I need a "friend" to confide in...

...someone to tell what I did, whether it is that I ate an entire box of cupcakes or that I walked 3 miles.  I feel so much guilt and have no one to tell the truth to.  I am to ashamed to share with my husband or friends.  No one knows my true wieght and no one really knows that I have such a hard time with food and my self-esteem.

I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with walking three miles, but a box of cupcakes sounds like a binge to me.

But that doesn't seem like the problem. :( You seem like you have a lot of mental things going on. I think finding someone you can talk to would be a good thing for you. Your weight is nothing to be embarassed about. It's just a number, not you, or a reflection of your personality. It's just a number.

I wish the best for you. <3

You will find a lot of support here. And you only need to tell as much as you are comfortable with. Thank heavens for the blessed anonimity of the internet. Many of the people here struggle with the same demons, and reach for the same triumphs. Just ask for what you need, be it a sympathetic ear, a kick in the rear, or well deserved praise.

If you are not comfortable with the forums, PM me.

Katie

Original Post by caseykathryn:

...someone to tell what I did, whether it is that I ate an entire box of cupcakes or that I walked 3 miles.  I feel so much guilt and have no one to tell the truth to.  I am to ashamed to share with my husband or friends.  No one knows my true wieght and no one really knows that I have such a hard time with food and my self-esteem.

Eating an entire box of ucpcakes is not the healthiest....but I can remember the feeling.  I've been there. 

As mentioned above, the forums (or boards as some refer to) are a huge help.  We are all dealing with weight in some fashion, whether it is maintenance, losing, overeating etc.  Look to the forums for help.  And as katieydid2 said, if you dont feel comfortable, then please feel free to add me as a friend as well.

You can add me as a friend, Casey.

Oh, you have definitely come to the right place.  I have never found a place such as this, where I get so much support and GOOD advice.  Everyone here can relate to your problems in some manner.

Add some friends - people you can relate with, people who you see who've given good advice.  Write in your journal here, and you almost always get a pat on the shoulder or whatever you need (and you can make it private so just your friends see it, or public so anyone can see it).  Ask questions here on the forums.

i'm here if you need to vent about eating too many cupcakes :)

Jaefuma,

Yeah, i recently realized I have been periodically binge eating ie a whole bag of peperidge farm cookie - sausalito last sunday -for no emotional reason! Only thing I figured was that a piece of birthday ice cream cake set off my sugar meter to high resulting in a craving. it also happened with crunchy peanut butter last night after an early dinner.

There is a binge forum/group somewhere on here that i joined. this is a recent phenomenon with me  but i am working on it. i dont keep those things in the house anymore.

best,

Cat

I don't think you have explorered the joys that is the journals. When ever you need to say something write it in your journal. That feature is amnazing and anyboyd can read it. You might even get a comment or two.

Hi,

I know where you are coming from and I am here for you if you need to talk.

       &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;    

Ahhh...join the club!  I have suffered with distorted body image, and low self-esteem for my whole life!  I am the ONLY member of my immediate family who is short (4'11"), and "stockier" build.  My mom was a 5'9"model from a show biz family; my brother is 6'2"; my sister is 5'8", and my dad is tall also.  They are all very naturally thin, and because I am NOT, my mother assumed - I think from birth - that I was FAT. AND...she had no problem telling me so.  I have never been more than 20 pounds overweight (and thats now at 43), so obviously I grew up with a very distorted view of what I SHOULD look like, as I was always compared to my siblings.  This began a lifetime of bulemia.  When my youngest daughter was an infant (17 years ago) I blacked out while holding her, and wound up in a treatment facility.  There I learned so much about control and food.  Now, I still battle the "demons" - and feel compelled to eat my SECOND ice cream bar in secret, but I don't.  Find a way to learn to love yourself where you are RIGHT NOW!!! Even if you eat the whole box of cupcakes!  Its done!  Move on, and promise YOURSELF to do better tomorrow.  I am 20 pounds more than I'd like to be, and definately "softer" than I'd like to be - but you know what?  I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, and push myself harder than the day before - and when I walk out of there I hold my head high.  I did my best.  You need to LOVE YOURSELF!!! No one can take care of you like you do!  Taking care of myself is a way of showing myself that I love myself, even when I sometimes don't like what I do/eat/look like.  

