Need help motivivating a friend.

I have a friend that needs to lose weight. I'm not talking for beauty purposes but for health reasons (the beauty comes along with the health). BUt the problem with this friend is that she's a lazy bum that only knows how to make excuses. I have tried to be a good guy and talk to her in a nice way to try to motivate her to lose weight but it's not working.

So I have decided that maybe I need to take the a**hole approach and talk to her in the worst possible way to get her motivated. I don't care if it destroys our friendship cause I feel someone's personal health and life is much more important than anything else that can be mended in the future.

I've lost 50 pounds since Jan. 9th 2009 so I know just how hard it is lose weight. But complexity is no reason to be making excuses.

So what should I do? Continue to let her walk down the path of diabetes and heart disease or take a chance on our friendship and guilt her into doing right for herself.

In my opinion you are more likely to lose her as a friend if you confront her.  There's nothing more annoying than an ex-smoker who becomes so over zealously non-smoking (and I'm an non-smoker).  The same goes for anyone who makes a lifestyle change (like losing weight) and then insists that everyone they know needs to do the same thing.

My daughters have all gained a few pounds since the end of university this semester but I haven't said anything to them because I know they are very sensitive about it.  Just last night 2 of them came to me and said mom I really noticed the weight you've lost and want to do it too so they're now setup on here and learning the healthy way to lose weight rather than using fad diets or just not eating.  I've had a couple of other friends ask me how I'm doing it and I point them here.  Lead by example rather than an "in your face" way and she may or may not follow your lead but ultimately you can't make her change unless she wants to change.  She needs to have her own a-ha moment just like you did. 

My 2 cents.

Original Post by epiphany323:

ISo what should I do? Continue to let her walk down the path of diabetes and heart disease or take a chance on our friendship and guilt her into doing right for herself.

 "Hell hath no prude like a reformed hooker".... similarly.... "hell hath no pain in the arse diet-guru like a reformed fat girl"

I agree wholeheartedly with the above post and suggest you resist the temptation to evangelise.  She knows she's overweight.  The doctor will have said something, she can see herself in the mirror..... she doesn't need so-called friends to start with the bullyboy tactics on top.  If your friend shows signs of wanting to lose weight, encourage her by all means, set a good example, be a shoulder to lean on.  But wade in with your size 9's  when it's really none of your business and you're asking for a smack in the nose.

You already tried to motivate her, in a nice way, I don't think you can do anymore without being mean.  I don't now just like ask her to go for walks to be active.
She saw your weight loss, I would think when she is ready she will do something?
Congrats on the 50 pound loss - that is a lot of weight, great!

I agree you shouldn't confront her. Set an example. Help her if she asks but don't push it.

One thing that struck me is you called her a lazy bum. While that may be true, its more likely she has something else going on. She may have low self-esteem and/or depression. She may be jealous and resentful of you. She may have no control over anything in her life except what she eats so she's going to eat what she wants. No one is going to tell her what she should or shouldn't put in her mouth! I know these things because I used to be the same way. I started to see a counselor and that helped.

One other thing that helped - I was diagnosed with ADD - at 43!. I know, you're saying to yourself "what that does that have to do with anything?" Adults with ADD are often called lazy. They may do very well in school (I got nearly all A's). They may do very well in a career (I am). But its because they've developed coping skills. Not all ADD people are hyperactive. I NEVER would have guessed I had it but getting that diagnosed and taking care of it has changed my world. Nobody calls me lazy anymore.

Hello everybody.

Thanks for the replies. Based on what I have read I have decided it's best I let her do what she wants to do instead of going the other route.

I only considered being a arse about it cause I really care for this girl and would rather see her live a long healthy life than perserve a friendship where she's unhealthy and "may" die well before her time.

But point taken and i thank you all for your suggestions.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink!