My moms anorexic. HELP!

i just wanted to get some advice. i am a highschool student and gymnast. my mom is 5'4" and i think less than 95 pounds or atleast it looks like it. shes very controling over food and weight of my sisters who are not over weight at all. she wont let us into the frig or the pantry without questioning us. she hides "her food" but doesnt eat it. im really scared shes really hurting herself. she exercise for like and hour and half everyday just doing cardio. she never eats with us and sometimes she snacks on my little brothers food but she always eats standing up. i never see her eat and when she does its either snacks like a little bit of cereal or some vegetables.  i talk to my dad about it and he says hes tried everything and there is nothing else he can do because he cant make her things she doesnt want to. he says she blames it on stress but she has no stress in her life well no more than anyone else. i cant talk to her anymore because i cant respect her when shes hurting herself. shes really affecting our whole family. if i mention her eating habits she just rolls her eyes and makes me feel rude. i dont know what to do.

Thats a really hard situation. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I don't really have much advice. I guess if it were me I'd try harder to convince Dad to talk to her. Maybe even try to convince the family to get together and attempt a sort of intervention. But, all families are different -- this is just what I'd do if it were mine.

i think you are right about your mom ryann, and she needs help. i understand why you're frustrated and feel like you can't respect her, but try to remember that she is sick and it really isn't a choice that she is making. it's just like somebody who's depressed can't just snap out of it and be happy, even though it seems like they should be able to.  

is there anyone else you can talk to about this in your family? maybe an aunt/uncle or grandparents? maybe a counselor at school?

Instead of trying to get your dad to talk to her why dont you ? She might listen more to her kids. Or go find a bunch of pages about eating disoders, print them out, write your mom a letter telling her how considered and upset shes making you, stick the letter and facts in an envople and give it to her to read privatey or put it on her pillow. Hope everything works out

im scared of how she will react. we already are getting a bad relationship because of this but i dont think she understands that my attitude comes from her issues. i dont want to hurt her but i know that im hurting her by not telling her. this is really hard. i shouldnt have to deal with this im only 14.

Oh my god. I was reading your message and nearly cried out!If only I were with you and could help you somehow! The situation is really hard. You mother is a matured woman, a parent of 3 kids. In her life her children should be on the first level and after that her appearance and herself. In my opinion, her habits are a bit selfishly done. Of course she is a woman and women never should forget them selfs, but com' on, restricting a food to  children, who are still in the proses of developing?? That's too rude. And I can understand you so much! You do want to help her and everything is useless. I used to an Anorexic one, my mother tried her best to make me eat a bit per day. But no good. And until I hadn't realized what I was doing to myself, I didn't start to eat as a normal person. That's horrible when you see how your dearest and the nearest person slowly flows away from you, from you advices and thoughts!

From my point of view, you should talk to her. You should show your strength to her, she should see that you are already grown up,that you can see her mistakes and that you are more important than that f**kin' Anorexia. Talk you her, dare and talk to her. Maybe she'll listen to her child. If it doesn't work than you should talk to her parents (your grannies). At last you and your father should make up your mind and should call to a doc,MAYBE.

I apologize if here's not written that you wanted to hear from me, but that's my own opinion and thoughts and advices from me. And choice  is up to you. Anyway I wish you good luck and god bless you and your family!

P.s.: I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

Kisses...

Ultimately, your mother is an adult and she's allowed to be as unhealthy or as healthy as she sees fit.   Adults smoke, drink, get overweight... it's all voluntary. There's obviously a problem, because your father knows there is.  However, the worst thing you can do is nag or make a big issue out of it.

BTW It's a good parent that doesn't let children eat food whenever they feel like it but keeps to regular mealtimes.   You shouldn't have 24/7 unfettered access to the fridge and pantry and you should always ask permission first.   Kids that constantly graze do tend to end up with problems.

So don't be too tough on your mother.  Nobody is perfect and I'm sure she's doing her best.  She does have issues about food but making a fuss about it really won't help her or improve your relationship.   

No, this is ridiculous. Adults may be perfectly allowed to kill themselves but not harm their children, even mentally. Don't give up hope ryann. I know that it isn't fair for you to have to deal with this at 14. You will have to find the strength to do it anyway. Keep reaching out, please...I agree that you could talk to your school counselor. You could also talk to your family doctor. If it would be easier, you could call up their office and ask if he/she can be given a message, and then tell it over the phone.

Meanwhile tell your dad that your mother isn't making a "choice" to do this.. she needs serious help. I liked the idea about printing out an anorexia facts sheet. Ask him to sit down with you for real and talk about it. Just say "Dad, can I talk to you for a minute? In private." when he isn't busy. Good luck..

^^^

Hey, mother is a person who should take care of children. She shouldn't foget her children ! At first, she is suffering from Anorexia and she would probably be thinking that eating is awful and that people don't need to eat anything. That's what is called Anorexia/nervosa. As ryann93 said she is hiding food from her children, she is not eating food and she even keeps it,a s I remember. Do you think that it's a normal one? I think here are broken some children rights... In my opinion, problem  should be cleared and at last she should start thinking more about her children and less about calories.

Father, also, should do something. As a normal person, as a loving husband, he should give her some advices and he should tell her that it's not a good example for their children.

