Need advice-BF alert =[

So I've been dating this boy for about.. 8-9 months now. We spend every waking second with each other, and I'm really crazy about him. Pretty sure he feels the same way about me.

The only problem is.. he does/says a lot of things that seems pretty shady to me. He's my first serious relationship, so I don't know if I'm over-reacting or what. Please give me some advice--

Recently he was going to move into an apt. with an obsessive girl who has a crush on him. I threw a fit, broke up with him, and he called me the next morning crying. He felt so sick that he couldn't even go to class. He ended up confessing his love to me [for the first time] and decided not to live with her.

So we got back together.

Then a week later, we were talking about one of my girlfriends and he said "I think she's really sexy." And I confronted him saying that I once read an article where if a guy said he thought a girl was cute, he actually means "I want to sleep with her." And he responded by saying that it's true he would sleep with her, but not while we're dating.

I got a little bit bothered by that, but I brushed it off.

Then tonight, while I was sleeping, I got a prank phone call at 4AM. It was from that girl, and she was with him, and they were both completely wasted.

Now I don't want to make any quick judgements.. but you can see how I should be worried.

What do I do? Should I brush this off like it's no big deal or should I actually give him crap for this?

To me, emotional cheating is a lot worse than physical cheating. So I'm mainly worried about why they would be hanging out in the first place, behind my back, getting drunk together at 4 in the morning!!

get rid of him.  he can stay with the trash that  makes prank calls-  seriously??  

  you, my dear,  deserve better.  you're above that. 

Personally, I agree with Eddie.

Yeah, this guy is doing some inconsiderate crap. But I wouldn't throw in the towel with this relationship until you've talked to him. You never know, he may have an understandable reason for everything he's done. But if you talk to him, he doesn't give you excusable reasons, and he doesn't try to compromise how to improve your relationship and make you feel more comfortable, I would walk.

I'm with my first boyfriend, too. There have been a couple times where he has done some pretty inconsiderate stuff (not near as bad as your case) and I used to assume that he knew he was hurting me and wanted to hurt me. But then I'd ask him about it, and it turns out he had no idea that he was hurting my feelings. Moral of the story? Lots of guys are stupid and oblivious to being insensitive at times. Therefore, you need to TALK to them and tell them how they are hurting your feelings and how they can make it better. Most guys don't like to play emotional guessing games, they want things clearly spelled out: Assess the problem and how it makes you feel, and design a solution. All done.

Thank you guys so much for replying. I'm logged into my other CC Account, because this isn't my usual computer and I can't remember my password to mimi_js *

Eddie, you're probably right in the sense that I'm slightly clingy and possibly over-reacting. 

I fought with my boyfriend about what happened that night (when he and my friend prank called me), and all of a sudden I get a text message from that friend saying "wow.. are you accusing me of hooking up with your boyfriend? haha grow up."

This ended up making me really mad, because that means he was texting her while we were arguing through the phone. I didn't even realize they ever exchanged numbers.

Sometimes he will just mention her name out of the blue. Or once, he told me that she went back to San Diego for the weekend to visit her parents. And I was like "What? I didn't even know.. how'd you find out" ..turns out at some point he helped her move her luggage. 

I mean, I'm not saying that I don't want my boyfriend to hang out with other girls. But to me, it seems like he's emotionally cheating on me with her. 

After our argument, I told him that we needed to break up once and for all and that he needs to come pick up his things. I decided to end our relationship, because he wouldn't tell me exactly what happened that night. And he also kept changing his story around. First he said that they were both hanging out with a group of people, then later he said that they were alone.

When he came to pick up his things, he literally grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug, and I started bawling. He told me he loved me, that he needed me, and that he didn't cheat on me & I'm thinking too much. He said I was the most important thing in his life and that he doesn't want me to "give up" on our relationship.

Imagine your boyfriend saying that to you..

Obviously I felt really bad about the whole situation and told him that I loved him back. 

And now we're together again.

