the naked truth.. keeping it real!

i've posted this in my blog also but i know everyone wont read it in there so i want to post it here to get some feed back ...

i look at all the weight ive gain and sometimes i wonder,, how did i get this fat.. then I took back on the last year and i wonder.. how the fuc did i get 40 plus lbs after losing 20..then i look back on the past few months and i wonder how did i gain 12... DAM!!!!!  and i know why.... im lazy and i eat like a fat girl.. it is just that.. and it is what it is...... im trying to change.. I am changing.. i have taken time to get my mind together.. working together with my bipolar group on losing this weight.. im being honest with myself.. my name is tasha and i have a eat disorder.. i use to be bulimic.. trying hard not to fall back into my old habits.. i use to restrict my cals and throw up when i did eat.. gross i know,, but it work for that moment.. i lost 64 lbs.. i know that it wasnt about the weight but that weight became the focus on everything.. and now i realize that my weight isnt about the food either.. everything else is focused on the food...... now im working on the real issues and that way, hopefully, i'll be able to get the food together....  im not restricting nor am i throwing up.. im just not eating as much as i use to.. i cant seem to get this night eating thing down to a limit so im not eating as much calories during the day...

so today is a new day, this week was a new week.. ive decided to work out 6 days a week... try to at least.. this is something that i must do for myself, to better my self.. im so tired of being this way.. theres a mental block there that im working on.. getting to the heart of this matter.. and i know once i get all that **** in order that my body is going to follow.. so far ive worked out sun, mon, tues, weds, and thrus.. today i switched it up (since i didnt have jai) and went to the gym and walked on the tred mill..........  i have a thought... i think to make myself stick to this (besides the fact that im going to better myself and lose the weight) that i wont have sex until im under 300!!!!  maybe ill get some toys? LMAO but yeah.... right now im looking for someone my size.. who wants to work out 6 days a week also.. i need someone to be able to call me and be like "girl are u up?" " u working out today"  be nice to have someone to call also... anyways

I have a cc friend who started around the same time i had (8/2008).. she sooooo has her **** together and is doing the dam thing.. Im very proud of her and how far she's come.. she's my motiovation.. I can look back and see where she's come from and how far she's come and plus i can learn things from her.. she's worked so far in the gym to get to where she is now !!!!!  go shizzy!!!

ok those are just my thoughts... feel free to comment about anything..

im finally getting it together mentally!!!!

I'm so happy that you're doing this in a healthy way this time. When your weight stalls, as it will occasionally, try to keep in mind that this is about putting your health first-even above a number on a scale. 

I agree that so much of this is mental. You need to latch onto the most basic reason you're doing this and focus on it. For me, that was longevity-everything else was gravy. 

It seems like you've got a good plan laid out. This site is a great resource to support you through this. Good luck and God bless!