Need Advise For My Daughter (ED)

My daughter is 8 years old and we don't have any problems now.  However, I am seeing some behaviors that are raising red flags and I don't want to see her go down a bad path.

The problem that I see is she likes to eat way to many sweets.  Don't get me wrong, I understand that she is a kid and ALL kids love sweets.  The problem comes when she sneaks them to her room or will steal them from her brother and binges on them.

I would like to hear from women that have and ED and have had treatment for it.  My concerns are:

1  Is this the sign of something bigger?

2  How do I handle it at this young age so that she has healthy teen years?

I don't know if im the best person to be giving advice, but I just have to note that it's important not to be too restrictive or make her fear sweets. Not sure how to keep her from bingeing on them, but whatever you do, I think you should still allow her her sweets as a treat or a reward sometimes.

I'd say to enforce good habits, don't let her sneak them, or eat too many at once. Try to enforce the idea of them being "treats" without restricting them too harshly because then she will just want to binge on them more!

You should talk to her, to kind of get a feel for her attitude towards food and then let us know... we may be able to identify better if we know kind of how she feels or why she does it.

I have to agree, I don't think you'd have to worry about much just so long as you encourage healthy eating, or associate healthy foods with happy times. I know it sounds  bit silly, but every time I eat rommegrøt it reminds me of christmas time with my family, and therefore happy times. This can lead to emotional binging though if one relates a certain type of food with happiness/happy times. I'm not saying serve cut-up celery sticks instead of birthday cake at your daughter's next birthday party or asparagus soup instead of christmas cookies, but just make sure that healthy choices are available.

Or, stop me if I start to get preachy, keep close contact with your daughter. Talk to her, ask her how she feels day to day, engage in family activities with everyone included, or even just one-on-one. That way if she DOES start to get some ED-inspired thoughts, you can nip it in the bud early.

I wish you luck! :)

I used to sneak junk as a kid, too, and I really, really wish my parents had done something about it.

I would enforce the rule of no sneaking sweets but don't make her fear them either.

You are a GOOD parent to be aware of these signs.  I been in and out of eating disorder treatment both inpatient and outpatient for 11 years.  My therapist always told me that sneaking food in your room and eating eat or even binging on it is an eating disorder behavior...which could be potenitally the begining signs of eating disorders.  Eating Disorder have more to do with than food...it is an emotionally disorder so, possibly find out what could be bothering your daughter that is triggering these symptoms.  If necessary seek counsling.  I wish I got into counsling much sooner then maybe things would of been different for me. If you need further advise please send me a message.  I am willing to help in anyway possibly.  It's typically a life long illness that does not go away.

Notice all the responses are girls with a the very least self diagnosed EDs?

Sneaking food is not good.  I did it.  My daughter does it.  I didnt teach her to do it.  I dont have to sneak food in my own house, now do I? (esp since its just her and I)

I think that the need to hoard and binge is both instinctual and pathological.  As my endocrinologist said, my body is designed by evolution, being fat is part of my nature.  Doesnt mean I cant defeat it-- but that primal urge to consume-- that is a hard thing to overcome.

These are the questions I would ask myself:

Does she do it more at night?  That seems to be an identifying feature of bingers. 

Does she feel guilty about it?  Hide the wrappers?  Lie about it for more than fear of punishment?

Do you have other children that you treat differently in terms of food?  I was "restricted" from having chocolate milk, the younger, thinner sister was allowed... I think this did fuel some of my hoarding/binging habits.

Is your wife chronically concerned about weight/health/fitness/exercising/botox et al?

Are you making a mountain out of a minor?

And then.... once I have answered these, I would reexamine my behavior toward food and my daughter.  And probably seek some professional help if I can afford it-- for me, not my kid, not yet.  And certainly dont take her to weight watchers at 9 or to jenny craig at 11.  Not even if she is 15 lbs overweight.

I have an 8 year old daughter who was doing the same thing and a 7 year old son as well. I would recommend the following:

1) Buy sweets that are reduced sugar or sugar free. Set aside the times when it is acceptable to have these treats. My kids can have dessert after meals. For snacks the sweets are off limits. Once the sweets are gone for the week, then they are gone, we don't buy more. So if they decide to "sneak" then they just run out faster. The things that she really likes that are high in sugar, set aside a time during the month where you can go out and have these particular desserts as opposed to keeping them in the house. At her age, you have more control over what she eats and it is so important to exercise it.

