I am new here, 43, six neck surgeries, was professor of counseling!, car wreck 05,lost tons of weight , down to 78, dr;s don't h

After my bad car wreck in 05, I was bedridden with knocked out teeth, broken bones, six failed neck surgeires,

I am 43 and weigh in the 70's. I had anorexia all my life, i have all new teeth three times over from vomiting all my life and then car wreck destroyed teeth, I have nine implants that KILL me and my body hurts.

The thing is I can't heal because I am so skinny. I eat at night only due to my mouth pain (its real, not an excuse) but when my husband goes to bed, I get rid of everything at like 1 am and then sleep until about 7. I dont eat all day. I am in excrutiating pain. I have had six neck surgeirs 96-03 then car wreck 05, I rebroke neck.

I want to start eating and getting healthy. My teeth are a problem and that is my excuse for eating only at night, it does take hours to clean them. I go to face/pain clinic. ALl my bones stick out, my bones havent healed becasue I am so skinny and SEVERE SEVERE OSTEOPOROSIS.

I need to gain weight or I will die. Wehen I eat, I get anxous, and feel soo good when I puke. I hate sex. I have to perform, my husband and i got married in 05. Very strong christians, and I use all my physical probs as reason for weight loss. Doctors never refer me to nutritionist! I see dentis at least 3 times week due to mouth pain, we had to undergo mouth reconstruction when I went through windshield. WE moved to Florida because I can't tolerate the cold. I have been puking since age 17, very controlling mother.

I had four kids by Gods grace when I was in mY late 20's. Now my 13 year old refuses to eat, she doesnt stay with me, I am too sick. I need to gain weight.

 

Please help.

Dr. B

i dont know what to say but thats a moving story i felt moved when reading it i hate to see people who suffer from anorexia all their life ,is that you site you posted ?

nO I am 43

 

that's when i was in my early 30's and struggling. I n that picture i weighed 102. now i am in my 70's. I am way skinnier and sicker than the girl misundastod.

That was ME at that age, though.

I need to gain weight or I will die, but when I eat, I get anxious and must throw up. Husbnad never caught me YET, although sometimes I do throw up right in garbage can (nothing in stomach) and I blame it on pain. I use pain as excuse, although I am in severe PAIN , especially my teeth from the nine failing implants.

thats how i feel after a binge but im just one of those who carnt,but would you feel better if your husband knew about the throwing up so he can help you stop? just think of your kids before you do it im sure you wanna get healthy and live for your kids aswell

I don't even pretend to know anything about EDs, don't even know anyone close to me with one (that I know of). So take this for what it's worth . . .

Have you thought of DRINKING more of your meals? You know, Slim Fast, high calorie protein shakes, that sort of thing? I don't know how that would be on your teeth, you'd probably want them at room temperature, but maybe that would be easier for your stomach.

Just a thought, would like to help. My prayers and thoughts with you and your struggles.

Okay, first and foremost, you need to seriously consider in-patient treatment. If your weight and habits are this dangerous to your health, your first step should be to relinquish control of your health to medical professionals. They can monitor your health while helping you address the issues psychologically.

Until then, you need to take in more calories, period. Ensure makes great hi-cal shakes that will supplement what you need and be easier on your teeth than solid food. Unfortunately, such a product does you no good if you're going to get anxious and throw it back up.

Get help from a medical professional, please. If not for your own sake, for the sake of your children.

You know, I am in the hospital ALOT due to surgeries, etc. Doctors don't even look at what i don't eat; I NEVER EAT HOSPITAL FOOD. Actually, in jan 05, before wreck,  Idid admit myself in for "fatigue" and weakness", they took tons of tests, i was in the low 80's or so, and within 2 days RELEASED ME!!

They gave me marinol, (med marijuana) to get appetite./ It helps, but I take it, and binge like I said, when husbnads asleep. What I binge is like cheerios,(soft), the protein shakes (room temp) then I switch to like a banana and ramon noodles. I am getting too old and sick to even binge...what I listed would be  a normal meal for someone. I do that incase he wakes up.

He is so good to me, he KNOWs I struggle with weight, obviouisly!, and like I said, Brian, I can't eat, you know my pain." We never have eaten t ogether.

 I suck on runts all day, sugar, and drink over 20 pops diet. serious.

