need to vent

Hello, i am six months pregnant and a mother of one two year old( almost three) little boy. i am the type of person that likes to get my son out of the house for play dates, walks, parks etc... My husband is the kind of guy that thinks i take him out too much and that i am selfish b/c i am doing it for me and not him. ( right, like i love to sit and  sing songs and play with playdough and paints for two hours) i just think it's important to socialize him and yes i need adult conversation sometimes. i am a stay at home mom. Anyhow, long story short my son has a dry cough at night so my hubby think he is sick and should stay in the house. Fine no big deal i had no plans today but he called me asking if i was looking for my keys and i said no( although i was) he took them to work so that my son adn i were stranded. so no big deal really except, that if there was an emergancy than what? I feel like a child and that he is so controlling, i am 32 years old. Did i mention that if my son has a night terror or coughs in the night my hubby screams and swears at me calling me every name in the book? He even shok his fist in my face the other night telling me to go f-myself.

Anyway, thanks for listening. i guess i do enjoy getting out of the house but i don't thinki am selfish or that my son is sick and i wouldn't take him out if he was.

Um.............your husband sounds controlling and abusive, even if it is only verbal and emotional now, it is on the verge of physical (ex: fist in the face).

Not to be judgemental, but it is something you can see from the outside quite easily when you have been there before.

Also, if your son has a cough there is no proof that keeping him inside will help him get well. Calm trips to the park, etc (as long as he isn't outdoing himself) are good for him. Fresh air is good for us. It is sitting in the recycled air all day that isn't any good.

I am sure you love playing with your son and you enjoy the socialization as well. You are a good mom for that. I would love to socialize with other mommies (my son is 2.5) but I don't travel in the right circles or something, so my son and I do a lot of things on our own or with family.

Anyway, nothing I can say can fix your husband. Nothing you can do will fix him either. I am sorry you are in this spot and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. PM me if you would like to talk, anytime!

(hope I didn't offend you)

kelleigh pretty much sumed up  what I was thinking.

As far as him taking the keys, I'm with you.  What if you'd had to leave?  If I were you, I'd have a spare house and car key made and hide them so you can use them if you need to. 

I agree with the above posters..I also highly recommend therapy for you, and is your husband ever calm so you can sit down and talk to him? I'm sure you have talked to him but I think communication is key..Maybe he doesn't realize how badly he has scared you or maybe he hasn't thought about if an emergency happens...Men can sometimes only see one thing at a time...I'm not making an excuse for him....But I do think individual therapy for you and then couples therapy for you both together....Also, if you have a strong support system, I would find someone to confide in, that way if you need somewhere to go--you can...((HUG)) pm me if  you need anything..

Thanks for the responses ladies, i did tell him how i felt about taking the keys and he didn't think it was controlling or anything. I guess i was hurting his feelings by not "listening" to him by keeping our son inside. I agree that fresh air is good for him and i don't even think he is sick. he is just stuffed up as am i.

it is hard b/c when i try to tell him how i feel he tells me i am wrong and deserve it b/c i don't listen to him. My mom is super mad at him and thinks he is abusive, i have a good support system that i can go to if it ever gets too much for me.

sighs,

oh well today is a new day...right?

WOw! What if something had've happened that you needed to get out for? What if something had happened to you or the baby? You need to let him know that his 'impulsive' actions could've had serious repurcussions! He also needs to know that kids get sniffles/coughs all of the time- and it's not Mom's fault! I speak from experience! How dare he patronise you by telling you you're wrong all the time, and deserve "x" because you didn't listen to him. This is abusive behaviour- you mightn't see it like that but it's emotional abuse, and will only escalate unless he sees that you will not stand to be belittled like this?

Sorry for the rant, but a friend put up with years of this sort of cr*p, and is only now realising that she's not the imbecile he made her out to be!

"it is hard b/c when i try to tell him how i feel he tells me i am wrong and deserve it b/c i don't listen to him. My mom is super mad at him and thinks he is abusive, i have a good support system that i can go to if it ever gets too much for me.

sighs,

oh well today is a new day...right?"

You are a Mom now.  You know that if your child was in a bad situation and you let them know you would want them to listen to you, right?  Than listen to your Mom!!!!  You said you have a great support system which is wonderful...however, they aren't supposed to support you for 20 years while you stay with an abusive guy.  Just be smart and take a step back and view your situation without all the history involved.

Your last entry sounded like all those articles from women in abusive relationships.  Please be smart and safe.  No man can tell you what you "deserve" except your Daddy!  Talk with your Mom.  Talk with a therapist or marraige couseler or your pastor.  I don't know you  or your husband but I don't like what I hear.  Some people say that emotional abuse form a spouse is sure to begin with the children next.  I would hate for this to happen and I wish you all the luck no matter which way life takes your family!

Having a little problem dealing with the fact that your husband stranded you at home with a sick child who (for all you know) may need emergency medical attention. Granted, in a real emergency an ambulance is called, but it may be something to bring up in the conversation. Certainly sounds abusive & controlling like the others noted.

Take a look at this webpage regarding domestic abuse: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_viol ence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

It is not ok for him to call you names and make decisions for you without even listening to your point of view.  These are abusive behaviors.  Even if he doesn't hit you, the things you mentioned are not part of a healthy relationship.  You deserve someone who does not call you names and tell you what to do with no discussion.  The part where you said that "i try to tell him how i feel he tells me i am wrong and deserve it b/c i don't listen to him" really worries me.  Is he telling you that you deserve to feel bad because you didn't do what he said?  That's definately him trying to belittle and control you.

Another common abusive behavior is a partner that tries to isolate you- like keeping you from socializing at the park.  The webpage says "In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone."

Seek some counseling- for you and him.  Your kid should not have to grow up in a house where his daddy swears and calls his mommy names in anger.  It's not right and you don't deserve it, no matter what!

Also, if he ever hits you, or any other physical violence and you need to get out, call the national domestic violence hotline and they can help: 1800-799-SAFE (3224).