My mom threatened to put a padlock on the fridge! :(

My mom treats me like sh**. She felt it neccessary to point out to me that I haven't been dieting recently and I've been putting on weight (We are talking about a grand total of 4 lbs.). She complained that she doesnt want to buy a whole new wardrobe for me in the size up so unless I get my act together...she will lock the fridge so that I don't have access to it on my own. 

First off- I am not obese. I have not been binging out of control. According to this site I am 36 lbs overweight. Fat, yes. But not padlock-fat. I took a break and ate things I normally dont eat- but I was not eating uncontrollably.

Alot of what upset me was that my mom is trying to control the choices I make. I am an adult and I make my own decisions. Why does she think tthat she needs to control every aspect of my life like this?

I feel so upset and hurt.
I need my mother's support in this journey. She thinks she is supporting me. She honostly believes that a lock on the fridge would be encouraging, helpful. But I need to know that she loves me no matter what I look like. And sometimes I am not sure.

ouch. You know shes just trying to take care of you, right? In the worst possible way, maybe. My parents weren't quite so rude about it but I hated how every time we talked it always led to telling me I should lose weight. And you know what their help did? Made me angry and I turned to food in retaliation and gained a whole lot more.

I think its time to talk to your mom about how very upset her comments make you. But, you may also want to confront her by saying you'll agree to try to be nutrition concious and active, only if she butts out and lets you do it yourself.

sarah- my mom does know how this makes me feel. Im usually preety open- and i got really upset w/ her when she said this, tried talking to her about it but she thinks she is totally justified. my mom has a an  ed herself. i think that is where alot o fthis coms from, but i suffer from it. also, i usually am conscious of nutrition and i try to excersize 6 days a week.

She was probably making an empty threat to shock you as "motivation" because she thinks you need it. Family members are weird like that. She may say she really means it but she probably doesn't.
Just don't let this cause you to lose your cool with your eating. Continue eating and exercising to stay healthy.

That's terrible. Your mother should not do that. I learned a long time ago NOT to discuss my weight or how I feel about it, with my mother. Unfortunately, she doesn't know how to be supportive, though I've begged and pleaded. It's very upsetting, but there's not much you can do about it when you ASK and they still don't do it.

So, I'm wondering, did your mom just flat out tell you this WITHOUT knowing that you wanted to lose weight? Or she DID know? I would keep her OUT of it, because she's not going to change. It will save you the heartache. You're right -- you're an adult and don't need that kind of action taken. Besides padlocking the fridge isn't going to teach you the proper way to eat.

I agree with alayney.  Keep your mother out of it (difficult if you live at home).  To even suggest locking the refrigerator sounds cold and heartless to me.   

my mom absolutely know sthat i am trying to lose weight and that i have been dieting. i have been dieting and going to the gym for al ong time. i try not to involvr her, but it cant really be done. she always consideres herself "involved". this fridge remark was nit instigated by a remark from me. i came downstairs in the morning and i she thought my shirt looked too small on me- and so she wanted to do something about it.

no, i dont think that she ever actually WILL put a padlock on t he fridge, it was really like tuffghost said more to shock me. but i dint need the shock! and it really hurt!

You know, I feel for you. I really do...because my mother is alot like that. My mom has threatened to lock my fridge too. She seems to think that being rude and pinching my fat and just being all around unsupportive is somewhat supportive. It makes zero sense. I wish I could give you some advice on what to do, but i'm in the same boat.

If you need to talk though, you can always talk to me.

I'd beat her to the punch and put a padlock on it myself so she can't get into the fridge...so SHE can see how that feels....haha :)

No...probably wouldn't be a good idea to do that...just thought it was funny.