I have done my teeth three times, spent over 140k on them after the wreck. We have money, my first husband died, the one in the picture

 and left me a widow for 4 years, then GOD SENT ME BRIAN. WE are both studying to be in ministry. I am very smart, a PHD in FAMILY and clinical counseling, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS, and I can't help myself nor am I aloowing God too. I promised him todya I wouldnt puke, I ate a bagel last night with some butter! at 1 am, and passed out exhaustion.

None of my kids live with me due to my controlling parents, all my life controlling. When I met brian andwas in multiple casts, my parents got mad due to my money (My husband left me like 200k and I  invested in market, and I have software and did quite well), and Brian works for post office. GOOD JOB. Parents did not want brian having money and brian raising my kids, ages 12 13 14 15

So they called CPS 14 days after we moved here, my kids were taken. I am fighting the state due to corruption, and I am now becoming quite an advocate and people want me to public speak. See, on paper I am perfect. When you see me, I am banged up and so skinny. I walk with tilted back

 

I think I binge it makes my anxiety level go down and I get control and its a secret.
Do you get anxious when eat, heart rate pounds, and then when you throw up ( I do it in garbage can or in yard and squirt it, or the dog eats it all up! GROSS), don't you feel sooo much better, and tired, then you wanna do it again, but i am too old and sick to do it twice. I used to do this three to four times a day at Ohio State, I would go into engineering building late late night, danger of being raped by janitor who knew I was coming in this old decrapate part of the building, late night, I found open door, would go an djust puke all over the toilet and leaave the mess for janitor. He caught me once, this was in my low 20's , and it became a dangerous situation, so I ran.

Then I got married and had four babies, but the most i weighed was 120. Skinny arms, skinny legs, big beely. I loved being pg. I craved cttage cheese and nachos and dip (dairy), See my cravings are healthy foods even!

Then they were born and I was professor. I began to drink ALOT and lost three jobs, of course I say I was promoted...see my resume...Drinking kep weight up to 100. Then DOn died, and I had sixth neck srugery in 03.I have no neckbone left. I would love to put picture up, but can't figure it out...from camera, I could scan the picture, I just fixed my scanner...I could scan  a photo too..don't have digital camera..

but i have no cervical bones, they "made mistake" and sawed the end of vertebrea off, and I was in wheelchair for months, and got on disablitliy, so when don died, the kids got alot of income due to me disabled and him killed on job.

Then moved to Ohio, next door to controlling parents,,kept losing wieght, parents did not suport me, they only cared about the kids. MEt brian after car wreck (I died for 90 seconds even, ) and we all moved to florida, a planned move into four bed new home. Kids are with aunt due to my parents calling cps

 

 

 

all of this I am doing now and going to bible school to get a second masters...so i live day to day to fullest, but don't eat, suck runts.

Got alot of things i need to be halthy for, to expose corruption, to live for me, and for my kids. Who suffer from PAS..WHEN CPS, children protective sevices interviewed me finally four months after they took 3 girls and my six foot five son, they gasped. They envisioned some big, fat, poor slob, and here i am decrepate and 44 an dbrittle bones, and bite guard and neck brakce and arm brace.

SO that's more about me.

I want tho get help, WILL NOT GO INTO HOSPITAL..refuse. I hated it, and they misdiagnose me constantly due to physcial probs, many of which were initiated from anorexia and purging, like bone disease, MY arm and hip wouldnt have gotten crushed if my bones were normal. I should scan my bone report. it is negative 4 t score in neck and negatvie 3.8 in hip! I am worse 1 percent in WORLD for my age,,nobobdy below me, That's me though, I beat everyone at everything, be it book I write, my sites, my corruption exposure, and my hiding this.

RUnts scuking gets me throught he day

Should I drink those protein shakes from GNC? WOULD THAT HELP WITH WEIGHT GAIN? I NEED TO DO THIS QUICKLY. I have public appearnaces coming up!

Dr. B!

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Xochitl xochitl92113
Nov 03 2007 11:18
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I see you don't like going to hospitals.. When you go to a Dr. they immediately want to treat your symptoms, not necessarily the root of the problem. Sounds like you know what the root of the problem is.

So, why not go to a nutritionist? It's certainly not a hospital, and it's not like you are asking your doctor to treat you for symptoms... 

I know this is not what you want to hear, but you need long term, in-patient care in an eating disorder clinic (not a hospital).  It's the only thing I can think of that will address your many problems and save your life.  Here's a link

Something Fishy.org - treatment finder

not sure what to do about your problem, but why do you type in such an odd way? For someone with a degree your wording is very odd.

Anyway, why not talk to your husband? He sounds very supportive. And if you knew your parents were controlling why move in next to them?

