I just need some direction and honesty.

I hope this doesn't sound whiney.  It isn't intended that way at all.
I just know that thoughts inside my head and (sometimes) desicions that i make for myself are warped.
Alright,
After I recovered from bulimia, (stopped completley the binge-purge cycle)....about 6 months ago.... I was about 127 pounds.  I am 5'8, small-medium frame.  I was content with this.
However, I was no longer binging and purging, so i ate EXTREMLEY healthy, and probably like 1600-1800ish calories for a few months.  I am very active, and lost weight to be about 120 pounds.  Then , in november, I had my wisdom teeth taken out, and after I recoverd from that, I was 114 pounds.  One day shortly after, my worried mother (after my ED, shes always got an eye on me..which I understand)  weighed me, and when she saw my weight at 120, she said "okay you are either going to GAIN SOME WEIGHT or go to councelling.
Well I realized she was right.  The thing is.  She said "125-130 ish would be fine and i would stop worrying so much!" and i ate and ate and ate (probably twice the daily amount I needed) and now I weigh 135.  I know this isnt fat.  My thoughts are not THAT distorted, I know its slim.  But I want to be 130 lbs and maintain that.  I just feel like gaining 15 pounds in such a short time was out of control.

What do you think? Is that obsessive of me? Would that be okay?
I just need someone's opinion. 
THank you so much, I am sorry that was as long as it was.
-Tee

I'd work on maintaining at 135.  Do a bit of weight lifting for your muscles.  Keep a journal for a few weeks and reread it to see how you really feel.  Is your weight truly a problem for you?  Very few people actually notice 5 lbs on their frame, particularly at your height.

Every person has a different "healthy weight". So it's hard to say without seeing you, knowing you, and/or being your doctor. Have you talked to your mom about this? What does she say?

Also, how long have you been 135? If you've been eating a lot lately then you could be retaining a lot of water, and your weight might yet stabilize 133-134ish range. Just something to think about.

It's possible that 130 is still a healthy weight for you. I do NOT think it's okay for you to try to lose weight without mother and/or doctor being aware of it, though.

Youre right.  I bet I wouldnt notice the 5 pound loss.....I think its just an issue of numbers.

I actually weight train 4-5 days a week already! I think that may be a little part of the 15 lb gain, since I started a new fitness program in feb.

I'm 18 years old.  I dont even know what my healthy weight should be!
No, the highest was 138 and I stabilized at around 135.
My mother doesnt know, but I dont think she would care if it was just 5 pounds.
She would fear it getting out of hand.  But I would maintain at 130, not try and keep losing.

hmmm...I am also 5'8 & small framed and it is my personal opinion that I would be healthier at 135 as well.  (I'm almost there).  So I think you should remain at your present weight and maintain that rather than trying to decrease your calorie intake again.  130 pounds is the low end for women who are 5'8, so rest assured you are at the right place.  Congratulations on realizing you had a problem and taking the steps to get yourself healthy again. 

Your mom sounds sensible.. I think it would be really beneficial to have her there for support, fully aware of what you're doing from the get go.

You might be confident that it won't get out of hand, but obviously you do have questions about it and while people on CC can give you general advice they still do not know you and they don't live with you.

I am really starting to re-consider.
Maybe I should just maintain.

I don't think you are being obsessive at all! If you feel more comfortable with your body weight at 130, then by all means go for it. But if you don't mind being 135, then that's fine also!

Besides, 135 is a healthy weight. Why put yourself through the tortures of dieting when you look beautiful the way you are, yeahh?

I think that part of the problem is... i dont know how to not diet.
And i'm scared that if i dont, i will simply continue to gain....?

wow was jus lukn at your profile there.......your v pretty!

i have to say i really really admire your initial post......very mature....and very insightful both to your psychological response to your weight and your behavioral ones also! i understand that mentality about the how "not to diet" thing.......even though i dream of escaping that mind set i consistantly look for ways to skim on food.....even my allotted calories! i was hospitalisd with an eating disorder, i had gone from a very low weight to an okay-ish one but the mind set at a "normal" weight was as bad as when i was worst.....so i was sent for inpatient treatment.

my prob is exercise, i cant imagine being entitled to ANY food without exercise and when admittd to hosp exercise was  taken off the agenda......much to my terror! the first 2 weeks as an inpatient over 3 meals and 1 evening snack consisting in total of about 1600-1800 cals i lost 3 kgs.............i was dumbfounded. we were massively sedentary and in my wildest dreams i couldn imagine maintaining weight let alone losing weight on this much food which included desserts!!....anyway long story short- i think jus take a tiny tiny tiny leap of faith and try the not diet thing just for a week....i cant tell you that you wont continue to gain just like no one could tell me......i just wouldn a believd em but this is how you begin to see for yourself.

i wish you true support and success. i am wholey moved by your honesty and acceptance on the whole issue!

