Mom Says: "you are rounder..."

I'm 5'4. I'm 128 pounds. I'm a pear-shaped 30-year old.

My lack of consistent work-outs mean that most of those pounds are fat, not muscle. And it shows (a.k.a. jiggles). I'm very self conscious about it, especially when I go back to see the family.

This weekend, I was informed by my mother that I'm "rounder". But in fact, I've LOST weight since she last saw me.

Needless to say, the last few days left me feeling like resorting to an old eating disorder to fend off the "roundness".

How do you get over comments like that?? Or should I just use it as motivation at the gym?

I'm sorry that what she said made you feel like it did.  I know that hurtful things from people who are close to us can really resonate. 

Maybe she is noticing your curves a bit more, in a good way, and has trouble expressing that to you, so resorts to a more cutting way of saying it.  After all, it is how you feel about your body that matters, not what others have to say about it. Easier said than done, I know.

Have you shared with her how you are going about it the healthy way now?  Maybe if you open up to her a bit about how you're working towards a healthier lifestyle, it will open up the lines of communication and she will feel more comfortable expressing things to you.

Does she lead a healthy lifestyle?  I've encountered that, as well, from people who don't eat right who claim that my way of life, ie eating right and working out, isn't working and that I look the same... just to convince themselves that changing their own lifestyle wouldn't change the way they look or feel.  Maybe a bit of jealousy?

Our mothers are our mothers, but they are just people, as well. 

Think about when you have said something hurtful or judgemental to someone.  Were you saying it because you really meant it and wanted to hurt the person?  Probably not... you were probably feeling insecure about something or embarrassed, etc.  I know that is what I have found for myself, at least.

Hope my rant helps even a little.  Just know that you are beautiful and there is no one like you in the world. Embrace the parts of you that you love and that you find perfect, even if you're not used to admitting it.  Focus on the good and work on the bad.

<3

Moms can be hurtful. But don't resort to any "old eating disorders". You are on the right track and even if mom hasn't noticed you know your doing whats best for you. Sometimes people we love do just say hurtful things not even thinking about it.  A few years ago after I had my daughter I started weight watchers and I was told by many members of my family that it wouldn't help and that I should just get used to the bigger size. Then when I finally lost all the weight plus 30 lbs, the same person had the nerve to ask me if I was taking diet pills. This is one of the most important people in my life, but I know that because of her lifestyle she didn't want to believe that it could be possible for someone to lose that much weight. Keep up your hard work and it will pay off in the end.

I would use it as motivation to continue on your hard work of getting healthy.  I am very lucky that my mom is usually very supportive of me, but my husband's mom can be quite cruel to both my husband and me.  When she saw my husband and I at Christmas Eve at our place, she said, "Oh my, both of you are getting fat."  Then she makes lots of high cal food the next day, all of the things that she knows are my favourites and complains in front of my parents that I am not eating enough.  Argh.  Moms can be cruel when they don't mean to be.  You have to realise that she probably didn't mean it to be mean and is just worried about you as mothers tend to be about their children.  It doesn't always look like you have lost weight when you aren't that heavy.  A lot of people didn't really notice until I was halfway to my goal, 4 kg (about 9 lbs) and that is might be the case for you.  But after you do lose that be of weight, it is really worth it because you realise that you not only look better, but you feel better (less tired, etc.). 

Go on with your goal in a healthy way, it is about make yourself better.  I agree with the others the comments maybe to due to jealousy.  It is hard to make the life choice to improve your health and those that don't want to can be very critical. 

That is exactly how tall I am and exactly how much I weigh.  I am ten years younger than you.  I'd say you are an awesome weight and you are in no way, shape, or form ROUND.  If you want to tone up, use the harsh words as motivation to go to the gym, not to start eating less.  I'm sure your mother didn't exactly realize what she was saying when she said it and I'm sure she probably felt extremely embarassed/upset after she said it.  I'm sure you are beautiful and please do not resort to an eating disorder!

This might be irreverent, but it happened to me, so I wanted to share it:

I used to stay next door to a Congolese couple. Congolese men love fat women, and my neighbour always used to compliment me when I put on weight! One time, though, I'd actually got thinner. He said, "ah, you are getting nice and fat." I said, "actually, I've LOST weight this time." "Yes, Pierre," said his girlfriend, "she was fatter before." It was so absurd and against all Western etiquette, all I could think to do was to laugh. What made it even funnier was that our Chinese neighbour was super-embarrassed about it and trying desperately to deflect the misdirected compliment. Since my BMI is perfectly healthy (as is yours), I just took it as a compliment that he thought I looked good.

When I visit my family, I have one or two outfits that always make me look and feel good. I stick to those until they've got used to my being there and stopped checking me out.