Need tips on breaking the "class clown" cycle

My 11 year old seems to be following in his Mom's footsteps.  Not only does he have the energy I had at his age but he expels it in the same way...being a goofball!  While there is nothing wrong with being a funny person or a goofy person I think he is relying on it to make people like him. 

He recently ran for class president and when I asked his classmates if they voted for them they all said "Even though he's goofy...".  I also observe him going from 0 to 100 when he has a friend over.  ALL he ever says is jokes, goofy nonsense or recites things from a show or movie he's watched.  Even with just us that is all he says.  I have to constantly tell him that I want to talk to MY SON not a tv show!

Now that he's entering middle school I am worried that this over abundance of goofiness will become such a habit that the rest of him will never shine through.  I worry that he will always be the "funny guy".  That no one will think of him as the boyfriend or see the other sides of him.  Maybe it's different being a boy but I was the same way as him and all people could see was that side of me.  No one heard me when I spoke fromt he heart or from my intellect.  Even in the workplace it was happening!  Thakn god for marraige toning me down!  Lol

Seriously....HELP!!!

When you've got an issue with attention-seeking behaviour... some go for clowning, others resort to being naughty... then praise up the behaviour you like and don't give him much attention when he's clowning.... not even to tell him off.  Just ignore the TV show stuff completely... boring, right?   Try to find activities you can do as a family or one-to-one that require him to be calmer & more communicative to be effective.   Board games or crafts can be useful, for example because you have to concentrate a little.   If he gets more attention from you by being sensible he'll eventually learn to tone it down. 

Clowning with friends is a form of insecurity, you're right.  You're never going to make a lively person turn into a shrinking violet but if you work on him being calmer at home... and show him that it gets results...  it might spill over into relationships with friends.

haha i was/am the same way, as was my son. ahem that is him shining through. apple, tree... that is such an awkward age. boys are just kind of weird then anyways. and stinky.

dont worry mom, the girls will teach him how to tone it down when he starts caring what they think, just by their reactions, he will catch on eventually.

just tell him straight up what you learned from it. and hug him if he lets you.

goofballs need love too!!!!

My boy is similar. It was especially intense around age 11 too. When he would spin up like a top (after school in particular) and I couldn't get clear answers from him I had a variety of approaches that worked at different times.

Often, what I was asking didn't need to be answered at that point in time. So I'd leave it for our time when he had gone through his bedtime ritual and we came in to say goodnight. That's a time when he would talk calmly and relay more introspective thoughts about his day.

Other times, when I asked him something I needed an answer for (something basic like where he had left his pack) and I got spun-up nonsense, I'd simply pause. I'd slow my breath, continue to look at him but not verbally respond to the sillies. I'd just wait him out. This was not always easy because I had to make sure I didn't have any expression on my face that showed I was amused.

We also had a shorthand where I would say "inner voice now" and that was his cue to put the fun chatter inside for a while so we could handle the direct communication to get things moving. That one we came up with together when he and I chatted about it during bedtime. This was probably the one I tried to use the most, although he would probably say he got equal amounts of my silent look too!

I found by explaining to him my reasons for needing seriousness at times and asking him to come up with some ideas for how he could switch to being serious if it needed to happen, he began to apply a selective approach in all areas of his life over the next couple of years.

From the first day he started school my son gravitated to the funny kids and wanted to emulate them. But it wasn't just about seeking attention, although he definitely wants acceptance -- it was also a very astute and positive trait. Kids with emotional sensitivity tune into to how people relax when they laugh. So class-clowns are not just desperate for any attention, they are honing a craft that also connects and solidifies relationships: laughter. And with all kids, learning these advanced skills takes years. So maybe your son is just like a kid who's started playing violin -- it's painful to listen to at times, but with some helpful advice and tips from Mom on the subtleties of it all, he will develop a great talent for putting people at ease.