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needing some support

okay, I've been on Calorie Count for quite a while now.
its taken a lot of courage to post this, i hope its in the right forum and everything...

ive been suffering from eds since about April this year, when i weighed around 8 stone, and im 5"5/6ish. I'm 15 and have been a vegetarian all my life, and never had any health issues previously. It started with throwing up dinners, skipping meals particularly lunch and breakfast etc.

I never had a chance to regularly weigh myself though because we dont have scales at home.
Well Im going to spare you the details of how it developed over the months andsummer. But basically for the last few months i have been living off less than 500 cals a day mostly, and taking the odd days to starve myself etc.

I do some exercise, mostly walking, stretching, dancing about my room and the like xD

I now weigh just over 5 and a half stone.
Everyone says I look like a skeleton, particularly my mum, she's worried, she doesn't know about my ed history (although I havent purged since July :D) and thinks I have something wrong with me.
You can see most of my bones, I'm constantly tired, freezing cold, my H8M kids jeans are hanging off me :(
I want to gain, but I'm scared. I want to stay skinny. but Im frightened I will gain too much, I don't know the best way I should approach "recovery" or whatever. I don't want to just load up on junk food or high calstuff, but I want my life back. I want my energy back.

My friends are being dead supportive, like sitting with me and helping me to eat at school (something I have a phobia of) even if it's just some fruit or salad.

But I know you're all lovely people in here and i need more support and advice :/ I'm going to stay with my gran for a week, she hasn't seen me in a few months so she will make lots of comments about my weight and Im terrified.

Please help me? How do I do this properly? I've been building up to 500-1000 cals a day now instead of 200-500. :-) x Thanks so much for reading btw.

Spek is correct,  you are a walking emergency, at any time you could have a major medical issue.  You should talk to your grandmother and your mom and your dad and every single person who you think might be able to help you.  Getting enough calories is just the beginning of the journey you're starting on.  A day or two or three or a week is not enough, you really need to get some long term help.  The sooner you get that help, the shorter your recovery period is likely to be and the more likely your body will be able to recover from the damage that has been done to it.

Guess what I just went out and bought :) 
I'm so proud of myself (and guilty at the same time><)
PEANUT BUTTER

and...

Dark Chocolate :D
I haven't had chocolate for months... and I'm not exaggerating.
Two squares after dinner. :) I cannot wait. This is going to be...orgasmic? lol Love you all.Im ready to get better xxx

Dolly, look. It is brilliant you want to get better. The steps you are making are fantastic. But your weight is so, so low, that even if you are making these moves forward you need to check yourself in to hospital. You do not need a set GP. You must be signed as part of a surgery, or a clinic, surely? Ask your mum, even if it is on the phone, to make an appointment with ANY of the GPs in your surgery.

There must be a hospital near your Gran - go to it. Go to the night doctor, go to A+E. Your body is at great risk of just packing up on you even if you begin to eat again because it is so frail right now. If you truly, truly are ready to get better you need to take yourself to a hospital and have health checks done and consider having inpatient treatment referred for you. CC can't help you here, hun.

I could give you a number to aim for but there's no guarantee you will reach it and there is no guarantee your body will even manage it. You need help on this because at the weight you are you are a ticking time bomb.

OK I don't want to be a pain in the ass for being so stubborn but I just can't do those things :/

So could you give me a number to aim for? Because I can try. That's all I can do right now :/
I just had 2 squares of my chocolate and omg orgasm or WHAT? <333

Hmmm....well Im about the same weight as you, by bmi is right around 13.0.  I guess I didn't realize this was such a critical isue either so now Im kind of worried that I may be in danger.   But you definitely need to meet with a doctor. Everyone here is right that you really need to seek out help ASAP.  Ive been this weight for about 1.5 years, and am eating now, but Im not gaining.  I eat about 1500 cals a day, and my doctor never seemed too concerned, and my bloodwork has been ok, so I didnt really worry that much, but Im a little worried now too...:/

I know Im not the best person to take advice from but peanut butter has definitely helped me get my calories up, I eat it everyday, and nuts too.  I know its hard to face the fear of gaining, but you REALLY need too, guess I do too, haha.  Protein bars help, cheese, milk, dried fruit.  I remember the first time I had chocolate since recovering.  Its great.  Ive heard of people needing anywhere from 2000-4000 calories to gain weight.  I try really hard to stay away from the scale, that definitely helps me.  But you need to make sure you dont lose anymore.  I would also reccomend stopping the exercise.  Your probably frail, and it will be too hard on your heart. 

