I will never be thin, because I have no self-control

I am so sick with myself...

I often watch my overweight father overindulging on fast food, and I criticize him on his unhealthy choices. I stock up on nutritious foods, and eat mainly healthy when I am with other people. Yet when I am alone, I find myself making the same unhealthy choices that so disgust me when I see my dad making them. Just now, for instance, I was driving in town and knowing I was neither hungry nor deserving of treating myself today (haven't exercised this week...), I stopped and pigged out on Taco Bell and an ice cream dessert. It makes me feel so awful that I can look at my dad's health with such disgust at times, when really I am no different than him. Maybe I feel so disgusted by his eating habits because I know that I am only looking at a mirror-image of myself 20 years from now if I don't start employing some self-control. At 5'2" and 150 lbs., I am at a point in my life where I know my weight loss goals are realistic and probably fairly easily reachable. But if I can't make the changes now, I see myself 10 years down the road and 50 pounds heavier, feeling depressed and overwhelmed, wishing I would have committed to a healthy lifestyle when I was young and not so far form a healthy weight. I keep telling myself, shouldn't this thought be motivation enough? Sadly, it hasn't seemed to sink in, judging by my constant lack of control.

Does anyone else feel this way? And how can I change my mindset?

Thanks so much!

whoa whoa WHOA back up there. You have to stop doing that to yourself, this is not good. You're turning overeating into a self fulfilling prophecy, and I know that's very easy to do. I have two overweight parents. One died after a quad-bypass at age 64 and the other has type II diabetes from a lifetime of indulgence. I know how you feel, trust me ok?

If you can't stop the run to Taco Bell, maybe you can try to stop letting yourself go on these rants. Whenever you start feeling yourself about to go off on a tirade on the forums, in your journal or head, stop yourself. Start with that. We're a product of our thoughts. Right now your thoughts are telling you that you're out of control, you're destined to be unhealthy and no matter what you do it won't matter. That's not true, but don't worry about that right now.

Right now I want you to find a way to not let yourself mentally, verbally or written go down this path. Try that for a bit first, ok?

Try changing one thing at a time, one day at a time.
Write down a list of positive food choices.
Start small so that you can stick with, but also remember to leave room for a treat.
When I started on this site one of my first changes was to omit sugar in my coffee.  I used to put two teaspoons in each coffee.  It added up to about 10 teaspoons a day.  I cut back very slowly, it took about six months to completely ween myself. 
Now I am doing the same with the cream.  I used to put two creams in each coffee, now I am down to one cream and sometimes a half a cream.
Same with ice-cream.  I used to fill the bowl, now I measure a 1/2 a cup and I am fine with that.
If you try to change everything at once you will get overwhelmed and are more likely to quit.  Start slow.

i have the same problem i can control my eating habits when with other ppl... but after everyone is gone or i am alone in the house....everything seem so tempting and i indulge on healthy things but still see myself going over my limit but cant stop. thats why i hate being alone.  things are becoming harder to say no to and i try not to deprive myself of things..now i feel sick after i eat anything.   I think my body knows i changed some things around and is not happy at all....

I could give you a pile of advice. However, it would all be plagiarized from The Beck Diet Solution. Buy it. It will be the best $15-20 that you will ever spend. It is not about what to eat but how to stick to a diet plan, how to get in the right mindset and to develop self-control (or your "resistance muscle" as she puts it).

Think about eating to live instead of living to eat.  Food is for survival.

Yeah I know how you feel, I used to feel that way. I wanted to lose weight but food was just such an important part of my life, and I didn't feel enough motivation. I think the thing that made me change was actually medication. I take two that I think help one of them's Wellbutrin. I know other people will tell you to try different things, but in my mind it's a chemical problem and drugs are what works. When you feel happy enough when you're not eating then you don't have to eat (when you're not hungry), you might still feel the urge but you can overcome it.

I have recommended a new book by a world-class psychologist Dr. Judith Beck called "The Beck Diet Solution". You can get it from the library, or anywhere.

The book is not a diet,  but is full of dozens of psychological techniques to manage these types of  impulse control problems. There are specific techniques to manage "Cravings" and she shows you EXACTLY how to do it. I have dealt with several of my Cravings so far, and it works. I have gone so far as to take my Cravings food, and put it in front of myself when I an hungry, and learn how to NOT eat it. That is totally possible to learn how to do.

"Self-Control" is a LEARNED behavior. You have to learn how to say NO to yourself, in a non-abusive way. Your self-abuse will make it worse.

What happens, is you start to CRAVE and food, and you think you CAN'T STAND IT if you don't eat it. If you work at it, you will find you CAN stand not eating it, even if it feels uncomfortable.

