need to learn how to say no to him.
The worst part of all of it is that she surfs the net all day long!!!

arg. I'm so frustrated by it all. I feel like maybe I should move on from this job :(

thanks for letting me vent. it always helps to just get get it out

I worked for some difficult people in my life.  What I learned was to do my work and ignore all the extraneous distractions.  One boss constantly interupted me, until I went to him with a pile of work and asked what the priorities were.  Did he want me to do the work first, or respond to his requests first. Then, whenever he inetrupted a task, I'd ask which thing was the priority. I did this very politely and respectfully and he became a mentor. 

Another boss played one person against another, manipulating us to make him look good.  He took credit for our work and was disrespectful.  We ganged up and went to personel, and all of us quit within the 12 months.  We just wanted the higher ups to know that he was the problem, not his staff.

I could tell you stories about the neurotic marketing director who believed in crystals and cried if somebody didn't show up at a meeting (how could you do this to meeeeee???  boo hoo), or the owner of a company who was always in a rage and would throw books at people (he was finally sued by an employee - hooray).  I worked from the time I was 15 until I retired at age 62, so I have a lot of experience.

It's not easy and every situation is different.  You're going to have to either find a way to cope or quit. 

All jobs always have one or two people who are miserable, whiney or control freaks. It is frustrating but a part of life. I have worked for 30 plus years and have experienced every kind of nut case you can imagine. What you need to relize is that they believe they are nice, reasonable, wonderful people. They do not relize they are cranky, miserable, control freaks, or crazy.

Observe your co-workers and watch the person who does not seem to let the jerks bother them. They have the secret of working and not letting it consume their thoughts or life. Try to mimic thier behavior and remember you work to live not live to work! Life is too short to put up with the impossible but at the same time we all have to work and you grow and learn as you get older.

Good luck!

My boss was making me hate work too (I don't like it that much anyways, but I can trudge through it at least)...then the last 2 weeks she seems much happier and polite, and not so much attitude. I've been working there for I guess 2 months now, I posted a question too asking if I should quit even if I haven't found another job yet because I was going insane for those first 6 weeks...so depending on how soon ago you started, I would maybe try to stick it out and see if things get better? Of course this could just be a temporary change, who knows what she'll be like next week ..so you may want to keep an eye out for something else too.

It's comforting that you guys have gone through (and survived :) similiar situations. I will continue to do my job and try to ignore the negativity. If it doesn't get better, I'll find a new job.

Thanks for the responses!

neese, putting my thoughts up... just my suggestion... have an one on one with your boss, maybe go for coffee together - you pay :). Tell him frankly but respectfully what is bothering you, his actions etc. Tell him what will make it better for you. Then ask him if he is okay with what you said or suggested.

Most imprtantl, don't just go with the problem, go with 3 different types of solutions for the problems and suggest these to him.

You may or may not like what I suggested above, and I also don't know what your excat situation is. But most of the time, the people who are creating any type of nuisance or botheration to others are not consciously aware that they are doing it. Having a talk always helps.

I have had my share of "bad" boss. He would assign one person the work which is supposed to be done by 3 persons. Make us slog fo 18 hours a day, calling repeatedly on cell phones if you don't show up on a weekend. Needless to say, most people resigned.

I dont want to call these soltutions but ideas that may work. 

GOSSIP: 
There are certain people that gossips dont like sharing with because those people ruin it by being non-responsive.  You may be able to ignore them with only the occasional eye contact with no actual response to whats said.  You can respond with the most minimal gesture like a bored facial expression and/or monotone sounds (uh-huh, mmm, etc).  You might not stop it but taking the fun or satisfaction out of it should at worst reduce it.

OVERREACTING:
Making the biggest deal over things is venting and you may not be able to affect this.  What you can do is let them go off, and if there's any validity to what theyre actually venting about, just focus with them on what you'll do about it.  If there isnt, you can throw it back in their court by asking what theyd like you to do regarding it.  Its unlikely that you can stop it overreacting because its a personality trait but you can help yourself by not feeding into the vent itself which would make you more unhappy - the goal of venting at someone.   

