I Need A Friend :-(

I’m just looking for some help and guidance since you all seem to be some helpful and kind.

 I’m a 27 year old 5'6 female that weighs 135lbs. In my early 20's I was about 110-115lbs and looked awesome, I was so happy and I could eat whatever I wanted without stressing out. I could also wear anything I wanted without giving it a second thought as well. About 2 years ago, my husband (whom I dated since high school) left me and I lost everything that I worked so hard to get (nice house, fancy cars, etc.). Then I turned to food to console my pain.

Well I jumped up to 150......then it seems as though I’ve been fluctuating between 130-135 for the past year. I just can’t seem to shake this weight off. I’ll be really good for a few days and then I’ll fall off the wagon if just the smallest thing goes wrong in my personal life. I’m so depressed, I hate myself and I just want to get back to my old self again without having to resort to going on meds for depression (which I am 100% against).

Even though i know i am not overweight i'm unhappy with the way my body looks right now . I just want to be my old self again and fit into my old clothes dang it...I’m sorry for the rant but I just feel really alone and isolated.

hi missie

I feel your pain.  I am 27 5'3 and weigh 125.  I am a BIG time emotional eater.   I know that yummy food (and beer) don't REALLY make me happy but I certainly try to fill holes with those things.   I am uncomfortable in my own skin and would love just to feel thin and healthy.  I hate feeling hungry....

BUT the good news is that everytime i do successfully diet and exercise for a while I know that I end up feeling better physically and emotionally.  Just think of this as the begginning.  Today is my day 1 and I plan on making this a great month, why don't you join me? .  You are definitley not alone!!!

Hi Missie,  I know that dealing with stress is sometimes really hard especially when it seems like it's one thing after the other.  If you are clinically depressed then medication might be really what you need, but if you are sad and overwhelmed because of what your life is dishing out right now then I think it's really important to keep your spirits up until the "blues" pass. If you don't have friends you can talk to, go out and find some new ones!  Maybe you can join an art group or a choir.  Often the public libraries have book clubs that are free to join.  Or maybe you can help ease your depression by helping other people, volunteer at the town food bank or at a homeless shelter, it doesn't have to be forever and you just might meet some wonderful people who will help you learn to enjoy life again.  I hope you feel better.

 

Hey, I feel ya, last year I got into a big depression state where i drank almost every night and VERY heavily on the weekends...talkin like 150beers a week....i gained a ton of weight even with my athletic lifestyle. I have been hangin onto that weight for almost a year....Then I sat down one day and said, im tired of lookin like this, having tighter fitting clothes....so I decided to start monitoring my calorie intake

 

There a few things that I have found to work REALLY well for me to include:

1. when I am hungry I eat a piece of fruit or a handful of peanuts, eat it slowly so it feels like ur eating more than you are

2. whenever I get down, its time to hit the gym...when I am in a bad mood, I run and keep running, I push myself to the limits to where I dont even feel the emotion or let it run through my mind, good happy/motivating/angry music also helps me while im running

3. Volunteering is my favorite thing to do. I coached swim team for children 5-15 over the summer and I made friends with about 30 young boys and girls. Also I coached a 8yr old boys soccer team, and they meant the world...they gave me some of the happiest times I've had in a long time

4. I also find that if I have time i watch some time of comedy show or movie even if its just for 20-30, I find if I laugh and am happy even if I'm in a bad mood, it makes me feel better...Jeff Dunham does a great job at cheering me up.

5. When I went through my depression I got a personal counselor which worked wonders for me, she taught me how to cope with my emotions, and shield it when I needed to and to not let my emotions get the best of me when times are tough

 

So yea, those are my 5 peices of advice. I am on my diet right now, I finished my frist week losing almost 8 pounds which isnt ideally healthy, but considering i cut my calorie count from 5k to 1800. Anyways, im still lookin at around 30 lbs, so if you wanna talk about it...share ideas...exercise methods ( I get some amazing exercise training from military if u care to find some diff exercises) but w/e I hope this helps and feel free to talk, i hate most seeing people alone, isolated, depressed!