 

So if a kid has a morbidly obese parent they should tell the school counsellor?  A smoking parent?  A parent that drinks alcohol?  ....

The woman hides 'her food' ... not the kids' food BTW.  Hiding the children's food would be child abuse.  Hiding her own food is just odd behaviour.

gi-jane if this woman is anorexic and has three daughters, two of which she is trying to control their weight this is a serious problem. I have a sister who is anorexic, and it effected the entire family, especially my younger sister who was at a very impressionable age.

ryann93 I am with everyone who says keep trying to reach out to her. It's really hard living with someone with this disease, but I'm glad I never gave up on my sister.

Original Post by gi-jane:

So if a kid has a morbidly obese parent they should tell the school counsellor? A smoking parent? A parent that drinks alcohol? ....

The woman hides 'her food' ... not the kids' food BTW. Hiding the children's food would be child abuse. Hiding her own food is just odd behaviour.

Read the post better. She sometimes doesn't let the kids go to the fridge even though they're healthy weights.

The kid of a morbidly obese parent does not need to tell the school counselor just as the kid of an underweight parent doesn't need to tell. But if the morbidly obese parent has severe BED and is thrusting those habits onto the kids, then yes they do.

ryann i'm so sorry you have to deal with this. i feel for you and your mother.

I know it's frustrating because you are mad at your mom for hiding food from you guys which is absolutely wrong. but it is one of the symptoms of her illness. control is a big issue with people with anorexia. they try to control others to make up for a lack of control that they FEEL they have. anorexia takes over your life 100%. you become a different person.

the idea of printing out a symptoms of anorexia sheet and going over it with your dad that someone suggested is a good idea. the problem is she is most likely not aware that she has anorexia. it's like substance abuse. the first step is admitting you have a problem. the sooner you can get your mother help, the sooner she can be on a road to recovery. you might just need to have your whole family (including your grandparents )sit down and intervene.

God bless you, people, who are on the ryann93's side!

Mother is anorexic and she may restrict children's daily calorie intake so much, that they may suffer from Anorexia as well. So my dear ryann93, don't give up, every thing's gonna be fine if you keep fighting.

Kisses and hugs!

 

wow that must really suck i would maybe pull an intervention or something or tell her how u feel about her and stuff

Thanks for all the advice and support. I still haven't confronted her but my dad is really making an effort and my mom's friends are really giving her a hard time about it. She's gained seven pounds and even though you can't tell by looking at her I am still really happy. Her attitude is better shes happier.  She ate with the family today we even had a fun breakfast for dinner night!

Shes not holding food from us I just wanted to make that clear. Shes not directly pushing us on our eating habits just because of her issues that we see its affecting us. Its getting better.

I am sorry that your family is dealing with such an emotional yet heartbreaking disease that can become deadly if left untreated.  I too have suffered with Anorexia and Bulimia for ten years and know all two well the medical complications that come with the disease.  Is your mom seeing a treatment team that consist of a medical doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, and nutrtitionist.  That is my first suggestion in getting your foot into the door with her getting better.  I would like to suggest you visiting my website for further information and help with eating disorders.  www.freewebs.com/sufferinghearts  If there is anything I can do to help please let me know.  My mailbox is always open

Carey

hey ryann i just wanted to remind you (as i have overcome anorexia) that anorexia is NOT a choise and that it is a serious mental illness! so dont be to hard on her and just remember its not her fault. anorexia can be triggered by many different issues and is usualy because the person is tryin to forget other issues by focusing on food, so putting more pressure on her culd be detramental. in saying this, your mum needs help by a profecional! as much as she might not want it, things will only get worse. try going to our local GP / docter and asking her what could be done. i hope she gets better! if you ever need to talk let me know. Bexxi

Original Post by energygirl:

gi-jane if this woman is anorexic and has three daughters, two of which she is trying to control their weight this is a serious problem. I have a sister who is anorexic, and it effected the entire family, especially my younger sister who was at a very impressionable age.

ryann93 I am with everyone who says keep trying to reach out to her. It's really hard living with someone with this disease, but I'm glad I never gave up on my sister.

i agree that if she trying to control her kids food being an anorexic that is not good at all.

Original Post by gi-jane:

So if a kid has a morbidly obese parent they should tell the school counsellor? A smoking parent? A parent that drinks alcohol? ....

The woman hides 'her food' ... not the kids' food BTW. Hiding the children's food would be child abuse. Hiding her own food is just odd behaviour.

i kinda agree with this. this woman is underweight. but some people's parents are over weight and buy their kids big macs and soda and no one thinks that is odd. it's more excepted behavior. so even though i don't think doing either is good i don't think that you need to freak out about this.

i would straight out tell my mom that i know she's weird about food and that i worry about her but understand that everyone has their own struggles. then i would tell her i am concerned that the habits she has might rub of on your siblings.

I think you should talk to a counselor at school...This is a serious problem. Gi-Jane, I would reccomend going to counselor if you parent was drinking or smoking around you-these are 2 behaviors that can hurt the kids. Just as having anorexia as a mom can be like encouraging your daughters to have it too.

i wish you luck in getting help! <3<3