For all intensive purposes I'm more or less a nice a guy. I listen to peoples problems, give advice in life, remember things about people, do nice things, and joke around a lot. I'm friends with most everyone and a lot of people like me (Meaning popular). Despite this I've never had a girlfriend and all the guys who aren't like me A.K.A. jerks, seem to get all the girls. Recently my mom was even telling me how her brother in high schools had girls chase them harder when they were more like jerks and that she wanted guys more like that. I ask you, why is that. Why does it seem that nice guys truly finish last?
EDIT: I do have a very good sense of humor and like I said I joke all the time. I'm always making people laugh. I usually don't take myself too seriously anymore and will laugh at all the things I do, escpeically because I'm a klutz. The only time I'm not working on making people laugh is in serious conversations and when I'm concentrating on school work.
EDIT EDIT: I was anorexic last year and that may have a wee bit to do with it. Anorexic people don't exactly feel good about themselves so this whole persona is new to me. Also I have pretty good social senses but horrible flirt senses.
Original Post by amethystgirl:
I think nice guys finish last because it's polite to let the girl finish first. In fact, if he can wait for her to finish a few times before he finishes, that's even better. Because otherwise, she's just lying there, still waiting to finish, and he's already gone to sleep.
For the Win!
I think iggy gave great advice in #33. Why sugar coat it? The younger the poster learns to not whine and learn about himself and to begin taking an active role in his life the better off he will be.
I know it is easy for a nice-and-not-popular teenage boy to complain about finishing last. He looks around and sees the jocks and "cool" guys getting all the girls. What that boy isn't really looking at is the fact that the jocks and cool guys are out there actively going after the girls. They are projecting confidence in themselves. They are giving the girls attention and making themselves look worthy even if they are jerks.
Far too often the "nice" boys are shy and afraid to approach the girls. They tend to project themselves as being less worthy. When they begin to value themselves and see themselves as worthy, they begin to have more success.
I haven't seen the possibility stated that perhaps this young man is constantly approaching the wrong type of girls. If he's nice and quiet and going after the vivacious cheerleader type, he doesn't stand much chance of success.
I like genuinely nice PEOPLE, not Nice Guys (tm). There's a difference. In my experience the men who say things along the lines of "All women just go for jerks!" turn out to be the ones with the biggest, most passive agressive issues towards women.(I guess a big indicator should be that they just made a sweeping generaliztion about what all women want.) There are "pretend" nice men who act like your friend and act like their supportive in hopes of getting laid, and when it doesn't work they turn mean. All of a sudden you're a "slut" or a "bitch" or "don't know what you REALLY want."
Or the one time I DID give a Nice Guy(tm) a chance he turned out to be the most emotionally abusive boyfriend I'd ever had. And everything I confided to him in the period we were just friends he threw back in my face and used against me.
Now, does any of this sound genuinely nice to you?
Genuinely nice people don't think they're entitled to romantic attention just because they acted nice to someone. More on this later maybe, lunch just arrived at work.
Original Post by hkellick:
Original Post by amethystgirl:
I think nice guys finish last because it's polite to let the girl finish first. In fact, if he can wait for her to finish a few times before he finishes, that's even better. Because otherwise, she's just lying there, still waiting to finish, and he's already gone to sleep.
For the Win!
seconded. :)
Why dont we try looking at in a logical ans scientific way... Its in human genes to pick the "top breed", subconsciously girls minds think which one looks like he could protect a family support it and defend it (not finacilaly) They look at the nice guy and see submissive, and go oh so if theres a confrontation hes likely to back down (primal instincts say thats bad) Then they see the "bad boy" and get the message hes aggressive and willing to fight for what he wants (primal says thats good) case closed.. This all even has to do with what a "hot" person looks like... and why for most guys, girls that have nice butts are attractive, a nice butt is a symbol of fat reserves, hence a sign of health
Original Post by systemdrop:
Why dont we try looking at in a logical ans scientific way...
Eh...I have to argue with the "logical" part of that.
If I were looking solely at physical prowess I would have never hooked up with my hubby. Heck, even if I were looking solely at financial security, I probably wouldn't be with my hubby.
Human beings are more then the sum of their evolutionary development.
