Need some Cheerleaders

Hi all...

So last Wednesday started my "anniversary vacation". After 2pm I was free of my little kids and for the next three days would be away with my husband - no exercise and of course no "eating a little bit less" because we'd be going out, relaxing, and having fun. That Saturday, even though we were back, we went to dinner with his family, so it's not like I wouldn't be eating, and last night was "Sunday Dinner." It was a really good opportunity for me to get in some days of rest and really get my brain wrapped around eating more.

So... whassaproblem?! I'm back. As many people know, being in the routine in which you originally ate less can pose a problem. I'm not special and I know everyone here needs support sometimes, but I'm asking for it big time because a big difference between now and last week is that I'm hungry, and that is beginning a vicious guilt cycle.

Much to the chagrin of some who are great fountains of knowledge and support on this website, I am still running because I paid for this half marathon and since I paid for it (in January, I was 15 pounds heavier), I'm running it. I can't fall out of shape, but I did stop my "second workout" which was wholly unnecessary and quite frankly killing me.

So I ran yesterday, I ran today, and holy heck am I starving.

Does this mean I did good things for my metabolism while I was resting and eating?

Also... I can't think of what to get my husband for his birthday. He's a wonderful man with this creative spell but he really likes creative gifts. I've gotten him voice lessons, taken him hang gliding, saw to it he could fly a plane... because he's that unique. I can't think of a thing so I was thinking, rather than spend money (he's all "you don't have to buy me anything"), I would write him some songs (he's an aspiring musician) and get within my healthy weight range - 122-169 - by his birthday - September 28th. I'm ~115. So... I need some support. I have classes in session to take my mind off of food related thoughts...

... but does that sound like the stupidest birthday present ever?

... not being severely underweight nor eating below 1,200 calories, will I still experience any "refeeding"?

... with running 30-40 miles per week, should I assume every mile = 100 cals in terms of re-eating what I've burned off? (Take 2,500 for weight gain as a base and add on there?)

My doctor told me "not to worry about gaining weight" - I did call and ask. Again. So... I think he just hates curvy women!

Help?

Getting into your weight range (and writing some songs) is totally a good birthday present. If he is anything like my ex-boyfriend, he'd be ECSTATIC that you were at a healthy weight and be like the best birthday present ever.

I'm not sure about the refeeding issue. Even though you aren't eating below 1,200 cals, you are also running A LOT, so that burns a lot and you need MUCH more. That makes it seem like you are eating at least 400-500 calories less, which would be 700-800 calories a day for all other activities. You may very well experience refeeding, but I don't really know.

I'd say estimate 100-150 per mile and add that to 2,800 calories to gain. I got the 2,800 because if you want to gain at least to 122 by Sept 28th you need to have an excess of 800 calories a day, not just 500. And I'm sure you know already but, it would be ideal for you to not exercise. I can understand that you paid for the half marathon already though. Just make sure that isn't ED talking. ED can be very tricky and deceptive and trick us into justifying our behaviors.

And as for your doctor....personally, I think it would be a wise choice to consider changing to a different doctor. If it were me, him telling me that I didn't need to "worry about gaining weight" when I was under my weight range would only reinforce my ED, which isn't healthy.

Good luck with everything and stay strong! You can do it!

I've had two doctors who have said basically the same thing about it. The latest one... I kind of got the impression (both times) that he had just come from seeing an elderly obese person and he was frustrated and excited to see a "runner." He and my other doctor lift weights and do MMA together and so I guess they're "fit-minded." But it did make me uncomfortable talking to him. I have to go to the OB to talk in September so I'll talk to them.

I really appreciate the support. I guess I worry about my metabolism but will no more when I get my thyroid results. If everything is low, I guess its just a pituitary problem and I just have to eat even more than I have been to get everything started. I also appreciate the understanding with the running. I'm cutting back even if it hurts my 1/2 marathon time - I just want to finish it and put my feet up. I'm not going to have a problem taking some time off after that, no matter my weight.

I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for your response.

Now, if I could just write songs....