I think you need to do eveything in your power to get into a doctor/nutritionist/therapist soon.  You need to be honest with your family and get help.  Trust me, you have your whole life in front of you, dont throw it away. Message me anytime if u want:) Good luck!

Original Post by cassie87:

Hmmm....well Im about the same weight as you, by bmi is right around 13.0.  I guess I didn't realize this was such a critical isue either so now Im kind of worried that I may be in danger.   But you definitely need to meet with a doctor. Everyone here is right that you really need to seek out help ASAP.  Ive been this weight for about 1.5 years, and am eating now, but Im not gaining.  I eat about 1500 cals a day, and my doctor never seemed too concerned, and my bloodwork has been ok, so I didnt really worry that much, but Im a little worried now too...:/

I know Im not the best person to take advice from but peanut butter has definitely helped me get my calories up, I eat it everyday, and nuts too.  I know its hard to face the fear of gaining, but you REALLY need too, guess I do too, haha.  Protein bars help, cheese, milk, dried fruit.  I remember the first time I had chocolate since recovering.  Its great.  Ive heard of people needing anywhere from 2000-4000 calories to gain weight.  I try really hard to stay away from the scale, that definitely helps me.  But you need to make sure you dont lose anymore.  I would also reccomend stopping the exercise.  Your probably frail, and it will be too hard on your heart. 

I think you need to do eveything in your power to get into a doctor/nutritionist/therapist soon.  You need to be honest with your family and get help.  Trust me, you have your whole life in front of you, dont throw it away. Message me anytime if u want:) Good luck!

 Wow thank you :) *hugs!*

Yeah, recently I have found exercise pretty impossible, just complete lack of energy, so I just go for the odd walk but nothing strenuous. And I want to learn yoga eventually=)

Theres no scales at home, only at my dad's house, so I'd only get to check my weight once every few weeks anyway.

I'm going to have peanut butter on wholewheat bread tomorrow :)

I wanna enjoy recovery, it's just...so hard. Idk. :( But you're all being such a good help! Do youthink my calories should be consumed in smaller snacks or larger meals?

Any method that will get you to eat them is fine.  I think you'll do best to eat a few hundred calories every hour or so or eat three meals with a few hundred calories inbetween.  You do need to see a doctor and a therapist and get your family onboard.

Like Sara said any way you can eat them is fine but I suggest little and often in bouts of a few hundred at a time so your stomach can adjust with the increases of food. But, really, please go see your doctor and talk to them about this.

You need to go to the doctor. At your weight, you cannot re-feed yourself at home.

You need to be medically supervised and in the hospital for re-feeding to be done safely. Not only is it dangerous to be at such a low weight without any medical supervision, but trying to add in calories on your own is playing with fire. I do not think your body could take any added stress.

I struggle with the same problem, and just recently a girl I knew through treatment passed away in her sleep. She was not severely restricting - she was actually doing much better with her intake and trying to increase - but her fragile body could not handle it.

Refeeding syndrome is a very real possibility for you, and the consequences can be fatal. Do not let your ED take your life.

Thankyou, cantstopnow. Dolly, this is why I have been reluctant to give you a number and have been pushing for you to go to the hospital. Your body just may not be able to handle what you are doing and it needs to be supervised by someone who knows how to treat refeeding in such a low weight patient.

dolly..........PLEASE YOU CANNOT DO THIS PLEASE I HAVE BEEN THE VERY SAME PLACE......2 FRIGGEN PIECES OF CHOCALTE IS NOT GOING TO HELP YOU ONE BIT!!!!

GIRL I BEG YOU......MY STATS WHERE RIGHT WHERE UR ARE AND YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DO NOT GO STRAIGHT TO THE ED!!!!

