Mistaking healthy weight loss for an eating disorder

Anyone else have this issue?  I mean, not with US mistaking it, but the people surrounding us.  For example, when I decline food, I will often hear comments about how I shouldn't become "anorexic to lose weight" and other ED geared comments.

I choose what I eat, when I eat, and how much I eat, so I do not want to change my eating habits for other people just because they're uncomfortable that I'm not hungry.  Anyone else deal with this?  What are some good methods of dealing with people who make these kind of comments?

I have gotten this too. My reaction depends on how well they know me, and what was behind the comment. If I think they are just concerned, I will explain briefly how I am intent on making sure I eat enough and about how healthy I eat. They usually get bored and realize they know a lot less than me and won't have a valid argument. So they don't bring it up again. If the person is being ugly, I let them know that I really don't need thier advice and that if they ever want mine (they are usually pretty unhealthy, Any person that knows how to eat well is not concerned by my habits) I am here to give it. The doctor I talked to was very impressed by my loss, and eating habits. I mention that sometimes too. Than I turn the topic to something that I feel is thier business. My body is not.

I think the main reason it's been difficult for me to hear these things is because not only will it come from someone who is genuinely concerned, and I will explain what I'm doing, but it will keep coming from those same people that were concerned!  If I hear it from someone just being nasty, I can usually just brush it off and whatnot.

One of the major players lately has been my mom.  Regardless of how many times I've told her that what I'm doing is healthy and to better myself, she'll still tell me that I should seek help and eat more, etc.  Just gets a bit... much, at times.  I suppose.

What are your goals? If they are reasonable and you take your time approaching them, than you shouldn't worry. And neither should anyone else.  Eventually they shut up though . Prove them wrong by being healthy as best as you can.

How rapidly are you losing weight?  It can be a bit alarming to see someone change several dress sizes rapidly.

Cellotlhicks - They're very reasonable.  My goal is to lose a total of 83 lbs (currently I have lost 35), I started in May and am giving myself until January of 2011 (though I'd LOVE to have it all off by October of next year).  It's around a pound per week goal.  Sometimes I lose a little more, sometimes I lose less.  Nothing excessive though.  So I do hope they shut up soon. :)

Smwhipple - I feel like I'm losing at a steady pace.  I've lost 35 lbs so far since May, and my loss has slowed down from around 2 lbs a week to .5 lbs a week this month.  I'm honestly not sure how fast you're supposed to drop dress sizes, but I started at an 18 and am currently in 14's that are getting too large for me.

35 in about 6 months? That sounds like a good pace. About 5-7 lbs a month. Something to be proud of. If you are gettin a good balance as far as your diet, it doesn't seem like too alarming of a pace. What do you think is making your mom worry?

My mom is worried because, well, I figure it's because she's my mom. :)  She struggled with bulemia when she was younger, and I think she worries I'm going to do the same, even though I would never do that.  I don't think it would be a big deal if it were JUST my mom, but it's also my close friends, and with them there's no explanation.  At least not that I know of!

Keep up the pace, and don't let it discourage you. Sometimes all you want to hear is, 'Im proud of you'...or 'good job' and people seem incapable of saying that. Say it to yourself by setting up a reward system...a pedicure or new dress after 40 lbs, etc. You deserve it. If they see you happy, enjoying life, they will adjust to the new change. Weight loss is a life changing process that really can help you to live better. They may need some time to adjust to the new you. Make sure you do not complain about your weight or dwell on the negative, cause this can make you seem unhealthy to others, or even take you down an unhealthy road.

Thank you for the advice!  That's one of the obsticles I'm looking to overcome next is my negativity.  I've been keeping it to a minimum, but it needs to be gone completely!

It takes practice. I don't think I have seriously complained about my body to my bf in months, which I think makes him happy and less worried than when my BMI was 30.