Original Post by moonikins:
I think iggy gave great advice in #33. Why sugar coat it? The younger the poster learns to not whine and learn about himself and to begin taking an active role in his life the better off he will be.
ok true, maybe i didn't read all his posts but i didnt see anything that signaled to me that he was some special sort of whiner. his question seems normal to me for a teenager.
Original Post by octo-luv:
please... you can talk straight to a teenager, but he's still a teenager. & its their right to whine
emo is as emo does...
The fact of the matter is that if he doesn't understand his own worth, then he won't believe it. He projects that he has little to no value and people (not just the girls) pickup on that.
He knows himself better than anyone, so if he's advertising that he has no value, why should anyone else assume otherwise?
If he wants to switch that up he needs to wake up. Take some time to figure out why he's the kind of person that people want to hang around with and if he does this honestly then he'll believe it and when he believes it, he'll project it and other people will respond.
Hey kid, if you're still checking this thread out, I may come off as an a-hole right now, because I'm not telling you want you want to hear and I'm being very abrupt. However I'm doing this, because at 13 I was in the same boat that you are in now.
I was a nerd (that never changed) and I geeked out over things that no person concerned with being cool would dare admit to, and I had almost no friends my freshman year.
That changed in my sophmore year. I was still a nerd, I still geeked out over uncool things, but I had tons of friends and became something of a man-whore until I had my first long term relationship in the summer of my junior year.
The only thing that changed, was I was lucky enough to have the epiphane that our perception is our reality. If I truly believed I was an amazing person, then I would be, and others would believe it too. So in the summer of my freshman year I spent time figuring out why I was cool in my own right. My confidence became unshakeable and I approached my sophmore year with an entirely different attitude and people responded to it.
Let me emphasize that you ACTUALLY have to believe it, you can't fake it.
If you believe you suck, then you do, no matter what persona you try trick people into believing.
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by octo-luv:
please... you can talk straight to a teenager, but he's still a teenager. & its their right to whine
emo is as emo does...
The fact of the matter is that if he doesn't understand his own worth, then he won't believe it. He projects that he has little to no value and people (not just the girls) pickup on that.
He knows himself better than anyone, so if he's advertising that he has no value, why should anyone else assume otherwise?
If he wants to switch that up he needs to wake up. Take some time to figure out why he's the kind of person that people want to hang around with and if he does this honestly then he'll believe it and when he believes it, he'll project it and other people will respond.
Hey kid, if you're still checking this thread out, I may come off as an a-hole right now, because I'm not telling you want you want to hear and I'm being very abrupt. However I'm doing this, because at 13 I was in the same boat that you are in now.
I was a nerd (that never changed) and I geeked out over things that no person concerned with being cool would dare admit to, and I had almost no friends my freshman year.
That changed in my sophmore year. I was still a nerd, I still geeked out over uncool things, but I had tons of friends and became something of a man-whore until I had my first long term relationship in the summer of my junior year.
The only thing that changed, was I was lucky enough to have the epiphane that our perception is our reality. If I truly believed I was an amazing person, then I would be, and others would believe it too. So in the summer of my freshman year I spent time figuring out why I was cool in my own right. My confidence became unshakeable and I approached my sophmore year with an entirely different attitude and people responded to it.
Iggy, this was fantastic advice and the personal story makes it even more relevant to the discussion.
I too had to learn this, but it took me much longer. I advocate this advice for everyone.
Original Post by ignayshus:
Hey kid, if you're still checking this thread out, I may come off as an a-hole right now, because I'm not telling you want you want to hear and I'm being very abrupt. However I'm doing this, because at 13 I was in the same boat that you are in now.
I was a nerd (that never changed) and I geeked out over things that no person concerned with being cool would dare admit to, and I had almost no friends my freshman year.
That changed in my sophmore year. I was still a nerd, I still geeked out over uncool things, but I had tons of friends and became something of a man-whore until I had my first long term relationship in the summer of my junior year.
The only thing that changed, was I was lucky enough to have the epiphane that our perception is our reality. If I truly believed I was an amazing person, then I would be, and others would believe it too. So in the summer of my freshman year I spent time figuring out why I was cool in my own right. My confidence became unshakeable and I approached my sophmore year with an entirely different attitude and people responded to it.
Same, without the man-whore bit.
At 13, I was a hopeless nerd. Love Star Trek, played D&D. Very few friends.
