need help with my ED

okay so I have been on here reading alot of your posts about EDs and I really wanted to make my own post because I want  your advice..

I am a junior in college, I am 20 years old, 5'4 and I just weighed myself and I am 98 pounds. I weighed myself this morning because I have not weighed myself since August and I knew that i had lost weight but i did not know how much. I did not get my last period and I am looking very bony. Recently the majority of my friends have approached me and keep telling me that I am too skinny. And my winter break just started and I went back to my workplace that i did during the summer when i weighed around 115-117. Everyone gave me talks about how i lost too much weight and i essentially look like crap. everyone is telling me that i look like a little girl. which i know! and it hurts SO much to hear everyone repeating this. last night i just wanted to cry all night long. i have not moved all of my stuff out of my apartment back home but i am nervous for when my family sees me becaues obviously they are going to become worried.

I am extremely worried and upset as well. I need to get over this crap. I have had a history of it for like 2-3 years but i have NEVER EVER dipped below 105 pounds so the fact that I lost my period and am below 100 pounds scares the hell out of me. I don't want to face people because they kept telling me how sh*tty i look and it hurts so bad. For all of you who are in the process of recovery please give me advice as to how many calories you consume and what a sample menu is for you. PLEASE

also, i have been running on the treadmill for an hour each day and i know that i should not be exercising on such a minimal amt of calories i have been living off of (around 500-700). and i am very weird about seeing a therapist because i had to do that before (more for depression) and it made things so much worse.

i have come to the conclusion that the reason i became so obsessed wtih this is that i have nothing else to make me happy (like a boyfriend, or things to look forward to) so i just held on to this because this can give me something to establish myself. it is extremely sad and pathetic.

i am so sorry this is so long but i needed to tell my story and please give me advice. thanks girls

I'm so glad you have come here to post - seeking help and wanting to solve your problem is such a positive sign!

I, and most of us here on CC, would recommend that you see a nutritionist and or therapist, as they are professionally trained to help people with eating disorders. But, if you feel you'd like to tackle this yourself, make sure you have a friend or family member that you trust to help you.

The first thing you MUST do is to make recovery your number one priority. If your need and desire to be thin is greater than your need to recover, it won't happen. Next, you need to start eating more. A woman your height and age at a healthy weight burns about 1600 calories, although everyone is different. I increased my calories by small amounts - 100 calories every day or so - until I reached my goal. This way, I could more easily adjust to each calorie increase. If you ever feel overwhelmed, don't increase that day - just stay at the current calories you are at - and move on when you feel you're ready.

I would strongly recommend that you don't do any heavy cardio until you are at a good weight. You can walk or do very light cardio, but heavy cardio like running is very strenuous on your heart, which may have been weakened (your body feeds on muscle when it is starved, and the heart is a muscle!). Strength training would be a very good exercise to help you through recovery; it will make you gain healthy weight and increase your metabolism.

I would write more, but I think I've written enough for now, lol. :P If you have any questions at all or need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to message me. Good luck, hun. :)

Hi. I'm glad you are reaching out and acknowledging you have a problem. I suffered for 12 years and have done every type of treatment. I am doing really well but I know the battle. I think it is so important and really shows how bad you want to recover is that you look past the weight and food and into the issues. The starting point though to feeling fufilled and achieving things like boyfriend so on is being physically healthy. An ed is a huge barrier to goals because you rmind can't function and you are married to your ed. I encourage you to go to a therapist and get a team together of a nutritionist,therapist,psych,gp. You can get past this if I can as a "hopelss" case you can. It has and continues to be the hardest thing but I know there is no option If I can help in any way email me too.

Hi hope3333! i think I am almost in the exact situation as you. I'm 5'3 98 pounds and struggled with bulimia for about 9 months before I started having that same little problem as you having right now. I am in the process of recovery and honestly the best thing that works for me sometimes is to stop counting calories. I know its hard to kick the habit but it helps to have a few skip days when you dont log them on calorie counter. it's weird you kinda have to fight yourself. When you want to eat something and you know it's not horribly unhealthy try NOT to look at the calorie count. try to stop adding in your head and just eat whats in front of you. and i think what is also helping me is thinkingabout why i got to this place in the first place...i wanted to be happy. obviously this isnt working so time for some other "healthy" means of being happy. your mind will be happy when it knows your body is happy.

Pinklauren I think you may have said the wrong name unless you were just saying hi to me. I am in recovery from anorexia but doing well. I haven't used any ed behaviors and regain weight while working on the issues.

As for counting I think a huge thing that helped me is being on an exchange meal plan based on my needs for recovery. A nutritionist can set up a plan for you.