You also sound very competative, you enjoy being in the 1st percentile, even if it has negative connotations attatched to it. I don't have a huge level of education in the area of psychology but you ound like ou know what your problem is, how to treat it and what you need to do to achieve that. What do you want from some random person on the internet?

I agree with clairelaine. Nobody here can give you the type of care you need to recover. Go to an inpatient service

You need a lot of help that we can't give you here, but I think you know that.  Writing this out and sharing it is a first step, and probably cathartic, but now you need to do something concrete.

> Go inpatient at an eating disorders clinic, like everyone is advising you to.   This will probably save your life.  You aren't going to kick this on your own--you have too many other issues to deal with.  You need taking care of.

>  Get a therapist.  You may get one in conjunction with the ED clinic, but it sounds like you're desperately in need of ongoing therapy, and I think you know that.  You have issues from so many years back, as well as your current pain/illness issues and concerns about your children, that it's going to take you quite a while to deal with it all, and a lot of help.  Again, I'm sure you know this, so act on it.

>  If you don't have one, get a lawyer, and make sure he's a good one.  Florida has a horrible CPS system.  You don't say on what grounds your children were removed or where they were taken, but your parents shouldn't be able to call them and have your children removed without an investigation, which is what sounds like what happened.  You may not be in the best shape to take care of them, at the moment, but you should have control of where they are.  Then you need to get a restraining order against your parents.  There's absolutely no reason you should be allowing them to have contact with you or your family if their behavior has been deliberately hurtful and damaging.

Start telling people the truth--it's the lies and the hiding that are hurting you.  Turn to your husband, doctors, therapists, friends, everyone you can involve in your recovery.  People care, and they'll help you.  Don't let yourself die.  And suffering does NOT have to be the only alternative to dying.  You can get better.   

Ya know....You are a counselor! You said a Professer at that!   What would you tell your patients? Seriously if you were that ill, your husband would know. If your body could not heal, your Doctor would know! If your mouth and teeth are that bad, your Dentist would know! Staying in denial is comfortable! Staying in denial is a way to escape! Yes! If you stay in denial you will die!

Sorry for the harsh words. It's usually not my style, but your story is hard to believe if you are truly that sick!

First tell your husband the truth. He of all people should know the truth. THE WHOLE TRUTH! Stop hiding!

All I can say to you is good luck and help you the best way I know how, praying. Tell your husband and try to get away from your parents.

 All I can say is you MUST be suffering from depression too. Why else lie to someone you love about your problems. Most people who do not have contact with ED people are pretty clueless since most people cannot understand why people are so controlling about food. Undercontrol -overweight- is easier to understand and is despised. Eating Disorder people as long as they are not as underweight as you are admired for their self control. The problem is, laxatives and vomiting, as a way of control is NOT admired and such methods will have an ED person as despised as an overweight person for lack of control.  You are likely afraid of that reaction from others. You definitely need help- and if you have a doctorate- someone WISE to your tricks and excuses. Thats the rare therapist. Looks like you are facing the fact you ARE killing your self. I feel very sorry for you for in a way your "cleverness" in hiding your ED disorder from others has trapped you. You are the only one that can get yourself out. Accept the scorn and disillusionment that will come with your revelation. Hope that at some point they will realize your courage in trying to change. ( you are lucky in that our society acknowledges mental disorders as possibly very difficult to overcome, some societies will NOT accept mental illness and those that can easily be helped NEVER get a chance)  Only thing I can say is I hope your can leave as large an insurance as your previous husband (show of love), because at the rate you are NOT helping yourself, you cannot hope to live for long.  Another unpleasant thought you may have to face is -the grandparents may be doing the right thing with their grandchildren. You are obviously realizing you are doing a poor job of looking after yourself (your concern about a professional appearances) and your new husband though a lovely man has shown himself fool enough not to spot your problems.   If he cannot spot problems in you, how is anyone with any sense think he might have the empathy to be a good step-father?    4 teenagers at that, you are not talking about 5 and under, or adults in their twenties. You have major troubles that seem have everything to do with classic eating disorder problems.  NO old time religion that deals with problems of lack of food will be a ever be a great source of help with someone like you who really is barely willing to acknowledge your eating disorder.   You do not even have the sense to realize that if you are that skinny, you have NO need to eat "diet" anything.  (also do you not realize with your poor nutrition the "diet" stuff might be a problem?  Some people HAVE odd enough reactions to "normal" food. Do you think they would not react worse if malnurished?)