But I have absolutely no trust for him anymore, because I haven't forgiven him. Whether or not he physically did anything with her, I don't care. I just can't be with someone whose mind is wondering about another girl.

I'm even more confused than ever.

Lose the "friend," no matter what.  She's a bitch.

I don't know what I would do about the guy.  You said you can't trust him but you took him back?

I'm not in your position, but if the trust isn't there, you're going to go through the same thing, over and over again.  This stuff will happen alot.  Whether it is in your imagination or in reality, you said yourself that you don't trust him.

It appears you're giving him another chance.  Nobody will be able to give you advice, and nobody can tell you what to do.  I deal with people every day and I have to tell them what to do, but they don't listen until they are ready to.

So this will happen again and again until you determine that you can't trust him (or can), and that you truly believe in your heart that he won't cheat on you (or will). The "whole, those who ignore lessons from history are doomed to repeat them" maxim.  Nothing will change until you do. 

I don't mean to sound harsh - I have just lived this life.

I went through the same thing, over and over again for five years.  No, I could not trust him.  However, even IF I had, I finally found out we weren't right for each other. We would be divorced by now.  I found a man who treated me right, who didn't double-talk me, who I could trust.

Don't fall for him - you're going to get hurt.  He may be your first love, but I do not think he will be your last.

he is cheat, cheat, cheating on you girl. tell tale signs never lie.  been there done that, guys that cheat love love love tears. gettem every time. if you like to be cheated on then do not break up with that boy.

Good luck

Listen to these people.  It sounds like a typical cycle of emotional manipulation, first he hurts you, you get mad and leave him, he begs for forgiveness, gets you back, you have a honeymoon period of happiness, then it starts all over again.  And if he is too "young" for a committed relationship, then let him go until he grows up. Easier said than done, but take time and think about it. You can't trust him, he disrespects you, he goes out with other women, really where do you think this going?

eeehhhh..I have mixed feelings....I don't want to stick up for the guy at all, but relationships take work.   When I was a pro athlete I had lots of women at the same time...broke a heart or two, and eventually some guys grow out of it.  KEY WORD BEING SOME...lol.  It took work, and a lot of thinking on my part to change....all my girl did was show me the way....but I had to walk it.  Perhaps you should do the same.  I've been in about 18 relationships in my lifetime, and I'm 29.  ages ranging from 18 - 34. (when I was 18 I was with a 32 year old)  Being so young with an older woman who expected nothing of me but just sex.....I came to realize what was important, and what I really wanted. 

He has a young mind.  As far as I can see..he has only one goal....and that's to be around as many women as he can.  Doesn't mean he is a bad person.  Look at all the other animal species....name one male that's faithful?....uhhhh just humans (well there is one other, but I can't remember the name of that furry creature...lol).  Go up to him and be strong...don't lethim get close and make you cry (we are so good at that crap)  tell him straight up...I really love you, and I want to be with you, but right now....I'm worth more than you are leading me to believe, so you either straighten up...or I'll find a new guy.  Let him know man, because i'm sure you can find anyone.  You look good to me....hell I got a brother if you want.  :)   (yes I am pimping my brother...so what...lol )

Look at all the other animal species....name one male that's faithful?....uhhhh just humans (well there is one other, but I can't remember the name of that furry creature...lol). 

^ I think it's Canadian Geese. And, I think that is why you aren't allowed to hunt them, they mate for life. ETA: Maybe pigeons, too. not sure, but I saw a pigeon get hit by a car one day and one other pigeon came out to it in a flurry :( it was very sad...

I'm no Dr. Phil, but I base a relationship on two things, trust and respect. You don't trust him, he doesn't respect you. You are gorgeous and smart, I think you deserve better :)

I get the feeling that because he is young, we should chock it up to age and that damn saying boy's will be boys.  Why should she put up with it?  Maybe he can find someone else to deal with his phase.   Something he will eventually "grow out of".

I personally have no desire to be party B when party A is just going through what young men go through.  When they are done trying to be around all the women they want to be, then mayebe we can chat.

