Need Advice

Hi everyone,

I need some good advice about healthy weight gain.  I'm 20 years old, 5' 4 and am currently at 85 pounds.  The most I have ever weighed was in high school, it was about 112, so I have never been a big person--I have a very small frame. 

I'm not really sure what caused me to lose the weight but it happened when I went to college.  I don't have an eating disorder, I LOVE food, perhaps too much.  But, I do tend to count calories, and especially fat.  I have this fear of fat I guess you could say.  However, I do want to gain weight because I am tired of hearing my family and friends complain that I am too thin, as well as hearing comments from strangers--it's not fair!  So what do I do?

I have tried lifting weights because I really want to gain muscle but that hasn't worked very well.  Should I be concerned with exercising?  I know I shouldn't engage in any cardiovascular exercise, but I don't want to gain fat--I want to gain lean muscle.  So should I be worried about what I am eating or should I just eat whatever I want?  My parents say I shouldn't be concerned with what I am eating I just need to eat more, but I disagree.  I don't want to become a flabby blob!  Any advice?

Also, I have IBS and gastro-intestinal reflux so there are a lot of foods that I have to avoid, and is also a reason I think that I have trouble gaining.  My GI doctor has sent me to a nutritionist but it didn't help.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

first you have to TRULY WANT to change..that means not resisting people's suggestions. you are severely underweight and your primary concern needs to be to gain weight..regardless of the "type of weight." you do have an EATING DISORDER if you are afraid of fat...fat is a nutrient and your body needs it..you are underweight and maintaing that weight, therefore, you have an eating disorder. so, you need to face that you are perpetuating this condition and you do have a problem. that being said, you simply need to EAT MORE. plain and simple..avoid exercise until you're at a healthy weight, though weight training is okay and will prevent all the weight gain from being fat, however, initially you will gain fat in your abdomen because your organs are at risk of failing and it is important for them to be protected. i am going through this right now. you should increase your intake to at least 2500 and avoid weighing yourself because your body will retain water as you increase the carbs that you're eating but after a few weeks the water weight will diminish and levels will normalize. i really hope you commit yourself to getting healthy because you are damaging your body more than you realize and at 5'4 i'm sure you look emaciated and the comments that people are making are not unwarranted. it's scary to watch someone you love wither away, anorexia is a disease that kills people and if people are saying things then it's likely because they are worried about you. i've gone through it so i am sympathetic of the position you're in but at the same time i know that there's no easy way to do it..you just have to realize that your health and ultimately your life is more important than a number on the scale. if you want to talk further or ned advice just let me know. good luck!

Chrissy... not everyone gaining weight has an eating disorder and it can alienate people who don't to tell them they do...

Cole: You cannot gain weight without gaining fat. Sorry. It's a biological fact.

If you are male you need at least 3000 calories to gain, female, 2500. That's sedentary, so if you're working out you need more than that. For more info, read here: The Aim is to Gain: Advice on Weight Gain, Whatever Your Reason

On your GI and IBS problems, I'm surprised a nutritionist didn't help but I suggest you chat to your doctor again. Try to make a food/reaction diary to figure out your trigger foods.

Um thanks, but I am not anorexic.  I thought this board was supposed to have people like me but apparently not.  Some people are just naturally thin, not all of us have problems.

You said you count calories and fat.  What would you say is the average amount of calories and fat you take in every day?

I recognise you're not anorexic. You're certainly not "naturally" thin if you count calories and fat grams, though. And the 2500 sedentary minimum for females, 3000 for males still applies to you even if you're not anorexic. So please still heed that advice.

Please, however, do not discredit the people here who ARE anorexic and recovering. These "problems" are life-affecting.

On average, I take in 1800-2000 calories a day and I keep the fat at 45 grams or less.  And I am naturally thin, are you saying if I didn't count calories and fat grams that I would not be thin?  Because I never used to count and I have never been fat.

Original Post by cole37:

Um thanks, but I am not anorexic.  I thought this board was supposed to have people like me but apparently not.  Some people are just naturally thin, not all of us have problems.

"But, I do tend to count calories, and especially fat.  I have this fear of fat I guess you could say."

Statements like these are what set eating disorders apart from simply being naturally thin. now, if there were not any obsessions or fears related to food then I would not have made that comment...however, fear of fat in one's diet is not normal..neither is an obsession with calories and desire to maintain a low weight is what makes an eating disorder an eating disorder. at 5'4 and 85 pounds, that is  bmi of 14.6 and classifies someone in to the category of anorexic, by clinical standards. so i'm sorry if i offended anyone but i do not take back what i said. this is an eating disorder and if there is stigma associated with the label that people do not like then that is a personal discomfort than i can't apologize for.

here are the criteria as outlined in the DSM IV manual:

A. Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height (e.g., weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight less than 85% of that expected or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of that expected). 

B. Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight. 

C. Disturbance in the way in which one's body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body weight or shape on self-evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of the current low body weight. 

" However, I do want to gain weight because I am tired of hearing my family and friends complain that I am too thin, as well as hearing comments from strangers--it's not fair!  So what do I do?"--clearly Cole does not believe that there is a serious problem but instead that "OTHERS" think there is a problem. so there is an incongruence in the self perception and reality. 

D. In postmenarchal females, amenorrhea i.e., the absence of at least three consecutive cycles. (A woman is considered to have amenorrhea if her periods occur only following hormone, e.g., estrogen administration.) 

From what I understand, all of the criteria are being met. I didn't say it to be mean and isolating, i said it because according to the standards that have been used to diagnose anorexia, and the similarity in my own diagnosis, it seems to me that this is an eating disorder. i hope that clears things up.

with you calorie intake in mind, I would probably change my opinion but initially i was just giving my advice which is what you asked for so please don't take things so personally and negatively. i was attempting to be objective. once again, i truly apologize =)

It's okay, I just really hate hearing people label me as an anorexic when I'm not.  I eat plenty of food, I just avoid those that are fattening.  If I were an anorexic I would have been forced to see a professional already, as I see my gastro-intestinal doctor regularly and she agrees that I am underweight but does not see a problem with it because I have maintained this weight for the last 3 years.  Thanks for your concern though.

thank you for being understanding cole...and i apologize sincerely, i did not mean to jump to conclusions or be accusatory. i guess it's my own insecurities and issues coming out and it scares me when i think other people are hurting themselves, which you're not so i was wrong and i shouldn't have been so fast to make that assumption. i would suggest that you get more healthy fats in your diet that keep you satiated and have actually been linked with lowering many diseases and even weight loss..not that that's your goal. so these would be things like nuts, avocados, olives, olive oil, nut butters, lowfat dairy--or full fat if you're brave enough =)...also more starchy vegetables increase calories, though not very fatty. I would eat more pasta and whole grains to achieve a balance as well. i hope this helps. overall, just boost your calorie intake...if you still don't gain look on the bright side...you get to eat more!! 

You still need at least 2500 calories, Cole, if you want to gain at a steady rate and keep it on. But Chrissy's given you good advice and there's the sticky I linked you to too.

Not saying that at all, Cole.  I just asked about calories and fat because that would be the easiest way to tell if you're eating at a level to help you gain weight.  I had a friend in high school that was skinny as a rail naturally, so I know it's possible.

I would say you're one of those fortunate people who can eat what they want and stay slim.  If you're eating a healthy, balanced diet (and that does include fat!) and you're not going through your day hungry, then I would say you have the right to stick your tongue out at anyone who says you're too skinny (they may just be jealous!)

With your gastro issues in mind, is it possible you have Celiac?  That would prevent you from absorbing nutrients and may lead to being underweight.  Even just gluten intolerance could contribute without actually showing up on any tests.

I eat plenty of food, I just avoid those that are fattening.

While most people don't know this, most anorexics eat plenty of food but not enough for their own body. This was my own situation. i ate more than my friends and ate whenever i was hungry and stopped when i got full. Regardless, I was underweight and unhealthily as are you. If you haven't already spoken to a specialist, they will tell you that once you reach a certain low BMI and your body drops to such an unhealthy weight, your mind alters and the hypothalamus undergoes a serious change. It is a PHYSIOLOGICAL fact that if you are underweight to the degree that you are at, you medically considered anorexic. Anorexia isn't a negative term. It is something that happens to people, whether it be by choice or by accident. In my case it was by complete accident but regardless I had to face the facts that at a bmi of 14.0, despite the fact that I was eating all the time, I was sick. You are harming your body more than you could possibly know. If you are really dedicated to losing weight and claim that there is absolutely no concern with the fact that your body will in fact change then there should be no issue with counting calories or even being concerned about them. While 1800-2000 might be enough for some it is undoubedly not enough for your body type because otherwise you wouldn't be 85 pounds. I hate to say it but I really think you need to reevalutate your situation and perhaps realize that it could be a little bit more than what you thought it was. Chrissy was correct in her comments and the information she provided was completely legitimate. Sometimes it is the hardest thing to hear but at the extremely unhealthy weight that you are at you are at major risk right now and shouldn't be worried about people's comments or how many calories you are consuming but should worry about your generall health. This may or may not help but given your weight and stats, you are at the levels for being hospitalized. With your stats, not one outpatient treatment center would take you in which means that you would only classify for IP. Perhaps take a step back and think about what you really need to do. If you are very passionate about gaining weight and being healthy and you claim that there is NO way you have an ED, then there should be no issue with calories or weight gain whatsoever. 

Anorexia is the symptom of a loss of appetite. It can have medical or physical reasons, not limited to anorexia nervosa.

Anorexia nervosa is the mental illness.

Many symptoms of anorexia nervosa come as a result of malnutrition or the effect of simply being underweight. And you don't have to be starving to feel their effects. The fear of fat and fat gain, and everything else Chrissy provided - she and Yogurt are right. You may want to reevaluate where you are. If you don't have an issue with this 2500 and higher won't be a problem for you. Neither will fat intake, or the idea of fat gain. But if they are, you need to reassess.

One more thing: while you increase, don't weigh for the first two weeks. During that time your weight fluctuates like crazy due to water weight and food weight. After two weeks it usually settles down.

You ARE naturally slim - that is the problem!

Naturally slim people NEED MORE CALOREIS THEN NORMAL PEOPLE to maintain a healthy weight!

If you gained weight on a normal amount of calories, which 1800 is for the average height female, then you would not be “ naturally slim”, would you?

You have been so small for years now, so does the idea of gaining freak you out a bit? I would say it is normal to feel apprehensive about gaining if you are so used to being a certain size!

However, if your heart is really in this and you recognize the health risks you face if you stay this way, then you will push through the initial discomfort period of gaining and focus on your goal - to gain to a healthier weight!

Do you have any strong reasons against gaining other then fact it is a “ change” from what you are used to?

As a personal trainer, and trust me, there can be a big difference between some one who does not regularly do resistance work to tone their muscles, and those who never do any

It is not possible for 100% of your weight gain to ALL turn into muscle, it is just not possible, the body does not work like that BUT, you regular resistance work for your muscles DOES increase the muscle mass and decrease the AMOUNT of fat; it just doesn’t get rid of ALL the fat!

Think about it, people would look abnormal and weird if 100% of their body weight was in muscle!? We would be rock solid, like a statue and it would look gross and VERY unfeminine!

When I was very underweight, a BMI 17, I developed too much muscle from the gym and had too little fat in my diet and I honestly looked TO masculine and not attractive physically.

If my weight was posing serious threats to my health I would have had problems by now-- I've been this way for years!  Also, I highly doubt I need to be institutionalized YogurtQueen.  If I were that emaciated my doctors and parents would have forced me to get help by now.  I have no health issues associated with my weight.  Also, I am a waitress and lift lots of heavy trays, if I were extremely emaciated I wouldn't be able to handle that.

Also, PersonalTrainer, I never said I wanted it to be ALL muscle!  I mean, I just don't want to get a "gut" or love handles... basically I don't want to turn into a flabby, giggly blob!  Also, I thought you might be able to answer a question I have about protein and/or weight gainer shakes.  Do these work?  Should I be supplementing my diet with them?  I have seen weight gainer shakes at the GNC store that pack on 2000 calories in one shake!  (these scare me a bit and I don't think I'd ever try them).  But will protein shakes help me to gain lean muscle?  Thanks so much!

no nutrient in and of itself will help you to gain muscle mass but the increased protein can provide the amino acids necessary for your body to build muscle fibers after they have been essentially torn through strength training exercises. If you are deficient on protein they can definitely help in the muscle building process, but it weight lifting in order to build muscles, not merely an increased protein intake. If you are having difficulty maintaing your weight you are likely losing some of your lean muscle mass and you may need to increase your carbs in order to provide the energy that your body needs, otherwise it will catabolize your muscles and essentially turn you into the "giggly blob" that you don't want to  be. That being said, I would recommend the protein shakes if you are 1) low on calories, 2) low on protein and/or 3) do strength training exercise that would benefit from a higher than normal protein intake. I hope this helps. =)

being a "naturally thin" person myself, here's what I learned after gaining 40 pounds

