Needing Support

So, I am 23 years old and 50 or so pounds overweight. I have been doing calorie counting since September 25 and so far have lost a few pounds and 2 belt loops. However, I am in this all alone, and I can feel my motivation slipping away. My fiance, although he is trying to be supportive, is actually discouraging. He is naturally fit with a super fast metabolism, so he doesn't at all get this whole struggle with weight. Worse, he thinks I am perfect just the way I am. While I appreciate his sentiment, I am finding it difficult to stick with this program when he is so worried about my body changing. I just want to be healthier, feel better, and lower my risk for heart disease and diabetes in the future, not to mention feeling a little sexier and being able to shop at any old store, buying cute clothes without worrying about the bulge. It all seems like perfectly good logic to me. Obviously, being overweight isn't desirable or healthy in any way. So, why is this man who loves me so concerned with my breasts or booty shrinking when he should be worried about my health? I have tried talking to him, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I am also killing myself doing pec and glut excercises to try to compensate for the fat I will be losing in those areas. What should I do?

I've had a few boyfriends in the past who said they didn't care what I looked like either. What it really meant was that they didn't want my healthy eating to intrude in their junk food habits!
I would just make healthy choices anyways, and when he sees how serious you are about this, he will come around. Perhaps you could even ask him advice on what keeps him so fit.

Remember to just keep at it too. The motivation comes when the weight starts to come off - those two belt loops are great. Good job!

Sarah, i think you're doing awesome... girlie, you are still young!! changing your health now will help with SOO many things for the better in the future. You will spend the rest of your life with this man! I hope he comes to genuinly value your well-being and health more than those curves ; ). Keep at it, feel good, healthy and strong. Blessings on you and your future hubby. ps. you are not alone! 

Hi Sarah,

My advnice would be to find a friend, get support that way! Even an online buddy to chat with and get motivation from!

I find men often walk a fine line when i discuss wanting to lose weight. They can't agree that I need to lose weight because that makes them an ass according to society, so I think it's easier to say they dont want us to change.. and of course as someone already said, it wont cut into their junk food time.

Congrats about your engagement and your weight loss. You're doing amazing for yourself and really will prevent heart disease and diabetes as well as a number of other undesireable diseases.

good luck!

Thanks so much for the support. And I think that you are totally right about the junk food! He's terrified that his eating habits will have to change!

I can totally relate being with a guy with fast metabolism.  I am getting married in April to a guy who can eat a whole pizza on a regular basis and not gain a pound.  I think the most difficult part is being around all the temptation.  We have junk food in the house that he can eat, while I'm trying to learn portion control and healthy eating habits.  I don't think its fair to ask him to change his eating habits, though it would be healthier for him.  I think you are doing the right thing by writing and reaching out to a group that can understand and support you.

I agree totally. I keep trying to reassure him that just because my eating habits have changed, that his can stay the same. I think that he is starting to understand that I don't want to change his lifestyle, just my own. It is a struggle saying no to all the greasy, cheesy, sugary foods that he loves, but I am getting better at it. Thanks for all the input. Good luck to you all!

I am with you 100%. In my case it's my Husband that can eat for 3 men and not gain a pound.  He's kinda a meat and potato kinda guy too, "rabbit food" isn't in his food vocab.  I think that watching his eating habits makes me feel better about my own.  (of course when he's eating for 2 in one sitting anything I take looks like a proper portion which it totally isn't)  He also constantly buys chips or candy (really bad at halloween) then rather than eating them he leaves them where I can see them or he'll open a bag of chips have a handful then leave the open bag sitting there to tempt me.  I know I sould have better self control but I'm just starting and these things do not help.  Your success in only a month is encouraging for me.  Be proud of your accomplishments and don't fall back into bad habits just because you're meeting resistance! 

Original Post by missschelle:

I've had a few boyfriends in the past who said they didn't care what I looked like either. What it really meant was that they didn't want my healthy eating to intrude in their junk food habits!

 

 My girlfriend is overweight. She's 148lbs 5'2" and petite. I tell her don't care what she looks like. What that really means is I don't care what she looks like.

Lol. My fiance read your comment and totally agrees with you. He loves me just the way I am. I still want to be healthier though.

I'm happy for you =] I just couldn;t help but respond when I saw that.

I think many of you are thinking of this the wrong way, Your man clearly prefers thick women to stick figured. When he says he will love you regardless of size, isnt that a good thing? when you are pregnant are tummies are huge, and while we dont feel sexy and wonderful, they see something in us, a nother side to what makes you you they fall in love all over again. they love the glow that we have. etc (getting off topic).   Don't be so quick to judge, this has nothing to do with junk food habits, or diabities... you dont look like your pushing the 200+ mark on the scale. Unless you have a family history to be concerned about.   it is so interesting to me, how different ethnic groups view curves and thickness and what it is to be skinny.   Congrats on your up coming special day, nd just know that with your upcoming big day, you will look fit and toned in your wedding gown. not for anyone else but for you.

I started off my journey at 267lbs I am now down to 172.  I was asking my husband the very same questions you where, and I too was frusterated over his perfect metabolism.  while I had to stick to an atkins like diet.    So I am with ya girly!  

Hi! My name is Sarah too, and I totally understand your pain. My fiance is a marathon runner (?!?!?!?!!!) who can pretty much eat whatever he wants (although he'll gain weight due to his abiding love of beer). It's so frustrating to realize that when we fill our plates at dinner, he should probably get about 3x what I do. *Sigh* And we both love to cook, which makes it that much harder.

However, since I've started to diet, I realized that being a good cook makes it all easier! Why don't you sit down with your fiance and explain that you are concerned for your health, and that you need his support. Then, offer to start cooking him healthy (and delicious!!!) meals. Grab a good health or vegetarian cookbook, or look at some of the recipes on the site, and turn your cranky man into a happy taste tester!