It's tiring that we constantly push their behavior under the rug because you know it's a guy thing.

eeehhhhh...you know it's dificult to say, but yeah....she's cute enough to get almost anyone she wants.....

Hell my brother's single :)

My goodness, girl.  I just went to your gallery and you are gorgeous!

I hope you don't mind that I make a couple of observations:

(1) You're beautiful and you can have anyone you want;

(2) You don't want the boys who would treat you like a queen;

(3) You want the boys who treat you like dirt (ask me how I know);

(4) You love being in love

You don't have to wait around for him to mature.  He may never do it.  You need someone who will treat you like the treasure that you are.  I don't know what it is, but it seems that the most beautiful women are the ones who are treated the worst.

By the way?  At 115 lbs?  You are beautiful.  Now, make yourself believe it.  You are more than just what is on the outside.  Beauty does fade, and you are left with your inner core (again, ask me how I know). 

Don't work it out with him - he's hopeless.  Work on yourself.  Do homework, run, go out with friends, ANYTHING but wait for him.  He's a child.  You don't want to be waiting around for something that may never happen.  You have the potential to be so much more than somebody's plaything.  Are you a model?  Then go get some jobs and model!  Or get your graduate degree.  In the end, all that is left is the strength and self-esteem that is inside you. (sorry, don't mean to sound like Dr. Phil).

You've got the world at your feet.  Try to find a guy that will love you if you're sick or not wearing makeup or bitchy (me too!).  There are tons of guys out there (like eddiepotter's brother!) that would treat you right.  Don't let this guy treat you like a puppet at the end of his string.  He only wants you when he thinks he is going to lose you, and when he has you he doesn't want you.

If you ever want to pm me, I'm here for you. 

I find it hard to talk bad about a person we don't know...sure we can go based on what she said, but...eehhhh...be easy.

I read every single reply, and everyone is telling me to leave him. But I don't want to!! Even though I'm unhappy right now, what if..just what IF he really didn't mean to hurt me like that? If he didn't really like her, if that's just his personality- is to be a natural flirt.

I saw him when we broke up last time, when he was going to move in with the girl that was obsessed with him. He was so devastated! He cried over me, and got so sick he couldn't even go to class or football practice. The last time he cried was when his grandma passed away. That must be real, right? You can't fake that.. at least I don't think?

I don't really know. I spent last night at his house. And I woke up at 6am this morning..and told him that I still have a grudge against this whole situation. He tried to explain himself again but I ended up walking out. I can't deal with this anymore, and every part of me wants to end this relationship, except my emotions won't let me.

We spent so much time together that I don't know how life would be like if we ended it. Who am I going to call when I'm lonely? Who will I make scrambled eggs with in the morning and study until 4am? We are supposed to plant a tree together and keep it safe at our secret spot. I don't want to lose that

Original Post by eddiepotter:

Original Post by schnooder:

he's a douche.

 HAHAHAHA....gott love Schnoods....

I could see where you two would say that, but she said that the GIRL made the call....if he was in on it too...well that is a problem, but I think that he was drunk and stupid, and SHE wanted to be malicious and pull a prank.

 The call is the key.  If he was in on the call then he wanted you to know that he was drunk and partying with someone else at 4 am.  If that is the case I would kick him to the curb.  On the other hand, if he wasn't in on the call then it is a case of the other girl trying to get your man.  Why should you help her?

"We spent so much time together that I don't know how life would be like if we ended it. Who am I going to call when I'm lonely? Who will I make scrambled eggs with in the morning and study until 4am? We are supposed to plant a tree together and keep it safe at our secret spot. I don't want to lose that "

There are lots of guys out there that would love be there for you and to do these things with you.

Dump him.  If you stay with him he'll keep doing this to you.

Trhawley- she was the one that called me. He told me that he didn't know why she called. On the phone, they were both laughing a lot and definitely not sober, and she said "your boyfriend told me he wished you'd get wasted more often!!"