NOW SEROIOUSLY!!!!!

NOW NOW NOW IF YOU POST ANOTHER POST YOU ARE DOING THE WRONG THING AND DONT DO THAT PLEASE!!!!!

This will sound harsh but..

YOU ARE DYING and unless you are going to do something ABOUT IT, then stop posting about how you are going to “ have an extra slice of melon” or “ 2 squares of dark chocolate”

YES it is good that you are making an effort, but A WEDGE OF MELON AND 2 SQUARES OF DARK CHOCOLATE ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE THE SLIGHTEST DIFFERENCE IN YOUR WEIGHT!

It is VERY disturbing for people to read about how sick you are and how you will not get help!

WE DO NOT WANT to read about some one who is letting themselves die, it is DEPRESSING.

Your mind IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY; a SANE, RATIONAL mind would know that a melon or a tiny bit of chocolate will not save you or make you gain ANY weight

Your body is so skinny and when you get to your stage, your CANNOT think properly, your body technically cannot work and that includes your brain/mind.

So, either go and get help and let us know how the difficult journey to recovery is, or STOP telling us all about “ the extra slice of melon” you had it is SO frustrating and disturbing to watch some one die

yes please this is really stressing for me and many others.......hun i honestly lost sleep thinking about you!

My post sounded harsh and you sound like a friendly nice girl, but you cannot expect people to come on here and hold you hand and support while you let your condition get worse.

You cannot expect to be “ congratulated “ for eating “ peanut butter on bread” god it irritated me when you put the smiley face, it comes across like “ I am letting myself die but eating a piece of bread and peanut butter is really positiveJ ”

I do not know WHY a mediator has not intervened, you should NOT be aloud to post and tell us all about how you are dying because we are helpless

Hey there Dolly, I've just read through this thread. I want to say that you should be so proud of yourself for realizing that you have a problem and coming to terms with the fact that something needs to be done about it. I know what people are telling you is really scary, but honestly you need to be scared right now. You could go to bed tonight and never wake up. Your body is literally starving to death. Your organs are shutting down. Every moment you go without being under the care of a medical professional is bringing you closer and closer to death, and it's only a matter of time before your heart stops beating. NOTHING is worth that. No amount of shame or embarrassment or screwing up your life is worth dying for. Besides, you have no reason to be ashamed. You have a disease. A disease that is killing you. But the good news is that it's treatable. It may take years, but you CAN beat this and you will be SO glad you took the time and effort to do it, because I know your life must be miserable right now. Please don't be afraid to tell someone. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your family. How would they feel if you died tonight because they hadn't been able to get you the help you needed in time? They love you very much, and they know that something is very, very wrong with you. And they are begging you to come to them and tell them what you've just told us, a group of complete strangers on the internet.

It's great that you are taking steps to help yourself get better. BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH. Even if you could somehow completely snap out of it and eat 3000 calories, you have done too much damage to your body for it to be repaired just like that. You NEED a doctor's care to save your life. No matter what you do on your own, it won't be enough. You need to go to the hospital.

And I know that right now you are scared and you hear what everyone is telling you and you want to get better, so you go out and buy food and eat a little snack. But tomorrow, or next week, when that fear isn't so fresh, you'll go back to restricting like you were. I say this because I have experienced it. That's why it is SO IMPORTANT that you tell someone and get to a doctor now, while you still have the ability to think rationally, and have the motivation to make the right choice. Because I am telling you, it won't be very much longer before your mind will no longer be capable of intelligent thought, and you won't be likely to get help before you suffer a heart attack or even death, and then it will be too late.

I know this was harsh and blunt, but I'm telling you like it is because I have seen too many people succumb to anorexia nervosa before they even realized that they were suffering from it, and I don't want this to happen to you. You are only 15. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. Please don't let it get thrown away.

yes girl......where are the people in you life that see the way you are???????

the thing is even if you eat 3000 or WHATEVA this very second you body is already on the wrong road that ONLY doctors can help with!!!

You cannot keep saying “ I am eating piece of bread and peanut butter so it is all good!”

We want you to LIVE, NOT to “ offer support” while you die!