Most miserable Dining out experience EVER

So going out to eat is not fun anymore, I order the same boring crap every time, no matter where I go. So I do not really like going out to eat anymore.

Unfortunately, everyone I hang out with loves to go out to eat, especially my boyfriend. My eating habits seem to be ruining our relationship. He cant seem to enjoy himself when he knows that I am not. 

Tonight was his brother's birthday and we went to the Cheesecake Factory. I did not touch the bread, or the appetizer. I ordered the vegetable chopped salad. Then I had no dessert. 

He was upset and I was freaking miserable! I'm tired of being so depressed and I wish I could enjoy myself every once in awhile. 

I'm miserable when I don't eat and im even more miserable when I do. 

Life blows lol, sorry for ranting 

Eating out should be an enjoyable occasion!  Especially at a nice place like Cheesecake Factory, just share your entree or appetizer with your boyfriend if need be!  Just maintain a decently sized portion of something not drizzled in lard and you'll be fine.

Original Post by midtheory:

He was upset and I was freaking miserable! I'm tired of being so depressed and I wish I could enjoy myself every once in awhile. 

Why do you feel like you can't enjoy yourself every once in awhile?  It's okay to treat yourself every so often guilt-free.

How often do you go out to eat?  If it's a common pastime, I suggest making a deal with your boyfriend - cut down on going out to eat to once a week, or once every 2 weeks, but when you DO go out to eat, enjoy yourself!  You don't have to go all out, but there is nothing wrong with sharing a dessert, or getting the odd burger every now and then.  If you can split your meals in half, like pasta, do it and take half home for lunch the next day.

There are plenty of ways to enjoy your restaurant experience without completely ruining your calorie intake.  And you don't have to resort to plain salad and no dessert either. :)

we do eat out a lot! and we have been going out slightly less. It's just that i have been eating more bad stuff then usual. idk, I should enjoy myself every once in awhile! 

I feel you!  My BF and I are in the same situation.  I FINALLY realized something ... it is ok to splurge every once in awhile ... as long as I don't go overboard.  If I know I am going out (especially somewhere like the Cheese Cake Factory) I calculate the potential calories ahead of time, so I don't completely over do it.  The Cheese Cake Factory menu items can be found online at calorie lab. 

I choose what I am going to eat before I go, then plan for those calories in a couple of different ways.  I may limit my calories early in the day ... and/or exercise a little extra (sometimes a lot extra depending on how much I want to splurge) in order to make up for the extra calories.  Ultimately, if you don't go out every night ... a once in awhile splurge may not be the end of the world.  I never take home the left overs ... and sometimes I only eat half of the entree depending on what kind of effort I want to put in before hand.  By doing this, the dining out experience isn't miserable for me or my BF... and I don't end up with all the guilt afterwards. 

I try to remember that I want to make this a sustainable life long change ... not just a diet.  In order for me to be realistic about making this lifestyle permanent, I have to factor in the dining out experience -- it is just part of reality (or at least my reality).  You will likely not sustain your weight loss/diet if you don't allow yourself to have some enjoyment.  Plus, what will happen after you hit your goal weight and you go back to eating at the Cheese Cake Factory?  If you plan now, how to deal with the occassional restaurant treat ... you will likely keep your weight off once you are already at your goal weight! 

I hope you don't think I am being bossy or anything ... it always breaks my heart when I read how miserable people are because of food ... or lack of it as the case may be.  Food and dining should be enjoyable ... you just have to make sure you do it in moderation and forgive yourself for the occassional splurge!  I hope this helps!  I know it has done wonders for me ... and my relationship!  Plus, I am still losing ... 31 lbs down and I am not restaurant free! LOL!

Best of luck,

~Gwen

I'm sorry you're so miserable when eating out, it should be a fun experience.  I've eaten at the Cheesecake Factory twice in the last month.  I did eat some of their great bread, just skipped the butter.  I ordered the teryiaki chicken & substituted a salad for the rice..I always carry my own packets of dressing.  The 2nd time I ordered the salmon & again substituted a salad for the other choices.  It was great!  I just always ask to have it prepared without butter or oil.  No big deal!  I think they're used to hearing that now.  Was also at Maggiano's this past weekend, also had bread, again no dipping oil, a side salad & split an order of the chicken & mushroom riggatoni.  No way even an NFL player could have eaten all they served in that monstrous bowl.  Red Lobster is another favorite lplace, either grilled tilapia or the grilled shrimp & sirloin.  Again, just have them hold all butter & oil & other fattening toppings.  There I do skip the rolls, 140 cals. each.  Again, I carry packets of lo-cal dressing.  I find it easier (but more costly) to eat out & have it prepared my way & served then fixing it at home & cheating on portion size.  Enjoy yourself!  Hope this helped.

You have to start believing that you CAN have your best body AND enjoy a piece of cake once a week!

One piece of cake ( yes, a NORMAL sized piece!) will do NOTHING to your body! The only thing depriving yourself will do is make you less of a person to be around if you are miserable!

TRUST me. Have a piece of cake next time. It can not technically make any difference, you need 3500 EXTRA calories on top of your maintenance to gain 1 pound so give yourself a break!

Trust your body more! It is NOT an evil fat gaining machine that will instantly gain weight the second you smell your favorite desert!

The best body in the world is not worth it if you are unhappy in situations like this all the time, what is the point in having a certain body if you cannot actually be happy to enjoy it!