I honestly think it's just as bad if he wasn't in on the call, because that means he would have never told me they hung out at 4am and I would have never known.

They seemed like they were having a blast, so I don't know what really happened that night. 

I know there are plenty of other fish in the sea but I only want him :( I'd miss him too much. And I don't even know if he REALLY did cheat on me. What if this is all just a big misunderstanding? I shouldn't make a decision based off of what's going on in my head, right?

You will find tons of guys who would love to have you make them breakfast.

Eddiepotter, I wasn't pounding the guy as much as I want to empahsize that OP can work on herself! 

Honestly?  If you're not going to get over it and if you're only going to torture yourself, what is the point?  Life is too short.  You're not going to let it go. It's only going to fester and make you more bitter and suspicious.

Work on your own awesomeness!  You are not half of another person, you are yourself. 

Can we take a step back and ask what this guy has actually done wrong?

1) He admitted that he'd sleep with someone else if he wasn't with you. Which proves he's a human and he's breathing.

2) He considered having a female roommate.  Since he's still a student this proves he's not alive in the 1950's (but you probably new that anyway).

3) He got drunk with one of your friends and your friend drunk dialed you.  People, especially those still in school, go out and get drunk.  It happens at every high school and college in the country.  It's not the 20's, people have opposite gender friends and somehow manage not to sleep with all of them.

4) He doesn't understand that you consider hanging out with someone and helping them move to be 'emotional cheating', this proves he has a Y chromosome.

Original Post by mimi_js:

Trhawley- she was the one that called me. He told me that he didn't know why she called. On the phone, they were both laughing a lot and definitely not sober, and she said "your boyfriend told me he wished you'd get wasted more often!!"

I honestly think it's just as bad if he wasn't in on the call, because that means he would have never told me they hung out at 4am and I would have never known.

They seemed like they were having a blast, so I don't know what really happened that night. 

I know there are plenty of other fish in the sea but I only want him :( I'd miss him too much. And I don't even know if he REALLY did cheat on me. What if this is all just a big misunderstanding? I shouldn't make a decision based off of what's going on in my head, right?

okkkkk....this right here changes everything for me....

damn it woman...just ....hear me out for a second.  Girl you cannot be serious.  this is NOT about him anymore.....it's about you now.  Listen....so many women do the same thing you are doing.....DO NOT focus on any guy at your age (wait...how old are you....you look young......ok i'll stick with it....lol).  Jeeez I can't stress this to you enough.  It was SO SO SO hard for me to leave one of my ex's.....but I had to, because she cheated on me.  I wasn't thinking about what she did, but I was thinking about what I would do.  I KNEW I would cheat on her and then say ...OH...WEL YOU DID IT TOO.  STUPID!!!!...why go through that. I did us both a favor.  As drunk as she was, it was no excuse and I really didn't want to hurt her by cheating on her, but I knew I had to leave her.  Sometimes in life there comes a huge bump in the road and then after you get over that bump....there will be a fork in the road.  Don't go down the road you KNOW you shouldn't go down.  YOU KNOW in your heart what needs to be done.  ask yourself this question.  if you did what he did....how the hell do you think he would react.  and since you are not talking to eachother....where is he at?....HHHMMMM maybe that chicks house again getting wasted....or some other chick you don't even know about. 

After you said what you said...I realized that this whole time I was focusing on the wrong person.  Forget about what he did.  Are you a strong woman?  Can you make your own decisions?  Are you ready for the up's and down's of relationships?  I personally think that you can't answer any of those questions.  I'm not being mean (wait yes I am)...I'm just trying to get you to THINK for a moment.  Understand what you are doing.....time is REALLY REALLY short, and there are so many doors of oportunity ahead for you....DO NOT waste that on ONE guy.

I'm so upset right now...and it's not even at him it's at you.  How many times have I heard a girl say that they just want THIS guy after he F%#^%^ up?....TOO MANY.  C'mon boo boo.....you know you can replace him with something better....just think about this for a while.....