 

It sounds like you're having a rough time, sweetie.  You're obviously still grieving, and there's nothing wrong with that;  everyone has their own pace.  Even as common as divorce is in this culture, not everyone understands that losing a spouse to divorce is every bit as traumatic as loosing one to death, especially if the divorce came as a surprise. Although, the very fact that you're here and reaching out sounds to me like the fog is beginning to lift.

I certainly understand about not wanting to resort to medication to relieve what is, after all, the natural emotion for grieving. (I understand that some people need the medication to relieve a chemical imbalance; depression associated with the grieving process is something else entirely.) You may, however, want to try a little counciling.  Not everyone can afford a therapist, of course, but does your company offer EAP counciling?  I went through a rough patch about a year ago, and the three free visits with a local therapist were an enormous help. If EAP is not available, perhaps there is a member of clergy or a county mental health program to which you can turn.

In the short term, exercise will help with both your muscle tone and your emotional outlook.  So will getting out and visiting with people.  Do you have a hobby you enjoy?  If so, look on-line at sites like Meetup.com and see if there are groups meeting in your area.  Or check with your local library for a reading club in the area.  You may also want to try a daily multi-vitamin with B12.  Treating yourself well and taking back control of your life and space will go a long way to helping you heal.

Best wishes,

Patricia

Hi Missie,

You have friend here.  I would like you to re-read the 5 very good points listed above - I think they are really good.  Especially the gym...I find comfort on the elliptical machine, then a sauna afterward.  It does so much for my feelings.  Take some music with you!

Meditation can do wonders too...because I think that one of the hardest things about being depressed is the little voice in our heads that says that "I am alone," "Im not good enough" "I am fat" - that is the voice of our inner critic that has a field day when we are depressed.  There is a simple excercise that you can do to quiet your mind.  Concentrate on your hands.  Start with the right hand and realize how warm it is, tell it to feel warmer, then switch to the left, warming that hand.  Go back and forth--- you will feel the warmth and some tingling.  As you feel more quiet, relax your body, concentrating on each part.  then, revell in the calm and quiet.  If your mind tries to intrude, think upon a forest or a beautiful flower. 

I want you to think  about the things you are grateful for - you might want to make a list.  Look at the list when your feeling blue.

You are not alone.

 

Hi Missie,

It could be worse!  You could be 29 with two kids 5'6 and 200 lbs which is what I am!  It always helps me to google tummy tucks and see how much better I look than some of the clients on there Lol.  ( I would love a tummy tuck! )  Just last week I said to myself "self, you either have to accept the way that you are and be happy with it or do something about it!)  So I'm on day three of "doing something about it" and it's going okay.  All You or I can do is take it one day at a time.  By the way I also gained 60 lbs when I was pregnant with both of my kids and then lost the weight after my divorce because I was so happy to get rid of my ex! You really have to concentrate on changing your mind.  Instead of thinking you've lost everything try to think that you have a brand new slate and it's only gonna be what you make of it.  My personal motto is you only have this one chance at life.  This is the only year you're going to be 27, make the most of it! Also if you're eating a lot of junk that could be a big cause of your feelings of depression.  I know when I binge on way too much sugar and carbs I feel very tired and unmotivated...(this seems to effect me more the older I get.)  Anyways, I have a very slacker job and I'm online 5 days out of the week msg me anytime! 

Gosh you guys thank you so much...I'm reading all of your wonderful posts full of support and encouragement....i'm tearing up at work b/c it means so much to me!!!  This is such a great sight i'm so glad i joined. I'm especially happy b/c it puts me in touch with alot of great positive people.

 again, thank you so much for your strength, support and understanding!!! xoxo

You're getting great advice above.  ( :

Reach out here and keep talking ---  no holing up, ok? 

(((HUGS)))) and POSITIVE VIBES!!!!!!!!!!