ok...need some direction/advice

Alright...so back in October i started the New Rules of Lifting for Women....and fell in love with lifting weights...but i did not follow a great diet and so while i saw a little bit of results after 3 mo...it wasn't as great as it could have been had i followed a good diet. Anyways...I'm a medium sized gal...i have broad shoulders...big upper area (chest, back, slightly on the arms) and a tire around my waist...but i have skinny hips and great toned legs..so in essence i'm an apple.  I'm 5'5 and 155lbs...and I really want to lose a crap load of fat and just look great. I know everyone says its impossible for women to get bulky when lifting weights...but I'm wondering: should i follow a 500 cal deficit diet to lose weight...and once I get to my desired weight range (around 125-135lb) depending on what is healthy/possible to attain) THEN start the weight lifting regimen with the proper diet?  I don't want to look like i just gained muscle...i want to look slimmer while also looking muscular. any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Your post is a little confusing. You say that you know it's impossible for women to get bulky when lifting weights but then say that you want to put it off until after you've lost the weight because you're afraid to turn out muscular or bulky.

Women can NEVER turn bulky or too muscular. The female bodybuilders or models you see all have very low bodyfat and possibly get some helps from their diet (supplements).

I'm not sure what kind of weights you're lifting but even if you're lifting heavy there's no way that you'll magically bulk up.

I would suggest that you do a 3-day split and 3 days of cardio.

You cannot build significant muscle with a calorie deficit, so go ahead and create the deficit but keep lifting; it will help you lose and look better. Then if, when you get to a weight that is realistic, you can actually build MORE muscle back by increasing your calories. Or you can just eat and work out at maintenance.

sorry about the confusion...i know that its impossible to get incredibly jacked like the professional weight lifters...but i don't want to stay at the build I am at and put on muscle...i want to look slimmer with muscles...i dont know if i'm expressing my notions clearly...

I lift pretty heavy and eat a deficit.  I have dropped weight, body fat, and think I look more toned.  I have read NROLFW as well, its a good book and I do follow the principles in there for weight lifting but I never followed the "eat maintenance" part of the diet.  I am 5'8, 130, and shoot for about 1800 cals a day.  Hope this helps.

Also, what is your body fat?  I am about the same weight and height as you and my goals are very similar however, losing weight is not as important to me as losing fat.  I want my body fat percentage to go down and the only way to do that is lifting heavy weights and HIIT.  At least that is what I am reading on this site and others.  Good luck and I definately feel you pain.

I'm pretty sure you can not gain muscle if you're eating at a deficit.  (like, 100 % sure, actually).  So keep up the nrolfw (i just finished stage one).

 i don't know what my body fat %age is..and i stopped doing the NROLFW program around december...so maybe i'll start it up again and this time watch what i'm eating and keep the deficit...should i also do cardio on the off days or the same days i work out?

here is my question How do we deal with a trainer or supposed trainer that says:

Women trying to lose shouldn't lift only lots of cardio and if they lift keep it small like 2 to 3 lbs.