I need help...

I have never done this before. I am fat and I need help. I am out of control. People think I have my life together: a decent career, a good husband, almost finished with school, living overseas and they think I am happy and very fortunate. I am but I am out of control when it comes to my dieting and eating. I just turned 30 and I am the heaviest I have EVER been and I don't know what to do. I can't turn to my family or my husband...I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do. I have been on the Red Bracelet Project site and looking at all that pro ana stuff, hoping to god I could become anorexic. I know how stupid and **** that sounds, I really do! In other parts of my life, I really am not that dumb. I love to read and study and I know being overweight is bad for you. A lot of my family has diabetes, have had limbs amputated and have died from heart attacks. I know that over eating and being obese can kill me. I know all the ramifications but I still over eat. I still eat huge portions and I can't stop. OMG...I am so **** out of control it is disgusting. I don't know I am like this. I can go long periods without eating too. I mean I rarely eat at work....I don;t eat breakfast but ****, when I get home, I'm like a tasmanian devil. Even when I started eating breakfast and then eating lunch at work, I am still famished when I come home. And sometimes I find myself eating mindlessly in front of my computer after I had dinner and didn't know I even got something to eat. What am I going to do with my blubber ass! I have access to a free gym and I don't go. I am so ashamed when people look at me. And then you know what I do? Go home and eat more...I need help and I'm puring my emotions on the line here...I didn't use my real name and no one will ever know I am on here but it's now or never. I feel if I can't get it under control

I'm going to die.

@ BroROY

WOW...how did you find out you had diabetes? Did you have symptoms or did you already have a check-up planned and they found it? Also, 3 hours of cardio is quite impressive! What all do you do?

And you are right, I control what goes in my mouth. I have for quite some time and have made VERY BAD CHOICES but those days are over!

I appreciate the prayer too, not sure if I believe in a higher being but hey, it can't hurt!

LYNTEX,

OMG...I know that must have been scary! Thank you so much for sharing with me! I am an emotional wreck right now (in a good way, kinda...). It's amazing how we can come together and share and bitch and spill our guts to people who are willing to help us! Complete strangers...for a while, I really lost my faith in humanity but sites like these gives me hope.  I am so excited for all of us, I am so excited that we can share this hard reality and these battles that we fight everyday with ridicule! Thank you so much for sharing with me! If you want to e-mail me:

vegaschic20@aol.com

Just me here,

Nothing is really OFF LIMITS.  The question is would you rather have a whole apple for 90 calories or juice?  If you drink water or tea or diet soda you can have for that 90 calories:  a whole apple or a boiled egg or a big salad with a low cal dressing (very low cal), or 2 cups of green beans or ...or...or.

I personally think juices are a waste of calories because they don't have fiber to help keep me filled up.  The high sugar count in juice will raise your blood sugar so don't ever drink it by itself, you'll end up feeling hungry very soon after it.

I DO like v8 juice or tomato juice or other veggie juices that are lower cal and do have some fiber....but still 18 baby carrots are a lot more filling than one juice box.

So, make your own choice of how to spend your allowance.  Your calorie target is like a bank account.  You can spend how you want to.   I know, for instance that my eating yesterday wasn't the healthiest ever, but I wanted to spend it like I did (and took a vitamin - not quite the same, but Hey...everyone needs a tortilla with chili some days!)

Maybe I'll eat better today, but I've got a lot of leftovers in the frig I need to ...ooo  I'll make a nice leftover soup for lunch.  There that is decided.

Just me here,

There are so many good people out in the world.  The creepy people just stand out because of their creepiness.  I think so many of us have been burned we just don't want to take a chance on making friends.

Also an internet friendship is less of a committment than a personal one.  I can quit anytime.  I can let you down and not see the disappointment on your face.  I can qripe at you and not see the hurt in your eyes. 

Then again, the benefits of helping someone (and receiving help in turn) are so great that internet friendships REALLY appeal to me.  I know you guys would miss me if I was not able to continue, but there would be someone else to carry on.  Because GOOD PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE.

I am rambling...Oh Jeopardy is on.  See you later.

Hi Just Me

I am pokey posting this, but welcome. We all probably hit our own personal bottom that brought us here.

