Need Health Advice Badly!

Ok so I am a 5’7’’ 22 year old male who is around 140-145 lbs and I am really in a rut and confused with why I act the way I do when it comes to diet and exercise…

Anyway back in 2006 I was 275 lbs and I basically starved myself down to the mid-130’s by January of 2007. Since I deprived myself you can guess what happened…I developed an ED where I would gorge myself like 2 days of the week, get depressed, and then not eat and then repeated the cycle over and over again…eventually the binges became more prevalent beyond just a few days a week and I ended up gaining to like 150…I went away that summer to another country and snapped out of the cycle and my weight naturally dropped to 145 and stayed there…upon my return home though my weight eventually slipped back down into the 130’s even though I was eating fairly normally….that spring and winter (a year after my ED developed and I lost all that weight) I started exercising and gaining muscle and eating like a normal person with real sized meals…I went up to the low 160’s and looked really good…I had muscle, my coloration back and I stopped weighing myself constantly….however when I actually saw the 160 on the scale I flipped out and started eating less and exercising with just cardio (jogging) and dropped back down into the low 130’s my this past December…I gained a little around the holidays and stuff but have been around the low 140’s since…and that brings me to now….

Now the problem is this….even though I am at a “normal” weight and am more fluid about what I eat and have no problem eating really anything, provided it is in my allowance (I don’t count calories though) people are always saying I am too thin, etc…they also comment how my jogging between 4-8 miles a day is too much. The sick thing is I think I am still “fat” even though deep deep down I know I’m not and actually LIKE when people make comments that I look too thin and assume I have an ED….people always have thought I still suffer from bulimia and I just go with it and let them think it rather than just stopping them (even though I have NEVER thrown up my food)….I also have this twisted desire to drop into the 120’s by the end of the summer y not eating much and jogging a lot….I know this isn’t rational….I don’t know what is wrong with me….I center all the problems in my life (like not being able to find a partner, etc.) with my weight and it really heavily influences how I feel… also never see myself as skinny compared to other guys…my obsession with weight really pisses people around me off too and they think I act crazy…is it possible loosing all that weight did something psychologically to me?

I just don’t know anymore, but know I can’t go on like this forever….any advice is greatly appreciated!

Its more likely that something psychological made you lose weight, rather than losing the weight doing something psychologically to you.  From what you described you definitely seem to have an ED and have issues you need to deal with.  My ED was called two things depending on the professional I talked to: anorexia with the restriction being through overexercising rather than not eating or exercise bulimia... to me they are the same thing with two different labels.  I don't think the labels actually make any difference, at least they didn't to me, which is why I typically refer to it as only an "eating disorder" rather than calling it one thing or another. I had an ED that I had to deal with regardless of what professionals wanted to call it.

Dealing with all these thoughts and feelings alone is so hard and makes the situation feel hopeless.  I'm not sure if I ever could have gotten past my ED without talking to others about it so that I had a support system. I have a feeling that being a male in this situation is even harder than being a female in this situation because Ed are thought of as a female issue (because people are stupid and ignorant on the subject) and the of the whole mentality that men should be macho.  I really suggest talking to someone, whether it be a friend or family member or therapist or a support group for ED (alot of hospitals offer them for free or a minimal fee) or even you regular doctor.  Regular doctors and therapists that don't specialize in ED are usually pretty clueless on what to do, but they can at least point you in the right direction and help you hook up with someone that can help you better.  You're 22 - are you still in college? If you are you can go to your college's student assistance center to see a therapist. 

I really hope you decide to talk to someone so you can start working toward health.

yea I think I am going to talk to someone

Original Post by lalce1:

 I center all the problems in my life (like not being able to find a partner, etc.) with my weight and it really heavily influences how I feel…

I think that's the nub of the problem right there... You need different coping mechanisms.  Your inability to find a partner might make you 'unlucky' rather than 'unattractive'.  (Although you might want to consider that a man in the grip of an unhealthy obsession is a major turn-off to a lot of women.... )  And it's unlikely that any other problem in life is resolved by making yourself sick by eating too little or overexercising. 

You were unhappy at 275lbs, you were unhappy at 160lbs, 140lb and 130lbs and chances are you'd still be unhappy at 120lbs.... You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce that whatever's making you unhappy has nothing to do with how much you weigh.

Disordered eating is a mental condition.  Food doesn't simply nourish the body, it also enables the mind to function normally.  Part of the tragedy of disordered eating is that it's a vicious circle..... lack of nourishment, anxiety, delusional thinking, desire to eat less & be smaller, lack of nourishment....  which self-perpetuates.  So no, you're not crazy, but you do need to find a better balance.

You should talk to your doctor about your concerns, your eating behaviour and your track record.  And also make a conscious effort to try to find more ways to fulfil yourself from now on that aren't related to calorie-counting or body-weight....   Challenge yourself in other areas.

Original Post by gi-jane:

Original Post by lalce1:

I center all the problems in my life (like not being able to find a partner, etc.) with my weight and it really heavily influences how I feel…

 

 

You were unhappy at 275lbs, you were unhappy at 160lbs, 140lb and 130lbs and chances are you'd still be unhappy at 120lbs.... You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce that whatever's making you unhappy has nothing to do with how much you weigh.

you're definately right when you say this....I really have to work on this

Got to agree with gi-jane & sugarshocked--you are describing a mental/emotional issue, not a food/weight/exercise issue. You say you "developed an ED" but you don't refer to any counseling or therapy for it. Did you actually get a diagnosis? Don't get me wrong, it sounds like an ED, no question.

If you have not received any professional help for your ED, you are depriving yourself of something your body and mind need. I hope you will seek out the professional support as well as a support group. There are some groups on CC that are supportive of ED, but in all of them you are encouraged to have actual F2F professional support of a therapist and a nutritionist.

Be good and kind to yourself, and supply your needs. That kind of abundance and peace will then overflow into your relationships and improve your world.

I was diagnosed with bulimia two years ago (not the one where your purge your food via vomitting, but rather exercising and not eating to try to make up for large amounts of calories I consumed in one day)....basically I wasn't eating during my "diet" and it caught up to me where I would eat like 2 days a week and starve the others....

I was told and refered to a therapist and nutritionist yet never went...I kind of thought it would just go away...and it appeared too...but deep down my ED is still there and flairs up (noticeably) in a vicious cycle.....

I know deep down what has caused all this...I know what the depe underlying issue is behind all this (it has to do as I said with the partner thing)....I am just too confused and ashamed to ask for help....that is a problem in itself...I really am just fed up

DOUBLE POST- SORRY!

First of all, I just want to say that I suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia) as well.  So I know for a fact that it's not easy to "just snap out of it."  That siren call to lose more weight, jog one more mile, lose 10 more pounds is never ending.  But from your post, I can see that you KNOW going back to the eating disorder is wrong and illogical.  You know that logically you shouldn't be obsessively jogging every day.  But this other part of our minds takes over and desperately tries to make us ignore this logic.  So to stop all these eating disordered behaviors, you're going to need to fight the siren calls.  Take the logic you see, and overpower the other part of your brain.  Take all the help, support and love your friends and family can offer.  You really should see a doctor, maybe even a nutritionist and therapist.  You deserve to get better, and live a healthy normal life.  Don't slip back into your eating disordered patterns.  Eating disorders are the most deadly of all mental illnesses.