I really need help!

Last summer I developed an eating disorder. I recently (as in Nov.) tried to get out of my anorexic ways and started to eat more. I started to eat around 1000 calories as compared to the 700 I was getting. I realized that that still wasn't enough calories, so I slowly increased. I was maintaining aroud 116 lbs and was very happy. But recently (since I upped from the 1000 to around 1350 in Jan) I have gained weight. A LOT OF WEIGHT! I went from 116 to 125 in February and I weighed myself this morning and I was 136! How is this possible? I have gained 20 lbs. in about 3 months. There is no way that I have eaten enough to make me gain that weight. And I know a lot of people say it is because my body was in starvation mode and I am going to gain some weight when I started eating enough calories. But it has been so long and I just keep gaining. I literally had a mental breakdown this morning and cried for like an hour after I weighed myself. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND! Please, any adivce as to how and why this is happening and how I can fix it would be appreciated.

 

By the way, I am 16 almost 17, 136 lbs. and 5 foot 4. I do exercise (today I jumped rope for 30 minutes) and I try to eat around 1350 calories, but usually don't even reach that, mainly because I keep gaining weight and I'm afraid that maybe that is too many calories for me.

You were starving and now you're still starving but at a slightly higher level of intake.  Your body is grabbing on desperately to that tiny extra bit of food and holding tight.   That's just how it goes.  The answer, and you're not going to like this, is to eat more.  Someone your size and your age needs about 1800-1900 a day before their body 'relaxes' enough to burn the fat rather than keep storing it.  You'll gain some weight for a week or so but then it will stabilise.

Put the scales away if what you weigh has the potential to upset you so much.  And if you are very upset and depressed about what's happening you might want to consider seeing your doctor and asking for dietician/counselling support to help you through.

You're very tempted to go back to your old ways, I can tell.  But really, have faith and keep upping your intake.  Skinny is not a good barometer for 'healthy'.

Please give serious consideration to what gi-jane has said.  It's the truth.  You will need to up your calories to at least 1800 to stabilize what's going on.  I know it feels like your body is betraying you, but it is only doing what it does naturally - trying to protect you from starvation and death.  If you will give it what it needs, it will respond normally again and begin to burn calories at a normal rate, but right now it's still trying to hold on to any extra energy should the famine strike again. 

Did you ever seek help when you first developed the ED?  Maybe now is the time to do that.  You have a long life ahead of you - learn why weight and body image are so tied into your identity and how to gain a better, more balanced, way of viewing this. 

 

Honestly, I had a feeling that people would tell me to eat more, but even my nutritionist told me that I only needed a maximum of 1500 calories a day.

1800 seems like way too much. I agree with the 1500 and I think less would be okay too. I was in a similar situation, and what helped me more than anything was to eat smaller portions more often and to drink a lot of water. I think it might also help you to have a day every once in a while when you eat 1600 calories, maybe by eating calorie-dense meals. You could also try eating a higher percentage of protein, which is what someone else on this forum recommended that worked for me so far.

Oh poppet I really feel for you.  Its so hard to stop doing what has given you such drastic results.  If it made you feel in control and skinny, then gaining weight can make you feel the opposite.  Realistically though, do you want to be anorexic all your life? Can you sustain that lifestyle?  Because if you dont get on top of it now, you can kiss the next ten years goodbye.  Getting on top of it means putting on weight, but it may not stick around. 

What you need to concentrate on is getting rid of the guilt.  If a particular food makes you feel worse than another, then dont eat it.  Instead fill your calorie quota (I would say 1500 for you to start with) with healthy wholesome foods that dont make you feel bad.  Make sure you get in some exersize several times a week and you are doing everything right.  Allow for an odd treat because you need to keep sane, and dont feel bad about it.

But what you need to focus on, what I am doing myself, is doing everything 'right' and having nothing to feel guilty about so therefore if the scales go up its no reason to beat yourself up, its what your body needs to do for now.

"Getting on top of it means putting on weight, but it may not stick around."

...what do you do if it does??

well if your eating a healthy calorie range, exersizing often, allowing for an odd treat or so and you gain weight and it sticks around, chances are its meant to be there.  Im not much good at practicing what I preach but I believe it.

what do you say gi jane?

1500 is not enough for health. That is a weight loss, calorie restricting goal which is the very LAST thing you need right now. Find a new nutritionist, and/or talk to your doctor. 

If you can, talk to your nutritionist. Talk to someone who can see you in person. BMR calculators don't work for everyone, especially people recovering from eating disorders. A professional will give you the best advice.