Hi. I am sorry if I ask ?'s you have already stated as I am a little off today but am trying to help. Ok a few thoughts too. Can you identify some struggles at home? Are you stressed with your kids? Is it lack of routine?Are you alone I mean in terms of adults? Etc? Can you pre plan your meals and snacks at home? I have very big issues with many doctors and ed recovery. Many are clueless. I had one at 100 say his wife was that thin so it was ok. Like what? I am 5 7. I had to really push the comment away and focus on my goals and the health facts that I was having. I think I stated in a past post my feelings on the marathon training. Some normal weight women who don't have an ed past will miss there periods due to this kind of training. I think health needs to be number 1. I think you have your mind set though but in my eyes regardless if you paid you should not do it. It is not worth a long term injury or health complication. Your calorie needs with that high of training is going to be very high. What are you eating now in terms of calories? To meet your goal with your training you are really need to bump it up and though I don't think it is ok to train for this I would say at least the 100 per mile on top of 2500 a day. I don't mean to be negative about your training I just fear for your health. I know the damage first hand that can do. As for the gift to your husband I think it is sweet cause it is from the heart. As worring about metabolism,health etc. I understand and relate but I guess for me I am trying to stay in the day. The future may or may not happen with the worries but it does not take away from what you need to do today.

bethany thats not stupid , you are such a a sweety i think thats a grt idea , just having a gift that someone has took the time to think about and create them selves means so much more . go for it besides its from you ! thats all that matters.

id definitely try and find another doctor you need someone who you feel comfortable with

glad you enjoyed your break , think you should try and give yourself a bit more free time at home. I  dont mean to sound funny but remember all the helpful advice you have given me , listen to your body ,you are hungry for a reason . your so active think how much athletes eat . I really think you should cut your running i think you are doing to much mate . Sorry im probably really annoying you, im just trying to be helpful. do you mind me asking how far are you off your goal weight ?

abbi thanks for asking question I don't mind at all:-) With home, I get stressed a bit with the kids and the house and the husband and school but its not the root of the disorder because I love that a whole lot more than the sitting like a lump I used to do when it took hold (at age 11). I guess the stress and fear of failure might play in sometimes, but for a long time the whole "deal" was that I was running in the morning, doing the kids things, the morning errands, so on and so forth, and so it would be 1pm and I'd realize I'd meant to eat but hadn't. Then, that turned into a "well then I shouldn't eat." Things got better when I started eating breakfast. The routine is FIRM - my kids really thrive on the routine - so every day is super routine, but the routine came about with my trying to stop eating so much when I was first breastfeeding (I was housing like 6,000 calories a day at the time and still hungry). I do "plan" my meals and stuff but I actually am trying NOT to be so scheduled about it (and about a month ago stopped logging calories) because it makes me want to cut down a little bit from each, you know? I'm trying to be a little more spontaneous about it so it isn't all about "control".

When I first started coming to this website I was averaging about 1,300 calories a day while running 35 miles per week or so (maybe a little less) and doing the busy home life. I jumped up right away and it made my stomach so bad in a lot of ways that I got a little sick and dehydrated so I just cut back and was averaging 1,400-1,500, but then increased and now I'd say I WAS averaging 2,100 but it has been more since last Wednesday, probably averaging more like 2,600 (and for three days there was no exercise).The half marathon now is more like a labor of love, I DO NOT AT ALL fantasize about running it that day to burn 1,300 calories or anything. I Want to get it done because I signed up and I used to be a big time quitter - when I was a teen, I had no "sticktoit-iveness." I guess I want to show myself I can actually do what I signed up for and worked hard for. It's like an inspiration for school while I have the kids and all that. I really don't think about it in terms of calories, though at first I really did.

I am presently just short of 5'8" and 115 pounds, up from 112, but over the vacation I didn't gain the weight I thought I would. So I have to try harder.

