Need advice-BF alert =[

So I've been dating this boy for about.. 8-9 months now. We spend every waking second with each other, and I'm really crazy about him. Pretty sure he feels the same way about me.

The only problem is.. he does/says a lot of things that seems pretty shady to me. He's my first serious relationship, so I don't know if I'm over-reacting or what. Please give me some advice--

Recently he was going to move into an apt. with an obsessive girl who has a crush on him. I threw a fit, broke up with him, and he called me the next morning crying. He felt so sick that he couldn't even go to class. He ended up confessing his love to me [for the first time] and decided not to live with her.

So we got back together.

Then a week later, we were talking about one of my girlfriends and he said "I think she's really sexy." And I confronted him saying that I once read an article where if a guy said he thought a girl was cute, he actually means "I want to sleep with her." And he responded by saying that it's true he would sleep with her, but not while we're dating.

I got a little bit bothered by that, but I brushed it off.

Then tonight, while I was sleeping, I got a prank phone call at 4AM. It was from that girl, and she was with him, and they were both completely wasted.

Now I don't want to make any quick judgements.. but you can see how I should be worried.

What do I do? Should I brush this off like it's no big deal or should I actually give him crap for this?

To me, emotional cheating is a lot worse than physical cheating. So I'm mainly worried about why they would be hanging out in the first place, behind my back, getting drunk together at 4 in the morning!!

Original Post by floggingsully:

Can we take a step back and ask what this guy has actually done wrong?

1) He admitted that he'd sleep with someone else if he wasn't with you. Which proves he's a human and he's breathing.

2) He considered having a female roommate.  Since he's still a student this proves he's not alive in the 1950's (but you probably new that anyway).

3) He got drunk with one of your friends and your friend drunk dialed you.  People, especially those still in school, go out and get drunk.  It happens at every high school and college in the country.  It's not the 20's, people have opposite gender friends and somehow manage not to sleep with all of them.

4) He doesn't understand that you consider hanging out with someone and helping them move to be 'emotional cheating', this proves he has a Y chromosome.

Original Post by floggingsully:

Can we take a step back and ask what this guy has actually done wrong?

1) He admitted that he'd sleep with someone else if he wasn't with you. Which proves he's a human and he's breathing.

2) He considered having a female roommate.  Since he's still a student this proves he's not alive in the 1950's (but you probably new that anyway).

3) He got drunk with one of your friends and your friend drunk dialed you.  People, especially those still in school, go out and get drunk.  It happens at every high school and college in the country.  It's not the 20's, people have opposite gender friends and somehow manage not to sleep with all of them.

4) He doesn't understand that you consider hanging out with someone and helping them move to be 'emotional cheating', this proves he has a Y chromosome.

 I completely agree with this, especially #4.  If he doesn't have feelings for her, and if he's not looking to get involved with her, then why on earth would it occur to him that there is anything suspicious in hanging out with a friend and helping them move?  I don't have a Y chromosome but I still can't see anything suspicious about this, unless he would refuse to help you move if you asked him (?).

I also agree with #38.  If you can't let this go and trust him, then it's not worth pursuing.  You'll just be miserable wondering what he's doing when you're not there to supervise him.  He will be miserable too.  Why go through that?

Ok. You guys are right. He is human, it's understandable that he's Y and I'm not, so I see some things a different way than he does.

I have to let him go, because I won't be happy and he will keep doing things that bothers me.

We have horrible communication. I can never speak my mind, because I always feel that he should already KNOW what's wrong and what's right. I thought it was common understanding that a guy who has a girlfriend should not move in with another girl. And that it's wrong for a boyfriend to say he'd sleep with your friend, then get drunk with her one night and prank dial you.

He even tells me, that I should just communicate with him and tell him what bothers me. But I don't, I just shut myself out and get really angry.

I think I'm going to sit down and have a serious conversation with him then decide what to do from there.

Original Post by mimi_js:

Ok. You guys are right. He is human, it's understandable that he's Y and I'm not, so I see some things a different way than he does.

I have to let him go, because I won't be happy and he will keep doing things that bothers me.

We have horrible communication. I can never speak my mind, because I always feel that he should already KNOW what's wrong and what's right. I thought it was common understanding that a guy who has a girlfriend should not move in with another girl. And that it's wrong for a boyfriend to say he'd sleep with your friend, then get drunk with her one night and prank dial you.