I used to be 110 consistantly when I was younger.(I'm 5'2" so this is appropriate) I went to college, gained 5 pounds and my dad said that if I gained any more weight no one would want to marry me. I went to the gym a lot and ate more veggies and less mcdonalds, got down to 105 and he asked if I was anorexic. Sigh. I guess I have to be exactly 110 to be normal in his eyes.  By the way I got married at 120 hehe.  People just make dumb comments. Dieting is not the same as anorexia, duh. If all your friends are making comments while you are healthily losing weight, maybe it's time to make a few new friends.

sokkies

For friends I'd just say "Well my doctor agrees...."  blah blah blah.  And go to your doctor ASAP to get him to really agree, and maybe ask him to talk to your mom.

Original Post by tealparadise:

For friends I'd just say "Well my doctor agrees...."  blah blah blah.  And go to your doctor ASAP to get him to really agree, and maybe ask him to talk to your mom.

 Unfortunately, I do not have insurance and am flat broke, so for the time being this is not possible.  Plus I'm 23, haven't had my mom in my doctor's office since I was 16. :)

I'm hoping to SOMEDAY!!! have insurance, I already have visits planned out.  Chiropractor, dentist, and probably most importantly a nutritionist.  Those are my first stops!

I know exactly what you are talking about, and I wish I knew what the answer is too. I am 29, 5'4". My highest weight was 220 - I have been working on maintaining 125 since this June. My family was okay with my weight loss for a while - til I hit about 170. After that it has all been comments about how I've lost too much weight, and constant, constant comments about what I'm eating - and it's never enough. Most of this comes from my mother, with a few comments peppered in by my father, and sideways glances from my sister when I refuse food.

I have to keep telling myself not to listen. (It's teaching me self-discipline and stressing me out at the same time). I've also talked to my mother several times about how damaging her words have been to me (and not helpful as she somehow imagines her commentary is). I don't have an Eating Disorder, I have made a lifestyle change. She tells me she just isn't used to me looking like this, or having these eating habits (yeah, because I grew up in her 'we-love-food-laissez-faire' house). Honestly I wish I didn't have to see her so often because I wouldn't be hearing these comments, and it would save me a lot of stress. She's like the voice of an ED I don't have. It stresses me out because I don't want to develop an ED because I start believing the things she says.

Anyway, I'm interested to know if anyone who's maybe been in this situation before and has kept the weight off has noticed a dropoff in this type of commentary after the "newness" of the weight loss has worn off... please say it does! And thanks for posting Suki, glad to know I'm not alone.

Original Post by sukibahsoun:

Cellotlhicks - They're very reasonable.  My goal is to lose a total of 83 lbs (currently I have lost 35), I started in May and am giving myself until January of 2011 (though I'd LOVE to have it all off by October of next year).  It's around a pound per week goal.  Sometimes I lose a little more, sometimes I lose less.  Nothing excessive though.  So I do hope they shut up soon. :)

Smwhipple - I feel like I'm losing at a steady pace.  I've lost 35 lbs so far since May, and my loss has slowed down from around 2 lbs a week to .5 lbs a week this month.  I'm honestly not sure how fast you're supposed to drop dress sizes, but I started at an 18 and am currently in 14's that are getting too large for me.

wow...you sound so similar to my own story here @ CC...

I started out in June, needed to lose 95 lbs, have lost 33 so far & will be @ my goal about Jan, 2011, also. I was wearing size 22T jeans, now am in 20T; also was wearing size 2X in tops, and just today I got a top that is merely a LARGE!!! no X's in there at all, lol...mostly I still wear 1X, but even those are getting too loose. (I bought the L just out of curiosity, and it fits!)

Unlike you, however, I have received nothing but positive feedback from my husband, the kids ~ & of course, my sisters, who noticed after not seeing me for a couple of months at a time. I don't think anyone worries about me becoming anorexic or bulimic, but I am also quite a bit older than you are, so there is no danger of my developing an unhealthy body image at this point in my life.

From what you say, it sounds like you are losing at a healthy rate, darned near perfect, actually ~ so I wouldn't put too much stock into what others say. But I would maybe try to relieve Mom's mind, at any rate. She only worries because she loves you as her daughter & doesn't want to see you get into trouble. Perhaps if she just talks to the doctor over the phone? or maybe she can wait for him in his office? At least then she could sleep nights...

