Need advice-BF alert =[

So I've been dating this boy for about.. 8-9 months now. We spend every waking second with each other, and I'm really crazy about him. Pretty sure he feels the same way about me.

The only problem is.. he does/says a lot of things that seems pretty shady to me. He's my first serious relationship, so I don't know if I'm over-reacting or what. Please give me some advice--

Recently he was going to move into an apt. with an obsessive girl who has a crush on him. I threw a fit, broke up with him, and he called me the next morning crying. He felt so sick that he couldn't even go to class. He ended up confessing his love to me [for the first time] and decided not to live with her.

So we got back together.

Then a week later, we were talking about one of my girlfriends and he said "I think she's really sexy." And I confronted him saying that I once read an article where if a guy said he thought a girl was cute, he actually means "I want to sleep with her." And he responded by saying that it's true he would sleep with her, but not while we're dating.

I got a little bit bothered by that, but I brushed it off.

Then tonight, while I was sleeping, I got a prank phone call at 4AM. It was from that girl, and she was with him, and they were both completely wasted.

Now I don't want to make any quick judgements.. but you can see how I should be worried.

What do I do? Should I brush this off like it's no big deal or should I actually give him crap for this?

To me, emotional cheating is a lot worse than physical cheating. So I'm mainly worried about why they would be hanging out in the first place, behind my back, getting drunk together at 4 in the morning!!

he is disrespecting you! nothing more needs to really be analyzed here. the sooner you move on, the sooner you will be happy again.

you deserve better! dont let anyone treat you like that, i dont care how much you love them! you WILL find others to love. Love is the easy part! Its waking up next to someone everyday thats tricky.

easy to say. verrrrryyyy hard to do. that letting go...

you deserve to be treated right tho. bottom line.

(((hugz)))

EDIT: damn girl, you are beautiful. kick him to the curb. now.

Listen to those little nagging feelings inside your head....those are red flag alerts.  If you have questions about the boy and how he is treating you then listen to yourself.  Would you want your best friend to be experiencing this?  If it was happening to her what would your advice be? 

FYI there is no real innocent reason why he should be partying with a girl at 4am when he is dating you.  If you allow this kind of disrespect to happen, then he will take full advantage of it. 

The big question is, what do you feel you deserve in a relationship?  How do you want to be treated?

Drop into your local library and pick up a copy of Steve Harvey's book....the title escapes me at the moment, but he has a ton of good advice in there.

Dump him....sounds like your dating a kid....

And, is your bed a mattress on the floor? hehe

Been there, done that.  Listen to your gut instincts.  He's playing with you.  If he wasn't, he wouldn't be out and about with the girl you just discussed.  Lose him. 

And that girl - your friend?  She is no friend either.  Trust me when I tell you this.

Original Post by janetandlrc:

And that girl - your friend?  She is no friend either.  Trust me when I tell you this.

 what she said^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Prank calling you with the other girl? Eff him. That's disrespect.

Though generally I would refrain from saying stuff like "I read an article that says ALL boys do this..." Treat a person like an individual person, not like a hive mind that does whatever Cosmo claims they all do.

Dump his ass. I had a boyfriend that was hanging out with this other girl at night while I was asleep. Yep, one day I showed up at his house on my way to work (I had a key) and there they were, in bed together. There's no innocent reason that they're out getting wasted together.

You deserve so much better.

oh and moving into an apartment with some other girl who likes him? Not cool. If he was committed to you, he wouldn't have even thought about it.

he's not worth your time.  at all.  even if nothing is happening between him and the girl, he's still treating you with zero respect.  actions speak way louder than words...

you deserve to be treated with respect...and not have a guy acting like that.  hugs, girly...

If you can't trust him now, when the two of you are "crazy about each other", then you will never be able to trust him.  Love does NOT include doubting one another's fidelity.   If you doubt, get out.

You don't want to hear it, I know...but there IS someone out there for you that will respect you, love you, and stay true to you and your feelings... go find him and leave this one behind.

That is some shady ****. I would not trust him one bit. Why would your boyfriend be moving in with another girl? Dump him. I'm sorry but he sucks.

Here's a good rule of thumb...If you feel like you are being treated badly, you are.  Also, think if you would do the same to him.  If the answer is no, then don't put up with it.

Sometime someone will treat you right, but only if you expect it and demand it.

It is better to be alone than to try to talk yourself into loving someone who hurts you one way or another.  The agony of wondering where he is, or what he meant isn't worth it.  Relationships shouldn't be that hard.  If they are hard, it's not right.

You seem like a loyal, loving person.  You are worth more than your boyfriend gives.  Wait for someone who knows that.  And, that person is out there.  In the meantime, have a lot of fun on your own, learn to be your own best friend.  The right person will surprise you someday and come into your life. 

ok....another case where the woman feels like she is not getting enough attention from the guy....well at least that's how it started.  For a while there you were starting to scare me....I THOUGHT he was ok until the last part.  If a Guy says he thinks a girl is cute or hot....SO WHAT!!!!....let that crap slide...no big deal at all....of course he would sleep with her if he wasn't with you...he would sleep with anything that moves if he wasn't with you.  My girl and I check out women together…she’s not bisexual (I think) but she realized that I mean no harm at all.  We both made sure that we became best friends….once we established a SOLID friendship, we took it to a love stage, and move in together type thing.  After that, I made sure I could be myself around her 24/7…and once that was good…we got married (4 weeks ago J).