He even tells me, that I should just communicate with him and tell him what bothers me. But I don't, I just shut myself out and get really angry.

I think I'm going to sit down and have a serious conversation with him then decide what to do from there.

 I symathize with you on the bolded part.  I find, not just with men but with people in general, that I am constantly floored by what some people think is acceptable behavior.  I mean, it shocks me at times. 

However, everyone's perspective is different, and it's nearly impossible to guess another person's motives.  Just as an example, from what I can make of your story, I wouldn't really be all that bothered by the behavior.  But that's just me.  That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you thinking it is inappropriate, or expecting your boyfriend to refrain from such behavior- just pointing out that everyone is different, and sometimes you have to mention the "obvious" to someone.

You'll be disappointed if you expect someone to conform to standards that you haven't articulated.  Know what i mean?  =)

Original Post by mimi_js:

Ok. You guys are right. He is human, it's understandable that he's Y and I'm not, so I see some things a different way than he does.

I have to let him go, because I won't be happy and he will keep doing things that bothers me.

We have horrible communication. I can never speak my mind, because I always feel that he should already KNOW what's wrong and what's right. I thought it was common understanding that a guy who has a girlfriend should not move in with another girl. And that it's wrong for a boyfriend to say he'd sleep with your friend, then get drunk with her one night and prank dial you.

He even tells me, that I should just communicate with him and tell him what bothers me. But I don't, I just shut myself out and get really angry.

I think I'm going to sit down and have a serious conversation with him then decide what to do from there.

Dude, I thought I was reading my own post! I used to be exactly like this. My family is pretty unemotional and we didn't communicate much when I was growing up, so I turned out the same.

But when my boyfriend came into my life, he really changed me. For the better. Most of our fights evolved from something completely stupid. For example, he used to mention his ex now and then. After a few months of thinking, "Oh god he's still in love with his ex he can't stop thinking about her," I talked to him about it fir the first time. He said he had no idea that I felt that way, and that he only tells me stories because he knows I like funny stories and she happened to be there.

Now, when he does something that bothers me, I calmly call him on it. He either, a) apologizes and promises to try not to do it again, or, b) gives reasons why he did it.

He also told me that talking about things not only gets your point across, but people with personal experience can help you if you ask. Also, talking things out out loud makes things more concrete--it makes you accept things. Kind of like at AA meetings, when people stand up and say, "Hi, I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic," they are accepting and trying to change the fact rather than shoving it in the back of their mind.

I have really improved myself by being a more open person, and I hope you can too. Whether you stay with this boy or not, communicating is a key element you need to practice every day not only for future relationships, but for life.

Original Post by mimi_js:

Ok. You guys are right. He is human, it's understandable that he's Y and I'm not, so I see some things a different way than he does.

I have to let him go, because I won't be happy and he will keep doing things that bothers me.

We have horrible communication. I can never speak my mind, because I always feel that he should already KNOW what's wrong and what's right. I thought it was common understanding that a guy who has a girlfriend should not move in with another girl. And that it's wrong for a boyfriend to say he'd sleep with your friend, then get drunk with her one night and prank dial you.

He even tells me, that I should just communicate with him and tell him what bothers me. But I don't, I just shut myself out and get really angry.

I think I'm going to sit down and have a serious conversation with him then decide what to do from there.

Someday ...you will look back on this and realize that it really wasn't worth your time, and wasn't much of a big deal anyways  .... 

I told him it was over :(

It all makes total sense now, he's had a secret crush on my friend all along. I used to just brush off all the little hints. Like whenever he sees her at a party, he'll hug her and swing her off the floor, he'll play with her hair... mention her name to me just out of the blue, telling me he thinks she's sexy..

You guys are right. he isn't worth my time. He was my first, and he was quite an experience.

Original Post by kittycats74:

I told him it was over :(

It all makes total sense now, he's had a secret crush on my friend all along. I used to just brush off all the little hints. Like whenever he sees her at a party, he'll hug her and swing her off the floor, he'll play with her hair... mention her name to me just out of the blue, telling me he thinks she's sexy..

You guys are right. he isn't worth my time. He was my first, and he was quite an experience.

And that's all he should have been....cuz guess what....you'll find out soon...that he will do the same crap to her.

Now what's your phone number?

I'm KIDDING....lol...JUST KIDDING....lol...hahahaha

just tryin' to make u smile :)

More importantly, what's your brother's #? 

HAHAHAHAHA