- even with an additional 40 pounds (22.6 BMI) I still look thin, so no worries about the flab you mention. one of the perks of having a small frame

- bottom line is if you want to gain, you eat more and  increase your calories. but, you can still have a healthy diet. you say you want to minimize fat, I think that is fine as long as you avoid (or minimize) the UNhealthy fats (ie: fast food, junk food, ect). There are LOTS of healthy fats, ie: found in nuts, olive oil, flax seed, ect. Not all fats are created equal!

- when you gain, some parts of your body gain faster than others, but over a long period of time, it all evens out

- personally, I like weight training. not only did it help me steadily increase my calories over time, but it also helped me stay healthy. just make sure to do strength training, keep the cardio to a very minimum, and no marathon sessions.

- about shakes/protein/supplements: I think they're fine as long as you get most of your nutrition using real food, and use shakes as small bonuses, emphasis on small. Especially when you start out, you don't really want to rely on shakes too much. If you use shakes, be sure to add stuff to it, like blend some fruit in it, or peanut butter. Or take it with other foods.

So I hope some of this helps, and best wishes!

you don't see health issues immediately and it can take a LONG time before they start to show up. And not all doctors recognize serious health problems associated with being super underweight. I had numerous blood tests run and things came back clear. I was weighed at the doctors office and nothing was said about having a bmi of 14. It wasnt until my parents started getting more and more worried about the irregular bruising I had and my excessive thinness that they looked elsewhere. It was only then that we were finally warned of how SERIOUS being so underweight is. Trust me, it all seems like a bunch of **** sometimes, especially if you feel fine, and you eat, and you can do things like run or lift trays or whatever, but it boilds down to medical facts and if we are going to be ignorant of them then what is the point in even trying.

I dont know...to be honest, I'm just not a fan of your defensive and argumentative attitude. You came here for help and you are ignoring what people have to do say and instead of really taking to heart what these people are offering to you, you are getting angry. I am sorry to say but your picture makes you look emaciated so how no one could be thinking that you do, seems absurd. Your bones are protruding, you can see your chest bones very clearly, and it is evident in your face that you are underweight. I really apologize if you feel that any of us have offended you but you came here looking for some advice and you really don't seem to want to hear any of it. Please understand that people are making observations based on the facts in front of us...not only those given to us by you but also the information we have recieved from trained professionals and those specializing in this field. 

and by no means did i insinuate you needed to be institutionalized...it was a blatant fact about others living at weight similar to yours. dont be so defensive

It is best to try to gain weight through a balanced healthy diet that gives you adequate nutrition as well as allowing you to have treats about 80% of the time

In my opinion, shakes should only be used if you are having trouble physically fitting in enough food to gain weight, this website has a lot of good information on what foods you should eat that won’t have you feeling too “ stuffed” to meet your goal

I am not a doctor or expert on the matter, so shakes may be used in other situations too.

If you like, I can give you some exercises you can do to tone your muscles, that are low calorie burning, do not need any equipment, and you can do any where any time!

If you do these 2 - 4 days a week for 20 minutes or so you will develop a more toned body if you gain weight, and doing the exercises also makes you feel better; doing something active and good for your body just makes you feel good doing it, and if you do the abdominal exercises then you definitely will NOT get a gut!

Let me know if your interested, I’ll send them all to you with clear instructions and picture diagrams of the correct technique.

These are LOW CALORIE burning activities, they target a muscle group, such as squats and lunges for your legs, but doing about 20 lunges, and repeating it 2 - 3 times burns much less calories then walking or doing cardio.

Gaining weight is a commitment and from what you have said it does not sound like you 100% want this for yourself, and your heart does not sound like it is 100% in this.

Basically, it sounds like you are doing it for your family and friends.

It does not sound like you believe that there are health risks associated with staying at your current weight, and that you cannot think of any physical benefits from gaining.

I have no idea what you think though and I am just saying what I think it sounds like so please correct my if I am wrong!