I just need to share/vent my struggles

I am new to this forum =). I posted the following into my journal, but I felt I needed to share this to more people than just that. I needed to reach more people...

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I woke up this morning crying because I had a dream I died from being overweight. I have what people call lucid dreams. This scared me, I had to make a change.

I've been overweight all of my life, as far back as I can remember. As an active child, I was still bigger than the average. I was teased, beaten, and outcasted as a child because of my weight. When my father died, it became worse. Over the years my weight seems to increase at a rapid rate, and my hope and self esteem decreasing. God has put many struggles in my life, but I think this one is the hardest to overcome. I am nearly 200 pounds overweight, how did I let this get so bad? One year I was 210 pounds, the next I was 320. Where was the breakdown, I didn't think I was doing anything different. Maybe I was in denial?

I think the biggest obstacles that lead me to weight gain was homelessness. That sounds like the opposite, I guess when you haven't been there. There are three of us in my family. Barely any money had to feed us all, and still put gas in the car to drive to school everyday. We couldn't be choosy of what we ate, we had to eat what was given to us. They weren't always the healthiest of foods. When we did get money for food, we were more worried about quantity and nonperishable things that would last us. What are you to do with no stove, not even a microwave or a fridge? I was depressed then, underactive, and eating all the wrong things. All perfect ingredients for the grand meal of being overweight.

I need guidance! I need support! I need something... I've been to doctors asking them what I should do, and everyone has a different story for me. Which one do I follow? How do I know which one is right? Everyone assumes I'm overweight because of my depression. That's definitely not true. Half of the time I don't have enough food at my disposable to become an out of control eater! How do you make healthy choices when you are being put in a situation like that? The neighborhood I live in is awful, definitely not safe to walk, and not a school for miles to go to. I feel like I'm stuck and no way out. How do I do this with so many obstacles? I guess I'm trying to take the first step.

This is the first time I've ever talked about anything I'm feeling about me weight. My depression, my struggles, my self esteem... I guess I should have done this a long time ago.

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Any thoughts, feedback, help, or advice?

Weight-loss basically comes down to taking in fewer calories than you use up.  That's as complicated as it gets, really.  Healthier food choices help a lot and they aren't expensive.  Simple things like oats, turnips, beans, apples, potatoes and cabbages are really healthy, for example.   You don't have to buy special 'diet' foods or all these fancy brands people go on about, but you may need to brush up your cooking skills to make the most of humble ingredients. 

What would actually happen to you if you went for a walk in your neighbourhood?  Is the reality that you'd be instantly raped and murdered, or is it just bad PR that's keeping you behind closed doors?   Could you team up with other women locally and form a 'walking bus'?..... on the principle that there's safety in numbers.   You can do exercise at home as well, of course.  Exercise DVDs are often on E-Bay.  Of if you have stairs at home you could spend the ad-breaks on TV just walking up and down.  Anything that isn't 'sitting down' helps.

And that's my next suggestion... community.  You can't be the only person in your community that feels like they're stuck with no way out.  If you can't get out of your community what could you do as an individual to make your community better?  Sometimes churches are a good focal point.... maybe see if you can get an exercise class going at yours?   Or start a group for young people so that your streets are less daunting. 

I think anything you do positive would make you feel better about yourself and, when you feel better about yourself, things like adopting a healthier lifestyle can be a natural next step.

Good luck

x1elektrik_reighbeau1x

I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope things start to look up for you & your family.

But you have taken a very important step & that is to educate yourself about health & weight loss. I know how confusing it can be to try & figure out an effective weight loss plan but let me tell you the simple truth, calories in vs. calories out. You must burn more calories then you eat.

1. Figure out how many calories you use to maintain your current weight (using the tools on this site).
2. Achieve a 500 calorie deficit from your maintenance number. Either by reducing your calories or exercising.
3. Try to maintain a deficit of 500-1000 cals a day.
4. Do not eat under 1200 cals a day.
5. Drink lots of water.
6. Lift weights to build muscle, muscle burns more calories then fat. And don’t worry you wont look all buff.
7. Use this website for information, tools, & support. Join a group & keep yourself accountable.

Right now since you don’t have a lot of choice in food focus on the calories. You can still lose weight even eating junk food.

Also you could get those instant packages of oatmeal (just add water) to make up for any calories you’re lacking, they’re cheep & non perishable.

Balance out your high calorie foods with fruits & vegetables. There are plenty of different kinds of fruits & veggies that keep at room temp for a good while 7 you can eat raw, just buy as you need.

Do body resistance type of exercises like jumping jack, pushups, squats, crunches, running in place, etc… try lifting heavy items around you (for weight training).

