My mom keeps calling me fat.. I don't know what to say to her.

So I have soccer 3-4 times a week(competitive), on days that I don't have soccer I jog 5km and do weight training.  I also walk for about an hour a day ontop of that and I have the highest fitness results.  But I ate way to little for 2 years (1200 calories) and as soon as I ate a bit more I suddenly gained from 110 to 123 from december (I'm 5'3) but I realized about staravtion mode an having to eat about 2000 calories when your active, I'm trying to fix my metabolism FIRST and then lose the weight (Healthy first?)

So right now my metabolism is a bit better.. I'm maintaining 123lbs on 1500 cals but thats still low for my activity level. ANYWAYS my mom makes comments about me everyday about how I gained weight, I shouldn't be eating this/that, how i shouldn't wear shorts cuz it looks bad cuz my thighs got bigger (even though they're all muscle). 

 Its just so annoying because she's skinny (same height, 110 lbs.. we were the same before) and doesn't understand ANYTHING about nutrition.  Like I eat a small snack after exercisng and she'll just put me down and say that I shouldn't be eating anything and thats why I'm not losing any weight, etc.  Or she'll make comments on how my clothes don't look good because I have chunks of more fat.  And I try to explain to her about not eating enough so i'm trying to fix my metabolism an she just laughs because she's like 'yeah. thats why you gained weight' 

And the MOST annoying thing was that I was shopping with her (grocery) and she was like looking at ice cream and she was like 'its too bad we can't buy that cuz you cant eat it, but i can"  I try to not let it get t me but its starting to be the comments in my head whenever I put anything into my mouth.  If I didn't understand healthy eating she probably would have driven me into anorexia so ong ago....

its just that its EVERYDAY and it gets so annoying cuz she should be helping me fix my body etc... what should I say to her? I've tried everything -__-

First off, you are NOT fat.  Your mom is crazy if she thinks that.  You have a perfectly healthy BMI of 21.8.  (I'm the same height as you and I'm 124.)  And you are active, so obviously you have a lot of muscle -- which is healthy and good!

I'm sorry that your mom makes mean comments.  My mom is overweight, and the two of us support each other to be healthy and we workout together, go on walks together and share healthy snacks.  She is really supportive and tells me that I look great.  (Unfortunately she always said this, even when I was 135, so I don't trust her comments lol.)

Have you tried talking to your mom about how her comments hurt you?  (Offer specific examples, like the ice cream story.)  Tell her that you just want to be healthy, and that your weight and body are your own and you will handle them yourself.   Ask her to refrain from making negative comments and perhaps replace them with supportive ones.  Also, maybe you could offer her suggestions of how she could be more helpful -- such as maybe you two could cook together or take an exercise or nutrition class together.

Every body is different and just because she is 110 pounds doesn't mean that you should be.

You are at a completely healthy weight! Please do not let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm also sure you look fantastic because of how active you are!

Have you talked to her about this? Maybe she doesn't realize how much her words can hurt? Maybe you should go jog and show her how much you actually exercise, and that your 'weight' gain is muscle. If she knew first hand how hard you worked maybe she would actually think before she spoke?

Good luck with the metabolism thing, too. I can completely relate on that note.

whoa, i'm so glad you have a level head about this and that you understand what it means to eat healthy. i have just one thing to say to you: you are not fat, you are healthy, and don't let your mom's insecurities affect your body image.

As a mom myself to 3 teanagers, i would never say anything like that to my children, because it's hurtful, your mom i guess doesn't know what you are going thru because she doesn't have the problem,  I would explain how you feel to her. At 123 and 5'3 you are NOT FAT as with any athlete you will have more muscle and muscle weighs more that fat, so i don't think you are fat you just have more muscle where as she probably doesn't have as much muscle. It's hard when people can't just keep there comments to them selfs.you know the saying if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all. If anything ask her to keep her comments to herself because she is going to give you a complex and it's not helpful to be hurtful. You didn't state how old you are so i'm not sure what you can get away with saying. comments like that usually make people so unhappy they just go ahead and eat more because it makes them feel worthless. Ask her to please respect you and help you thru this time..

oh jessie, this makes me so sad.

moms are people, not just 'moms'; and there are imbalanced, jealous people in the world. its terrible to think a mother can be jealous of her own healthy, slim,vibrant young daughter, but many moms are. Just accept your mom has obviously her own issues with Herself and her life, and it is nothing to do with you; she is making these comments to make herself feel superior.

i think you are beautiful, fantastically mature and balanced; well done you for having such tremendous selfstrength to remain healthy and not let her create an eating disorder in you. Many young girls would not be able to see that they are indeed perfect as they are, when their motheris being so hurtful. my father called me a fatass when i was about 13, i will always remember it. my mother also made a passing comment to me about losing weight from my thighs when she was helping me in a changing room when i was about 10. I was so upset, and unsurprisingly, suffered from a near-fatal case of anorexia from ages 14-18.

stay healthy; you are a Perfect weight, wonderfully active and eat well. this will serve you for the rest of your life. If your mother makes another twisted abhorrent comment to you, look her square in the eye and tell her you know you are not fat, have a lifestyle that permits you to have whatever foods and treats you want, and that as a mother she should know better than to belittle you and damage your confidence for no reason, simply because she is obviously unhappy herself.

good luck, you are a very admirable, strong, smart and mature young lady!

If you're looking to have something to say to her, I would remind her that you likely have more muscle than her (which obviously weighs more than fat). Ask her if she honestly believes her criticism is constructive.  By the way, did her mom do this to her? 

I have some other choice comments but I don't want to be a bad influence.  In my opinion, this is extremely unhealthy behavior for a parent to exhibit in front of their child.  I'm sure she's great in other ways, but no offense, this isn't one of them. If you start to feel guilty eating in front of her, I'd hate for you to start "hiding" when you eat "guilty pleasure" snacks.  It's a horrible way to live, trust me.

Focus on how healthy you are, maintain body fat, and stay active.  I had a couple guys pick on me when I was your size and weight and if I could go back in time, I'd give them a piece of my mind. 

Keep your chin up and try to find other friends (young or adult) who are a good influence like a coach or soccer buddy. 

WOW THAT'S ANNOYING! I am impressed that you haven't slapped her yet! What mother in their right mind would call their daughter fat like that and then rub it in their face that they cannot eat certain foods! How ridiculous! I am so sorry you have to go through this! If I were you, I'd try and keep myself occupied with other things (good thing you have soccer) and try to focus on positive things. You are being healthy and trying to "fix" your metabolism before doing anything... You need to have a sit down chat with your mother and lay it all out on the table - your feelings that is! 

I'm sorry that you don't have the support that you need from your mother.  It sounds like your mother is being extreme vain and immature about this (telling you that she's so thin and you are not).  You need to talk to her about how you feel and if she can't be supportive of healthy choices for you, which sometimes include ice cream (gasp!) than the topic of your weight and health is something that you will deal with alone or with someone else, and she isn't welcome to comment.  

Is there anyone else you can talk to about this?  Dad, grandparent, sibling?  That may help if someone can support you when you approach her about this, so that things don't get out of hand (like a big screaming match or you getting too flustered to explain how you feel).

Good luck, and it sounds like you are NOT fat and doing a great job trying to be healthy, so keep it up.

I don't think you can change how your mom views you.   But you might make her keep her comments to herself.  Print out a BMI chart for your age group and post it on the fridge.  Circle your BMI.  Don't say a word.  if she asks you about it she will want to know if that is your goal.  Don't get emotional just say matter of factly "no, that is where I am now".  I think if you show her evidence that she can not refute then she will be a little less critical.  Maybe only because she will see how wrong her comments are - but she will get the hint. 

Will you have a sports physical this fall?  Talk to your doctor about your concerns.  Ask him / her to say a supportive comment on your health and weight.  Something like "your daughter is very healthy.  She has a good amount of muscle".

Honestly, your mom already knows these things.  I think she might be suffering a pang of jealousy.  As you reach your prime, her prime is declining in her eyes.  My own mom was this way.  When I was in my 20's I was very fit.  I climbed mountains and could hike 20 miles and not even feel tired.  But according to my mother I was "sedentary" and needed "exercise"!!  LOL

Now - after all of that there is one last thing you can do - maybe it is the first thing to try.  Develop a sense of humor.  Realize that her comments are absurd and see them as such.  When she makes a comment about how fat you are - laugh to yourself if you can't say anything witty.  Be confident.  Don't waste time chasing your mother's approval.  She probably won't find a reason to give it.  But you really don't need it if you see yourself as the healthy and beautiful.

sounds like she's projecting her own insecurities onto you. people who have low self esteem often cut other people down so they can stand taller.

mother of the year!

Feel free to print out this thread ...

From one mother to another

GROW UP!

Just keep doing what you're doing hun, you have the level head here.

Unfortunately the problem goes well beyond her just calling you fat.  Main thing to keep in mind is that you cannot change other people or their behaviors.  You can only choose how you'll react and how you'll behave.

You have control of you.  That is the important thing.  It's natural to want our parents to love us and accept us for who we are, but that may not always be possible.  After all, parents (and children) are people too.  We all have our quirks.

Focus on what you tell yourself, not what others tell you about yourself.  You'll be much happier in life in the long run.

First let me start with this. I'm a man, so my opinion my be skewed and at the very least I may not be able to relate properly. However...

