Negative remarks can be demotivating, depressing, and upsetting.

A few days ago I read a girl's blog, in which she wrote about her struggles with an eating disorder and remarks made by other people. A girl had told her "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" while she was eating. To her this was quite upsetting, which I think is totally understanding. Eventhough she had posted this story a while ago I responded to it. Explaining that I too struggle with my weight, am dieting as we speak, and have had people say mean things to me. Having written the girl, and in doing so writing my feelings and thoughts down had made me feel good. I had vented, and cleared some of my inner-dialogue-chaos away.

The next day I went to work in my mother's asian store (supermarket/take-away) and a customer approached me. I know her, since she comes quite often, but I know her only by face and what she buys. I don't know her name, where she lives, etc. And the lady asks me "How far are you already?". I said"what do you mean?" thinking that she might be referring to my studies at university, I was wrong to think so. She goes (while rubbing my tummy) "how far are you with your pregnancy". OMG, I could just cry, scream, hit her.... but I didn't do anything. I was so shocked. So I just replied that I wasn't pregnant and tried to end the conversation a.s.a.p.

Quite down from that little chat I was debating to eat a big bag of chips or starve myself. Both **** options.

I calmed down and just continued my day (with a healthy diet), but it was definitely a blow to my ego, especially since I had just lost 3 kilos.

I have lost another kilo, and am confident that I will keep this up. I wish to loose another 10 kg.

I hope that whoever is reading this is doing well, and that you don't feel too upset when people make careless remarks. I'm sure more people have upset you too, but perhaps mine is one of the more extreme examples.

All the best!

-Ellen

People do that to me too! I always feel like they're not trying to be rude. It's like they think it would be great if I was pregnant. Maybe it's social awkwardness. Now I just tell myself, "they think I look young!" If there's any doubt about it people don't ask!

I wear high waisted clothes sometimes because they're comfortable and flattering so maybe that's it.

I know how bad that kind of ignorance feels, I am pregnant, an I managed not to gain any weight (way too high BMI at conception) and I was so proud, and when I tell people how far I am they look like, oh I thought you were going to give birth today, or I say I am pregnant, and they say it must be twins. Its really hurtful... But some people are just really stupid, like there is a breakdown in communication between the brain and mouth...

So sometimes I confront them, sometimes I don't. I choose my battles, but it is so good when I do, I always feel better, sometimes if they say something especially hurtful, and I clam up out of shock, I cant sleep because I am thinking about punching them in the face!!!

Oh my gosh!  That's horrible!  Look, you have made a great accomplishment by just deciding to change your life for the better, but the fact that you have improved and that you are able to not allow rude remarks like that affect your life is astonishing to me!! 

Although what she said was very mean, she had good intentions.  She was naive to assume that you were pregnant, but she did not mean it maliciously.  Everybody's had to deal with mean people in their life, so I'm sure you've gone through this too, but in school, people are purpusely mean to me because of my weight.  I try not to let it bother me too much, but sometimes it gets too hard!! When somebody is heartless and MEANS every single word of it, it hurts much more.  I'm glad you didn't experience THAT, because it's absolutely horrible.....but i can relate to your pain 100%

Best wishes, and i wish you don't give up on this tremendous task!!

I must say reading your post i  felt like i really understand. 9 months ago i was pregnant and felt huge. my husband and i thought hey im going into my lat trimester this is normal... instead it was not. i got very sick and was admitted into the hospital. i had congestive heart failure and pulmonary hypertension and the doctors told my husband i may not make it the next 2 nights, i did. then we were informed that i would not be able to go the rest of my tem in the pregnancy or i would have a 50% mortality rate and my daughter may not make it through delivery either. 2 weeks later i gave birth to my little angel of a daughter who weighed 1 lb and 7 oz. she was smaller then my husbands hand. she fought for 3 1/2 months before being released from the neonatal icu.  it has been very hard on my self and my husband and we gained a lot of weight not only through the preganancy but held it from eating out all the time so we could get back to the hospital. well now my daughter is 8 months old and im still struggling with my weight and i feel like i try very hard to get down in my weight and yet about a month ago my husband daughter and i were in a store looking for more summer clothes and my husband walked away with my daughter and a woman asked me if the outfit and toy she had would be okay for a baby shower. i assumed she had asked me just because i was around but then after i replied yes that would be nice for a gift she replied i thought you would be the best person to ask since your "OBVIOUSLY" expecting one yourself (as if she couldnt have worded that any worse). i was so embarassed that i just went straught faced and walked away. i then wouldn't even let my husband come near me until she left so she couldn't see i had a baby and possibly make matters worse by then trying to apologize. i was so upset and hurt about it that even still when i think about it too much i get upset!

