I need helping tell a guy to leave me alone.

I started talking with this guy through a dating website right before I ended my subscription. It seemed good at first however now he's emailing me constantly. The emails are pages long, I get the feeling of stalker when I read his emails, and he keeps poking me to meet him because when I do I'll fall head over heels for him. I do not want to meet him and I'd like to stop all correspondence. However I'm a very nice person and I feel bad when I tell someone to leave me alone; I don't like to burn my bridges with people. Does anyone have an idea how I can tell him I'm not interested in meeting him, being friends, or chatting through email?

I've started with this...

"Sorry but I really just don't like you like you like me. There's a lot going on in my life now and I just can't really focas on guys right now. Your a nice guy and all, but you're not really my type. There are girls out there perfect for you, and I'm just not her."

I just don't know how to tell him I don't want to email anymore.

Any ideas?

I would try something like,

Do not contact me.

and then I would set up an email rule so that his emails would go directly into my junk mail or trash.

I agree with nomoreexcuses. Just tell him you don't want to communicate with him at all and stop responding. Whatever you do do not meet him!

do not waffle.  tell him in no uncertain terms that you want him to stop.  don't try to be nice; if he is leaning toward stalking, he'll take that as encouragement.

do you know what a snow fence is?  it's strong, but it has those holes in it, so it looks like you could walk right through.  when you say nice things to a stalker, all they see are the holes in the fence, and they'll keep trying to break through.  you need to put up a brick wall.

once you've done that, DO NOT RESPOND to anything else he says.  and save all your communication, so that if he doesn't back off, you have evidence.  you probably won't need it, but just in case.

This is a person you've only communicated online with - it's not burning bridges.

You can do the "I don't have time for guys" or you could do "I've met someone and don't feel like I should keep writing you" but the end of it should be "I'm not going to respond to any more emails - please don't try to write me again."

Or you could hint that you are actually a member of an alien abduction cult, but the danger in that is he might be interested.

ok, saying you don't have time for guys right now sounds a little silly, considering you met the guy on a dating website...

i would just tell him you're really sorry, but you've met someone else, and you don't want him to contact you anymore.

then wish him luck out there, and let that be it. if he continues with the creepy e-mails, ignore them. he'll get the hint and go away. you don't have to be mean about it, but don't be wishy washy either!

I have been that girl that didn't want to hurt a guys feelings...I ended up fleeing the state after being stalked, and beaten into the hospital when an ex broke into my house in the middle of the night. 

Not saying that all guys are psycho...but you never know.  If you have a bad feeling and you don't want this guys attention anymore, It's important to be firm, not necessarily mean, in your message to convey just that.  When you play around with your words, tip toeing around someones feelings, it leaves too much room and loop holes for different interpretations.  He won't take you seriously if you're not firm and confident when you say you don't want him to contact you anymore.   

Try something like..."My feelings are not the same as when we first started emailing.  I am ending communication with you.  Best wishes." 

Try Direct: 

Subject: Goodbye.

The feelings that you have for me are not mutual. Period. I realize that sounds harsh but you aren't a mind reader. Refrain from contacting me in the future, thank you. Good luck! "

Once that's done just block his incoming email. If any happens to get through Do Not Respond! No further exchanges. Take control.

(If he happens to start threatening you, ect. Keep records. Do not converse with him! Do not respond! Take it to the authorities. It's not in your best interest to pat his wounds. Don't play mind games with a stalker because they like it. No more contact! Stick with your gut feelings and back away now. There are too many women that dismiss red-flags. It's disturbing. You don't want to become another sad story people don't even want to tell. Just give him firm/real rejection and just stop responding. That means being as detached/direct as possible in the last email. Why? There won't be any new emails/messages/or contact with questions being answered. Keep it short and straight to the point! Lol. There shouldn't be any problems beyond that.)

Thank you for your advice everyone. I was able to come up with a very direct letter and I blocked his email after.

Thank you again for your advice! :)

 You're more than welcome.

Control is a good thing as is being true to yourself. It sounds like you're a pretty nice girl. Remind yourself that it's okay to reject someone when needed. It doesn't make you a mean girl by any stretch of the imagination.

