I need advice

As my profile states, I lost weight unintentionally just by becoming healthier (not eating Wendy's everyday, exercising, etc).  I stopped getting my period and got down to about 87 pounds (I'm 5'3").  So now I need to gain weight.  Actually I've been "trying" to gain weight for like 6 months.  But the thing I'm starting to realize is that even though I'm still 87-90 pounds and hate looking bony ang skeletal I also don't really want to gain weight.  I came to this realization when it dawned on me that I've been counting calories in coffee, diet sodas, etc.  That is obviously not normal for someone trying to gain weight.  Its probably not even normal for someone trying to lose weight.

I look at pictures of myself at 100-105 pounds and realize how much better I looked and I want to look like that again, but I don't want to go through the process of gaining ang getting that gross blubber around my waist and being bloated - I just want to wake up and be at that weight and have some more curves.

Its sad that I realize what is going on in my head yet feel powerless to change. I guess what I'm asking for advice from anyone who may have found him or herself in my position and tactics that worked to get them started toward gaining. 

Right now I eat 1800-2000 calories on days that I workout and when I don't work out I usually eat around 1500-1600.  I try to never go below 1500, which isn't usually a problem.  The other thing is that even if I do good for 2 or 3 days then I feel guilty and try to work out longer and eat at the low end of what I think is "acceptable", so around 1800 calories.

Are you talking to a counselor?  I hope you are being advised by a professional?

 I would suggest taking a break from working out, until you gain some substantial weight.  It sounds as though the days you do eat enough you end up exercising them away which is counterproductive for your present state.

Things will get better.  Take care and eat, eat, eat :+)

HUGS ((((()))))))))

Eating higher fat foods will give you more calories without filling up your stomach.

That's exactly what I did. It was never about wanting to get ultra skinny, I never thought I was fat at 120 and 5'8. I just thought I'd eat healthy and exersice more to get in shape. I had been doing martial arts and dancing for several years, but as a poor college student I couldn't afford to keep up the classes so I think I started other things like running, and swimming to get back in shape. Then I ketp cutting down my food more and more and exercising daily, sometimes more than once a day and I felt guilty when I didn't so on those days I'd eat even less. So I've ended up 100 lbs, which on my body is of course really unattractive. I really want to get back to the way I was but gaining is really scary.

What's worked for me is, first of all, stop counting calories. It's part of the obsessive behavior that got us here in the first place. Focus on nourishing your body with the best foods possible and keep in mind that you need more food in order to do that. Eat more calorie dense foods so you get in the amount you need without feeling like youre stuffing yourself. Grab a handful of nuts when you walk by the kitchen a few times a day, eat avocados, cook things in olive oil, and switch to using whole fat foods for a while. You also have to keep in mind that while exercise is good for your body, it isn't as effective if you don't give yourself some days off to recover. This way you're not burning off everythign you eat and your body can actually use it to rebuild toned and sexy muscle! What's really hard for me is accepting that the only way I'm goign to gain weight is by eating more than I burn, we have our minds stuck in diet mode or even maintenance, so when I start to get anxious about eating too much of something I just remind myself that I need it. It's also really motivating to realize how much better I feel now that I'm eating. I have so much energy! I can be active, I can go out with friends, and I can feel truly happy.

Make yourself a list of why you want to gain weight, put those pictures somewhere you can see them, and when you start to doubt yourself just reread your list. You can overcome this and you are not powerless!

So today I ran for about an hour, maybe a little more and ate about 2180 calories.  I have no real concept if that is enough to gain on.  I know its above my burn meter, which is about 1950.  I question that number though and think its probably actually higher.  It has my regular burn as like 1350 plus another 600 for the exercise I entered.  I mean I must burn more than 1350 calories a day without exercise right?