My senior year of high school, I was still a big nerd. Still loved Star Trek. Still played D&D. But I had friends and I had a girlfriend (for a few short months.)
The only thing that changed was me and my perception of my self-worth. This especially took off in college as I became much more of the big ham I am now. And feeling like you have self-worth is attractive to people. Not just potential girlfriends, but PEOPLE. People don't just act your friends because they pity you, or because that one time in fifth grade you said hi to this other guy no one liked, but because people actually find you cool.
It's all in your mind, kid. Learn to love yourself and others will learn to love you too.
The rest of the advice given, about developing a sense of humor or being interesting, that's important too.
Original Post by ignayshus:
Why sugar coat and give him crappy advice that wont work?
He's old enough to have someone talk honestly with him.
I don't think things should be sugar coated or that people should give him crappy advice... He is old enough to be talked honestly with.. and with respect. His post didn't come off as whiney to me. I just thought calling him whiney was a bit harsh and I wasn't sure if you were aware that he is 15 or if you thought he was a 28 yr old man - because, as a grown man, I'd totally be fine with you calling him out as whiney! ha
edit: Just went back and read your 'hey kid if you're still reading this thread' and I liked that much better! You gave great advice and didn't sound so mean..haha
~Santon, I wasnt saying its entirely based off of primal feelings, I was just saying in teenage years with hormemones going wild, it plays a huge part, remember highschool? what was it all about... being cool and looking the best.. (or atleast thats what made people popular) the typicical "fooball star and head cheerleader"
Hey HK - Speaking of D&D. It's one thing to play that when you're a teenager but what are your thoughts on a 27yr old man playing it still?? For the record, this man also pees sitting down. :o
Original Post by jenniferthepennifer:
Hey HK - Speaking of D&D. It's one thing to play that when you're a teenager but what are your thoughts on a 27yr old man playing it still?? For the record, this man also pees sitting down. :o
I see no problem about 27 year old men playing D&D. It's a hobby, no more and no less. I'm 33 and I still roleplay. :)
.. well.. less so now. Need to find a new group.
Still plays at 31 and has a group.
All of us have hot girlfriends (wife in my case) and when we get together to play, the girls usually play guitar hero world tour or drink wine over a few games of munchkins, while they look on us with a mixture of pity and disdain. :D
When I did roleplay, the wife would either be out doing her own thing (Church Choir) or sitting at home poking at livejournal.
If I got a new group, I think I could add "Playing my game (Animal Crossing)" to the list as well.
Original Post by systemdrop:
~....remember highschool? what was it all about... being cool and looking the best.. (or atleast thats what made people popular) the typicical "fooball star and head cheerleader"
Yeah, I remember high school, and while he looked great in his uniform, I remember the football star being a major jerkwad (although the head cheerleader was one of the most genuinely nice people I've ever met).
My pining high school crush was on the president of the physics club and service society. But then, maybe I was somewhat of a weird highschooler.
Original Post by hkellick:
Original Post by jenniferthepennifer:
Hey HK - Speaking of D&D. It's one thing to play that when you're a teenager but what are your thoughts on a 27yr old man playing it still?? For the record, this man also pees sitting down. :o
I see no problem about 27 year old men playing D&D. It's a hobby, no more and no less. I'm 33 and I still roleplay. :)
.. well.. less so now. Need to find a new group.
Interesting... I really didn't think grown-ups played that so I thought he was wierd.. well he is weird AND a jerk but at least now I can't blame it on the D&D. ha
Thanks!
Original Post by jenniferthepennifer:
Original Post by hkellick:
Original Post by jenniferthepennifer:
Hey HK - Speaking of D&D. It's one thing to play that when you're a teenager but what are your thoughts on a 27yr old man playing it still?? For the record, this man also pees sitting down. :o
I see no problem about 27 year old men playing D&D. It's a hobby, no more and no less. I'm 33 and I still roleplay. :)
.. well.. less so now. Need to find a new group.
Interesting... I really didn't think grown-ups played that so I thought he was wierd.. well he is weird AND a jerk but at least now I can't blame it on the D&D. ha
Thanks!
I assume you mean Weird in a Bad Way.
D&D does not make one weird. However, without a doubt, SOME D&D players are Weird. In a bad way.
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