Good luck! :)

Can you just not respond?  I feel like anything you send to him would bait him.  ie; I don't like you-  his response would be; I'll make you like me.  Or; "Pls don't contact me" would lead to some type of angry psycho mode.

My advice would be to NOT open his e-mails; just DELETE them; BLOCK him from Chat; and get a new e-mail address and let your freinds knows you've changed your e-mail addy.

He'll get over it and move onto the next poor soul he can stalk.  Just CUT it off cold turkey.  It may be harsh; but it's a cyber relationship w/ minimal ties at this point.

Original Post by vanessa1031:

Can you just not respond?  I feel like anything you send to him would bait him.  ie; I don't like you-  his response would be; I'll make you like me.  Or; "Pls don't contact me" would lead to some type of angry psycho mode.

My advice would be to NOT open his e-mails; just DELETE them; BLOCK him from Chat; and get a new e-mail address and let your freinds knows you've changed your e-mail addy.

He'll get over it and move onto the next poor soul he can stalk.  Just CUT it off cold turkey.  It may be harsh; but it's a cyber relationship w/ minimal ties at this point.

The mia approach is beyond me, Lol.  It's far more logical to end it without speculations being there. That way there's no leaving him with false hopes, ect. He'll never wonder if you're unable to respond to him. He'll just know.

You aren't simply missing in action, Lol! You could be deemed his "loooong lost love... " going that route. That in turn could cause him to ' look ' for you. How much information does the guy have on her? I dunno. That may or may not be a potential issue. Rejection is a healthy thing,imo. It's easier for a stalker to deal with rejection than someone just running. A potential stalker may be more inclined to continue to persue someone that didn't take control of the situation upfront.

Original Post by enchantingimage:

You aren't simply missing in action, Lol! You could be deemed his "loooong lost love... " going that route. That in turn could cause him to ' look ' for you. How much information does the guy have on the OP? I dunno. That may or may not be a potential issue. Rejection is a healthy thing,imo. It's easier for a stalker to deal with rejection than someone just running. They'll chase someone that didn't take control of the situation upfront.

 very true....always run the risk of being "looked for" which is just scary; but have to say in my "weirdo man days" the luck i've had with these situations are just cold turkey LOL.  psychos are just unpredictable.  no telling what they would do!  i jsut figured he'd move on to another target!  bah.....desperate psycho men just suck

• report him to the website....
  
• block him...
  
• filter his mail into the trash box...
  
• don't answer him...
  
• or change your email address...
  

 the Internet is a great place to meet some wonderful people but it's also much easier to ignore folk than it is in real life.

I would highly recommend reading "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker, he deals with these kinds of situations. I (try to) make all the women I know read this!

Original Post by nomadica:

I would highly recommend reading "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker, he deals with these kinds of situations. I (try to) make all the women I know read this!

 Wonderful book suggestion. <3

I'm guilty of trying to pass/force it on to every woman I know too. :) It's just because we care so much!

Original Post by vanessa1031:

Original Post by enchantingimage:

 very true....always run the risk of being "looked for" which is just scary; but have to say in my "weirdo man days" the luck i've had with these situations are just cold turkey LOL.  psychos are just unpredictable.  no telling what they would do!  i jsut figured he'd move on to another target!  bah.....desperate psycho men just suck

 I know, right.  It's even more creepy/awkward thinking of being ' found.'  That just makes me cringe.

Good for you for sending the "cease and desist" e-mail.  Now if he has further contact with you report him to the website.  Even though your membership may have lapsed you can still report inappropriate behavior by members.  Just one won't make much of a difference, but if he's got a pattern of this, your report in addition to any other reports will probably get him kicked off the website if not reported to the appropriate authorities.

Why cant you see I love youuuuuu?! <3

*goes back to stalking*

I'm glad that you got the situation resolved, and I also hope that he doesn't continue to bother you.  I'm really bad about being "too nice" and feeling guilty about letting someone down, so I can relate to your situation.  This guy sounds pretty weird, though, with the long emails and all, so I definitely think a direct email was the best thing to do.

Lol! That's hilarious,Loriklorik.