You are most likely good with either 135 or 130, whichever makes you feel comfortable. I am 5,8 as well and my preferred weight when I was 18 years old was 155, I am normally framed and there is were I looked and felt good.

I hear you when you say you aren't used to "not diet". Weight maintenance or management can be viewed upon as a diet, maybe if you "program" your mind to view it that way it will be easier?

Good luck and congratulations to your overcoming ED and obtaining healthy reasoning!

Anette

Original Post by sprout21:

I think that part of the problem is... i dont know how to not diet.
And i'm scared that if i dont, i will simply continue to gain....?

maybe try the maintenance forums..they will have tips for you. I'm still losing right now but what I plan to do when I get to my goal is to stay within a range. Probably the 130 to 135 range (except I'm a lot shorter than you!! I'm still going to be a bit pudgy at that weight..)

Anyway what you do at a range like that is if you hit 130, you eat a little more over the next couple days, then go back to normal. If you hit 135, you eat a little less. Because unless you are counting calories EVERY DAY, you aren't going to be able to stay exactly the same weight. and the goal is to STOP counting calories eventually.

Of course if you gain muscle you want to gradually move your range upwards because of the muscle weight. But this is actually a good thing because muscle is awesome.. burning fat and looking sexy pretty much, lol.

I think you can do it! believe in yourself and come back for encouragement whenever you feel nervous :D

You are a tall girl, so no matter what you should be at least 130lbs.  I can identify with you on the bulemia issue, I went through that whole ordeal as well.  My mom also watched me like a hawk.  It was funny getting praise for eating candy or icecream.  I'm sure you know how it is. 

I had my wisdom teeth taken out over the summer and lost weight from it. I believe that you didnt lose that weight on purpose. It sucks to eat after that surgery! 

Since you are a tall and active person, I would suggest eating around 2100 - 2200 cals/day.  Women need 1600-2400 cals/day.  If you want to stay extra lean, cut nearly all the fat out of your diet - unless your goal is to gain muscle.

I'm full of all kinds of health and diet info, cause I am currently going to school to become a health psychologist. sooo, feel free to ask me anything!

you seem like a decent person who is trying hard to stay at their bodies set point weight.  keep up the good work!

I too am 5'8" with a small/medium frame.  I have not ever had an eating disorder but you seem to be well aware of the issues that may be causing you (and your ability to question yourself now is a healthy thing, I think.)  Anyway, my "comfortable" weight was always around 120-125.  My lowest was 115 and I admit I was really stressed and doing A LOT back then.  However, I was REALLY happy and I was really enjoying feeling good in all my clothes.  I was dancing a lot (that was my main form of exercise) and I had just gotten married. 

Within 2 years of getting married I've put on 25 pounds and it is so depressing for me.  Of course, friends and family all tell me I'm beautiful and not to worry about it.  I feel there's no one I can talk to about it because people still see me as tall and thin (and no one wants to hear the skinny girl say, "I feel fat!")  Still, I am aiming to get back to at least 125.  It is hard to get back to the activities I used to do because right after we married, we moved to a new city (halfway around the world) and it has been hard adjusting to so much change (leaving my job, my friends, my activities, and the place that had been my home for 8 years!)  I am trying to be gentle with myself, but now that I'm 40 I often feel like I should just resign myself to feeling frumpy and that I'll never feel good in my clothes again. 

I know that I am in the "healthy" range for my height - but I am not in my "happy range" for ME.  I think that's a reasonable goal - even at 40 (I suspect you're much younger and therefore probably more acheivable for you!)  I don't really believe in "dieting" but I do believe in making healthy choices.  If you are comfortable eating a set number of calories per day and finding an activity that you enjoy - then DO IT.  I believe that your body will tell you whether you're getting it right or not. 

Good luck! :)