Monotonous dancer

I can't get this out of my mind. I need to be done with it but I was so upset and it stays with me everyday.

I love electronic dance music (EDM) and I like going out dancing for exercise. In fact, I am a former "raver" who lived in San Francisco during the height of the rave movement (1999-2004).

Then I moved to the Seattle area, and I don't get out as much as I would like to since I have a job and home life, but when I go I am one of the first people on the dance floor, especially if the DJ is good.

Well, I went to this club called "The Cuff" in Seattle, a few weeks ago (on a Sunday night) and I was dancing my butt off to the disco music (it was a tea dance, where they play older music).

Later in the night, the DJ switched formats to modern dance music, for example he played tracks by Beyonce, Madonna, Rihanna and other artists. Oh my, I was waving my hands in the air by this point and really moving my legs ALL OVER THE DANCE FLOOR!

Now I was not doing anything fancy, just moving my body to the music, huffing and puffing and getting an intense aerobic workout (sweating to the music!) What's wrong with that?

I don't know--it's just me--I build up my intensity, I smile like a madman, I just really get into the electronic music.

But this TOTAL STRANGER walked up to me, while I was on the dance floor, and said, "Your dancing is monotonous" with a serious expression on his face.

This just floored me. I stopped dancing. I looked around me. I was flabbergasted. I don't even remember what I said, I was so upset. I think I said something like "Um, this is just a bar, dude! We are in a bar!"

(as in, what the heck do you expect? Dancing with the Stars?)

And thereafter, I just left him, waltzed away so to speak and kept right on doing my thing. But I was still mad and it has bothered me ever since.

Also, I have not been out dancing since this incident because now I am totally self-conscious.

Please help! What can I do? The company holiday party is coming up and I am afraid.

I know how discomfiting it can be to have a stranger criticize your dancing style.  I didn't dance for like, five years, because a stranger walked up to me in a bar and said, "Man, you really do have two left feet!"

You have to try to put it out of your mind, though, especially since dance is so enjoyable for you.  For many, it's an exuberant, joyful mode of expression, and it's really nobody else's business how you look when you're doing it, unless (as you said) you're on "Dancing With the Stars."

Also, generally speaking, most people are far more concerned with how they look than what others are doing.  Really, almost nobody would ever stare and pick apart someone's dancing, and unless you dress like MJ, they won't remember what you wore to the company party either.

Dance away, my friend, and enjoy the party!

i <3 trance! especially goa (psytrance).

dude must have been high - yah think? whatever... i say just keep on dancin to your own beat since its the only one you can hear. f* em :)

*thump thump thump thump thump*

Maybe that dude was having a bad night. You know, maybe he wasn't really feeling the beat. So since he feels bad about his dancing, he needs to project this on to someone else and make them feel bad in order for him to not feel bad.

It's kind of like things I have experienced with girls. My roommate who is having trouble losing weight watched me eat in the kitchen and remarked, "My god you eat a friggin' lot," as if to be condescending. She later apologized and said that she was having a "fat" moment.

Don't let other people get you down! Especially when there are usually so many other people making a moron out of themselves because they are drunk.

The guy sounds like a jerk. I mean, why is it so important to him to critique a total stranger's dancing? If he doesn't like it he doesn't have to watch you!

I would just keep doing your thing and ignore him. He obviously has nothing better to do.

I too love to dance. And I love the electronic stuff. The music can totally take me away.

It doesn't sound you were being monotonous at all. I think the guy was jealous that you were so into the music and having a good time. He probably has a problem letting go because he's self-conscious, so he decided to take it out on you.

Don't let him take your power away. Don't let his problems control your behavior. He was a jerk and probably always will be. Karma will kick his butt for doing this.

It might be hard to put this out of your mind at first. Try to turn it into a joke. You could name some of your moves the monotonous moves. Or if you remember which song you were dancing to when he said that you could do the "monotonous" to it every time you hear it. All your friends could do it too.

I agree with everyone here...dance away.  Don't let yourself be bothered by one rude person in a bar. 

oh what a jerk! i'll never understand people who could see someone smiling and having a great time and ruin it by making a comment like that.

but really, who CARES what that **** said, you were having fun, getting a work out, and that guy is just a miserable jerk. he's probably jealous that you were able to let loose and have fun. don't let this keep you from getting out there and dancing!    

Original Post by moonikins:

It doesn't sound you were being monotonous at all. I think the guy was jealous that you were so into the music and having a good time. He probably has a problem letting go because he's self-conscious, so he decided to take it out on you.

Really! It is one thing to talk amongst your friends.. Not that it's ok.. but gee, what kind of problems does this guy have that make him think he can go up and criticize a total stranger to their face?!? This makes me angry for you and I feel bad for this guy. His insecurities must run very, very deep.