I take a multivitamin and calcium with flaxseed oil and iron occasionally (as I am on birth control I take it for the week prior to and week of menstruation). I eat fats for sure, I eat a big breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert. With my metabolism... I guess I just want to understand it. I feel like that would help me. Maybe that's why I think that doing it for my husband's birthday would be so good.... because I don't want to fail him, so if I'm doing it with him in mind, MY negative voices can't win.

helen... you're not annoying me at all! I'm cutting back on my running and I'm about 8 pounds from where I'd like to be by his birthday. I really just wanted to know if everyone thought that was the stupidest gift ever. He's ALWAYS trying to get me to gain weight. he comes home from work a lot of times with my favorite goodies and stuff for me because he wants me to enjoy eating it. He'd take me out any time because he knows I can be weird about cooking for myself; he's going to eat Indian and Greek whenever I can go out and get spices (we're in a remote area) even though its not to his palate because he wants me to eat more. He looks at me sometimes with such worry, even though he knows I eat, and I haven't made myself sick in years (I was bulimic for many years). I thought if I could get him a card on his birthday and slip in a picture of the scale number he'd feel really good and know that there's no way I'd love an ED more than him, which is kind of what he thought when we were first married:-(

First I think it is good you are being open about the responses. A few more thoughts I have. I am not a doctor but if I had to bet I would say the no period is because you are starving yourself. With the amount of activity and eating 1300 is like a non active person eating 500 a day. You have to remind yourself that. It is like if you drive your car farther you have to put in more fuel. Regardless if you eat fats in your diet they can't do there job if you don't have adequate intake. Like I said I think you are going to need way over 3000. In one of my inpatient stays I was eating way over 4000 and that was sedentary to the extreme. If you have your heart set on running this marathon I would really think after about taking time off. I understand that it brings you joy but in my eyes it is better to take a short time off to heal then lasting long term problems. I am not a mom but can understand how hard it is to juggle everything. Remind yourself though part of taking care of your kids and family is taking care of you. I always get drawn to moms that suffer because I have a mom who my whole life had anorexia. I don't blame her at all for me ed. I have always though been extra concerned and new at a very young age my mom had a problem. I know you can make your goal but of course it will take some major changes and like you say pushing through the negative voices.

I would REALLY suggest Inpatient.

i know u have a family, responsabilities, but that is partly WHY id suggest INPATIENT!

you have to much at risk to try this alone.  doing a marathon as "an act of love"?  i dont think so!!

you need to get ur proiorities straight, its not just about u anymore, i know u KNOW that.

gl

I'm DEFINITELY no longer eating 1,300 calories per day - NO WAY. I think its so good that I'm way hungrier than that. I COULDN'T do it anymore because I'd get really low blood sugar - I really think my body wants me to eat more and I'm doing it. I'm upping more and more.

The half marathon isn't "a labor of love" in a way where I love exercise compulsively. I just had a moment where my daughter asked if I was going to go and do more exercise because she got to watch a cartoon when I'd do it and I said NO and I'm going to pick up my lunch instead. It's a labor of love meaning its laborious - I signed up to do it - and I'm going to love the feeling when I'm done because its done. YES I will take time off after that. But I'm not even ELIGIBLE for inpatient anywhere around me and I did ask when I had a meeting with a counselor on June 2 - I wasn't then and I'm in much better condition caloriewise and mood wise now so I wouldn't be now, either, agruskin.

I don't make it about me - I absolutely don't! I've never put ANYTHING family related on the back burner intentionally and I've been on this past 2.5 month journey FOR my family and for me.

Sending every good thought and wish and all manner of good karma.  I can only think that he would probably think that the BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER.

I will leave it to the more experienced here to respond with advice, but I am wishing you well, and health, and peace from the doubting/guilty voices in your head. 

thanks for sharing all of that bethany that must of been hard , you have come so far but you have so far to go , but you can do it . i think the main thing you need to focus on is by trying to relax and definitely slow down your pace and lke abi said you need so much more with all the training you are doing , your putting your body under so much stress, it needs a rest think of all youve said to me im eating as much of you and im mostly sat down all the time . the advice you give others is so true for yourself to lol. just think about it . your such a lovely person and i just know your life can be so much better, but you need to let go , not all at once ,a bit day by day ,you deserve more in life than you are getting ,and you have the power deep inside to get this all . in years to come i think youll look back and realise it was all worth it  all my love hxx

ps i hope this doesent affend you but i have a book i ordered off amazon and i think you may benefit from reading it

i can think of three

the first is sports nutrition by nancy clark  the second nancy clarks food guide for marathoners and lastly hooked on exercise by rebecca prussin

I want to type but am too full from a lunch of meatball stromboli (pizza dough with meatballs, cheese, and marinara sauce baked inside) that I can barely move j/k - well, about the too full to move thing, anyway.

