I need uglier friends...

Alright I need some advice/encouragement.

I have a great group of girlfriends. They're all nice, smart, and funny. And they're all really hot! So here's my problem: whenever we go out together I always feel like the ugly one...which is stupid because I know I'm decent looking and have a lot going for me. BUT it really starts to get to me that every guy that comes up to me and a friend is always interested in HER. And I get the wingman haha. It just knocks my confidence down, which only makes things worse because confidence is so important.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe just to rant. But has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you get over it?

(And btw, please know that I'm not planning on meeting my soulmate at a bar, but I do like to go out and have a good time...and this is just annoying me)

Just have your friend pick a guy with a good wingman!

Ask your friend to kindly reject the ones you are especially interested in. She could throw in something like "you're not my type but you might be my friend's type if you're lucky". If your friend is getting as much action as you say, that's a small sacrifice on her part.

Took a quick look at your profile and felt I had to chime in. I am currently dating a 20 year old dance major at NYU (and have been for over 2 years now), so I have a bit of additional insight into this particular question. My girlfriend has dozens of very attractive friends and was in fact hanging out with a few of them on the night I met her. Now I'm not going to say my girlfriend isn't as attractive as her friends (because I'd like to not get the **** smacked out of me), but she doesn't stand out from the group as the most attractive. Nevertheless, after minutes of talking to her and her friends I found myself exponentially more attracted to her than to any of the friends. Personality is so key to genuine attraction that it can far outweigh any marginal physical differences. 

In short, if it's a serious connection with a guy that you're looking for, don't worry about not being the first to be hit on in a bar. Speaking as a college male with many, many single male friends, I can assure you that nine times out of ten, if a guy is hitting on you in a bar, he doesn't intend to pursue a real relationship. The main thing is to not get frustrated before you meet that tenth guy; and when he does roll around, trust me, he won't be distracted by your friends.

Eric

Original Post by ncxcrnnr:

Took a quick look at your profile and felt I had to chime in. I am currently dating a 20 year old dance major at NYU (and have been for over 2 years now), so I have a bit of additional insight into this particular question. My girlfriend has dozens of very attractive friends and was in fact hanging out with a few of them on the night I met her. Now I'm not going to say my girlfriend isn't as attractive as her friends (because I'd like to not get the **** smacked out of me), but she doesn't stand out from the group as the most attractive. Nevertheless, after minutes of talking to her and her friends I found myself exponentially more attracted to her than to any of the friends. Personality is so key to genuine attraction that it can far outweigh any marginal physical differences. 

In short, if it's a serious connection with a guy that you're looking for, don't worry about not being the first to be hit on in a bar. Speaking as a college male with many, many single male friends, I can assure you that nine times out of ten, if a guy is hitting on you in a bar, he doesn't intend to pursue a real relationship. The main thing is to not get frustrated before you meet that tenth guy; and when he does roll around, trust me, he won't be distracted by your friends.

Eric

Aw, what a sweetie.

What he said. :)

Original Post by ncxcrnnr:

 Personality is so key to genuine attraction that it can far outweigh any marginal physical differences. 

 

 Wow, it's rare for a guy to say that on this site.

Original Post by soonerderf:

Just have your friend pick a guy with a good wingman!

 

lol. true true

Original Post by ncxcrnnr:

Took a quick look at your profile and felt I had to chime in. I am currently dating a 20 year old dance major at NYU (and have been for over 2 years now), so I have a bit of additional insight into this particular question. My girlfriend has dozens of very attractive friends and was in fact hanging out with a few of them on the night I met her. Now I'm not going to say my girlfriend isn't as attractive as her friends (because I'd like to not get the **** smacked out of me), but she doesn't stand out from the group as the most attractive. Nevertheless, after minutes of talking to her and her friends I found myself exponentially more attracted to her than to any of the friends. Personality is so key to genuine attraction that it can far outweigh any marginal physical differences. 

In short, if it's a serious connection with a guy that you're looking for, don't worry about not being the first to be hit on in a bar. Speaking as a college male with many, many single male friends, I can assure you that nine times out of ten, if a guy is hitting on you in a bar, he doesn't intend to pursue a real relationship. The main thing is to not get frustrated before you meet that tenth guy; and when he does roll around, trust me, he won't be distracted by your friends.

Eric

wow. thank you. that is exactly what I wanted to read.

See, I think that's a misconception.  Most guys definitely factor personality into things (along with mojo)....unless they're only looking for a certain thing.

You don't need uglier friends. You need to work on your self-esteem. 

Please let an old man put his two cents in on one throwaway point you made ("meeting my soulmate soulmate in a bar").  I met my wife in a bar and we've been married for 45 years, have three children and four grandchildren and I met her in a bar (a piano bar to be exact) and we have had (and still have) a wonderful life together.  Ya just never know.  And yes both of us at onetime or another felt like the unattractive sidekick.

Hi

My best friend is 5'9 with model looks.  When we go out she's always the one that gets chatted up and she's always the one that men go for.  As you point out, i'm always the one left looking like a melon (if its just the two of us out) or with the guys mate who i have no interest in.

This used to really hack me off and i used to get very jealous of her.  That was until i realised that all the blokes that were chatting her up were only interested in one thing and due to this she's never actually been in a good/lasting relationship.

I've since met the one, not in a bar, and i now realise that i was worrying for nothing and that i could be 5'9 and have model looks but i might not be as happy as i am now.

Original Post by alibsam:

You don't need uglier friends. You need to work on your self-esteem. 

I think the uglier friends part was a joke. :)

To the OP: I've felt like that before - not because I'm NOT attractive, but because I'm usually the fattest girl in my group of friends. But you know what's crazy? Even though most of my friends are tiny, curvy, smokin' hot babes, I'M the one who rarely looks in the mirror and only sees the bad. They all look up to me, because I don't let my size get in the way of how I want to present myself: what I wear, how I style my makeup and hair, how outgoing and vibrant I am. Maybe it's not just that your friends are actually physically better looking than you, but maybe they look more approachable, more friendly.

Sometimes it takes me a while to loosen up at the bar, when I feel like everyone's checking out my friends and not me. Eventually I get over myself though and get lost in the music and having a good time with the girls and sure enough, that's when the guys come over to dance or chat me up at the bar.

I LOVE what ncxcrnnr said. And I agree that while most women believe that men don't actually feel this way (and that some guys will behave like they don't!) - that for the most part... they actually do! :)

did i write this post?

i swear, this ALWAYS happened to me. my two besties are tiny, spritely, hot young thangs that got all the male attention when we went out.

until i said bump that.

the confidence people are right. start thinking and acting like you're the hottest, best thing on the planet, and guys will notice that. my friends are still (somewhat) hotter than me, but the guys notice me first now. you should see my friends' faces drop when they realize a guy's into me and not them. their egos can't handle it. it's pretty awesome!

Exude sexuality, openness, happiness, positive energy, good vibe, and be very animated. Smile a lot, touch guys when you talk to them, be expressive with body language, and have lots of energy. Don't be pissed off at or envious of your friends, and don't try to run the guys off that hit on her by being really mean to them.

Don't be looks dependent, in other words do not rely solely on your looks to get you all the attention you desire in those places.

If you have to, separate from your group of friends for a little bit and allow yourself to be approached without interference, then do it.

The club/bar scene can be a ruthless place for both men and women, but probably more so for men. You have the steroidal tanned giant dude, male models, alpha males, guys looking to fight or jealous boyfriends, girls looking to reject guys before he even says hello, girls making out with and going home with the hottest guys in the club/bar.

At least you don't have to take the initiative to approach and subsequently be treated like utter crap.

This is kind of ironic! You complain that your friends attract the guys you are interested in and that you get stuck with the less interesting sidekicks. Aren't you doing the exact same thing the other way around? Why not consider giving the sidekick a chance? I bet he's got a lot more to offer than the guy who's confident enough to hit on the prettiest girls.

that is an excellent point, jon! i can't believe that never occured to me....

Wingmen need love too :(

Seems to me that you aren't having any trouble attracting young hot guys 

Thank you everyone for your replies. I had no idea I would get such intelligent and insightful advice. You guys are great.

And actually, I do get along better with the "less aggressive" guys (often the wingmen). But then I can't ever get past the fact that they're with me b/c their friend wanted to be with my friend :)

Traditionally, the wingman's job is to occupy the lesser attractive girl so his friend can talk to the hottest girl in the group without being impeded by angry/bored friends who have a nasty tendency to pull their hot friends away. 

To be genuinely attracted to the lesser attractive girl is not a requirement for the wingman, he just has to occupy her.

I'm just wondering how cabaret knows the guy is a wingman because maybe he isn't a wingman, maybe he's just a guy that goes in with his friend because his friend is a little intimidated when it comes to approaching a group of hot females.