Search exercising here to learn proper form (very important).

Keep in mind that losing weight is like 80% what you eat & 20% exercise.

I hope this helps, and if you have a bad meal or day don’t stress about it just get back to it, don’t stop because you will never see a change. Remember that this is a lifestyle change not a diet. If you want to see long term results you need to adapt a new way of thinking.

GOOD LUCK.

How old are you?  Are you still school age, even if you aren't still in school?  Are you still homeless?

Is there a social worker you can talk to?  Or a YMCA close enough to go to?  Or, as GI-Jane said, churches can be a great resource for people who have lots of life obstacles.

One thing I can suggest in addition to all the other advice is not to focus on the big number of needing to lose 200 pounds.  Focus on little steps you can take to be healthier.  A little more movement.  A little bit healthier food choice.  A slightly smaller portion of the available empty calories.

My thoughts are with you, take care.

Yes, the neighborhood is just that bad. I don't talk to anyone outside in this neighborhood because I'm afraid of what they might be into. Been there done that. All of my friends live cities away, because of my homelessness I had to move away from all of my support.

I'm 18, and I just finished highschool. We just got out of sleeping on the street because my family teamed up and got us an apartment. We still are in our money problems, though. There isn't a YMCA close to here.

I appreciate everyone's advice. This is definitely the advice and support that I needed to get started.

I can't really imagine the scope of your daily challenges, but here is what I learned.  When I was 19, my parents' business went bankrupt and lost our house, car - essentially everything.  I was fortunate to be in residence at university, so I never had to live on the street.  I had to accept any and all charity, including full student loans, to make it.  I sent all extra I could save to my family.

Anyways, my learnings were:

- It wasn't my fault.

- There are organizations including Boys and Girls Clubs, YMCAs, etc. whose mission statements do not allow them to deny service to anyone who cannot afford to pay.  I used their services for free.  In exchange (not that it was required) I volunteered some time working with kids.

- There is nothing wrong with accepting assistance.  People don't offer it if they aren't willing to help.  It is there for the purpose of helping those who could use a hand.  You can always pay it back (or forward) once you are a success.

I now manage several programs including one called "Kids at Hope".  The premise of the program is that ALL KIDS ARE CAPABLE OF SUCCESS - NO EXCEPTIONS!".  I've expanded that to be all children and youth (and at 19, you're still considered a youth!), because it's true - you are capable of success!

Original Post by x1elektrik_reighbeau1x:

I appreciate everyone's advice. This is definitely the advice and support that I needed to get started.

 So... throwing the ball back to you..... what's your plan?  What's the first impovement you're going to make today? 

Well this morning I got my behind on the floor and started doing crunches and running in place since I can't walk. Yesterday I started counting my calories with this site. As azule08 said, even though I'm eating junk (not by choice) I can still count my calories. I bought instant oatmeal yesterday (peach =) ) because with the food I was eating I was only getting 590 calories =/.

Also, the journaling and forums are keeping me on track and motivated I think.

Exercise is a great step forward.  Well done!.   But did you know that instant oatmeal is more expensive than plain old rolled oats?..... and rolled oats are less processed, have more fibre and are therefore more satisfying?  You could save money and eat more healthily at the same time.  Something to think about next time you go shopping for groceries.

Try to eat more beans.  They're high in fiber and protein and they're hella cheap.  To cook them, just soak them in water for about 8 hours (or overnight).  Rise them, then, if you have a crock pot turn it on and let them cook for several hours, if you don't have a crock pot yet, then you can cook them in a regular pot on the stove.  Make sure the water doesn't cook up.  I usually season them w/a little salt, garlic powder (you can find garlic powder for $1 at a lot of stores) and if you can get them, some jalapeno peppers.  A pot of beans can feed your whole family w/o using a lot of money.  If you don't have a big pot yet (b/c you just got a apt) try a slavation army store or maybe a church or even a family member that might let you barrow one. 

And GI Jane is right about the oats, regular oats are healthier and cheaper.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  If you need someone to remind you to exercise add me as a friend :)

We all know about the calories in and out...then why do diets almost always lead to more weight gained?  Why are some people skinny no matter what they eat?  I'll tell you why...attitude.  Your attitude is that of never having enough and protecting yourself from the dagerous neighbourhood you live in.  That is why losing weight will be impossible for you until you change your attitude.

Let me explain; your mind may be evolved since you are an intelligent human, but your body is still that of an animal.  The most basic instinct of any animal is fight or flight.  The bigger you are, the scarier you are, and the more threatening your size is to any preditors.  Perhaps a shift in attitude about making a point to change your life to get out of that neighbourhood and to run away from the dangers in your life may start to create a shift in your metabolism.