I am now about a quarter of my way to my goal. And actually surprised by that! I haven't made big changes. I started small (cutting out most processed foods, walking more, turning up the radio and dancing to the oldies station when no one else is home, reaching further and stretching while vacuuming or sweeping, piling veggies on a sandwich instead of a slice of cheese,  when making a batch of soup I  leave out the potatoes or noodles and add more "figure friendly" vegatbles) all those little things add up. I also avoid juice, just because I would rather have the fruit.

I also am learning to not beat myself up when I over eat or skip excercing. Every day is a new day, every day I get to start over.

Flirtin Mom,

Those little changes over the years are what make or break us.  I heard on the TV just a moment ago that taking two flights of stairs at work one every day will lose 6 pounds a year.  That one little thing.

Then again eating that one extra cookie every day puts on 5 or 10 pounds (depending on how rich a cookie it is). 

Making those lifestyle changes for the better are what is going to keep this weight off forever. 

My biggest lifestyle change thusfar is two-fold.  One: eat until your are satisfied, not stuffed.  and Two: changing my attitude about food.  I am the master of my diet, not anyone or anything else.  And I have the control.

Capri sun also makes a "light" version called... Capri waves? roaring Water? idk something like that. Minute Maid also makes a light fruit punch thats like 10 calories 8oz but there are many other kinds.

Me, I have a soda addiction :) I love carbonation too much. I make sure i always keep diet soda (diet sierra mist, diet sprite, diet a&w, diet mug, diet dr pepper, coke zero) on hand - because we always have regular soda in the house and if I don't have diet kinds, i'll drink the regular.

Crystal light is also great to drink - and ocean spray makes a cran-grape thats so good! (those little 5 cal pouches or tubs)

I like the white-cran peach (in that 5 calorie pouch) that Ocean Spray makes and the peach tea from Cystal light. Not that 5 calories is a lot, but just remember that 1 pouch actually makes 2 servings so if you use the whole thing it is 10 calories.

As for other light/diet drinks - if you're addicted to Kool aid (or your kids are) they make a sugar free version as well.

Something I like on cold days - hot sugar free jello - if you don't get it all drank, oh well eat it later for a snack.

If you like tea you can turn any hot tea into iced tea even in the winter without an ice tea maker. Just make your favorite tea really strong (let it steep longer or use 2 bags) and then pour over ice in a larger glass. Sweeten with diet sweetner if necessary.

I have discovered that the for me the article I read somewhere along the line about mistaking being thirsty for being hungry is so true, so I have been hunting for low calorie beverages. (I have been adding more water, but it is so hard - I am just not a big water fan)

Sunni

justmehere,

    would love to chat and share with someone else who is reading beck.  give a shout anytime.  i will try to be quick to shout back. ...

 just a mention about the beverages.  i have a nutritionist i see sometimes at my docs and one of the first things she told me was"don't drink your calories"....learn to love water, water with lemon or try some of the sugar free flavored waters.  i make alot of my own sugar free iced tea but i like it that way and always have, so that one is easy for me.   

i try to use a diet coke as a treat because i was really addicted to it before and my doc says all pop is bad for you because it pulls calcium from your bones and messes with your blood sugar.  i also love a sugar free flavored coffee but check the calories on line...i know starbucks and mcdonalds list their menu and nutrition values online,  i watch carbs so i order a coffee plus the sugar free syrup plus a cream or two, thats less carbs than the latte (more fat of course)......I make my iced tea with about 3 bags of decaf green tea plus a couple of fruity teabags, today it was a raspberry tea, and sometimes i'll add some splenda but not always.  and the more water you drink , the more you are adding liquid without sodium, really helps flush the toxins.

WOW...hot sugar free jello? I would have NEVER thought of that. You may be on to something. Cause jello has such a strong smell, so it would fool your brain into thinking it is drinking juice! I just told my husband and he gave me the wierdest look...hahaha! But we are going to try this on Saturday.

For everyone else on the page...the good thing for me is that I love water too! I love Pepsi though as well but I have been 2 days without and it's really no big deal. Now, for my other beverage vice......*drum roll*

JUICE...I can't get enough of it! I mean we had a sale here at the commissary (on base grocery store) and I purchased 20 boxes of Capri Sun. Yes as in 2-0, they were .99 each and it was my favorite German kind which has less sugar but stilll bad nonetheless (Kirsch).

*PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME THROW AWAY MY BOXES OF CAPRI'S...