I'm not sure how accurate the calculator is on here. It tells me I need about 1600 to 1700 a day with my fairly inactive lifestyle. If you want to gain a pound a week you're supposed to add about 500 a day over what you're burning. But I think this is for people at a healthy weight. I know I've had to increase to over 3000 calories a day and I'm still not really gaining. So I don't really go by what it tells me on cc. Everyone is different, so I would just increase your intake and see what happens from there. You know your body better than the computerized calculator does and if you haven't been able to gain on what you're eating then you're not eating enough.

Also, try including more strenght training in your workouts and less cardio. Running doesn't really build muscle more than it burns fat, so if you don't have fat to burn, it will burn away muscle also. You want things that will build muscle without burning too much. You need some cardio of course for health, but while you're gaining you probably should keep it to a minimum. My favorites are yoga and pilates :)

Hopefully I'm being helpful and not just rambling!

I'm just sitting here realizing that I just want to be able to eat like a normal human again without scrutinizing every single that I'm going to eat.  I honestly wish I hadn't discovered this website.  I used to eat whatever I wanted and it never really had a negative impact so why am I so paranoid to do it now? I want to be able to just eat.  I'm sick of planning out meals and would love to just pick up and go out to eat every once in a while without searching and scouring the internet to figure out how many calories I should "save" for it.  I literally never did this until a year ago and never weighed over 110 pounds.  WHY CAN'T I JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AND EAT????? Honestly, even the hardcore dieters on here go out to eat and splurge without getting all paranoid about it.  I'm pretty sure that if I just started eating like I used to I'd be fine, but for some reason I CANNOT stop counting and worrying about gaining weight in my stomach area.

You need to talk to someone about the way you feel and ask for help.  Your doctor isn't a bad place to start.  Obsessive behaviour can happen for all kinds of reasons and it sounds like calorie-counting really isn't a healthy activity.   Eating so little that you became clinically underweight - even unintentionally - indicates that your problems stretch further back than when you started calorie-counting.  Being afraid to be a healthy weight isn't normal.  You may well be suffering from a form of depression.  Do seek some medical advice.

You really should seek help. Not only because you are displaying some obsessive like behavior, but also your doctor can give you healthy suggestions on gaining weight.  You deffinatly need to increase your calories but having help from a medical professional may help ease your anxiety about gaining to much. As a health care professional I seriously suggest that you get some help.  Good luck and good health to you in your journey.

Have you talked with a doctor and maybe had your thyriod checked? You may have a medical condition with your thyroid and don't even realize it. One of my friends I grew up with was always eating the same stuff I did, she usually ate more than I did and she never put on a pound, she was very petite. Myself on the other hand have always been over wieght. It drove me nuts to watch her eat everything I ate and she never gained an ounce. It wasn't until she got pregnant and went to the doctor that she found out she was hyper-thyroid. Her body produced too much thyroid hormone. Then when she started doing drugs,(speed), she wasn't eating and soon started looking skeletal. Many people thought she was anorexic, but she wasn't. She was just doing too many drugs and had too much thyroid hormone in her system. I am hypo-thyroid, I have no thyroid at all, and I have to take thyroid medication. This makes it very difficult for me to lose wieght.

The pattern you are starting could lead you into anorexic behavior. This is a condition that can really sneak up on you. But by the time you realize you have a problem, your pattern is so set, that it is a real struggle to change it. It is great that you have taken the step to ask for advice on here and you realize that counting every calorie is not healthy. Try not to label the behavior as normal or not. Normal is a setting on my clothes dryer. Focus on what is healthy, and what real boundaries are.

But first and foremost, go and see a doctor and have some tests run to make sure you are not dealing with a medical condition. Thyroid problems can cause depression, fragmented thinking, physical problems that you may not realize make you feel bad about yourself. If you have a medical condition, you won't be able to fix the mental parts of these issues, without fixing the medical ones. Once you deal with any medical, you can focus on the mental and emotional issues if there are any.

Be good to yourself! God made you wonderful, for a wonderful purpose, and wants to see you happy!

Glenda