You guys are so supportive. Thank you so much. I really am behind this and think I will even run better with this. But that it would be a good gift for Matt is a big deal to me. I love this man so much. He wants me to look healthier and I want to do it, in part for him yes because I do love him and what wife doesn't want to be attractive to her husband??

I cant really give you any great advice, people above have given you some good tips already. I just wanted you to know Im definitely cheering you on and am here for you if you ever need it.

I think thats a great gift for your husband, no amount of money in the world could buy what would make him really happy and thats seeing you healthy again. It also would be a great motivation for you I think, something really to work towards. Just remember to be careful with your exercise as well.

my husband and I had a mini fight about my weight again last night, and we don't usually fight. It's actually the only thing we bicker about really. He just said something about eating more when I was talking about something entirely different and I became really self conscious because I am self conscious about his being attracted to me, etc. We talked it out and he knows that the half marathon is important to me and that I just can't stop running, and he did acknowledge my increase in calories, but I thought of this thread immediately. I don't want to fight with him at all... especially not about that. I feel really good about it.

Also, my running felt so much better after eating more and more and upping my cals a lot yesterday. It felt so good. I feel good.

Bsh Are you in the US? I have been inpatient multiple times with people who are normal weight and anorexic because there behviors and mindset are not healthy. I can tell you places like Renfrew would accept you. Unless you are out of the US then it may be different. I am not for or against inpatient. Like I said I have been many times.

I am sorry about your husband and the fight. I am glad you talked. I will say and you may not want to hear this but you are fooling yourself if you think your kids don't notice odd habits or exercise. I can remember enjoying going with my mom to watch her work out because it was fun to watch but at the same time I had fears of her dying. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty but like I said kids may not know exactly what is happening but can sense something off. In any regards just take care and be proud of yourself for making the increase. Also though eating more is stressful the comment your husband made was supposed to be encouraging. Mabe you can tell him what and how to help. For some like me I don't like any comments. Hang in there and I hope I was not too harsh. You sound like an amazing wife and mom. The ed though can sometimes make it cloudy to see how it impacts are loved one but it does not take away from all you do and are to them

Original Post by abbi333:

Bsh Are you in the US? I have been inpatient multiple times with people who are normal weight and anorexic because there behviors and mindset are not healthy. I can tell you places like Renfrew would accept you. Unless you are out of the US then it may be different. I am not for or against inpatient. Like I said I have been many times.

I am sorry about your husband and the fight. I am glad you talked. I will say and you may not want to hear this but you are fooling yourself if you think your kids don't notice odd habits or exercise. I can remember enjoying going with my mom to watch her work out because it was fun to watch but at the same time I had fears of her dying. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty but like I said kids may not know exactly what is happening but can sense something off. In any regards just take care and be proud of yourself for making the increase. Also though eating more is stressful the comment your husband made was supposed to be encouraging. Mabe you can tell him what and how to help. For some like me I don't like any comments. Hang in there and I hope I was not too harsh. You sound like an amazing wife and mom. The ed though can sometimes make it cloudy to see how it impacts are loved one but it does not take away from all you do and are to them

abbi - I saw how unhealthy it was becoming so I started doing my running in the morning before they wake up. This way I CAN'T run too long and they don't see it. The comment yesterday from my 3.5 year old reaffirmed how much they notice and it made me want to show her even more that running is supposed to be fun and MODERATE, not an obsession. I get my kids active but we make it fun, and when its rainy we run silly races and things like that. I tell her all the time about taking care of her body and how that means sleep and resting, etc., as well as having fun. I'm trying to undo the little things she noticed by showing her improvement in me and also explaining things better.

Nowhere in my vacinity will take me, but Renfrew.... I wouldn't be able to do that, based on sheer affordability. I'm doing okay now, my point to agruskin was just to say that when I felt I was at my worst I did ask about it. If I slip, especially after my husband's birthday, I'll go into at least outpatient.

The songs, though. I have to make sure I don't make them sound like they're about dealing with angst of eating! Last night really brought it home that its a good gift though...