Not really motivated to lose weight

I have recently gained 50 pounds and have since leveled off and am holding steady. I used to be slightly underweight and I never really thought that I would be overweight, and certainly not "obese." Well, now that I am "obese" I have to say that I am really not all that concerned about losing weight. I am not sure what triggered the sudden weight gain, and really that doesn't concern me either, b/c I am fine in my own skin. The way I see it is, "hey, if I don't care - why should you" - you know that kind of thing. If I have an extra 50 pounds to deal with - well, so what> I mean I have plateaued and being "obese" is not so horrible. Our society is sooo superficial. and cares about mostly stupid stuff anyway.

On another note, I have joined a weight loss support group where I met the man of my dreams. He is actually down to his "ideal" weight, and supports others in their weight loss process. I expressed to him that at first I thought I should tackle the problem and take appropriate steps to fix the problem, but after being "obese" for a while I have since changed my mind. My dream guy supports me in my decision to stay as I am. We both agree that being "obese" is not really a problem at all, so why fix it? He is by far my best boyfriend yet and I feel we actually have a future together.  He is everything a boyfriend should be - he is caring, attentive, loving, respectful, sensitive to my needs, gentle, kind, etc. He is by no means a womanizer and does not try to provoke negative reactions out of me. To put it bluntly--- he actually treats me like a human being and not an object.

Anyway I just wanted to share that to encourage others who might be feeling down about their weight.

By the way, great forum..

AMW

I don't see 'obese' as a superficial matter, but rather a health matter

If you are comfortable that's fine, but just take conscience of the health problems you might be in for...

And it's really good that you have found your special someone

Honestly, you SHOULD care about being obese, because it brings with it a host of risks for all sorts of physical ailments.

I think it's great that you're confident in yourself...but please don't let that confidence turn into apathy. You may be OK with being obese, but being at a normal weight, you will feel MUCH better. You will have much more energy, and the quality of life will be higher. Plus, your risk of certain diseases will be much lower.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you choose to do.

At the end of the day no one can make you lose weight if you do not want to. Like no one can make a smoker quit smoking, it's impossible to push someone to do something they REALLY don't have their mind set to. You could join all the weight loss groups in the world but if you don't have the enthusiasm and drive to follow through they'll become nothing more than bumps in the road.

It is fantastic you have so much self-confidence and security in your relationship that you are not worried about your weight, but classing as an "obese" BMI means you are technically at higher risk for diabetes, heart complications, and various other forms of illness. Even if you are in peak health beyond your weight now these complications can develop in time. So even if you feel secure in your image, consider your health itself if nothing else.

If you are truly not interested in getting healthier and losing weight, why are you in the CC?

To me, losing the weight is not a beauty issue.  Sure, I want to look better, but that's not what drives me.  My goal weight is 150, I'm not trying to be skinny.  But obesity seriously increases one's risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, sleep disorders, and a host of other conditions.  Improper diet and lack of exrcise can also increase one's chances of suffering from acid reflux, depression, allergies, and joint problems.

I'm thrilled that you have a good man in your life.  Perhaps you should take your focus off the weight, and think about how you can best live a long and healthy life with this man.

Yeah... not like I need to have a reasonable insurance premium anytime this century... those quadruple bypasses, expensive suckers, eh?

That aside, why are you coming here to a forum of people working hard to not only lose weight, but be healthy, and telling us all you don't care that you're obese? What are you trying to prove? I don't care about your health, that's your problem, but it's not just some superficial issue, and maybe you can find it in you to respect people who do decide that losing the weight is worth it as well. Your intent here was motivation... if you went to an AA meeting and said "Eh, I just get drunk a lot anyway, it's not really a big deal..." do you think that would be seen as a productive thing?

It's not like I dislike fat people. I was fat for so long myself. I dislike people who give up on their goals because they don't want to try. If you went to a weight loss support group, you're not ok with your weight, and saying you are is a polished-up lie. It's good that you have someone you love, but most relationships, even those ones, tend to end. It's just reality, he will probably not always be there.

If you had no problem gaining that 50 lbs. what will you think about the next 50?  Honestly, one only has to look around and see how easy it is for people to fall into the trap of thinking their overweight state is "okay."  

Oh and I apologise in advance for sharing this thought, but one of the things that came to mind when I read your post was "feeder."

Edit:  OMG again, I'm sorry but I'm effing laughing...

I'm glad you're happy in your skin and I'm glad you're happy with your boyfriend and that he treats you well.

You do beg the question, though, "Why are you here?"

strange post.

edit: does this make anyone else think of the line from Hamlet: the lady doth protest too much, methinks.