Any way, 1 piece of cake or a piece of bread… OR even a piece of bread AND a piece of cake in one night …. Will not make a difference to your body! Just always remember that it is what you do MOST of the time that matters!

I'd definitely encourage you to order more when you go out to eat. A veggie salad isn't a very full meal. That's not to say that ordering and eating a big plate of pasta and chicken and having three rolls and an appetizer and a dessert is very healthy...but there's a happy medium there!

midtheory - im guessing your bf looked miserable cause hes worried about you being happy. From your photos you clearly dont need to restrict yourslef so much. I go out for dinner a lot, my socila life seems to revolve around it, order what you want but ask them to replace the fries etc with salad. Share a desert, cheesecake factory is far to big portions anyway, having a few bites of somethign you enojy isnt a bad thing

Thanks everyone!!  i feel better and next time I go out, I'm definitely not going to worry so hardcore for one night! I love dessert and I'm going to treat myself next time!

Hey there!  Mmmmmm, cheesecake.  But it doesn't do much for a diet.  I went there for the first time last weekend and was totally blown away by the variety AND the portions--good heavens, the portions--

Anyway, next time I'd suggest something like the salad, soup, and sandwich combo like my grandma got.  I got the orange chicken, but I figure the restaurant is so far away, why not enjoy myself once?  There is a little room for compromise--do a little more intense of a work out, or eat a little less during the day.  I'm sure you would be happier if you could have something a little more exciting, and your boyfriend would be happier if you were happier.  And as for dessert, you can always share a little. 

Another suggestion I'd give, if no one wants to share a meal with you, is asking for a to go box with your order so you can split it and save part for lunch the next day.  I would especially do this if you already know the portion size at a particular restaurant is big.  And think...then you get to enjoy your eating out experience twice....

hehe - i'm from the UK and was in America over christmas so went to a cheesecake factory for the first time ever. i spent aggggges looking at all the different cheesecakes trying to choose wisely - not in terms of calories but in terms of desire! I knew this was going to be calorific so I wanted to make it really, really worth it. when i'd finally made my selection I went up to the counter ready to order and suddenly had a thought - so before I ordered I asked - your cheesecakes are suitable for vegetarians aren't they? Hmm, he said - they have eggs in. ooo that's ok - I eat eggs! No gelatine then, I said. ooo yes, he said.  damn you cheesecake man! No cheesecake for me.

Sorry - that was rather off the point. just thought I'd share!

Ah yeah it can be tough going out to eat with friends but really going out to eat isn't all that bad if you focus on portion control.  I will say that it helps to think of this as a life change instead of a diet.  You are making choices that are healthier and you can continue to make those same choices for the rest of your life.  So, you can find a way to make a going out to dinner experience healthy by ordering the salad and an entree but cut the portion of the entree down.  Works for me, hope that helps.

Original Post by midtheory:

I'm miserable when I don't eat and im even more miserable when I do. 

 

This is a sucky state of mind to be in, and I understand where you're coming from. For me, taking a break from trying to lose, and just maintaining for a few weeks, helped to even out my emotional connection to food. Food will always be there for you to attain, and skinny will always be there to attain, but your mental state is a trickier beast and something you always need to make a priority. (I am assuming in this scenario that you are not trying to lose weight because of a health crises or doctor's advice.)

On a more practical note, it doesn't seem like self-control is an issue for you. So I'd suggest everything everyone else has said, along with informing yourself about a restaurant's calorie content for your favorite meals. The tactic of splitting up a 1500 calorie meal into some for now, some for later, and some for much later... makes it entirely possible to keep your goal, eat what you like, and save money.

Plus, if you can say to the bf, "Let's not go out, we've got X and X in the fridge, and weren't they delicious the first time around?" that might help with that situation a bit.

I definitely feel you on this one. My boyfriend is a pleasure eater, and he loves to go out to eat. While it's nice to have someone who wants to take me out all the time my body just can't keep up with it and over the two years we have been together I put on about 15 pounds (!). we have tried making adjusments by eating in more, and doing activities together, but he still really likes going out so we came up with a few compromises to make it fun for both of us.

Our usual plan is to order one meal and share it. He gets to order the appetizer, so he gets to indulge his love of higher calorie/fat foods but at a smaller portion, and I get to order the entree and make whatever adjusments I think would be helpful (i.e. subbing salad for fries etc.) This system has ended up working well for both of us because this helps him eat better but I still get to enjoy going out. Also we have discovered that sharing the same meal has become something we really enjoy because we get to talk about it, what was good, what was not so good, what we would try cooking ourselves. What can I say, we love running our mouths as much as we love stuffing them!

Original Post by killbunnie23:

Our usual plan is to order one meal and share it. He gets to order the appetizer, so he gets to indulge his love of higher calorie/fat foods but at a smaller portion, and I get to order the entree and make whatever adjusments I think would be helpful (i.e. subbing salad for fries etc.) This system has ended up working well for both of us because this helps him eat better but I still get to enjoy going out. Also we have discovered that sharing the same meal has become something we really enjoy because we get to talk about it, what was good, what was not so good, what we would try cooking ourselves. What can I say, we love running our mouths as much as we love stuffing them!

 Ah, a spectacular idea! I believe there really is a disconnect in our society, in addition to the obesity epidemic sweeping the U.S. and Canada. Encouraging conversation (not just mindless "statements"), while sharing one meal is a healthy solution. This is truly a great way to "kill two birds with one stone". I like, I like.