My idea is to take your water bottle and pour a little fruit juice in it with a lot of water.  It'll really stretch your bargain dollars won't it.  Instead of 90 calories of juice you have 10 calories worth of juice in a big bottle of water.  The water is better, you aren't wasting your juice and your calories go way down for the day.

You're awesome texmom52...I did not think of that!

Thanks all...signing off for the night!

Just me - where are you from? You are signing off for the night at 2pm my time (In Oregon - USA) so I was curious. Good luck with your juice vice! It's not that you can't have them, you just have to be willing to sacrifice the calories for them and it is difficult to feel full on a glass of juice. Now, eating the whole orange or apple - sometimes I start feeling full before I even finish the whole thing (especially apples). I too like Texmom's suggestion - you get the taste sensation & all the wonderful water. (I might try this as well - anything to push my water intake up.)

Sunni

Hi there,  

We can all understand where you are, cause we are all working on the same thing.  I started on 8/29/09 and I've lost 19 lbs.  I've found that I'm not really hungry if I'm really careful of the combinations  of food that I eat.  If I stick to fresh fruits and veggies together with lean protein,  like nonfat cottage cheese, apples and cinnamon or nonfat yogurt and fresh strawberries as snacks with salads with lean protein like chicken or fish all day and never let myself get hungry then I don't binge.  

Another big thing is to pick yourself right back up if you fall off the wagon.  Don't wait till tomorrow or Monday or whatever, just pick right back up and keep going.  

Something you can do with the juice is mix it with club soda it will make like a capri sun spritzer,  it's also great with cranberry juice (watch the label for added sugar!) and pomegranate juice anything really.  I love club soda, I drink it with fresh lime and it's my soda substitute. It did take me a while to get accustomed to the way it tastes, but once I got used to it I found it the most refreshing soda and no chemicals!  I  use a diet pepsi as a work treat about once a week along with my baked sour cream ruffles.  

I'm glad you came, keep it up! 

Oooo.  diet sprite with a little juice.

Texmom,

Yep, I'm from Texas..I live in Rowlett and work in Dallas..I have been to the doctor, thanks for asking..Heart disease runs in my family - One brother had a heart transplant at 55, one brother died of a heart attack at 53 and the other had a stroke in his 50's too...I am 55 so you better believe I have been to the doctor..My heart seems to be ok..I was all checked out and no problems found except I retain large amounts of water..The doctor is monitoring my blood pressure and diruetics - so far - so good.

Lyntex,

I live in Palestine...south and east of Tyler.  I'm a little older than you and a nurse, I guess that is why I worry about people making drastic changes without someone watching after them.  I am sure hoping I can get off enough weight to stop my b/p meds.  I also take heart meds...so my doc does blood work at least quarterly to watch it and monthly for my blood thinner.

I'd sure like to get off almost all my meds.  Off my cholesterol med, off my potassium, off my arthritis meds.  Hmmm I need to go back to the motivation thread and add that in!  Maybe when my heart doesn't have to work so hard just to pump blood around, I can.

I imagine my thyroid meds will stay with me.

Just me,

Wow, I too know what it's like to feel out of control.  In fact that's how I am feeling right now.  Today was the 1st day for me , it was going well until dinner.  The kids were running around like maniacs, my husband wasn't home yet and there went 3 extra pieces of pizza in my mouth.  It happens all the time, mindless eating.  I too feel desperation. 

JP,

OK to call you that for short?  OK, you messed up at dinner, the rest of the day is still ahead of you.  I screwed up breakfast this morning with biscuit/bacon and gravy (my second breakfast while I waited for hubbie to get out of a stomach scan). I had intended to get some hot tea.  But there it was smelling of heaven.  I bought and ate it against my conscience.  It didn't even taste that good.  I should have thrown it out after the first taste, but I didn't.

So.  Start again, right now.  You can do it.  Just put that mistake behind you and start again.  Start again.  Start again.

Log every bite in the food log, yes even the three pieces of pizza.  It will remind you just how far off base you were.  No one will see it but you.  You don't need to feel guilty.  You don't need to feel bad.  You don't even need to feel desparation.

Just start again.  Simple.

Oh, and JP,

It's not mindless eating when you can turn quickly and catch it.  So catch it more quickly next time.  Think about what you can do to stop that.

I suggest PLANNING what you are going to eat and then stick to your plan.  Plan in snacks.