I was alot like you, only not just 50 lbs overweight.  Well...it might of started that way, but I was like Accept me for who I am or go to H***.  And I met the man of my dreams and married him at 305 lbs.  He is 170 lbs.  And then...the other shoe dropped.  I got diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.  Just be sure that if you decide to stay overweight that you are constantly monitoring that aspect, and heart disease and such.  TRUST me...Diabetes SUCKS!  Your whole life gets turned upside down.  There are people more overweight than me that have been lucky NOT to get diabetes.  But there are people that weigh WAY less than I do that have gotten it.  For me it wasn't a vanity issue...it was the diabetes.  I am down to 264 and dropping.  I was diagnosed Nov. 19th of 2008.  I decided I had to get serious.  If there is even an INCLINING to being Pre-diabetic, then choose to do it for your health before it goes full blown.  But if you can get away with it, and your happy...by all means.  Just keep constant check of your overall health.  I was prediabetic and didn't take it serious back at 200 lbs.  I thought...MEH!  It won't happen to me...guess what...WRONG!  Wish I would of done something then instead of now...but alas...hindsight is 20/20.  Even with being somewhat overweight...at least make healthy choices, and steer away from heartattacks in a bag (fast food). 

Good luck in whatever you choose.  I hope it doesn't end negatively health wise.  God bless!

Cindy

I still really don't care about being morbidly obese.  I myself have problems existing somtimes, though, which gets in the way.

If you're not having problems existing, then I don't really think its such a bad thing to be comfortable.

"You're Killing Yourself"  You may have higher risks, that's true, but I remember something Woody Allen once said: "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred"

Health concerns aren't always the best motivators. I have type 2 diabetes and gained a bunch of weight last year. Last fall my doctor told me that if my diabetes got worse he'd have to put me on insulin. Daily injections woulld really suck! But I didn't do anything effective about it.

More recently my weight has reached its all-time maximum and the only pair of pants I can get into are really snug. The belt (my only belt) pinches (my jeans won't stay up without a belt because I have no hips - all my weight is at the waistline).

So now I've looked at my diet and made some changes that will be difficult - I'm too stubborn to buy bigger jeans. I'm looking forward to better blood sugars, but that wasn't the trigger that got me to reduce my calories.

What's yours?

Pgeorgian,  I thought that as well.  It's the only explanation for why she's in here in the first place.

Actually, the most concerning part for me was "I've recently gained 50 lbs" from someone who used to be underweight. It's unusual to gain that much weight that fast, and it can reflect any number of underlying medical conditions. Unless there was a total overhaul of the OP's lifestyle. For instance, if she used to be anorexic and 20 lbs underweight and is now happy with herself at 30 lbs overweight and BMI 30.1 (say), well, more power to her. Honestly, that is not a bad place to be at mentally and physically compared to "before". There is some increased risk of diabetes, etc, but overall she would probably be at less risk than before. Or if she spent a long time depressed and suicidal and undereating, and now is on antidepressants that made her gain the weight, but is less likely to harm herself in other ways, that's another scenario in which it might actually be healthier to remain "obese", which actually can mean as little as 30 lbs over healthy weight and doesn't always mean "300-pounder".

I wonder if there isn't something else going on here. OP, I know you probably don't want to write again considering the other comments on this thread, but are you able to give us more details on how fast and how recently you gained those 50 lbs?

Hmm, I'm new here, but a have struggled a long time with weight issues. Something doesn't ring true in this post.

I struggle with motivation sometimes and will tell myself it doesn't really matter, my husband still thinks I'm sexy, etc. However, deep down, IT DOES matter to me or I wouldn't be on this website. I suspect the same is true with the young woman who posted originally.

I too am concerned that the poster says she gained 50 lbs. in a relatively short amount of time. Have you seen a doctor about that, as it could be a sign of any number of serious health problems. If the weight gain is due to medications, that needs to monitored by a doctor as well, as it could be fluid build up, which is VERY bad for your heart and lungs.

While some of the replies are a little snarky, most of them express concern for your overall health. Take that message to heart. It IS GREAT that you accept yourself as you are and that you have found someone special who also loves you as you are. If you love yourself, and love your boyfriend, then you owe it to both of you to be healthy. If you're obese, it's very difficult, long term, to be healthy.

Original Post by plaidpooka:

If you are truly not interested in getting healthier and losing weight, why are you in the CC?

To me, losing the weight is not a beauty issue.  Sure, I want to look better, but that's not what drives me.  My goal weight is 150, I'm not trying to be skinny.  But obesity seriously increases one's risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, sleep disorders, and a host of other conditions.  Improper diet and lack of exrcise can also increase one's chances of suffering from acid reflux, depression, allergies, and joint problems.

I'm thrilled that you have a good man in your life.  Perhaps you should take your focus off the weight, and think about how you can best live a long and healthy life with this man.

That list of health problems above is why I joined CC.  My mother is severely obese and has every single one of them.  Other people her age do not have to have sleep apnea masks and walkers.  She is only 52.  Diabetic, heart disease, all of it.

I had gained 40 lbs over the past two years.  Looking at myself in the mirror wasn't my motivation.  My boyfriend who works out 2x a day didn't care how I looked.  But seeing myself in my mother's position... that's what did it for me. When I started my BMI said obese.  And I was no where near her weight.   Now I am only "overweight."  I am not there yet- my goal weight but I can honestly say that it isn't "society" or fashion or any external pressure that is keeping me on this path.