I think you (based on what you said) are being a little clingy to a guy who is not ready for something as serious as this....no matter how cute you are....if a guy isn't ready for something long term...he will break your heart.  Also, DO NOT try to force him to be what you want him to be....rather GUIDE him in the direction...if he doesn't take to your instruction with an open mind....then obviously he MIGHT not be the one for you or you two might need to work a little harder. 

So in short…don’t smother young men…you set yourself up for disappointment later.  Don’t try to get serious too quick…although 9 months seems like a long time…it really isn’t.  TALK to him…DO NOT write him off as a total Jerk just yet, but know that there is a definite possibility that he has other girls on his mind because he is afraid of the relationship.

Eddie P.

Eddie P--I understand where you are coming from...but really?

1) calls you drunk with your best friend...check

2)moving in with another girl...check

Regardless of his age "being a young man" isn't an excuse...and she is FAR from smothering him. My fiance is 20 and he doesn't pull any of that ****. Age is neither here nor there; behavior is. Men's behavior is not excusable because they are men. That is utter ****.

Home boy needs to go.

if age isn't a factor here...how come so many women shy from dating guys younger than them?....  Maybe I said it wrong....I don't mean that because he is a guy excuse him....I'm saying have a convo with him. 

Listen...there was a really rough time in my life while I was with a girl, and I was hanging out with other girls for comfort.  It was because a person dear to me was killed, and I really didn't know how to handle it.  I used other women as a "comfort zone".  So from personal experience...I'm saying that it could be more than meets the eye... (WTF...that's Transformers...lol).

if you don't think she is clingy...then take a look at her first two statements:

So I've been dating this boy for about.. 8-9 months now. We spend every waking second with each other, and I'm really crazy about him. Pretty sure he feels the same way about me.

EVERY walking second together ....that's quite a bit of time... on average there are 30 days in a month yeah?....30x9=270daysx24=6480hours....every walking second is smothering for a guy....not saying it is intentional though.

The only problem is.. he does/says a lot of things that seems pretty shady to me. He's my first serious relationship, so I don't know if I'm over-reacting or what. Please give me some advice--

Usually this is when a woman tend to be clingy.  again...it might not be purposely done. 

It seems to me like she really wants this to work out....so instead of telling her to slay him...I took a different approach, and told her pretty much the ONLY way she could get answers from him...and based on that...she can make a final decision....because she knows him better than I.

Yea, I'd say clingy...but I know women.

They obviously CANT spend every waking second together. Impossible, they have school or work or whatever (ie he's spending time w other females)...I'd guess that she's only saying that to lay groundwork so noone says he's cheating on her.......it's a way of defending him before anyone has a chance to say anything. I used to preempt any bad things I said about jerky b'fs too.

all I have to say, is listen to your guy. In my opinion, you are bothered enough about him to post on here, so your gut is saying that SOMETHING is wrong. I'm not saying kick him to the curb, but I AM saying you need to seriously listen to your concerns......if you cant talk to HIM about it, then maybe you should move on. You shouldn't fear what he's up to and vise versa.

just remember, this is your FIRST serious relationship, not your last!!!

Good luck!

Original Post by vicki8seekers:

Yea, I'd say clingy...but I know women.

They obviously CANT spend every waking second together. Impossible, they have school or work or whatever (ie he's spending time w other females)...I'd guess that she's only saying that to lay groundwork so noone says he's cheating on her.......it's a way of defending him before anyone has a chance to say anything. I used to preempt any bad things I said about jerky b'fs too.

 

all I have to say, is listen to your guy. In my opinion, you are bothered enough about him to post on here, so your gut is saying that SOMETHING is wrong. I'm not saying kick him to the curb, but I AM saying you need to seriously listen to your concerns......if you cant talk to HIM about it, then maybe you should move on. You shouldn't fear what he's up to and vise versa.

just remember, this is your FIRST serious relationship, not your last!!!

Good luck!

Eddie, while I agree with you that finding another person sexy (for BOTH genders) while you are in a relationship is nothing bad, what about the fact that he and the girl prank called her drunk at 4 AM? Especially in light of the fact that he KNEW she was feeling insecure about it? This shows a complete lack of respect for her or her feelings. To me this is the deal breaker.

I could even possibly understand the moving in with the girl who likes him, if real estate is anything as nightmarish as it is here. Sometimes you do what you can based on what you can afford and who you feel is reliable enough to have the rent when it's due. But the prank call thing was deliberately and willfully malicious. It seems like he specifically wanted to hurt her (and so did her "friend").

he's a douche.

Original Post by schnooder:

he's a douche.

 HAHAHAHA....gott love Schnoods....

I could see where you two would say that, but she said that the GIRL made the call....if he was in on it too...well that is a problem, but I think that he was drunk and stupid, and SHE wanted to be malicious and pull a prank.