So get that book from the library, and learn it. The answers are out there, very specific techniques. But its up to YOU to put in the hard work to learn how manage your own Impulses. That's your choice and decision to make.

It is hard to incorporate healthy eating patters into your lifestyle if your parents have taught you an unhealthy way of eating.   I feel for your frustration. I can't imagine having to retrain myself to crave better foods.  One of the best gifts my mother ever gave me was teaching me healthy eating habits from day one.  There was never any junk food in our house.  We ate so healthy that if I went to a birthday party, I would get a stomach ache because I wasn't used to junk food.  Now when I am hungry, my inclination is to turn to something nutritions.  Going into a fast food place doesn't even cross my mind.  I thank my mom all the time!  :)  (Mind you...I had to teach myself how to control portion sizes, and limit my calorie intake as as I get older etc.  I was gaining weight gradually, and had no clue what was going on.  That's why I came to this site! )

It sounds like you need some help.  I imagine it would be hard just to go "use your willpower and don't go into Taco Bell."    It sounds like people have recommended some good books.  Maybe start there?  It might help to go for some counseling, and see if anyone can give you some strategies to help get over this hump.  You could also try looking at the nutritional information at fast food restaurants you go into.  I won't eat from a place unless they can provide me with a breakdown of what is in their products.  Get their nutrition info, and then try to make more healthier choices to start off with.  Try to work it into your daily calorie allowance.

For a long time, I had a little note, on postits all over the place.  It said in block letters "GOOD CHOICE OR BAD CHOICE?"  It was to remind me that I am the one doing the choosing, and I can make good choices instead of bad.

I had one on the visor in my car to help me drive on past the fast food strip and not stop.  I had one on the refrigerator.  I had one on the pantry doors.  There was even one in my day timer.

I know it sounds dumb, but it really did help, and I don't need it any more.

I don't know, honey. It doesn't sound so bad to me? You usually eat a lot of good heakìlthy stuff, and occasionally fall for the temptaion when alone..... That's ok I think, as long as it's not an every day thing. Else, maybe you could plan for it? I've got no tacobell here and have no idea what you ate, but if you count the cals and then budget for the treat, it's ok you know.

Round up the evening with a nice plate of grilled veggies with grated cheese ( just s couple of teaspoons) and two sliced of toasted bread and 1 ( one) glass of wine or somethinge else you like)

and I bet your day wasn't bad at all!!

:-)

Since starting a few days ago, I came up with this idea of searching the database here at CC for foods that are "treats" but that have an A or B grade assigned to them.  Yesterday, my husband and I went shopping, literally all day, for groceries, and then we stopped at Taco Bell before coming home and got a few things that actually rate pretty good on the CC grading scale.  I had a regular burrito and was so happy with myself that I was able to do that.  Also got some ice cream that rated good from the grocery store.  Maybe if you query some things that tempt you (including fast food) and you can find something that you like with a good grade, you will not make bad choices or be tempted to binge.  I hope this helps some.  :-)

First of all, everyone has self control, or we'd murder our foes and steal everything we ever desired, etc.    So, to say you have no self-control is absolutely incorrect. 

More accurately, I'd say you're undisciplined.  Some people are born self-discipline, others have to learn it (that's me!). 

Losing weight is hard work.  Thin people like to think it's easy (Why don't you just exercise more?  Why don't you just eat less?).  IT'S NOT THAT EASY, AND DON'T WE KNOW IT?   In fact, for many of us, losing weight may be the hardest thing we'll ever have to do. 

You need to have a team working with you.  Your biggest coach and team-player needs to be yourself.  Right now, you're beating yourself up over stuff, and that's totally detrimental to your weight loss.  Imagine playing on a team where the key player and the coach did nothing but yell at you all day long---about how worthless you were, how stupid you were, how weak and unmotivated you were.  THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOURSELF, AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

Now, try to get through a whole day without that negative voice inside saying nasty things.  When that voice starts to talk in your head, drink some water,  take deep breaths, and focus on all that you've done right (doesn't matter if it's food stuff or not---"I did the dishes today.  I kissed my husband today.  I spent 15 minutes reading my favorite book today.  I took time for myself.  I made a good choice today.  I made at least one healthy choice at breakfast. ).   This sounds hoaky, but really---you need to retrain your MIND to stop beating your BODY.  This is not going to happen overnight---you need to really focus on this, maybe even more than the food right now. 

