|
|
I am sorry if this comes off as a rant, but I have no where else to go.
First, let me introduce myself. My name is Leesa, and I will be 20 years old in December. I'm 5'6" and weigh somewhere around 275, maybe more. I don't own a scale, only because I cry enough as it is. Being overweight has never bothered me this much before. Obviously I was teased throughout school, but it never really hurt my feelings. I always laughed it off, knowing they weren't smart enough to come up with anything else.
Why is it now that I'm out of school and living with my boyfriend of 2 years, that my weight has made me miserable?
I spent the whole day yesterday, crying my eyes out to my mother. My brothers, who are all healthy normal weights, and their beautiful girlfriends, who are like stick figures...have invited my boyfriend (my boyfriend who is 5'6" and maybe 130?) and I to Six Flags on Saturday for Fright Fest. My boyfriend is so excited and can't wait to go..But I just don't want to go. I don't want to be embarassed by not fitting on the ride, and I don't want to watch everyone else enjoying themselves and having a great time, while I sit on the sidelines being depressed all night.
Why did I let myself get this way? Why didn't I stop when I realized I couldn't make it up a flight of stairs or a hill without gasping for breath? Since when did I think an 2XL or a 3XL was an appropriate size? Why didn't I listen to my mother when she told me not to let myself get fat? Couldn't I see all the things she struggled with, yet I allowed myself to go down the same road?
I am trying to remember what it was like, you know, being happy..but I can't. Was I ever happy, truthfully? I don't think so. I was always the 'fat chick'. I got attention from guys, solely because I was moderately attractive, and had boobs..when all the other girls didn't.. but they never really liked me. They liked me because 'fat chicks will give it up easier'. And when they found that wasn't the case..then I was just a fat chick again. My boyfriend is the only one who has loved me for me, when I don't even love me for me.
I hate that lately all I do is cry. As stupid as it sounds, I am sobbing as I type. This is a tremendous goal that I have set for myself, but I want and need to do it. I have an 8 year old sister who sees me as a role model..and a 5 year old neice who loves me 'even though I'm fatter than her mommy'.
I don't know how I am going to get through this, but I just know I need to. I want to stand for more than an hour without my ankles swelling up. I want my jeans from years ago to fit me..I don't want to be able to hear myself breathing when I am just sitting down.
I think we've all asked ourselves these questions over and over again. I don't know why I let myself get to be 244 before I started CC and exercise. It really doesn't matter. Yesterday is over, tomorrow isn't here yet, Today you can change. You can start today and make changes so that next year you can go to 6 flags. So that you aren't embarrassed or sad when you step on a scale or go clothes shopping or see a picture that you didn't realize someone was taking.
Today can be the first day of the rest of your life if you're ready.
Good luck, you can do it. It just takes dedication and discipline
Leesaxjune,
How nice to meet you.
I believe most of us got to this point with an AHA moment. Yours has finally come. Don't go to Six Flags if you don't want to. Beg off and committ to go a year from now. There is no need to be miserable. If your BF wants to go, wish him well and let him go...tell him the truth and that you are getting serious about losing weight.
I couldn't go for the same reason as you...the safety bar wouldn't fasten if I was in the car (or I'd have my fat pinched so much I would be miserable.
You start right now. I am going to post some pointers for you to get started. Tell your Mom that you are going to need her help with food you can eat on your new plan....I wish you all the best.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Go to the food log and log in everything you eat, faithfully without changing a thing about your eating habits. It will let you see what you are really putting in your mouth. I was totally surprised when I did this. I thought I was doing great, but I was eating a lot more than I thought. DO NOT CHEAT. No one sees this but you, so don't cheat on yourself.
2. After a few days of this go to the Tools section and get a Calorie Target.
3. Aim for the target.
4. Start changing one bad habit to one good habit each week. Perhaps change from real soda to diet soda. Maybe add a green salad and low fat dressing to your lunch. Maybe change your regular ice cream for low fat or low cal ice cream or your Pringles for low fat Pringles. When you have changed a bad habit to a good one for a week, then add another one.
5. Weigh in every Monday and post it here. That accountability helps.
6. If you mess up, as soon as you come to your senses, start again that moment, not tomorrow or next week or the next day after the holidays...that moment. Listen to that little voice inside your head. Usually she is pretty smart!
7. Break your weight loss goals into smaller goals, like 5 or ten pounds. And celebrate reaching each goal with a little gift to yourself, maybe a new purse or a mystery paperback you've been wanting or a magazine subscription.. sometimes maybe a night out with the girls (but plan those calories!), just something to say..." there go 10 pounds that I will never have to carry again"
This is going to take time, but you know what? You are going to get older and slimmer or older and fatter. Your choice.
If you need anything, give a holler. Some of us are around. I check in here about twice a day and talk when I can. Welcome. We all are on the same road you are.
Yea I really feel your pain I just went to 6 flags last month it was horrible I couldn't get on the superman because the belt wouldn't buckle so I had to get off the ride that was my AHA moment even though I didnt start then and there I knew it was time to loose weight I hate being the cute fat girl or when guys say your cute to be a big girl what kind of comment is that I hate that but you know what here and now is the time I'm 21 281 and 101 pounds to loose some days I mess up some days I dont want to exercise but I keep trying to push myself I have help from this group no one else every body is use to me being fat so there like "girl you crazy" so I come here read storys and keep on going and I hope you do to we can do this I know it seem like its along time from now but if we keep going it will all work out.
Thanks for all of your kind replies. I think I am off to a good start..taking small steps at a time. I've cut all soda and sugar-loaded drinks out of my diet, only water, 100% juice, and milk for me. No chocolate, no candy..nothing of the sort. Went to the grocery store tonight, and in place of chips, I've bought some green and red peppers, baby carrots..and fresh fruit to cut up and put in easy access tupperware containers in the fridge..so that I can grab those for snacks instead!
I'm going to start jogging with my crazy dog atleast once or twice a day. He's a good excercise motivator, bc he's so much more well behaved when he's tired. I'm also going to start doing sets of stairs and sit ups and push ups every day. I can do this!
It feels really good to have people to relate to though..My boyfriend is trying his best to understand, and helping by encouraging me to get healthy foods, even though he can eat whatever he wants..lol. He made a vow to me, that he'd quit smoking if I got on a good, steady diet.. So this is perfect! That is the one thing I really want from him.
leesaxjune,
Sounds you've got it all going your way. One thing, watch the calories on your 100% juice...juice is calorie loaded and about 3 times sweeter than real fruit. Just be careful. All that sugar can increase your insulin level and then in a little while your blood sugar crashes and leaves you with low blood sugar and you will want to eat and crave sugar.
If you drink juice, eat some protein with it to help stabilize your blood sugar.
3