Hahaha!!  I'm not laughing at you, but at the silliness of that comment.  You can't let a comment from THAT guy bother you.  Who goes up to someone and says "You are a monotonous dancer."?  That is the dumbest insult I've ever heard.  Music/dancing is repetition and variations on a theme, and that is what makes it catchy.  That comment is so ludicrous that I can't even take it seriously.  Besides, who told that guy he had to watch you?  If he doesn't like your "monotonous dancing" he can go do something much more exciting, no?   Like think up more cool insults!

We should start coming up with equally random insults:

"I find the way you walk to be too straight - it would be better if you zig-zagged down the side walk."

"The way you hailed that cab was less than optimal - you need more commitment when you put your hand out, or a more piercing whistle."

"Your style of reading the newspaper on the train is too orderly - don't read the sections straight through, but jump first to Sports, then to Business."

I was at a korn/deftones concert and I was dancing.. sounds similar to you!!! .. and these younger girls (this was before I lost the weight too) started dancing with me but exaggerated... I asked them point blank, (but not rude, just funny) are you making fun of me? and she said no, and giggled and me and my sis moved a little bit away from them (I was drinking, sis was DD). Sister told me they were stupid little bitches for making fun of me.

I was a little self conscious after that, not that night but the next day when I thought back on it. The little whores! hahaa.

But then I decided I don't care. I love to dance, music soothes me and dancing makes me feel alive. **** THEM!!! Don't ever let stupid people stop you from doing something you love.

Original Post by moonikins:

It might be hard to put this out of your mind at first. Try to turn it into a joke. You could name some of your moves the monotonous moves. Or if you remember which song you were dancing to when he said that you could do the "monotonous" to it every time you hear it. All your friends could do it too.

Ha, ha you made me laugh about it! Because I do remember the song that the DJ was playing. It was one of my favorites at the time (about 3 weeks ago), and it is a song that makes me wave my hands in the air, smile big and move a lot! Yes, I could do the monotonous! I swear I was all over the dance floor.

This track is available on Napster, by the way:

Beyonce, Ring the Alarm (Freemasons Club Mix) from the album, Ring the Alarm (Dance Mixes). Song time is 8:34. It rocks.

You guys are too much! I am laughing out loud! My co-workers are wondering what's the matter with me! Thank you for making my day.

Well since I was the one trying to make you sweat, allow me a few moments.  I'm the DJ who spins at the Cuff Complex every Sunday night and I have been a DJ for the past 33 years right here in the Pacific Northwest.  My only goal throughout the evening is to get everyone to enjoy the music as much as I do.  I honestly don't care if all a person does is walk about the perimeter of the dance floor to the beat as long as you are feeling it.

As you know, Sunday is totally request driven and it makes for an interesting combination of results, mostly favorable, which I see as the success for my night being one of the biggest in Seattle.  I would hope that most are there to have a drink, relax, enjoy the music, dance your ass off, check out the hot guys and whatever else you want to make of your evening :-)

Remember the old line "Dance as if nobody's watching?"  Bingo!  I would rather have a club filled with people like you than this "total stranger."  Our crowds are some of the most diverse I have ever experienced in my career, but there is always that one element of folks who seem determined to bring everyone down to their level.  To hell with them!  If you like, come talk to me and we'll try to see if my management can diplomatically handle this...they are absolutely the BEST!  If that doesn't work, I also have the best security staff in the world at the Cuff and we'll refund the guy's cover charge and send him elsewhere.  It's not worth it for one guest to make others uncomfortable.

Please don't let this idiot stop you from enjoying the Cuff.  In fact the way I would handle it is to get 20 guys to surround this person all doing the same dance...basically telling him to STFU!

PS: that Freemasons remix is available through Amazon.com too! 

Peace, dj.john.england

check this shizzy OUT ha sweeeet

Mkay. That was way cool.

I was ready to make some sort of "It's Seattle, dude, the city that thinks it invented grunge, what do expect?" comment. :D

I'm from the same area, and I love it here.  But so many times I have heard "people in Seattle are jerks".  This is not universal, and there are jerks everywhere.  But I have also witnessed some serious snobbery in the good old Pacific Northwest.

Personally I would just start shaking my butt harder while giving the guy a big grin and the finger. 

Original Post by bigpoppa206:

  If you like, come talk to me and we'll try to see if my management can diplomatically handle this...they are absolutely the BEST!  If that doesn't work, I also have the best security staff in the world at the Cuff and we'll refund the guy's cover charge and send him elsewhere.  It's not worth it for one guest to make others uncomfortable.

Please don't let this idiot stop you from enjoying the Cuff.  In fact the way I would handle it is to get 20 guys to surround this person all doing the same dance...basically telling him to STFU!

Wow, it really is a small world! My favorite DJ (the one I was dancing to that night) is on this list, too. That is so cool. Thanks so much, John England. And yes, I will be back on the dance floor. I am getting over it. Whew! I need the exercise, too! Your Sunday night tunes make me sweat like crazy! That reminds me about the new song by Cascada, "Evacuate the Dance Floor," I love the way it starts (the lyrics really hit home):

Turn up the music
Let's get out on the floor
I'll like to move it
Come and give me some more
Watch me getting physical, out of control
There's people watching me
I never miss a beat