MISERABLE BOSS:
Avoid him when possible.  Not easy considering you work for him but you can minimize contact and increase your interactions with those employees who are happy and/or who you enjoy.  We tend to do this to some degree naturally but an effort to reduce the time with the miserable and make time for the pleasant will is worth the effort.

"SAY NO TO HIM"
This is the owner putting his responsibility with the manager onto you but you can use it as a tool.  This is not about what your willing to do but what you can or cant do.  When you dont have time, you dont have time.  Dont be tricked into taking responsibily for that.  You can state that you are unable to because you have work to do for the owner (dont get into what it is unless its asked) and that if you finish you will check in to see if he still needs help.

LAZY BOSS
So hes consumed with surfing the net, not working and overloading you.  In addition to not taking responsibility for work you dont have time for, I agree with Claire that you will be happier forcing yourself to ignore it until it comes naturally.  Three women and I shared answering phones.  One purposely socialized with other to avoid taking calls.  The boss simply wanted the phones answered, not caring who answered how many calls.  
The 2nd coworker behind me griped about it (and everything else it seemed) all the time.  I found lazy coworker irritating but had no solution.  The 3rd woman was a mystery - I wasnt sure how she felt.   One day I asked did it bother her.  Yes, it did - lazy coworker should answer the phone but I could see this happy coworker wasnt angered by it.  It was an epiphany.  
I wanted to come to work and enjoy my day as much as she does.  I'd been in this workplace scenario before and coworkers were either irritated or outright angry.  I started ignoring the complainer much like I described handling gossip above.  I actually started enjoying lazy employee more (she was funny) by accepting Im not responsible to take her share of the calls.  I came to love happy employee in all her kind heartedness and take her example forward knowing I will meet these employee types again. 

Dont get me wrong - I knew it was wrong that customers often hung up because lazy employee wasnt carrying her load.  It was irritating knowing it caused customers to hangup which caused us to lose some, reducing job security for all of us. I learned from happy coworker that I wouldnt be irritated if I refused to deal with it.  I didnt have authority to change it.  My boss who did chose not to but funny thing is by putting on us, he was less stressed and happy.  By not accepting responsibility for what I couldnt change and refusing to accept pressure to do more then I could , I became more happy.  It went against my nature to just accept it, knowing it was wrong but I had two other examples: miserable complaining coworker and genuinely happy coworker.  Instead of staying in the middle as confused helpless employee, I took happy coworkers lead and did come to like working there more. 

lovelin - thanks for the suggestion. I wish I felt comfortable doing it. I do believe talking to her would be the best thing to do IF I was dealing with a rational/reasonable person. I believe that if I confront (even as nicely as possible) her toxic behavior, I will severly regret it. I believe she can and will go behind my back to make me look bad to the owner if I find myself on her bad side.

sun123 - thanks for your thoughts too! definitely good points. The gossip response is definitely what I plan to do :) I wish I could just tell her how inappropriate she is when she shares personal info about co-workers (for no reason at all), but I am sure it will create all kinds of problems.

I think the idea of just accepting what I can't change is the best thing for now. I'm hoping the owner will eventually see how toxic she is for the small office and will do something about it.

I just can't let her ruin my days!! :)
thanks everyone for your advice and experiences!!!!

"I believe she can and will go behind my back to make me look bad to the owner if I find myself on her bad side."

I agree to this statement, at the same time I do not agree to the consequence you think it might have. Since you are also working for the owner directly, he will have his own perception of what type of an employee you are. And if he is a li'l bit rational thinker, he will not blindly go with what bad things your other boss speaks about you. And if he does, then he's not worth working for.

great point, lovelin!! I do think he likes and already trusts me. This is something I will consider. For, now, I will sit back and see what happens. It's only been a month so far. I don't want to do anything prematurely :)

Girl, do i understand YOU!

[I deleted my original post, due to having murphy's law luck and afraid that the crab i am talking about might end up on the site and read it.]

But I feel you girl!

Hang in there....it is not forever...it will change...I promise!