So hang in there and more power to you for admitting the truth. i couldn't. Congrats on losing the weight and best of luck on the rest im sure you can do it!!

It's a hard struggle. :(

Unfortunately, when you're in the process of losing weight, no one seems to care. They throw comments around like that like it's nothing simply because they don't have you're "before&after" picture. I almost wish you could make a shirt that says, "I get it, I'm fat, but I'm trying, leave me be."

Don't worry, it'll get better. <3 You'll go in looking so hot one day, that lady we'll have to pick her jaw up off the floor.

I can so relate to the pregnant question. A couple years back, I was asked that quite a bit. I was living in a small town, and it was the rumor going around town that I was pregnant. Nope I had just gained a lot of weight. I have gained half of that weight back, and I haven't gotten that notion again thank goodness. But I would take it as a reason to work even harder! ^_~ I did last time!

#1 ->  kiltias92

Yeah, you are right she didn't mean to be hurtful. It just was for me. Thanks for your comment :D You were really quick! Haha.

#2 -> tanaleealves

I totally agree, if you are not sure... even just 10% unsure DONT ask! Please.... I mean, there are other ways to figure this out right? Like really talk with someone, ask them what has been going on in their life, what are they planning for... etc.

#3 -> bigbitty

Wow, that really sucks "it must be twins"!. Grr... I would feel like hitting them too. But you shouldn't loose sleep over this, really. Put it in a place, write it down, or tell someone else like you did here. You loosing sleep isn't going to change anything, but make you more tired, and probably less energetic and happy. And you should be happy, you are going to have a baby.

Although honestly, your story worries me for when the time comes that i am pregnant, and need to hear peoples remarks. I kind of feel like i need to mentally prepare myself for comment. In this case, i wasn't expecting it since i had just lost some weight, so it upset me much more. Good luck with your pregnancy! I wish you all the best.

ps. your account name is a bit depressing...no? to call yourself big? or is there a story behind the name?

#4 -> bonjour987

Thanks for your words of encouragement :D

I hope all is well, and that people aren't too mean in school. Kids can be cruel, and so can people. But school environments always seem to be closed off from supervision. I was bullied in elementary school, but not in highschool cuz we (my family) moved to Jakarta Indonesia. There I was normal.

Good luck!

#5 -> cynthiamommy

Hey Cynthia (?), thank you for replying to my post. That is some intense story! Althought he lady's remarks sucked, I think you have done amazingly! You have overcome some horrible lifethreatening things. you are alive! you have a baby! and a husband! I have to say though, that maybe it wasn't that bad that you didnt tell the lady you weren't pregnant. i mean, it was awkward when i told the truth to the woman who made the comment to me. She tried to blame it one the way I was standing, and my face. No apology....

hahah... owh well... I wish you and your family the best of luck!

#6 ->jaefuma

hahahha... yeah, i totally agree. maybe i should make a shirt like that. i'm sure other people would like to wear it too. most people are not at the perfect weight, and most of them will have received a load of annoying remarks.

:D And yeah, I hope she does have to pick up her jaw up off the floor. That would make my day, no month. :D All the best!

#7 -> dannimariec

The pregnant question sucks doesn't it. I'm sorry that in you case it became a rumor... that's even worse. it shows people were discussing it. good job on loosing the weight, i'm sure you can loose the wieght that you have gained. Maybe just try to remmeber how you felt then, as a push when you have lost your motivation. or focus on the postive things: feel slimmer, prettier, can buy new clothes, you are healthier, nicer remarks from other people. :D

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I have to admit that I didn't think so many people were told they were pregnant when they weren't (or told that they must be having twins when they weren't). Thanks for all the replies. I really appreciate it!

-Ellen

I think negitive comments boost my want to work out.  When some one tells me "oh your not fat" then i feel like they are just tring to be nice.