2) sit down and talk with her. Find out if anything is bothering her, if she's just bored or if she just loves the taste of sweets(which is just kids being kids), it could be a bit of all of them, but you won't know until you ask her. Also just stress to her about what eating too much sugar can do to her teeth, etc. and how it could start to make her feel tired, etc. Do not mention weight, etc. or anything like that. Believe it or not, girls these days at that young age are self-conscious about things like that. It will only make things worse.

3)buy lots of fruits. I keep the fridge and freezer stocked with fruits, and allow the kids to put a little bit of Splenda on it if they want it a bit sweeter.

4) privately consult with a therapist or her doctor and ask if they recommend counseling at this point. They will also be able to recommend ways for you to delicately approach the subject with your daughter.

I set the rules for all four of my kids, no exceptions. You don't want to single her out for any particular treatment when it comes to eating.  It will really hurt her and again, make her self-conscious. The changes will be good for both of your kids, because boys can get hooked on sweets too. I don't know if you have regularly scheduled times that the kids eat, but that helps too. My kids know what times they can go have snacks, what they are allowed to eat, etc. I also make sure that they eat breakfast, lunch and dinner around the same times everyday as well.

You're a great Dad for watching your children so closely and being aware. I wish someone would have caught these symptoms with me and my sisters early on. As a result, we have always struggled with our weight. It doesn't have to be that way with your daughter.

Not everyone loves sweets, but tons of us do.  I used to do this as a kid.  And now I have a significant amount to lose.  I don't know if she's headed that way, but it reminds me at that age.  I like proud's ideas.  Definitely bring in fruit that she likes a lot and encourage that.  But also cut the amount that is in the house.  If it isn't there or reachable, it's hard for her to hide it.  But, encourage her just letting you know she wants something.  Make it something she can talk to you about so that you know what's she's doing and can help her make good decisions and help her be aware if she's really hungry.  And maybe make each snack time half of a treat with some fruit along with it.

Good luck!

I was a "sweet sneaker" too and have taken years of my adult life trying to get a handle on my weight; would suggest replacing the sweets lying around the house with fresh fruit to satisfy the sweet tooth your daughter has; the junk food offers a quick blood sugar rush ( and then a quick "down); fruit satisfies the taste buds but the natural sugars time-release--for lack of a better description--and really take care of the cravings better--as well as being much healthier for her ( and everyone else in the house!)

Also--remember that eight isn't too early for puberty onset, and the mood swings on processed sugars as opposed to natural sugars can be really distinctive.

I wouldn't beat her over the head with a change for her only, singling her out --replacing the junk for everybody may be a good idea.

Example: my adult 25 YO son had donated blood recently and told me his results shocked him--his cholesterol is high. He's not significantly overweight, but has a few bad eating habits: drinking That Cola That Shall Remain Nameless being one of them.  We figured out (here!!) how many pointless calories are in a 2-liter bottle: 819; more than a third of his recommended calorie allotment for a day, and sugar off the wall.

Not so many years between eight and twenty-five in the grand scheme of things; do your girl a favor by *gently* steering her away from the sugar.

I wouldn't like to say whether your 8 year-old is behaving unusually or not.  However, it is disappointing that she feels she has to steal them. 

My 8 year-old son would eat sweets all day long if he could!  Our solution is to keep sweets in a tin on a high shelf which are available on request, but to have a good stock of yoghurts in the fridge and fruit in the fruit bowl that he can help himself to at any time.  I've noticed he goes through phases where he's pretty hungry all the time so having unlimited access to healthier snacks helps a lot.     We accidentally left the tin of sweets out on the kitchen table the other day and he even said to me "put those away Mum or we'll keep picking at them"

I know several children who aren't allowed sweets or crisps and they're the ones at parties stuffing their cheeks and pockets with as many as possible.  Whatever you do, it has to apply to everyone in the household, of course.  It's a tough balance to strike so I wish you luck. 

We accidentally left the tin of sweets out on the kitchen table the other day and he even said to me "put those away Mum or we'll keep picking at them"

that is sssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooo cute!!!!!!!!

It's true.  :-)  Another observation was one day at McDonalds which was... 'I like eating here but it doesn't fill me up like proper food'.   Out of the mouths of babes.....

i would say not to worry too much. i would keep healthy sweets around the house like fruits and berries. but then as a treat give her her favorite candies sometimes.

so that way you can teach her that sweets aren't terrible but it's something you only eat once in a while. and that way you don't also make a big deal of it and have her start feeling guilty about eating certain foods.

