A New Beginning

I am looking for a new beginning.  I found Calorie Count on the web and thought I would seek help and encouragement.  I welcome anyone who would like to correspond with me personally - one on one.  Here I am 1 week before my 54th birthday (16th of August).  I never thought I would be so out of control with my weight (455 pounds on my 5'11" frame).  I am an emotional eater.   Last year in June at 445 pounds I had made a commitment to my Weight Watcher leader for 6 months.  She had full knowledge I was also working with a physician who felt the only way I will get my weight off is having the stomach bypass surgery.  I was to be supervised by a nutritionist/dietitian for 6 months before I could have the surgery.  No sooner had I started working out in the pool on a daily basis and documenting every bite I ate - my health went downhill.  My muscles became so weak I could not even stand and was confined to a bed for almost 2 months.  What I could not understand is here I am losing weight and my shoulders and knees "go into fits of severe pain".  I could not get comfortable in any position and my skin was so tender to the touch.  Over the last year I had lost 66 pounds (from June - January) and gained back 76 pounds.  I have been confined to my home - unable to walk normally.  My family physician has not been able to diagnose me specifically - he wants me to see a neurologist and rheumatologist.  We know I have severe osteoarthritis in both knees and in both shoulders.  He starteds treating me with Lyrica which is for fibromyalgia (January) along with prednisone (June); both causes weight gain.  I have not been able to walk down 4 steps to walk outside.  I have recently installed steps and have been practicing just going down, walking the length of the driveway and returning up the stairs with the physical therapist.  The next step is to try to get into the truck which is a high step to eventually see a physician. When we finally got a physical therapist to come to the home in January I slowly started progressing in my mobility.  For someone who was so active in her "younger days" (playing softball at 3rd base up to 34 years old) and volleyball - unbelievable she  now has to use a walker just to move from the bed to the bathroom.  My husband works nights (9 pm - 7:30 am).  He does all the shopping and preparation of my meals.  He does his best but has problems with portions - where my problem is definitely having take out food brought in (which he hates).  By the way, my name is Norma Jean - I live in Moorpark, CA with my husband and 20 year old son.

I don't know what kind of support that I can be for you.  But I'm here to listen.  It sound like you have some very tough obsticles.  Be patient.  If I didn't wake up now in my life, I could easily be in your shoes in about 10 years.  I found myself breaking each 100 pounds at every 10 years.  You know 100 lb in my early teens, 200 lbs in my early twenties, 300 lbs in my early thirties.  Well my 40th birthday is 14 months away and I am determined not to break 400.

Obesity runs in my mother's family.  My mother ended up having the gastric by pass 3 years ago.  The surgery was ok for her, but she still has to watch what she eats to keep her weight down.  She is not a junk food junkie.  She eats healthy.  I guess that is just the way our family's metabolism is.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you can get through this.  I believe that you can.

Denna

Dear Denna - thanks for writing and your willingness to listen!

So what are your plans for success?

The one good thing about myself is I am 5'11".  If I was much shorter I cannot even imagine how it would be.  At age 21 I was very athletic - softball (3rd base) until age 34.  It was not until I had my only child that I jumped from 235 to 320.  For the last 10 years unfortunately, I have weighed between 375 - 455 (my highest weight to date).  I swore I would never end up looking like my mother who was always overweight when I was growing up.  I hve no realtionship with my mother and 2 brothers.  I only have my husband and son with a handful of friends.  Over the last 16 years I have been under a lot of "stress" which I am an emotional eater.  Every time I would get "my head" into making changes in my lifestyle something "traumatic" would happen.  Even as recently as last March 2007 - had found a great job after 2 layoffs because of the mortgage business and than this company went bankrupt  (3 jobs with 18 months).

I have had several friends over the last 2 years have the gastric surgery - I understand it is not a quick fix because you have to change within yourself what causes you to eat uncontrollaby.  My physician feels this is the only way for me and I want to prove him wrong, but here I am after losing 66 pounds between last June and December - 76 pounds heavier.  

Thanks again for your encouragement.  I hope I can learn from others as I begin my new journey - one minute at a time.

The one thing that my mother keeps reminding me is that - "You didn't put the weight on overnight, so don't think that you can take it off overnight!"  It is a slow process.  I find that little movement is better than NO movement.  So the days that my hips, knees and ankles hurt, I am doing arm circles or some other form of upper body exercise to get my heart rate up.