Good luck on your journey!

ginasquid,

You sound likeyou have overcome alot. As well, 20 lbs. overweight it could be much worse in our 40s and it sounds like you have learned alot over the past years to help you meet your goal. great guns at the gym you do 4-5xs / wk. i am swimming due to foot injury have to give-up the eliptical but at least i'm movin more lol

you know as far as having a bad day or so...I ate ice cream for 2 dinner deserts and a birthday party. I had just started cc and I was so disgusted and frustrated i ate cookies. Needless to say i gained 1 pound last week.

however. I started with new resolve monday and strategized my points better and researched the restaurants and food ahead of time carefully and I have been able to stick to 1500 calories. that may sound like alot of cal. but I should lose ea/month even though it might not be one pound per week. I am willing to accept a slower weight loss than the other posts i see.

well glad we have this support network. lets all be ever vigilent this weekend so we have a good weigh in on Monday

Catnipster,

OK, I have found a way to have the snacks I want EVERYDAY and not get bummed about it. Some of my favorites are:  Weight watchers ice cream bars; emerald brand cocoa covered almonds; and any of the murray's brand sugar free cookies.  The chocolate covered mint ones taste JUST like girlscout thin mint cookies!  I have ONE serving of almonds (they come in snack packs) for my pm snack after lunch, and then ONE treat - either ice cream or cookies for dessert.  I find it easier to not eat too many excess calories throughout the day when I know I want to "spend" some of my calories on treats.  One area I found some "sneaky" calories was the creamer/milk I was putting in my 4-6 cups of coffee each day.  Each 10oz coffee with creamer is almost 100 calories!!  So, I drink one cup the way I like in the am, then for the rest of the day drink black coffee with a packet of the Splenda flavored sweeteners which have no calories!  I never really feel "deprived" when I get to eat the snacks & "flavored" coffee's I love!

Swimming is awesome - do you have water weights? 

casey, i want to tell you that you are not alone.  how do i know this?  because your post could have been written by me.  every word.  i know what it's like to binge to the point of sickness.  to hate yourself for it, but to continue doing it.  i know what it's like to act like you have a healthy relationship with food in front of others, including your own husband, and feel the pain and sorrow when you are alone.

i have lost the weight in a healthy way, and i have not binged since starting my weight loss.  but i feel like an addict who could fall off the wagon tomorrow, next week, or next year.  every day is a struggle and it always will be.  you can get through this.  if i can, i know you can too.  just coming on these boards shows your strength.

know that there is someone out there who gets it, and is always here to listen and offer support.  we are all friends of yours on this forum.

Hi Casy,

I'm new and not doing so great.  I am about 60 pounds overweight--the highest I've ever been.  But I don't ever talk about my weight with other people--not my husband or my friends.  I don't like people to take pictures of me, and I avoid looking in mirrors or shop windows where I will see myself.  I don't know if people have any idea how much my weight bothers me.

I am usually very well groomed and I am a professional person.  Yet I have battled weight issues all my life--generally losing the battle.

I identified with you.  I certainly do know what it feels like to want to be able to be totally honest with someone.  So many people here talk about how well they are doing, which is great, but sometimes I just need to be able to share how hard it is for me, how I get so hungry at night after I've used up all my calories and then have to go downstairs and get something to eat but feel so guilty about it.

I'm only 5 feet tall, so I can't carry the weight that other people are okay with.  I also have to live on fewer calories.  It is a struggle for me.  I would be happy to talk with you.

ginasquid,

Thanks for the snack ideas. I went to the ice cream sectio nof the grocer and found Skinny cow ic sandwiches peanut butter and choc (satifies my peanutbutter obsession). Also WW icecream dipped in choc toffee. They helped this weekend for PM treats.

Bummed about my weigh-in this morning: I lost 1 pound but it is the pound I gained 2 weeks ago on vacation lol. AND I got my period. so i hope i am carrying water weight and that might explain why i did not lose more lbs.

milk in coffee: yes, those cals. add up. i just started adding them in to my daily totals the second week as i had forgotten about them.

Let's have a goodweek!

cat

i am looking for one of those too.. so contact me ANYTIME and we can talk.