Analyze the whole situation. This is likely not your situation, but here was mine:

I'm the eldest, I have a sister a little about two years younger than me, and a brother who is five years younger. My father had really bad health issues and my parents eventually divorced and we moved 700 miles away from the only life we'd ever known. Prior to the divorce, we had been really poor, were on welfare, and often my mother forced us to eat the little food we did have, making us feel guilty if we didn't.

After the divorce, my mum always felt guilty and bad for my brother for a lot of reasons and always bought him sweets and snacks, claiming that it was because he was so skinny. She poured attention on him more than us because of her guilt. I managed to keep to myself and avoid most of the affects of this, but my sister snuck his snacks as retribution and because she wanted the attention he got. As a result, she has some pretty skewed views on food. She's not had an ED, but she has really bad self-image issues because of it.

It wasn't exactly obvious that this was happening and I don't think my mum realized the extent to which she was doing it, but I would say really try to take yourself out of your shoes and see what is happening around you.

(I, on the other hand, would take snacks down to my bedroom or whatever at my leisure - even whole tubs of icecream! - just because I wanted it and never thought twice of it. I was always a few pounds heavy, but it wasn't a sign of things to come and really, I just liked the taste!)

Keep limited sweets in the house. Encourage her to eat a piece of fruit.

If she develops diabetes or becomes obese, you'll be considered the "enabler" for keeping the junk stash well-stocked.

Just encourage healthy habits and feed her healthy meals, try to give her more fruits & veggies instead of candy, and keep limited amounts in the house. But I definitely do not think this is an onset of an eating disorder, you'd be surprised at how many kids that age horde a stash of sweets in their room and "binge" on them. Kids love sweets (as you even said), don't completely restrict them, but only keep them around as an occasional treat. Personally, I went through that phase and grew out of it (I'm 16), most people I know do, but some seem to keep it up. It is not what lead to my initial weight gain. Just steer her in the right direction, she's still young and learning about health.

but also, a quick question- are you noticing any changes in her weight from eating them? are they causing a gain? I'm definitely not saying you should put your daughter on a diet in any way, but if she's at the point where she binges on them so much that they're causing her weight to go up, then it could be more of an issue as opposed to just a childhood phase. and is there a stressful situation occuring around her lately?

I say just promote healthy habits and limit the sweets in the house if they're really becoming that much of a problem.

Wow, I am overwhelmed by the responses!  Thank you everyone.  I talked to my daughter a little about it.  She just loves the sweet taste and sneaks so that she won't get in trouble.  I think this is typical.  What I feel is the sugar is making her crave more sugar.

We usually keep a good stock of fruit in the house that she can have at any time.  She is taking some mineral supplements which tend to curb appetite.  We don't buy a whole bunch of sweets.  Usually they come in from birthday parties, school events, etc.

My wife has struggled with weight issues all her life.  Both of us grew up under the mantra that you were not allowed to leave the table until you finished all your food.  So that our children wouldn't have the same problems, when they are full, they don't have to eat any more.  My wife is always concerned about the kids weight.  My boy is fine, my girl looks slightly heavy but if she goes through a growth spurt, she would look just right.  I tend not to fret about her weight a whole lot because she is still growing.  My wife on the other hand is concerned but doesn't vocalize it to my daughter, but my wife will vocalize health.

just another suggestion for candy from parties, halloween, etc. - I take the candy and put it away in a place that only my and my husband know about, then we dole it out as we see fit.

On another note,  don't know if your wife focuses on her own weight alot or not, but I noticed that my 8 year old is very attentive to my eating patterns. My other daughter isn't, but I think it may be because she is more slender. My 8 year old goes through stages where she looks  a little heavier, but then as you said about growing, she will trim back down when she has a growth spurt. Anyway, when I obsess about food, I notice that she will do it too, she will monitor what everyone is eating. Some girls will be more empathetic about eating disorders or weight issues of their mothers and take on those same patterns. I have to constantly monitor what I am saying when it comes to eating healthy, or eating too much, etc. I even caught my daughter the other day counting out chips. So what I did was told her to grab a handful. And told her a handful is usually enough. I never discuss her weight directly, but I am guilty of telling her that she got too much of something, then immediately regret it. So the "grab a handful" solution has worked out a lot better.