Another thing is to drink plenty of water.

The goal that this site gives me is 140 lbs as an ideal weight.  Right now my goal is to take one day at a time.  Short term goal is to be under 300 lbs by my next birthday.  I think that would be a good present to myself.

The doctor has put me on a 1800 calorie diet.  I am trying to stay in the neighborhood of 1200 - 1500.  Though the past few days, I blew it.  But I am not discouraged.  I can do this.  So can you.

Denna

Yes, it is the hardest thing to remember this weight did not happen overnight.  We are a people who always seems to want a quick fix - wanting it fixed yesterday.  They say if you lose 1-2 pounds a week you will keep it off a lot better then if you lose it quickly.

I am able to sit at the edge of my bed and do a few leg exercises and arm exercises which is great.  I am just starting to learn to go up/down steps again.

I drink plenty of water - my husband says I drink too much!  Sometimes that can cause problems too.

Yes, I think that will be an excellent gift for yourself - when is your birthday?

In my profile, I have included my home email if you would like to correspond there as well.

Enjoy the evening!

My birthday is October 20.

I have added you to my buddy list, hope that is ok?

I am from Kentucky and it is after 11:00pm here.  Need to get up early to get my 6 year old off to school.

Hope to see you tomorrow.

Denna

Hi Norma Jean,

I am 5'2" and an emotional eater. I have been up and down my whole life. Its true that when stress strikes, I gain weight and become very sedentary. About a year ago, I was fortunate enough to take a hiatus from working a very stressful job. I was completely sedentary and weighed 211 which is my highest. My legs hurt. My feet hurt. My back hurt. I wouldn't go to the doctor because I knew it would be bad news. So, I started moving. Just short walks. I could not go up a hill without almost dying. I was so embarrassed. I would only walk at night. I exercised in fits and starts. Then, I noticed my mood lifting. Less stress. More serotonin from the exercise. My daily naps got shorter. I was encouraged and put more effort into my diet and my exercise. One year later, I am only 20 pounds lighter but I have so much more energy and my mood is wonderful. Calorie Count has helped me get even more focused on my health routine. I am hoping that I can correct some bad eating habits and make some really good eating habits with the help of the diet analysis offered on the website.

My mom and dad were terribly obese when I was growing up. Emotional eaters both, they have divorced and are very healthy weights in their old age. I have 5 siblings. Four of them are now, or have been recently, morbidly obese. I am watching all of us become less and less mobile. We are all in our 40's and 50's. I know that diabetes, arthritis, heart disease, etc..... are on the horizon. I fear the day when I hear that one of us died from a heart attack. I have a nephew who recently learned that at 28 he has diabetes. This emotional eating is such a scourge.

At the heart of it, I know that when I am active, I am healthier and I can manage the emotional eating better. I just have to overcome shame at having lost and regained even more. (I've done this several times.) I have to overcome that moment when I say to myself, I don't want to do this exercise right now. It hurts. I keep telling myself that my legs may hurt at the beginning of the walk but they sure don't hurt for the rest of the day like they used to!

When I binge, I ask myself: do I feel better now? The answer is no. But, I do it again! I am so terribly programmed to eat whenever I have any emotion.

Overall, I must be improving because I am moving. I do weigh less. I would like to put you in as a buddy and share ups and downs with you. We could support each other in our quest to become more healthy. Would that be ok?

Hi Norma!

Coming to this site was definitely a step in the right direction. You lost 66 lbs once, you know you can do it again. If you start to feel your control slipping, just log in here and read some of the success stories. There are plenty! And look at the pictures in their galleries of their before and after weights. It kind of gives you a little kick in the pants. (In fact, I start my day by logging my weight and reading a couple of posts in the motivation forum!)

I'm 52 and just got under the 200 lb mark. If I could give you one tip, it's use the tools on this site to get your goal weight and your calorie limit per day and then just log it in. Don't fudge your numbers either. If you stick to the calories, it'll work. And just shout out here for support when you feel like backsliding.

I am finding using the tools as a great help.  I always have been successful when I write things down.  I know it is going to be tough but I can do this - one minute at a time.  Time to get back on the saddle!  Thanks for all the encouragement I have received so far!