Silversabriel - I'm glad to know I'm not alone either!!  And as well, I am interested as to when these comments generally start taking flight.  It would be nice to just hear compliments and not comments of concern that are unneccessary.

Whitewave - I do receive positive feedback, it's just rather frustrating when I hear concerns of an ED.  I've been thinking about it today, and my guess as to why it's actually upsetting me is because it feels as though they are not validating my efforts.  I know this is not the case, but it's almost as though they're saying "You would have to get an ED and not eat in order to lose weight.  You can't do this on your own."  I know how absolutely stupid that is, but I can't help the way my warped little brain thinks.

Original Post by sukibahsoun:

Original Post by tealparadise:

For friends I'd just say "Well my doctor agrees...."  blah blah blah.  And go to your doctor ASAP to get him to really agree, and maybe ask him to talk to your mom.

 Unfortunately, I do not have insurance and am flat broke, so for the time being this is not possible.  Plus I'm 23, haven't had my mom in my doctor's office since I was 16. :)

I'm hoping to SOMEDAY!!! have insurance, I already have visits planned out.  Chiropractor, dentist, and probably most importantly a nutritionist.  Those are my first stops!

 That technique is called "appeal to authority." It doesn't have to be a doctor. You can use a magazine article ("Better Health magazine said..."), a TV documentary, newspaper article, or anything else.

Instead of your mother and you debating, it becomes your mother and the "authority" debating. That puts your mother in the position of having to explain why she knows more than an expert in the field. At which point the conversation is no longer about your weight, but your mother (subject has been changed and move on.)

While I'm thinking about it, I've noticed a number of threads about people with similar issues. I'd like to suggest a book:

"The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense" by Suzzette Haden Elgin

It's an older book that can be found for peanuts on Amazon (literally for 1 cent.) It goes over ways people verbally bully or abuse others and gives some good ways on how to handle them.  Below is one of the Amazon reviews:

"There are certain members of my family whom I always wanted to avoid. I was not wrong, they are difficult to get along with, but that never made me feel better about myself.

It was an eye-opener to discover that with some few little pointers I could learn to get through a telephone conversation or even a dinner without feeling put-down and without getting successfully baited into a disagreement. And I have had to learn to not expect to feel only two inches tall with some of them!
The best part of her technique is learning to handle the attack without attacking back. Not having to resort to being mean, and not having to participate in any arguments at all. It was so simple that I almost feel stupid for not having been able to figure it out on my own. Now I'm only kind of mad that there are people against whom I might need to defend myself, but it sure helps to know how to do it.

The other great part is that I learned that I also indulged in a little verbal attacking, as well, though, because I had learned it in my family, I did not recognize it as such. After the initial horror at myself I am pleased that I no longer need to do that.

This book may not be needed by everyone, but if you can't understand why you always feel put down or angry around certain people this book will almost definitely help."

Original Post by sukibahsoun:

Anyone else have this issue?  I mean, not with US mistaking it, but the people surrounding us.  For example, when I decline food, I will often hear comments about how I shouldn't become "anorexic to lose weight" and other ED geared comments.

I choose what I eat, when I eat, and how much I eat, so I do not want to change my eating habits for other people just because they're uncomfortable that I'm not hungry.  Anyone else deal with this?  What are some good methods of dealing with people who make these kind of comments?

yes i've been told I have an ED by people on here many times because I just simply could not binge eat 2 days in a row, or because i am actually careful of my calorie counts.

it's ridiculous.

I would say just hang in there, and realize that it's probably coming from their own weight loss struggles and just try to make them realize that they can talk to you and you can have a supportive relationship instead of a hateful one.

I lost 140 pounds over the course of about 16 months or so and I heard this too.  I had three standard tactics:

1. Tell them my current weight and BMI - this is shocking because NO ONE wants to say what their weight is. 

2. Blind them with science, 'cause you know, when you're tracking calories and you know what your macros are and you've learned a lot about nutrition and all, it's easy to start droning on and on, until their eyeballs roll back into their head. 

3. Appeal to the "higher authority" as mentioned above, as in "doctor's orders!"