I know the cycle...been there, done that.  I still battle with that negative mindset that is destructive.  It goes something like this.  Start my day with a "new day" attitude.  Eat a healthy breakfast.  Go out for lunch with hubby.  Rationalize that I'm hungry and need to eat this high fat/high blech food but I'll skip dinner and walk an extra mile.  After eating, I feel too full and sleepy and now...the negative talk starts.  What kind of stupidity lead me to do that?  You'll never lose weight because you're weak and unmotivated?  You might as well have ice cream now because the day is shot.   You can start again tomorrow."  This negative talk continues all through the day, so that by dinner, I eat everything in site, because when I eat, the voice turns off for a few minutes while I enjoy the Cookies and Cream. 

See?  I know.  You cannot change your mindset overnight.  The mindgames are the hardest part.  Your stomach does not want a Big Mac and fries.  Your mind does.  In essence, food is our drug of choice to turn off the negative voices in our mind.  

Treat yourself like your own dearest friend.  If your best friend was trying to, let's say, stop smoking---would you say, 'Gosh you're stupid, how hard can it be?"   Or would you say, "You've made some really big changes in your life, and even the littlest changes are steps in the right direction."  You cannot be perfect.   You cannot change the attitudes and behaviors that have embedded themselves into you to create the problem overnight.  Take little steps.  Stop the negative brain talk first.  Make healthy choices.   If you don't make a healthy choice, I promise you that the world is not going to stop turning.  Pick up, brush yourself off, and finish the day to the best of your ability.

You CAN do this, if you learn to love yourself.  So many people say, I hear, in so many posts, people saying "I'll love myself as soon as I lose this 50 pounds."  NO NO NO.   When you lose the 50 pounds, I promise your mind will find another reason to not love yourself.  After that, it might be, "I'll love myself after I get my nose job done."   You must love yourself NOW, as you are.   This isn't easy in a perfection based culture like our own, but you are PERFECT just the way you are.  Your weight loss struggle is part of what makes you perfectly you.   Without it, you're no longer you.  So, embrace it as part of who you are, just like your hair color and your skin color.

Best Wishes

oh my gosh, thank you SO much for the overwhelming number of support and responses! I feel a little more motivated just reading some of these and seeing how positive you all are about changing your health around. This might sound weird, but you all SOUND healthier just from the way you speak and think positively in these posts... and it has nothing to do with weight, just the way you look at yourself. I see that I am making it so difficult for myself by continually beating myself down. Really, I am a pretty outgoing, happy and confident person... it is only this one area in my life that I seem to have trouble remaining positive. Thanks for the reality check! I'm going to take a lot of these suggests to heart.

I do know how you feel.

In fact, at the beginning of 2007 I also felt exactly the same way you are! I had no self-control and KNEW my weightgain in the past 8-10 years was b/c of overeating, no exercise, and lack of self-control. It's a terrible way to feel but rest assured you have come to the right place.

You WILL and CAN gain control of yourself, and your life. You are an amazing WOMAN and will lose the weight. Give yourself a break and start with baby steps.

For me, I simply gave up fast food for 2007. This didn't mean I am not allowed to have fries every once ina  while or treats but rather those places (McDs, KFC, Wendy's etc) were off-limits. Now 7 months later, I don't even consider them food. Simply baby-steps like that and a lot of reading on this site to learn about what nutricious TASTY foods are has changed my life. You are petite like me, so it isn't easy, as one meal can set us off in the wrong direction, but trust me you have support here.

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

You need to remember too that your cravings are trying to do battle with companies that are doing psycological warfare on your mind to get you to buy their food. It is called advertising, and it works. I have lived both in the States and overseas. I find it so much easier to live in countries that don't constantly play fast food ads on TV. The restaurants are not on the main streets....no big neon signs....much easier to ignore. When I am in the States, I find it much harder to stay away from those places. They seem to be everywhere!!!

I know you can do it....keep hanging here, there is so much support....great people with tons of experience!

Your post made me so sad!  Not because you have such a huge problem, but because it is SO common among people that I know (and the way I act, at times). 

Consider this ... you're in a room with another person, a stranger, and you announce that you're going to eat the wonderfully gooey, absolutely drop-dead delicious dessert that is on the table in front of you.  They say, "Please, don't do that ... you'll kick yourself 20 minutes from now."  But ... you eat it anyway. 

However - if you announce that you're going to eat the dessert and all of a sudden this stranger pulled out a loaded gun, put it to your head and said, "No ... don't do that or I'll pull the trigger!"  Probably that would change your mind. 

The point of this analogy is that you DO have POWER over these cravings or binges or whatever you'd like to call them.  You CAN make the right choices - and I'm sure you will if you just stop and think before you take off for the nearest BaskinRobbins!  Believe me, I'm struggling too ... but when I heard that story it made complete sense.  And, happily, I'm seeing changes because I think about that story, its point, and the power that I have within myself to make the right choices.  If I mess up once in awhile, big deal ... I mess up!  No one is perfect, least of all myself. 

Good luck ... I hope this helped a little.