needs honesty and a push

Hey

I'll quickly introduce myself- 18yo female 5'2 and around 89lbs (40.5kg) , suffered from anorexia for close to a year and am 'in recovery' but have been at this weight for a while now. I eat around 1350 cals/day and seem to have no weight fluctuations. The thing is i know i should increse my calories but i can't do the first step. i need honesty and a shove to make me realise that really its not enough and i should increase it.
Its frustrating having no one around who understands and i would love any support anyone could offer.
i've heard that your body learns to live on so few calories and then if you increase you'll gain weight but your body wil eventually become stable on that amount as well? (within reason of course)
don't know if my point is really clear but basically i jsut need some support and advice, a chat, i dunno.
xx

hi hotelgal,

i can't speak from personal experience, but i'm doing my thesis research in disordered eating (among other things).  i've spent the last three weeks interviewing women who are in various stages of recovery, and what i can tell you is that the sooner you put this behind you and get on with your life, the healthier and happier you'll be. 

it's just very sad, listening to these beautiful women who've been sick for a decade or more talking about how much pain they're in, how they keep friends and family at a distance and avoid living fully.  and that's on top of the health consequences: osteoporosis, heart damage, gastro-intestinal problems, infertility, etc.

you know what you need to do, and you know that it's within your power to do it.  gaining a little weight is nothing compared to all the wonderful things you stand to gain.

thanks pgeorgian i hope your research is going well.
Its annoying because i have been doing all this study for school and in theory i KNOW that you can't maintain on that low calories let alone gain, i KNOW you need a rest day from exercise each week for optimal performance, i KNOW you need fat in your diet... its just i just classify myself as an 'exception' to all this and i guess i am in denial.
i large part of me wants to go out for muesli for breakfast one morning, maybe even pancakes. but there is no one i can do it with and eating in front of family just triggers everything.
i have a few other questions (sorry its 'all about me' i am more than willing to provide any help if people have questions but not sure how much help i could be to tell you the truth, i can try). what would be my calorie intake to gain say 200grams a week? anyone have any insight on how to make the 'first step' in upping calories?
xx

well 200g is roughly half a pound, so you would need to eat about an extra 1750 calories a week, or about 250 a day.  so if your estimates are accurate, 1600 would get you there.

1600 isn't a lot.  to put it in perspective, that's about what i eat, and i'm 40 years old, 140 pounds, and losing weight. 

i think you should focus on enjoying food.  try to rediscover all the stuff you haven't allowed yourself to eat while you've been sick.  and remember, ordering a stack of pancakes in a restaurant can be intimidating, but you don't have to eat all of it.  just try to eat slowly and really enjoy it!

and it sounds like you need to rekindle some old friendships and/or form some new ones.  call someone you haven't seen for awhile and go for brunch!  it's a risk, but think of the rewards ;)

thanks for the support i'll try to make an effort.
i reall do need to find people to connect with i guess i can't blame my friends for not being around i haven't precisely been the worlds funnest person. it would be nice to meet people in my area with a similar background but i wouldn't know where to start looking.
i haven't weighed myself for over a week (normally jsut do a weekly weigh in to make sure i'm not loosing) i've been putting it off because of unsual eating patterns (been going out for a few nights so have been drinking calories rather than eating them) and was sick on monday and tuesday and didn't want it to affect weigh in. i also have to find a morning when mum is up and out of her room so i can run in and use the scales before breakfast and my shower.
hope everything is going well for you if there is any help you needed in regards to your thesis just let me know.
xx