When severely underweight people post on boards along the lines of... 'I think I look great and therefore anyone that tells me to gain weight is just talking out of their hat!!'.... we leap on them from a great height.  It's a pretty rare event on CC to find a post arguing the opposite, I'll admit....

I used to do that whole 'I'm happy as a fat woman', 'big is beautiful' rationalisation, load of old rubbish, kidding myself royally exercise.  Yes, well.... then I turned 40.  Big turned out not to be especially beautiful but a recipe for being increasingly sick from your middle years to the end of your life.  It's not as immediately dangerous as being severely underwight.... nothing like.  Obesity almost certainly won't kill you tomorrow, next week or next year.  And if the OP is in her twenties she could be fine for another fifteen or twenty years.  But one day it'll catch up and it's not nice when it does

Good luck.

i think the OP is trying to get us to tell her that it's ok to be obese and happy about it.  i'm wondering if she feels guilty about not wanting to lose the weight and needs us to tell her that it's ok to be lazy and ignore her weight.  i can't think of another reason why to post this.  she said it was to "encourage others," but a more encouraging story would be "hey i counted calories and lost 100 pounds and you can too!"

also, i'd like to know if she actually is obese, or is misusing that word to mean "overweight."  i work with a woman who is 15 pounds overweight and she calls herself obese.  the OP said she was underweight and gained 50 pounds.  if there was no other weigh gain then i really don't think she actually is obese.

i used to think i was happy being fat too, but i really wasn't.  i was lying to myself because i was lazy.  sure curves are sexy, but not the ones on the front of your stomach and pelvis.  i have a boyfriend who loves my body the way it is, but i really don't.  i honestly don't understand how he can look at me when we make love.  now we're both trying to lose weight together, not for looks, but because we both have diabetes, stoke, and heart diesease in out families.  his dad had a heart attack in his 40's and he's not big at all.  weight issues may not seem so bad when you're just looking in the mirror, but they can be pretty scary when you think about how hard your life can be.

Original Post by annacabana:

i think the OP is trying to get us to tell her that it's ok to be obese and happy about it.  i'm wondering if she feels guilty about not wanting to lose the weight and needs us to tell her that it's ok to be lazy and ignore her weight.  i can't think of another reason why to post this.  she said it was to "encourage others," but a more encouraging story would be "hey i counted calories and lost 100 pounds and you can too!"

also, i'd like to know if she actually is obese, or is misusing that word to mean "overweight."  i work with a woman who is 15 pounds overweight and she calls herself obese.  the OP said she was underweight and gained 50 pounds.  if there was no other weigh gain then i really don't think she actually is obese.

i used to think i was happy being fat too, but i really wasn't.  i was lying to myself because i was lazy.  sure curves are sexy, but not the ones on the front of your stomach and pelvis.  i have a boyfriend who loves my body the way it is, but i really don't.  i honestly don't understand how he can look at me when we make love.  now we're both trying to lose weight together, not for looks, but because we both have diabetes, stoke, and heart diesease in out families.  his dad had a heart attack in his 40's and he's not big at all.  weight issues may not seem so bad when you're just looking in the mirror, but they can be pretty scary when you think about how hard your life can be.

Actually, if she were a little underweight, it is conceivable that she could have gotten to obese - though barely so - with 50 pounds. For many people, the line between normal and overweight is 20-something pounds. Now, from underweight to obese, that might be pushing it to the limit.

EDIT: nevermind, just checked the BMI calculator, you're right, it would not be possible to get from BMI under 18.5 to BMI 30 in 50 lbs, even at 5 feet tall.

Curves can be sexy...sick...not so much. No point in reiterating what everyone else has already said but... really why post here?

hi everyone.

im not actually trying to get anyone down or anything but i can understand where the OP is coming from...its not exactly  laziness but some of us have boring lives eg ME. when i went up to 83kg and i realised how much chocolate i was eating, I cut it out and came down to 76kg. then i figured what the heck my clothes fit....you get used to your body and there is no real motivation.

You are still waiting for that one good reason to come along...which is why you seek forums like this....and you definitely understand everyones point about being healthy and avoiding diseases but you still think I have time to lose that 50 pounds. there is no rush...

I am currently in a similar position but  I have eaten so much in the last months that I cannot think of anything nice to eat and now I am ready to lose another 10 pounds or so but for how long can you keep yourself motivated???especially if you already have someone who appreciates you???

I apologise for the long post and I don't mean to discourage anyone neither but I just felt that human psychology is hard to understand unless you've been in a similar position but yes ultimately it doesn't depend on everyone else.

Good luck and keep trying to find that reason.... sometimes its just enjoying the feel of your waist when you've lost a few pounds. People like me will always go back to junk but I weigh myslef everyday so set yourself a limit lke 2kg and whatever happens if you've goneup by 2 kg cut out all the junk....