You're not fat, and I wouldn't let your mother's comments sink in too much. It can be dangerous. That being said, it's your Mom so you're always going to take her comments a little more to heart then others, I realize that. But I agree with a few comments above, I think your Mother may have self esteem issues of her own and she's expressing them outwardly on you. It happens all the time.

I wanted to share with you something. My wife is beautiful but not skinny. She's fat right now, but that's because she's pregnant so what can we do. But normally she's a little heavier then she's supposed to be. But honestly not only is she healthy, she looks good to men. I have some friends who's wifes are skinnier then she is, but they don't look good. They're boney and lack muscle definition. When you look at their legs they're like bean poles and have no shape to them. I look at supermodels and most of them are gross, there are a few that are shapely and I admire their courage to stay in modeling. But there's a good many of them that... well yuck...

Anyway as many have said above, body weight doesn't equal fat. Muscle is heavier. You can look better then your Mom and be heavier. Also remember there are certain times a month you shouldn't even go near a scale :)

Good luck, enjoy life, find affirming friends and hang with them a lot.

The issue is your mothers and not yours. I don't feel qualified to offer advice on what to say to her but I'd like to let you know that you're not alone.

My girlfriend is naturally very thin and her overweight mother is always either commenting on how anorexic she is or telling her that she's getting fat. No rational discussions/arguments have ever helped and I think my girlfriend has given up trying to please her or get her to understand. Whilst some people can change unfortunately most don't and some people can never be pleased.

Your mother has problems that your physique, size and health cannot fix. Your best bet is to just focus on your own health and when your mother is being frustrating perhaps just try to let the conversation go, remember it's her problem not yours and either think some nice thoughts or think about the parts of your Mum that you like.

That's awful. :( You are obviously not fat, and I agree with others that it's probably your mum's insecurities showing themselves as nasty comments to you. When I was younger, mum used to comment on how bad my skin was (actually, she still does it now and I'm 25!); OK, I have never had perfect skin but I also never had anything as bad as acne, and telling me I had bad skin didn't help. I went down the wrong road and used to make nasty comments back- I'm just mentioning this because I think it's the wrong way to go. She'd get mad, then I'd get mad, and we lost many days of not speaking to each other because of it.

Try and be positive with her. When she puts you down, explain that you're in control of your body and you're doing things your way- she should be proud of you! Maybe she has some body issues of her own that she's taking out on you. With the ice cream thing, how about you say that she's welcome to buy it if she wants to eat it- you know that eating ice cream will intefere with your plans, and you're a strong enough person to resist it? Maybe point out some female athletes who, like yourself, have a more muscular physique? They look far, far better IMHO than skinny models.

Good luck, and try not to let her negativity get you off the right track.

First things first .... YOU ARE NOT FAT ... at all ... and well ... some mums dont know what to say when and how.. i guess.... its very insensitive of her to say you are fat ((especially when you are not!! )) dont let it get to you. If talking to her about this doesnt work... try thinking of something else ((sing a song in your head ... or something like that )) till she finishes... thereby you are really not sure of what she said... 

My mum keeps calling me fat too ( am 5 7" and weigh 137 ) and I'm not fat either... and she keeps telling me if I dont do something about it now... I'll end up morbidly obese (and to top it off my dad pitches in too.... calling me fat names instead of nick name !! and yeah ... when I wear shorts they keep pointing out that my thighs are bigger than what they were 2 years ago ... and honestly they arent that huge ... as a matter of fact my inner thighs dont touch !!!) and its a good thing that I (and you ) have a clear head and can see that we aren't fat (if we did let it get to us ... we would be on our way to anorexia and bulimia ) and as long as I am active ((even if its for 30 mins a day )) I feel good about myself ...

Just wanted to congratulate you for being such a mature, sound person - especially as opposed to your mother. You seem like a you have a very healthy active lifestyle and props to you for deciding to eat more. The slight initial gain will definitely level off in the long run. You are perfectly right about what is good for you and what is not, and I admire you for not letting your mother`s insecure petty comments bring you down. IMHO she sounds like a skinny woman who has never had curves and therefore is envious of her daughter`s much more appealing body shape.

ETA: I only now realised you were Asian. As far as I know, your culture puts much more pressure on body image; perhaps this mentality is indeed what your mother was raised on, and the same comments have been passed on from one generation of women in your family to the next. The good news is that you have what it takes to break this ill, vicious cycle. :)

I am very sorry that you hear this at home. I have never been over weight (neither are you!), but my mom (who is, but not a lot) always made comments to me about "watch what you eat!" and "better stay active!" I am so glad you acknowledge that she is wrong. Please remember that in the future so that you don't fall into any bad habits.

That being said, I am really not sure what you can say. Maybe mention that you are trying to eat healthy? Find recipes online that are healthy just for "something new" to try at home? I'm not sure if you could effectively do that without upsetting her, that's kind of up to you to feel out for yourself.