I know how you feel.  Even though I left home long ago, my parents still have that affect on me.  Everyone in my family is overweight, we grew up in a donut shop!  I'm not kidding, that was the family business.  Anyway, they are always trying to get me to buy diet stuff so you think they would be supportive.  No, my Dad is always making remarks about my weight.  My favorite remark it "buffalo butt", that's really helpful. 
I don't think they understand how hurtful that is and I have learned to rely more on my friends for support.

hey, my heart breaks for you.  i am not sure what it is about the relationship between a mom and a daughter that is so difficult with weight, hair just appearance.  you are so not alone in this.  in different degrees i think many, many daughters can relate.  for me it is most a hair & clothes issue with my mom (her mom's mom bugged her about weight so she knows not to say anything about that), we just have different views and she doesn't like what i chose.  some how mom's feel like they can say things so harsh that others know is just hurtful.  they want to help, i am convinced.. but it doesn't change that heart that i think we all have to want to be loved no matter what byour parents.  it hurts so.. much when they point out what they think are faults in us.  my advice.. you can love her, even when you don't feel like it, don't get bitter with her, it will only hurt you.  if you have told her (sounds like you have) then you can't change her.. just keeping going what you know is right. 

That pisses me off!!!

What good does she think she's doing?  That would just make we want to eat more to spite her, that's just me, though!

Tell her what's up.  That she's not helping you, and only making you feel worse.  She's supposed to encourage you not bash you. 

Seriously, I hate it when people have stories like this.  If/when I have kids and if they're overweight, I'm going to help them, not make them feel worse about themselves.

This makes me laugh....my dad did the same thing when I was in high school.  He didn't want his daughters to become fat and obese like his sister and mom.  It didn't really make me upset and the thought that he must love me even if I'm fat never crossed my mind.  Of course he loved me, he was only trying to do what's best for us....duh.

Oh...and if you're an adult and don't like your mom's rules, why don't you move out? 

Seems to me that if a parent were really wanting to help their child get or stay healthy, that education on how to do that would be the better way instead of threatening control tactics. 

They can ?t be the food nanny forever ? and it?s not like they can follow their kids around the rest of their lives or install automatic feeders like they?re gerbils.  If kids are educated on how to get and stay healthy, it will last forever and be much more effective. 

My advice:  Tell your mother that want you take charge of what you?re eating.  If she doesn?t think you?re capable of making good decisions, then suggest getting professional advice and education, like from a nutritionist, on how to make good choices for life on your own. 

If she has an ED & you're a little overweight... I think it would be great if you would go to a nutritionist together.  You can both get a handle on things that way, & she would better know how to support you if she actually understands how you should be eating.

Would she go for that?

It sounds like your mother should worry less about your access to the fridge and more about what its stocked with. ANd it does sound like she has an eating disorder, which she is projecting onto you. That's not fair. Good luck, and don't let her control you--it's your life!!

I found out that throwing a fork into the air right before dinner time does the trick... My mother was discouraging me to eat because I was too big, when I basically screamed at her and made the biggest scene by throwing my fork (pretty dangerous now that I think about it). It was a horrible way to handle it. I actually didn't live at home, it was during one of my visits from college (I was a sophmore). I think it was the first time I really made my point. I started to doubt if she really cared about me too. I thought she was kind of ashamed of me cause I was about 50 lbs bigger at the time. It took me a long time to put her pressure on me behind me. I needed to do certain things for myself, not for her or anyone else... Now, almost 2 years later I know that she regrets the way she treated me. I hope my experience could help you a bit. You're one step ahead of me by reaching out for help. Good work! We're all here to support you.

thank you everybody for your support. it gets very difficult sometimes, living at home, and it is so nice to have  aplace to vent it all. leaving home is not an option right now. i have been away in school for the past three years, bu ti just recently moved back in b/c of various health problems. anyway, i am trying to adjust to living w/ my parents agin after being om my own for so long.

well, MY mom tries to force me to eat fatty/unhealthy things because she thinks I have an eating disorder and tells me I'm going to end up anorexic and all of this. ahem, 110 pounds/5'4"/age 15 is NOT anorexic, thankyouverymuch.

living with mom can be hard, especially when they try to control the kitchen.  maybe a quiet heart to heart about it?