Also, the body will gain fat on purpose if it believes that you are in a famine.  Guess what dieting (nevery feeling full) does to your body?  My suggestion is to keep eating things that you like, but add some healthy stuff in there.  The big change is to start listening to your body.  If you chew slower, take smaller bites, and stop eating when you are full, you'll be amazed at how much you can lose in the first week.  Denying yourself will only lead to yo-yo weight gain.

The most important thing to remember is to stop blaming yourself for the past, and start taking control of your destiny.  Your body is doing what you've told it to up until now, so now tell it something different.

My story goes like this:  I was 160 lbs of solid muscle 7 years ago and I could run 3 miles in about 17 minutes.  Then I went on anti-depressants.  I put on 50 lbs in the first two years.  During those two years, I had started smoking again (after about 5 years), so I decided to quit.  Then I put on 60 lbs in another two years.  It's pretty hard to run with an extra 110 lbs to carry around, so I took walks and started to eat healthier.  It did nothing.  Earlier this year I picked up a book by Jon Gabriel and learned something; antidepressants make it almost impossible to lose weight.  He also taught me the above techiques, as well as what vitamins get your body working properly.  In about 3 months I was off of the antidepressants with my GP's assistance (something I had tried to do many times before).  Three weeks ago I felt a shift go on in my body.  I don't even eat my calorie allowance in a day, and I really don't want to.  I crave healthy food, and I can do without the crap.   I have more energy than I know what to do with.  And the pounds are falling off at about .5 lbs a day or more.  My body wants to lose weight and I can feel the change.

If you can dig up the $17 dollars to buy the book, I think it may help you too.  You don't really have to have it, just follow what I said, but it is full of great tips.  He also has a meditation CD at http://www.gabrielmethod.com.au/freecd.php and the password is "heart."  Listen to it every night and it will make a big difference too.  It gets that smart brain of yours to work with your body.  Just so you know, I don't have any stake in selling his stuff, I just believe in him wholeheartedly.

I’m glad you found the information useful & have made the decision to take control. Because 2010 will happen ready or not & how would you like to start the year?

I ran into an old friend of mine & the last time I seen her she had gained a lot of weight, this time she was even bigger. She tells me that she decided to just give up on losing weight that her man loved her just the way she is (about 260 lbs). And I asked her if SHE was loving herself & she made it seem like it didn’t matter, so I backed off. A person has to be ready and willing to commit. I think she has had a lot of failure because she’s starving herself then she binges and is always on the look out for the next new miracle diet. We all want instant result but that isn’t realistic. It really isn’t that hard, you’ll get the hang of things and it will get easier.

Also if you are eating under 1200 cals a day don’t exercise that only burns more calories (Look up starvation mode).

Beadlady- I really don't believe that it's almost impossible to lose weight when on antidepressants. I've been on Zoloft since feb. and have since lost 10 lbs. I think it goes back to what you were saying about attitude (which I do agree with) since most people fear that they are going to gain weight/not lose any on antidepressants, it changes their attitude.

x1elektrik_reighbeau1x- First off, I'd like to say that I really admire your strength. Having been through all of that and maintaining your hope is really inspirational, especially in these times. That said, since you've demonstrated that you are a strong person, I know that in time, you will lose the weight. As far as making it happen though, if I were you, I'd order some Tae Bo or kickboxing dvds... An hour of those generally burns like 500ish calories or more, plus it tones just about every part of your body (and it also doesn't hurt that it is a means of self defense in a sketchy neighborhood). Meat is expensive. So I'd stay away from that unless presented with it.. somebody before suggested beans and I'd have to agree that they're probably the best choice for fiber and protein. One final note, drink lots of water. It does wonders!

Ok, so since i posted this topic, I think I've been feeling more confidence. I actually have been eating a little more since people have provided me advice for cheap things to buy that are good for me. I'm also no longer afraid to eat what people give me, just as long as I stay around 1200 calories.

Plus Iine, a verryyy nice woman I met on this website is sending me 3 workout dvds for me to use. I'm very excited about that. This website has definitely given me the most support I've ever gotten. I cried yesterday I was so happy =). Thank you everyone for all of the tips and guidance!

Oh and I was thinking the other day how did it get this bad with my weight. And I also started gaining so much when I was taking birth control pills I gained a lot of weight. I had to stop taking them after a while. I was taking them because my menstrual cycle wasn't normal =/ It could also be a hormone imbalanace. I don't know I just thought that might have something to do with it.