Is monogamy realistic?

It must be my day to read interesting powerful articles. This one resonates with how I've felt for a long time. I think it will be interesting to hear your responses.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy .realistic.today/index.html

Added evolutionary biologist David Barash, "It's within the realm of human potential, but it's not easy."

Combine that with the nature of most people to take the easy way out and...

Wow. The part about it vanishing as an ideal....sad to me. Interesting article though.

"If you were to judge the success rate of monogamy by the sex lives of public figures...."

Yeah, I can see how one might come to the conclusion that monogamy is outdated if you use celebrities as a standard.  Here's my question:  Why in the world would we use the lives of celebrities as a standard in the first place?

By that reasoning, a good portion of the public should also reconsider drug use, alchoholism, and Scientology.

That being said, if a couple is more comfortable in an "open relationship", they are happier, they are open and honest with their other partners, then good for them. 

Personally, I worked long and hard to get to know my hubby, and when all is quiet, I just want to relax with the person I know.

I have asked myself this question before. While I still have no clear answer, I do think that it is realistic to expect honesty and honor. If that promise is made between people it should be kept.

Original Post by kathygator:

I have asked myself this question before. While I still have no clear answer, I do think that it is realistic to expect honesty and honor. If that promise is made between people it should be kept.

 I agree. I think the problem is when people don't realistically evaluate themselves make a promise they can't or don't really want to keep.

Some people do.

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

Original Post by kathygator:

I have asked myself this question before. While I still have no clear answer, I do think that it is realistic to expect honesty and honor. If that promise is made between people it should be kept.

 I agree. I think the problem is when people don't realistically evaluate themselves make a promise they can't or don't really want to keep.

Some people do.

and then take the easy way out

Original Post by kathygator:

I have asked myself this question before. While I still have no clear answer, I do think that it is realistic to expect honesty and honor. If that promise is made between people it should be kept.

I agree.

Original Post by ignayshus:

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

Original Post by kathygator:

I have asked myself this question before. While I still have no clear answer, I do think that it is realistic to expect honesty and honor. If that promise is made between people it should be kept.

 I agree. I think the problem is when people don't realistically evaluate themselves make a promise they can't or don't really want to keep.

Some people do.

and then take the easy way out

 Dunno that there's anything easy about taking that risk, it really depends on the nature of the infidelity, does it not? I mean on one side there could be the fear of what happens if one takes a step toward 'freedom' on the other, the fear of what happens if one does not.

Original Post by kathygator:

Original Post by ignayshus:

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

Original Post by kathygator:

I have asked myself this question before. While I still have no clear answer, I do think that it is realistic to expect honesty and honor. If that promise is made between people it should be kept.

 I agree. I think the problem is when people don't realistically evaluate themselves make a promise they can't or don't really want to keep.

Some people do.

and then take the easy way out

 Dunno that there's anything easy about taking that risk, it really depends on the nature of the infidelity, does it not? I mean on one side there could be the fear of what happens if one takes a step toward 'freedom' on the other, the fear of what happens if one does not.

I would wager that the great majority of cheaters don't think about the repercussions at all. By easy way out, I mean they forgo thinking (or caring) about their actions and associated consequences until they're likely to be found out. And at that point, the majority are likely only concerned with the consequences to themselves, and less so their spouse or children.

By taking the easy way out, I mean they shirk their responsibility to honor their commitments and do what provides immediate gratification.

We are in accord.

I'm not a fan of Honda's.

Yes, I think monogamy is possible, just like I think eating healthy and exercising are possible.  The strange irony about humans is that even when we know certain things make us feel better (like eating right and getting exercise), we still have a hard time motivating ourselves to do them.  For some reason, we seem to find it too easy to focus on the short-term unpleasantness rather than the long-term happiness.

One of the benefits of marriage (as an institution) is having made a commitment not to one another, but to your family and friends and community. In other words, it's harder to take the easy way out when you have to fess up to all those people.

I don't personally think it's a question of human nature as much as it is of evolution. We are becoming increasingly evolved in terms of being self-aware and being selfish (which is not always a bad thing. With 2 small kids at home if I were not selfish every once and a while I would never get to the gym). If somthing is unsatisfying, we've learned to change all or a part of it. For some, this applies to their relationship as well.

Original Post by ignayshus:

I'm not a fan of Honda's.

 Honda's what?

Original Post by lysistrata:

Yes, I think monogamy is possible, just like I think eating healthy and exercising are possible.  The strange irony about humans is that even when we know certain things make us feel better (like eating right and getting exercise), we still have a hard time motivating ourselves to do them.  For some reason, we seem to find it too easy to focus on the short-term unpleasantness rather than the long-term happiness.

 But isn't the idea of monogamy more a societal construct than pursuit of optimum health?

Firearms aside, that is. ;)

Monogamy is perfectly possible, but it isn't the lifestyle choice for everyone. Unfortunately, polyamory comes with it's own set of hassles, including endless questions from people who just aren't convinced you can possibly be happy that way. At the end of the day I think everyone should decide what's best for them and also be honest with their potential partners about what that is.

In the primitive, visceral sense, maybe monogamy isn't realistic--a man is inclined to reproduce and spread his seed everywhere possible, right? Even today, most spouses forgive one another for cheating that only involves physical attachment, not emotional. When my bf cheated on me a year ago, I found myself continuously asking him for reassurance, "but did you like her?!?" As long as the answer was no, I found his behavior excusable. We are only human, after all, and I can't say I've never had the urge to, idk, make out with someone esle lol. But as far as we evolved, I believe it's entirely possible to only be mentally close to one person. Perhaps love is a manmade sensation, but I'm pretty convinced it's real. But maybe that's just me.

Original Post by kathygator:

I have asked myself this question before. While I still have no clear answer, I do think that it is realistic to expect honesty and honor. If that promise is made between people it should be kept.

 I think that is a very good way to look at it. If a couple promises to be monogamous, then they should be, but if they go into it with a clear understanding that is not the case that is a different story.

I think that monogamy is possible for the right people. Monogamy, in most cases, requires certain skills that some people do not have. Skills such as communication and negotiation can make or break a solid, monogamous relationship.

In the article, I kind of agreed with the part about people having numerous long-term monogamous relationships through different stages of their lives. I don't think it is for everyone, but it does seem popular today when you think about it. I think that while some people slowly change and evolve throughout their lives, others make drastic changes that make them very different from their SO.

I personally don't believe in monogamus relationships anymore because there are a lot of attractive people in NYC and I think it's human nature to "cheat". We are intended to procreate and remaining faithful to one person for an extended amount of time is boring in my opinion.