Need a balance.....help please!!!

Hi Guys,

Iv not posted on here for awhile because iv been doing well and trying to move on but iv got stuck in a rut.

Im fine with food now - yes i have "tendancies" and some peopl may say i dont always eat quite as much as i should but overall i dont struggle.

The problem is the exercise and im sick and tired of it going round and round in my mind.  I do 4x11km runs a week in the gym along with sit ups and a couple of leg weights.  I struggle with anxiety, depression, anger, ocd etc and when im pounding the treadmill lost in my music it all eases.  The issue is that im always thinking about exercise......What days im free to go in the week, if i can fit in my 4 days, trying to reschedule to make sure i can do, trying to talk myself into in wen im tired, wondering if i pushed myself hard enough etc etc. 

I love going and want to keep slim - ok so in terms of weight, iv not weighed myself for 2months and tried not to remember what iv eaten so im "lost" but i have measured and im not really any bigger.

I dont know why it RULES my life - I feel guilty if i dont manage 4times, would andhave cancelled going out to go to the gym if its my only chance to go.  This is no exaggeration when i say that whenever i think about anything i always think immediatley about exercise (will it affect my exercise, will i feel good because its not a planned exercise day). When im not exercising/not been that day i feel guilty/depressed/edgy and cant enjoy anything because i dont feel i deserve too.

Please could somone help me - I am scared of putting weight on but i dont think thats the main issue because i know realistically it wont be that much and i do feel i could deal with it now - i might look even better than i do now if i did.

Iv got a cold and hardly been sleeping since Saturday night - had planned to go to the gym Monday, Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday but iv not been yet because im not well but all day iv been wanting to go tonight even though im not 100% at all.

I really need help, its ruining the amazing life i have and shouldbe enjoying xxx

If something rules your life then it's unhealthy...  I think the only solution is to remove it for a while.  Break the cycle and find something else to occupy your thoughts - other ways to relax.  If you suffer from anxiety, depression, disordered eating and OCD then the exercise compulsion is probably linked.  Go to whoever is treating you for the above and explain the exercise angle.... ask them what you can do.

Im sorry you are having such a hard time , ive had a big problem with exercise during my recovery. i can honestly say the only thing to beat this is to challenge your belief . when you are undenourished over exercising does nothing but drive you into the ground and feed the eating disorder. sure you can exercise but you want to be healthy first right? and beable to do it because you enjoy it not because you are driven to . the more you exercise its like a drug its addictive . for me i also found it was partly a habit that had become my routine i found by putting other things there instead of the exercise, reading , watching tv , cleaning the house helped to manage my anxiety and help me divert from the feeling of exercising . yes i know its sitting still .i did a trial experiment i kept my eating the same and stoped all exercise other than a bit of gentle walking and my weight was no different . when you are underweight it is ineffective . you think you are controlling your weight with exercise but your not its controling you. by doing this it was hard but i found i had so much more energy my concentration was better, i had m ore time for family friends, before nothing would stop me exercising i used to cancel everything in order to exercise. im now actually more able to concentrate on my recovery . i have been gaining weight for some time with little activity and my weight gain has been very slow you really will be supprised .you dont need to exercise , you do deserve to rest . so listen to your body its asking you for rest and nourishment to regain your health . then by all means exercise but in a healthy manner when you are mentally and physically better , your focus should be purely on recovery and that is fighting the need to exercise you can do it and we are all behind you h x

Thankyou for your kind words - its really helpful knowing im not alone because noone around me seems to understand!

When I was underweight, I could understand how exercising that much was bad for me but now im just into the "healthy bmi" zone i feel i should exercise as much as i can.  I feel i have no excuse not to exercise and especially because i get so much enjoyment out of it.

I feel happier knowing im now free on Friday so i can still fit in 3days this week but im already panicking that someone will ask me to do something and i wont have as much time.  Im going to struggle abit for the rest ofthe night because my boyfriend has just gone to the gym and we usually go together!

I "feel" moments when i realise im not being driven by exercise etc but i ruin it straight away because i feel"naughty" for forgetting about exercise. 

Itsa never ending cycle!xx

it seem that way , but it can be broken, you can be in control , you dont have to do it , nothing bad will happen if you dont do it , you have as whole bunch of people here who understand and will help you through h xx

our minds are such buttheads sometimes, eh?  your mind has taken the thing that makes you feel less anxious and turned it into something else to be anxious about.  i think it's trying to tell you that you haven't outsmarted your anxiety by doing all this exercise.  and that no matter how far you run, you can't outrun your anxiety either.  have you seen a therapist for your eating and/or anxiety concerns?  your exercise seems to have taken on an OCD type flavor, where thoughts about exercise (and really these sound like worries that you WON'T get to exercise) are serving as obsessions and then both planning when you'll exercise and actually exercising become the compulsion.  if you've been in treatment for your OCD before, what kind of strategies did you use to manage your obsessions?  if you've learned some, apply them here as well.  for example, if you were involved in ERP, this would mean you need to expose yourself to what you're afraid of (i.e., NOT exercising) without engaging in the compulsion (i.e., exercising or planning to exercise).  this is the same advice GI Jane and Helen are giving you, but it may be helpful to reframe it in terms of skills you may already have.  good luck!